Summary: "There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..." On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the Alice in Underland trilogy.
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Pairing: Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.
** A/N: Once again, I apologise for taking so long to update but a lot has been going on and I couldn't post until now. I don't want to get into it too extensively, but suffice it to say, my health issues have continued to hinder me and after discovering that some writers have been plagiarising my plotlines and using my ideas as their own, I seriously considered discontinuing this story and giving up on the whole trilogy altogether. I've gotten past my anger and disappointment that others could do such a thing but I do want to warn those who have stolen my ideas and plot inventions and used them as their own: that is considered plagiarism and it is outright theft of my intellectual property. It is also illegal and will result in getting one's account here banned. If I find any more cases of plagiarism I will have no choice but to report the offenders and FF dot net will ban their accounts. I don't want to be negative but this is a serious issue and can't be ignored. I've worked really hard writing my stories and have spent countless hours doing extensive research to stay true to the era and characters as well as the locations featured in this series. To have other writers take all my hard work instead of doing their own and steal my storylines instead of using their imagination and coming up with their own original ideas - it is such a breach of ethics, I can barely comprehend it.
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I hope you enjoy this chapter and hope it was worth the wait. As always, every chapter is a rough draft and I constantly go back and re-edit the chapters whenever I can. Please know, until the story is complete, this is not the final draft but an ever-evolving work in progress. I try to proofread before posting but I don't always catch the odd mistakes and typos until later. Thank you for reading and please review if you can because reviews really help keep me motivated and inspired.
Alice in Underland: The Letters
Part Twelve
12 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
I'm feeling a bit under the weather today and I've been confined to my cabin for the time being. Earlier this morning, Miss Prescott by came for a visit and when she saw that I was ill she went to tell Lord Ascot and he had the ship's doctor take a look at me. The doctor thinks I must have caught a mild strain of influenza. I do have a slight fever but it's not too high, so don't you fret about it! I know how you worry whenever I get ill but honestly, I'm fine and it isn't anything serious. Rest assured, Absolem has been here keeping me company and watching over me all day, insisting quite firmly that I stay in bed and rest, and making sure that I eat enough.
Absolem is so good to me! He complains and grumbles about it incessantly, though really, I know that he secretly likes to take care of me. But my goodness, he certainly likes to fuss! He can be quite demanding and rather querulous sometimes, especially when I argue with him. He told me I contracted this illness because I was exposed to something when I was in Hospital in Borneo, but that it's only just caught up with me now.
Since I'm back at sea again and the Twelve Days of Christmas and New Year's celebrations are all over, I thought I'd ask some more questions. It's been awhile since I've done that.
1. Are you happy? Now that the White Queen has regained her crown I imagine things must be very different. But are you happy? Truly happy? My answer: I'm as happy as I can be. Working with the Company and travelling to all these wonderful places has been extraordinary, and being with Absolem and sharing some of my adventures with him is lovely. Yet there is something missing from my life so I can't quite say I'm truly happy, though I try to make the best of things.
2. If you came upon someone's personal diary would you read it? If not, would you be tempted to? I confess, when I was a child I found my sister's diary and had a peek...alright, it was more than a peek! I've always been a rather curious person and honestly, at the time, I couldn't help myself. She was being so terribly secretive and mysterious when I caught her writing in it one night so the next day when she went out I searched her room and found it and read it. Though, really what she wrote in it was rather silly. It was all about boys, mostly about one boy in particular that she thought was rather wonderful. It's funny because I remember him and he was quite ordinary and even a bit dull. I'm no longer a child anymore and looking back, I realise how wrong it was to do such a thing. There's no denying that I'm still a curious person, perhaps overly so at times, but I've grown up now, and I would never violate another person's privacy like that. However, I have to admit, my curious nature would probably give me a tiny spark of temptation if I happened to come upon the diary of someone interesting, though I am quite certain I wouldn't give in to it.
3. Do you like ice cream? Do you have ice cream in Underland? Actually, I just asked Absolem (he's here with me now but don't worry, he isn't reading this) and he said you do indeed. So, do you have a favourite flavour? I myself prefer sorbet. I absolutely adore lemon sorbet and there was a time once when I tried coconut sorbet and it was utterly gorgeous! I also like strawberry sorbet too.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I'm learning that you don't like to be fussed over too much (though maybe you do like it a little bit, in small doses) so I won't go on and on about how I worry. You said it isn't anything serious and if Absolem doesn't seem too concerned, that's good enough for me. As always, I'm grateful to Absolem for looking after you, though again, I wish it were me who could take care of you. Does that make me sound terribly ungracious?
Ah, the lists of questions are back! How delightful! I enjoy them immensely, you know. And as I've said before, what I love most are your own answers to them.
1. Honestly? No, I'm not very happy. I won't lie and pretend anything other than the truth. You wrote in your reply to that question that you're not exactly happy either and that something is missing from your life. I suspect that we're not happy for the same reason - because we're apart and missing each other. But hopefully it won't be that way for long.
2. It really is quite charming to read about your escapades as a child. When I was a child, if I'd had a sister who acted like yours did, I probably would have done the same thing as you and read the diary. It's natural to be curious, especially when someone acts secretive and mysterious, don't you agree? But now that I'm older and wiser, I too find it to be a terrible violation of one's privacy to do such a thing now so I wouldn't, even if I were tempted.
3. Like you, I prefer sorbet. My favourite flavour is pineapple but I also like lemon and strawberry and quinberry. We don't have coconuts here in Underland but I should like to try coconut sorbet one day. You made it sound quite nice.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
13 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Today I spent most of my time in my cabin resting. I'm feeling better but Absolem is making me stay in bed and telling me it's for my own good, whether I like it or not. Perhaps it is for my own good, but I tend to want to rebel whenever someone tells me what to do. Still, I know better than to try to argue once Absolem sets his mind to something.
Here are some more questions:
1. Do you think more about the future, the past or the present? I would have to say my focus is on all three fairly equally at this point in time, though I admit my focus is not always this evenly balanced. I think about the past quite a bit, mostly going over my favourite memories of my father and of you and everything we went through together in Underland. But by the same token, I'm here now and if I want to carry out my current endeavours, I have to live in the present and do everything that's required of me in order to accomplish those goals. So, yes, the present certainly is demanding my equal attention at the moment. But the truth is, I can't help but spend a great deal of my time thinking and dreaming about the future and longing for it to come. There are times when I wish this were all over and I could just be finished with it all so I can return to Underland. I think about that quite a bit, you know.
2. Would you rather be deserted in a dangerous situation somewhere familiar in Underland or in a foreign country here in this world where there's no threat but you don't speak the language? Perhaps you might find this surprising, but I'd probably choose the Underland option because I've been there in quite a dangerous situation before and I know that everything would turn out alright. I have a strange feeling that no matter what, I'll always be safe in Underland. Besides, if I chose that option I would have a better chance of seeing you, wouldn't I?
3. Do you show your true self to others or do you wear a mask most of the time? I only show my true self to you and Absolem. The rest of the time I wear a variety of masks, depending on the circumstances, such as who I'm with and what the occasion warrants. To be honest, the only other person who ever really knew and understood me was my father. I could always be my true self with him.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I know you hate being told what to do but Absolem is right, and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, for our own good. You need to rest so you can get better. I'm glad you're listening to Absolem and that you've realised the futility in trying to argue with him.
1. If I'm being honest, I probably think more about the past and future than the present. I often find myself going somewhere quiet to think about you and remember each and every moment we shared when you were last here. It makes me happy to know that you're thinking about the same thing. I also think about the future and what will happen when you come back. I wonder, will you have already confessed the truth about your feelings for me so that when you return we can just be together without hesitation or hindrances? I hope so. But if not, I won't mind it if you need me to woo you and prove what's in my heart, and make certain you understand that you have my eternal love and devotion.
2. I'd pick Underland, for the same reason as you.
3. That's an interesting question. I don't think I show my true self to anyone except you, but then again, you don't even get to see these letters so does that even count? I suppose you could say I wear many masks, all of them part of me, but none of them are my whole self. I don't think anyone really can understand me but you, Alice.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
14 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
I'm much better today. Absolem finally relented and said I was "allowed" to get back to my normal activities, provided I didn't overdo it. So Miss Prescott visited and we worked on the puzzle from Margaret. While she was visiting, she happened to notice my rose and wondered at it (strangely she hadn't noticed it before today), and she asked where I got it. So I had to tell a little fib because I obviously couldn't tell her the truth. I told her one of the nurses gave it to me in Borneo when I was in Hospital. To be honest, I found it a bit surprising that she believed me and didn't question it any further. Personally, I would have been more curious about it but I suppose that's just how I am. Not everyone is inquisitive to the same extent that I can be. In any case, now you know that my beautiful pink rose is still alive and blooming, even after all this time. Isn't that wonderful?
Tonight I had dinner in the dining room with everyone in the Company but afterwards I skipped the games and went back to my cabin instead. Apparently, the games are still going on, despite the Twelve Days of Christmas being over. I'll probably join them tomorrow night for the games but loath as I am to say it, I confess I was a tiny bit tired so I didn't feel up to playing this evening.
I'd rather write to you anyway. So now it's time for more questions!
1. What kind of books do you like to read? I like all kinds, but I especially like stories about adventures and dramas and...dare I admit it? You might think me silly and frivolous. Oh, alright, I'll admit it - I also like novels about romance too. Do you think that's silly?
2. Are you the type of person who prefers to have several projects going on at once or do you tend to focus on one particular project at a time? I'm happiest when I have several projects going on at the same time. But no matter how much I have going on, I always focus on whatever task is immediately at hand quite intently and with my full attention and concentration.
3. If an acquaintance told you an ugly rumour was going around about a close friend, would you keep it to yourself to spare that friend's feelings or tell your friend the truth? That's a difficult one, isn't it? A case could be made for both options so it's hard to say what I would do if a rumour was going around that I knew would really hurt that person if they were to hear of it. Though I can say for certain, if the positions were reversed, I'd want to know the truth.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
How marvelous it is to hear that your rose is still blooming! Though, I suppose a day will eventually come when the magic wears off. But when that happens I'll see if I can get Absolem to deliver a new one to you. I can't imagine how I'll be able to convince him to do so but I'll try. It was so very sweet of you to say that you'd rather write to me than play games with everyone.
Here are my answers to your questions:
1. I enjoy reading about adventures too. And no, I don't think it's silly that you like to read stories about romance. I like them as well. I think you and I are both romantics at heart and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just another lovely thing we have in common and that's a very good thing.
2. Again, another thing we have in common. Like you, I find myself happiest when I have many projects going on at once. I'm working on several hat orders right now but I'm also making various pieces of jewellery and I've been busy helping Thackery rebuild his house. He's adding a new addition, which is quite a project!
3. That is a difficult question indeed. I suppose it would depend on what the rumour was and who it was about. But if the positions were reversed, I too would rather know the truth than be kept in the dark.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
15 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Today I spent the afternoon visiting with Miss Prescott and working on the puzzle. We finally finished it and have begun the other one. Then tonight after dinner I joined everyone for Charades. I was a bit weary after that and wasn't in the mood for the Forfeits game so I begged off and retired for the evening when they started playing.
Now for the questions!
1. Is your ideal day peaceful or full of excitement? For me, it would be a mixture of both. I love the excitement of exploring all these amazing places and having adventures but I also need time to myself where I can be peaceful and still.
2. Do you only drink tea or have you ever had coffee? I've had coffee but I didn't like it very much so now I only drink tea! How I miss you, Tarrant! When I think of tea and all the tea parties I'm surely missing out on, I feel rather sad. I often think about how lovely it would be if we could have our own little tea party here in my cabin, just like I've mentioned before.
3. When it comes down to it, do you think life is very complicated or very simple? That's a rather philosophical question. I think life is paradoxical - it's both very complicated, yet very simple at the same time. Somehow I get the feeling you agree so I won't explain what I mean by that because I think you already understand.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm quite glad you're not pushing yourself too hard and instead, you're making sure you don't overdo it and letting yourself rest when you need it. That was one thing I was worried about since you're still recovering from your most recent bout of illness.
1. As usual, we are in accord. My ideal day would include both excitement and time to myself where I can be surrounded by quiet.
2. I've never had coffee before, as we don't have coffee here in Underland, but I can't imagine liking anything more than tea! I miss you too, angel. Thinking about us having our own little tea party in your cabin, just us, is one of my favourite "memories" - I know we haven't had one obviously, but like you, I've imagined it so much I feel like we have. I wish I could make you feel better. I don't like the thought of you being sad. You're not missing out on any grand tea parties anyway. Nothing's the same without you here so even if I still have tea parties with Thackery and Mally, my heart isn't quite in it like it used to be.
3. You're exactly right. I do agree and I understand what you mean utterly and completely.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
16 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Today was much like yesterday. Miss Prescott and I spent part of the afternoon working on the new puzzle and later, we joined Mr. Bowen and played some cards. After dinner, I once again stayed for Charades but I excused myself once the time came for the Forfeits game. When I returned to my cabin, I found Absolem there waiting for me. He wanted to check up on me and also play backgammon, so we played a few rounds and ended in a draw. I made a wager with him though. The next time we play, he'll have to pay a forfeit if I win. Of course the forfeit will be for him to ask you a question of my choice and then relay your answer back to me. So get ready, my dear Tarrant, because I plan to win the next round!
Here are tonight's questions:
1. Are you messy or organised? I'm fairly organised. Too much clutter makes me distracted so I like to keep things tidy.
2. Do you have any particular phobias? I have an unreasonable fear of choking, for some reason. Also, I'm a bit afraid of large dogs, but that's because one bit me once when I was a child.
3. Have you ever ridden a bicycle? Do you have a bicycle? I do. I quite enjoy riding mine but I have to be careful because one time my skirt got caught in the gears and I ended up crashing into a tree. Luckily I wasn't going too fast so I didn't get hurt but I certainly learned my lesson. It's a shame women can't wear trousers.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
Oh, how exciting! I can't wait for you to win and find out what question you want to ask me.
1. I'm mostly organised. I have to be, in my line of work. When I'm in the midst of the actual process of making hats though, my work space might appear a bit messy but it's more like a form of organised chaos, if that makes sense.
2. I'm rather afraid of spiders and I don't like being in confined spaces. I also don't like loud noises.
3. I've been riding a bicycle quite frequently actually. Now that the Red Queen is gone, life has become more carefree and relaxed, and we're all slowly rediscovering things that were part of our lives before her reign. When I was younger, I had a bicycle and I recently found it again, just a few weeks ago. I've been using it to get around Underland, which is quite handy, as I don't have a horse or carriage and walking from my house to Thackery's or to Marmoreal takes ages. I like to take walks - in fact, it's one of my favourite things to do - but it's not my preferred method of transport when I really need to get somewhere fast. How frightening that must have been for you when your skirt got caught in the gears and you crashed into a tree! I'm glad to know you're being especially careful when riding your bicycle or I should worry terribly. When you come back here, I'll let you ride my bicycle and if you want to wear trousers, you should wear them! I'll even make a pair just for you.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
17 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Nothing particularly exciting or unusual happened today so I'll skip writing about the boring details and go straight to my questions.
1. Do you have any secret talents and if so, what are they? One of my secret talents is I'm quite good at darts. I'm also rather skilled at billiards too, though ladies aren't supposed to play. It's considered more of a "gentlemen's game" - which I think is ridiculous. My father let me play however, and we often played against each other in private.
2. Are there shops and markets in Underland?
3. Do you get jealous? I don't get jealous of other people for their abilities or talents or possessions, or anything like that. It seems like such a waste of time and energy. But...well, I do admit I get concerned whenever I imagine you possibly courting someone. Do you think that odd? I don't know if it's jealousy. It's a bit difficult to explain. I know I've mentioned in previous letters how the special connection between us is something I treasure greatly, and I would like to believe you feel that way too. I do realise how selfish and possessive this sounds, but as I've said before, there is a part of me that wants to keep you all to myself, because you mean so much to me. In a way, you mean more to me than anyone and I want to be the same for you. How I wish we could discuss this in person! I don't know if I'm explaining it very well. Do you think me petty for being like this - for feeling so possessive about you? Forgive me, Tarrant. I'm not perfect and clearly this is one of my less pleasant qualities. More than anything, I want you to be happy, and if you found someone you loved, someone who is more important to you than I am, I would like to think I would be gracious and accepting. But, honestly, when it comes to you courting someone, I just feel that no one is good enough for you. You're very special and I should hate it if you settled for anything less than your perfect match.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
1. How interesting! I happen to be quite good at darts and billiards myself! I think perhaps we should play them both when you return, and see who wins. What fun that would be! I imagine you'd be quite competitive if we played against each other but I should welcome that. We could play for wagers, and if I win I shall ask for a kiss. Is that naughty of me? I don't know if you would consider these abilities to be secret talents but I have a rather uncanny sense of direction and therefore seem to have a particular knack for being able to find my way to wherever I need to go, no matter where I am. I can also recite the alphabet backwards very fast. And although I tend to favour using my right hand for most tasks, I am actually ambidextrous, and can use both hands with equal proficiency.
2. Not exactly, at least not like there are in the Otherworld. Absolem described what your shops and markets are like when he was visiting me not too long ago. They sound quite intriguing! I think it would be wonderful if we had something like that here. In the years of the Red Queen's reign, both Queens provided for those who lived in the two castles or who were under their jurisdiction and protection. Of course, the White Queen had to take special care to do it in secret back then. Some of us (like me, Thackery and Mally) preferred to find ways to provide for ourselves. Now that the White Queen is back in power and the Red Queen has been banished, there is a vast area of land in the Southeastern part of Queast where fruits and vegetables and herbs are being grown again, and everyone who lives in Underland is free to take what they want, though some residents have their own fruit and vegetable gardens, and some even have farms where they keep chickens and other fowl, as well as cows and pigs. So that's how we get food. The Queen provides most everything else but certain villagers are craftsmen and artisans who make things like furniture made from wood, candles, soaps, baskets, pottery, clothes, shoes, woven blankets and other various wares such as what you'd find at one of your Otherworld markets. Though, instead of there being real markets or shops here, you have to go to the individual homes of those villagers to obtain the things they have to offer, and you need to barter something of your own in exchange for whatever you want from them.
3. I don't get jealous of others for what they have or what they can do but when it comes to you, I get very jealous. I hate the way men chase after you. I love what you wrote in response to the same question. From what I gather, obviously you can be just as jealous as I am at the thought of me being with someone else. And no, I don't think it's petty to feel like that, at least in our case. You and I are meant for each other and Fated to be together so it's only natural for us to feel this way, especially since we're apart right now and neither of us has been able to truly declare ourselves.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
18 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Tomorrow we'll be arriving in Saigon, sometime before dawn. I can't wait! Absolem and I played a rather rousing round of backgammon tonight but I didn't win so I'm afraid I can't collect on my wager yet.
1. Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, and many of them probably think of themselves as my friends but do I think of them in the same way? No. Miss Prescott is my friend and we've grown close to each other on this trip but even so, there are limits to that friendship. How does one define such a thing really? What is a friend? I'm closest to you and Absolem and in one way, you're both my friends, but really you're both more than that. It's rather complicated, isn't it?
2. What is one thing you are really picky about? Perhaps it's odd, but I'm very picky about my books being in pristine condition. I absolutely hate it when I get a book from a shop or the library and someone has dog-eared some of the pages. It's so inconsiderate and disrespectful!
3. Do you enjoy physical shows of affection? You seem to be someone who can be very affectionate but you also strike me as someone who isn't comfortable with just anyone being physically affectionate with you. I'm the same way.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I hope you find Saigon to be as wonderful as you imagine. I wonder, how far along are you on this trip now? I'm trying so hard to be patient but it isn't easy. I miss you so much, and I have no idea how long it will be until you come back.
1. I do make friends fairly easily but at the same time there's always a distance between me and others. They might not feel it, but I do.
2. This probably sounds quite frivolous but I tend to be rather picky about fabrics. I have to confess, I'm also quite picky about clothes, mine in particular. You're always wondering if I think you're silly (usually whenever you come close to admitting your true feelings towards me or at least hinting at it in your adorably innocent way), and of course I don't think you're silly when it comes to that. But now it's me who wonders if you'd think that of me for being so concerned about such superficial things as fabrics and clothes.
3. Yes, you're absolutely right. We are quite alike in this, as usual. I shy away from too much physical contact from others but I know I have it in me to be very affectionate. I'm certain I'll be exceedingly affectionate with you, if you allow it. I think you will.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
19 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
We're in Saigon now. It's quite amazing, I have to say! It used to be the provincial capital of the Nguyen Dynasty but now it's been taken over by the French and has been named the capital of French Indochina. We had a tour around the city today and the guide told us it's often referred to as the "Paris of the Orient" - not surprising, as I could see quite a Parisian influence.
After the tour we had lunch then we got to work doing Company business and I learned a great deal about the opium trade. Opium is a narcotic drug that is turned into a medicine called morphine which is used as a very strong pain reliever. Morphine is quite useful, and is regarded to be one of the greatest finds in modern medicine, though opium itself in its pure form is reputed to be abused most terribly, much like alcohol can be, and apparently it is extremely addictive to those who indulge. It's smoked when used as a narcotic drug. Absolem was rather intrigued when I told him about it because it's often smoked through a hookah. He tried to convince me to get a hold of some but from the way it was described, I was worried about how it would affect him so I refused. He scoffed at me and said he knows what he's doing and that because he's from Underland it would affect him differently. I asked why he would even want to try such a thing and he said that when he smokes from his hookah in Underland it gives him special visions. He told me then that he is a Seer, the only true Seer in Underland. Then he went on to explain that sometimes smoking from his hookah guides him and helps him See what is about to unfold and that it also gives him special mystical insights on things that are rather esoteric in nature. I asked him if he'd had any visions or mystical insights when I've helped him smoke from the hookah we got in Bombay but he said no, because it was just plain tobacco and it doesn't have the same properties as what he smokes in Underland. He told me that the substance he smokes in Underland opens up his Consciousness. We had a long talk about that, about opening up one's Consciousness, which was very interesting and illuminating. In any case, Absolem really wants me to get a pinch of opium for him. He said he has a strong feeling that it will give him an important vision. What do you think about this, Tarrant? I wish I could talk to you and get your opinion. The last thing I want to be is close-minded and inflexible, or worse, intolerant because I'm conforming to the "accepted" beliefs of society. My instincts tell me I should trust Absolem, but honestly, I'm unsure of what to do.
Well! Absolem popped up as I was writing that last sentence and we ended up playing backgammon, and guess what? I won! Thus, as promised, he now has to go to you and ask a question of my choice and then relay your answer to me.
Here's the question: Should I trust my instincts and get Absolem the pinch of opium? He doesn't know my question - I told him that I wrote it to you in my letter. I should like to keep this private, between us, so will you answer by simply saying either yes or no, and have him relay it to me?
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
As I'm sure Absolem told you, my answer is yes. Absolem does know what he's doing and he truly is a Seer. Whatever methods he employs to help him open his Consciousness to see what is about to unfold (and gain insights from the Higher realms) are his to understand, even if we don't quite comprehend them. I trust him too. If he has a feeling that smoking a bit of opium will give him an important vision, I have no doubt it's the right thing.
I wish I could have given you a longer answer than the "yes" and that you could read this letter instead because I worry that you're conflicted about this. But perhaps you're not. I hope my response helped and was enough to ease your mind.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
20 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Thank you for your answer to my question. When Absolem relayed it to me, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I had already decided to go with my instincts but hearing your confirmation made me feel so much lighter and happier about it. He came to me this morning right after seeing you and told me your answer, and after hearing your reply, I agreed to do it.
So! Today was quite a day! I visited a few Buddhist pagodas this afternoon and ended up spending a couple of hours at the last one, where I met a group of Buddhist monks. After all my discussions with the Brahmins it was very interesting to speak to the monks about their beliefs. I'll tell you more about all that in another letter because I have to tell you about my adventure that happened when I returned to the ship. Absolem was waiting for me in my cabin, and he was in a rather impatient mood, because he wanted me to go and fetch the opium right then, before the men from the Company got back from their day's tour of a rice paddy. So, we very carefully and furtively snuck down to the cargo hold and he kept watch while I searched through all the containers trying to find it. Honestly, I was so nervous and terrified that I was going to get caught, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to burst! The cargo hold is very large so I had to search for quite awhile, and the whole time we were down there, I kept imagining that I could hear someone coming but Absolem assured me that he was certain no one would discover me or else he wouldn't have insisted we embark on such a risky and compromising mission at that particular moment. Once I found the container, I took a pinch of opium from it and placed it into an envelope, then we quickly left and returned to the cabin. As soon as we got there, Absolem started laughing at me and I got annoyed and asked what was so funny. He told me to look in the mirror. I went and had a peek and seeing how utterly frazzled I looked made me laugh too. It was rather comical. My eyes were all wild and somehow my hair had gotten in a state of disarray and my cheeks were completely flushed. Really, I looked a bit mad! You would have found it most amusing to see me like that, I'm sure. I have to confess, I found it to be quite an exhilarating adventure, despite how frightened I was in the midst of it all. I suppose I should feel ashamed of myself, considering I stole something...and not just anything, but opium, no less!
Absolem waited until I got back from dinner and officially retired for the evening and then he asked me to help him smoke it. I did, after mixing the opium with some tobacco. He went into a trance almost immediately. It was quite fascinating to watch. I stayed quiet and let him be until he snapped out of it. Afterwards, when I asked him if he'd had a vision, he said that he did indeed, but he wouldn't tell me what it was, though he did say it was very interesting. Of course, that sparked my curiosity even more, but he told me it wasn't for me to know, at least right now.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm glad my response helped and made you feel better about your decision. I only wish I could have told you in person.
That sounds like quite an adventure you had! If I didn't know Absolem and trust in his ability to see things, I would have been worried that you might have been caught. But Absolem can always sense if there's danger afoot. I wonder what the vision was. Truth be told, I'm as curious about it as you are. As for your concern about whether or not you should feel ashamed for doing what you did, I have to say, you obviously have a strong sense of ethics and you clearly know the difference between right and wrong. And in this particular instance, I honestly don't think that your taking the pinch of opium was stealing exactly. It was for a higher purpose and it doesn't sound like you took a lot. So I hope you're not chastising yourself for it.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
21 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Absolem seems to have taken a liking to the Buddhists, much like he did to the Brahmins of Bombay. While I was off doing business with the Company and learning about the rice trade, he spent the morning following the group of Buddhist monks I met yesterday to study them. He told me they noticed him after awhile and seemed quite fascinated with him. Later, after having lunch with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen, I snuck off to join him at the pagoda and when the monks saw him come straight over to me and perch himself upon my shoulder, they reacted like the Brahmins did. One of the Buddhists approached us and asked me about him, saying they could see he was very special, then the man asked if he was my guardian. I wasn't quite sure what to say to that because they were all staring at us, looking quite awed. Then Absolem nodded at them in response! I admit, I was rather shocked that he would actually reveal himself as a magical creature to anyone in this world, but he did. And of course, they all went mad with excitement after that. They had a lot of questions, and to my surprise, Absolem answered them all by either nodding or shaking his head. At first they thought he was the reincarnation of a highly revered Buddhist monk who had recently passed on but he shook his head at that and smiled in a mysterious way then looked at me. Naturally, they looked at me too then asked me what I knew about him. I was at a loss and unsure how to answer so I excused myself for a moment then proceeded to have a whispered consultation with him about what I was supposed to say. I didn't think he would want me to tell them the truth but for some reason he decided it was alright. He said to tell them he wasn't from this world and that he was immortal, and that he had come to this world for the time being in order to watch over me because I'm special and have a very important destiny. I asked what that destiny is but of course, he wouldn't tell me. Why does he have to be so infuriatingly secretive? It's quite vexing, especially as it concerns me!
In any case, we returned to the Buddhists after our discussion and I relayed what Absolem told me to say to them. They were quite wide-eyed by the end. They spoke amongst themselves for a time in whatever language it is they speak, then they took us to a special room in the temple. I was wondering what was going on but then they explained to me that they were going to perform a purification ritual on me and do a special blessing ceremony, if I consented to it. Absolem nodded at me so I agreed. How do I describe it? They made a circle using sand and stones and had me stand in the middle, then they began chanting and waving incense over me in a particular way. After awhile I began to feel all tingly and strange, but it wasn't a bad feeling. It was actually quite amazing. I think their chanting might have put me in some kind of trance because I entered a state of being that I've never experienced before. I don't really know how to explain it. Afterwards, I felt like there was a light all around me and inside me. They told me to come back tomorrow for the blessing ceremony.
Isn't that extraordinary? I asked Absolem if what happened today had anything to do with his vision and he smiled and said apparently I'm not a complete nitwit, so I suppose that was his way of saying yes.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
Good heavens, you certainly do have the most extraordinary experiences! I felt my amulet tingling yesterday, so it must have been when the monks were performing the purification ritual on you. It's quite astounding!
I wonder if I'll feel something today when they perform the blessing ceremony. I suppose I shall see.
Forever yours,
Tarrant