A/N: Disclaimer: I don't have a beta, so all the mistakes are mine. Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters, obviously, but I'm the one who makes them do all the weird stuff.

Chapter 12

It's a Hollywood summer
You'll never believe the shitty thoughts I think
Meet our friends out for dinner
When I said what I said, I didn't mean anything

We belong in a movie
Try to hold it together 'til our friends are gone
We should swim in a fountain
Do not want to disappoint anyone

Now we'll leave the silver city 'cause all the silver girls
Gave us black dreams
Leave the silver city to all the silver girls
Everything means everything

I was afraid I'd eat your brains
I was afraid I'd eat your brains
'Cause I'm evil
'Cause I'm evil

I'm a confident liar
Have my head in the oven so you know where I'll be
I'll try to be more romantic
I want to believe in everything you believe

I was less than amazing
Do not know what all the troubles are for
Fall asleep in your branches
You're the only thing I ever want anymore

Conversation 16, The National

EPOV

All too soon, we're at the Ink It Black bar. There's no bouncer, and as we walk in, the place is crowded, but the atmosphere is casual and friendly, mostly people of both sexes in their twenties to forties in jeans and shirts hanging out in groups, there's a pool table at the back and a small area with a stage where you could probably shake ass to live music, which is empty right now.

In spite of the name of the bar, there are no bikers or heavily inked gang members in sight, the only visibly inked person being the guy behind the bar, who is young, handsome but kind of dangerous looking in a black tank top and black jeans with multiple piercings. I decide I'm not going to try to order a drink from him anytime soon. He is working with a petite girl in a matching outfit with long black hair and the edges of ink peeking around the tight black t-shirt she's wearing, who looks only slightly less intimidating. The walls are covered with swirling patterns in black and silver, of dragons, roses, eagles, anything you could imagine putting on your skin, and the booths are decorated with cushions in black and silver too, giving the place a vaguely oriental feel. It's hip without being trendy, I guess.

Bella has caught sight of the group of women from the café: Kate, Carmen, Charlotte and another girl I haven't seen before, and Kate has seen us and is waving us over to their booth.

We make our way to their table, through the swell of conversation and the music at the bar, and I notice every man who lets his eyes rest a little bit too long on Bella before turning back to his glass of beer, flexing my fingers with the urge to put my arm around her and draw her close to my body. She seems tense, and I remember how she isn't comfortable in public places - she may feel exposed here with no hood and no sun-glasses to hide behind.

Kate smiles at us both, and her light blue eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Hey you guys, so you made it! Bella, Edward, you've already met Carmen and Charlotte, but this is Charlotte's friend Amy. She's a student and will be helping out for some weeks during the summer, she starts later this month."

I lean over and shake Amy's hand. She's a girl in her early twenties maybe, brown hair and blue eyes, jeans and a sparkly t-shirt, pretty in a conventional way but wearing a bit too much make-up for my taste. She seems friendly enough and gives me a firm handshake. I nod at Charlotte, looking cool and relaxed in a light yellow tank top, and at Carmen, smiling and quietly sipping her beer, wearing what looks suspiciously like a biker outfit, although I can't be sure those are leather pants as long as she's sitting down.

Kate is sliding out of the booth, standing up to make room for us two, and I look a question at Bella "are we staying?" and she hesitates, then nods imperceptibly, and slides into the booth , giving Carmen and Charlotte a smile and Amy a handshake. I sit down next to her, and Kate asks the table:

"So, drinks are on me this round, what are you having? Beer or margaritas?"

I look at Bella, taking my cue from her as Charlotte, Amy and Carmen all go for another beer.

"I'd like a Diet Coke with ice and lemon, please." Bella says and I nod to Kate "Yeah, I'll have the same, thanks." Kate makes no comment, and goes off to try to get the attention of the bartender, who is surrounded by a wall of guests right now. I lean forward and ask Amy what she is studying, and it turns out she is a sociology major at UCLA and will be going for her Masters next year. She is talkative and smiles a lot, and before I know it, Kate is back with the beer bottles, then returns with our glasses of Coke, and squeezes in beside Amy and starts telling us about the bar.

"I talked to Tony, the guy who's tending bar. Turns out he's the manager and this is his new baby. The way he talks he's obviously got great plans for this place, they're going to have bands coming in and playing sets on the weekend nights all summer, and offer open mike nights for local talent. Carmen, you should really talk to him, I bet he would let you sing."

I look over at Carmen, surprised. "You're a musician, Carmen?"

She smiles a dazzling smile, made all that much brighter by the contrast with her olive skin and black, shiny hair. "Well, a lot of people down here are aspiring musicians and actors tending bar or working diners, you know? But yeah, I have been doing sets for a long time with my husband, Eleazar: I play the guitar and he plays the bass, and we do blues songs, sometimes with a couple of other people we know, sometimes just him and me alone."

Kate butts in: "But Carmen, last summer you sang at the café, just you and your guitar, and that was really, really good too. If you and Eli don't get to play here with your blues band, you should come in for an open mike night, just you. We'll all come along and cheer for you, right?" The rest of the table murmurs assent, and I nod too, contemplating for a minute if I would have the guts to do that myself. Maybe in another lifetime. I know I play okay, but I've always been uncomfortable performing to a room of strangers, and I've never sought the attention – now less than ever.

The music is definitely getting louder, and when I look over my shoulder I see that a couple of people are dancing in the open space between the tables. When I turn back, Amy is bending over the table, asking me something. "What?"

"I said, do you want to dance with me, Edward?" She's already moving in her seat, pushing Kate out to make room for her, and I'm too surprised to say no when she takes my hand and pulls me out of my seat. There's barely time for a panicked look in Bella's direction, but she's not looking at me, she's absorbed in conversation with Carmen and I follow Amy as she leads the way to the dance floor.

The music is Kings of Leon "Sex on fire", not my favourite, but okay for moving around to, I guess. Amy is good at this, drawing me by the hand, smiling and backing away from me between the other people dancing, checking over her shoulder to see where there's the maximum of room to move, swaying her hips and arms gently in time to the music. I relax and try to give in to the rhythm, just following her lead.

We quickly find a groove, and to my surprise she's fun to dance with, she's responsive and humorous, makes faces and exaggerates her "sexy" movements wiggling her eyebrows and pouting suggestively which makes me break up with laughter. I mirror her movements, and she twirls around me, so I twirl around her. She is good-looking and knows how to move her body, and she catches the eye of some of the other guys on the dance floor. Not because of her boobs or her ass or any one thing, just because she's so comfortable, sensuous, so at one with the music, playing along with the emotions of the song, having fun. It's been a long time since I just had fun with a girl like this.

My tux is itching and I feel sweaty all over. Actually, I'm feeling kind of out of it, and I'm not sure if it's the pot or the vodka. Probably shouldn't mix that stuff, but Jon was offering, so I took it. I look over at my date who is swaying to the music, her makeup a bit smudged under her eyes and her hair drooping down from her elaborate do. Jane is wearing a red dress that I'm sure is supposed to look "sexy" but just doesn't seem that way to me. It leaves her slim shoulders bare, and although the dress is long, there's a high slit on one side which allows her to walk normally, but also shows off her leg all the way up to mid-thigh. She's short, but her ridiculous heels make her seem taller.

Now she's smiling at me, stretching out her hands, and I automatically grab them and pull her into my chest. The music mellows and becomes a slow dance, and we sway slowly together, making semi-circles around the dance floor. I can smell her perfume which is sharp and too sweet and completely artificial, just the way she looks tonight. It was Jon's idea to make this a group date, he's friends with Jane's twin brother Alec, and the six of us rented a limo and made dinner reservations before going to the dance. I've met Jane and Alec before: Alec is on the track team too, and Jane is on the student council and sits in on just about every committee there is. They are both students with good grades and wealthy parents, the kind of "eligible" young people I should be hanging out with. Except I find them both cold and kind of shallow and self-absorbed. But that doesn't really matter right now.

Right now, we are all wasted from the vodka Alec took from their parents, and the pot Jon brought with him, that we smoked in the dark under the trees beside the parking lot before going in. Normally we should have been giggling and joking about it, doing something in secret together, but instead the mood was strangely sullen, not mellow, we were smoking it quickly and determinedly, almost as if we just wanted to get it over with. And that's how I feel right now, clutching Jane to my body, in her sparkly red shell of a dress, as if I just want to get it over with.

"Hey, Jane", I whisper into her ear, feeling her stiff, hairsprayed hair tickling my face in an unpleasant way. "I want to get out of here. How about you?"

She smiles up at me, a lazy smile with eyes half-closed, and somehow I feel sure that she's worked that particular look out in front of the mirror in the bathroom waiting to use it to look sexy tonight. "Hmm, sure, I'm game Edward. Let's do it."

We go to collect our coats, and I tell Alec and Jon that we're leaving now and that I will see Jane home and send the car back for them. They both have that glazed look, and I can tell that Jon must have been making out heavily sometime recently, because his clothes look kind of rumpled and his lips are really red.

In the car, Jane slumps heavily on my chest and then starts kissing me. We have dated before, and I know how she works, so I nibble her neck and suck on her ear which makes her a little crazy, and I slide my hand up along her exposed thigh, landing my fingers on something that feels like a lacy thong. Jane is breathing heavily, and suddenly she slides down on the floor of the limo and starts unbuttoning my dress trousers. I protest weakly, but she slaps my hands to the side, and in no time she has liberated my cock, which is already at half-mast.

Before I know it, she has taken my cock as deep into her mouth as it will go, and starts working it furiously with her mouth and her hand. Sliding in and out of her warm, wet mouth in the darkness of the backseat, while the lights from the street slither over us, I feel as if my body and mind are detached from each other. My cock obviously enjoys the attention, but my mind looks on from outside, coolly telling me that Jane is not really the kind of girl I thought would go down on me in the backseat of a rented car, and maybe she has had too much to drink and will regret this tomorrow. Nor did I really have any plans to see her again, but after having sex with her I will probably have to go out on another date just to let her down easy. Suddenly I feel a tightening of my balls, and that sudden rush that precedes orgasm, and I manage to stutter out a warning, which it seems Jane ignores, because she is still holding my cock in a death grip as I come, pulsing in her mouth.

She doesn't seem to know whether to swallow or puke, and finally ends up letting my cum dribble out of her mouth, mostly landing on my bunched up boxers, as she makes a face and wipes her mouth on the backside of her hand. I mumble my apologies, although I did actually give her fair warning, then wriggle a tissue out of the inner pocket of my open coat on the seat and clean myself up as well as I can, before straightening my clothes and tucking myself away in my pants.

Jane crawls up on the seat and snuggles at my side, as we pull up in her driveway. She smiles a shy smile when I help her out of the car and deposit her on the doorstep and I feel a cold, tired kind of feeling sweep over me instead of the expected post-orgasmic bliss. Jane will be a problem for the rest of the semester now, and I will have to find a way to disentangle myself that doesn't make her or Alec into my complete enemies. So much for an evening of uncomplicated fun.

The music fades and morphs into "Rehab" with Amy Winehouse, and now this Amy is playfully bumping my hip with her hip as she circles around me, and I put my hands on her waist briefly and then swing her around, before turning myself.

My eyes wander over to the booth where we left the rest of the party, and I can see some guy I don't know leaning over the table. I can't tell from here, but I kind of think Kate is frowning at him. Suddenly I feel uncomfortable at leaving Bella to fend for herself for too long, and I slide up to Amy, put my head close to her ear and tell her thanks for the dance, and I'm going back to our table. She nods and sways to the music, and I can already see a guy moving in to try and take my place at her side as I turn and walk away.

When I approach the table I can see that Kate is not happy with this guy whoever he is. He has both hands on the table, and is leaning in so that both Kate and Bella have to press up against the back of the booth not to get him in their faces.

"So, why won't you dance with me, beautiful? I promise I won't step on your toes, darlin'."

Bella is pale and determined, and speaks through her teeth, and I can tell that Carmen in the corner is getting riled up too, like a lion about to pounce.

"I don't dance, and I definitely don't feel like dancing right now. Why can't you just take no for an answer?"

"I never take no for an answer, pretty lady, that's just not how I operate," the man laughs, and I think he must be drunk. I put my hand on his shoulder, and jerk him upright, none too gently.

"Can't you see you are bothering these ladies. She said no, alright? Ask someone else, will you?" My voice is cold, and maybe a bit too loud, because I see heads turning in our direction. The obnoxious guy turns to me and I see that he is as tall as I am and older, maybe in his thirties. Old enough to know better anyway. He frowns at me.

"So, who are you to say I'm bothering anyone, who asked you?" He pushes his index finger into my chest, and I lose my balance and have to take a step back. I grit my teeth, and remind myself that this is not a good time to be getting in a fight. But before the confrontation can get any uglier, two things happen at once: Kate has finally had room to stand up and get out on the floor, and she is sliding between us, pushing me further back and putting both of her hands placatingly on the obnoxious man's chest. And the bartender suddenly materializes, and puts his arm around the man's shoulders.

"Calm down" he rumbles, and I see his muscles flexing as he locks the man in a half-embrace, smoothly leading him away from us, propelling him towards the entrance, until they disappear outside, followed by a few people who are curious to see how this ends.

Kate smooths her hair down, looking after them, and turns around to pat me on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Edward. Next time you had better tone it down a bit, you scared that guy half to death when you grabbed him."

"What happened?" I bristle. "What did he do?"

Bella shakes her head, but as I sit down next to her I can tell that her hands are shaking a little on her lap.

"It was nothing, really, it was just a guy who had had too much to drink and wanted to dance, and then got persistent when we said we weren't interested."

Carmen snorts. "I bet he thought himself really smooth, too, the fucker. If the bartender hadn't shown him the door, I would have introduced him to my Doc Martens and then shown him the exit myself" she adds darkly.

I look carefully at Bella. "Are you okay? Do you want to go home?" I add, playfully: "Or can I interest you in a dance, maybe?" The table erupts in giggles, and even Bella smiles, as Carmen leans across her to swat me on the arm. "Shut up, you smooth fucker!" she laughs. "You two had better get out of here before you get us all arrested." Bella nods, and I give her my hand to help her out of the booth, still smiling to myself.

We say our goodbyes, and I wave at Amy, who is still shaking ass on the dance floor with a dark-haired guy and looks as if she's having fun. As we navigate through the crowd to the exit, we almost bump into the bartender, who stops to look us over. He is good-looking in a brooding sort of way, dark hair and dark eyes and a couple of rings in his eyebrow, a bar bell in his earlobe and a tongue piercing glinting when he speaks in a low voice.

"Not leaving early because you feel harassed, I hope? I put that guy in a cab and told him that he wasn't allowed back in if he kept bothering the other guests."

I shake my head, putting an arm protectively around Bella's shoulder and angling my body so that I'm between her and the guy. He does look kind of overwhelming even if I'm sure he's an okay sort of person, piercings and all.

"No, it's fine. Thanks for handling that situation. This seems like a really good place. I heard you're going to have live music here this summer – that sounds like a great idea."

The bartender smiles and holds out his hand to shake. "I'm Tony, by the way. Please come back another time. I'll even buy you a drink: if you promise to dance on your own and not start any fights."

I shake his hand, which is large and sinewy but squeezes mine in a non-aggressive way. "I'm Edward, and this is Bella. A pleasure." Bella nods, her face serious. " I'm sure we'll be back sometime, dancing or no dancing." I smile and we walk out into the soft night air.

I ask Bella if she prefers to take a cab or walk, but she says she feels like walking, so that's what we do. I let my arm slide down from her shoulders as we leave the bar, but as I tentatively grasp at her fingers I feel her hand circling my wrist, and that's how we walk home together, her hand loosely gripping my wrist, burning me with the cool touch of her skin.

As we walk into the house, I let Bella walk ahead to flip the light switches, while I close the door and make sure the bolts are locked like Bella wants. When I turn around I see her standing by the door to her bedroom, her head bowed as if deep in thought and her arms hanging down almost dejectedly. On an impulse, I walk up to her, and brush the side of her face tentatively with my fingers. "Are you alright, Bella?" I ask, because I need to know.

She looks up at me, and her eyes seem almost black in the dim light of the hall. "I…I don't know" she whispers, and without another word she steps into the circle of my arms, burrowing her face in my shoulder, hugging my waist. We stand like this for what feels like an eternity. I hold her close, but not too close, my hands resting carefully against the small of her back, emptying my mind, my chest against her chest, feeling the rise and fall of her agitated breaths, the soft mounds of her breasts and with my face buried in her fragrant hair, almost afraid to breathe yet unable to resist the temptation of her smell.

After minutes that feel like hours, her breathing is slowing down and she raises her face from the protection of my body. Her cheeks are dry, but her eyes seem huge and wild as her face is right there, so close to mine that I feel as if I could step down into her fathomless gaze. It's as if I'm standing in a waking dream and slowly, oh, so slowly, I lower my face and brush my lips lightly against the tip of her nose, then lower against the corner of her mouth, waiting for her to stop me, to let go of me, to step back, but she doesn't.

She is perfectly still, as if hypnotized, as I carefully kiss her with closed lips, feeling mine tingling at the touch of soft skin on soft skin. I close my lips around her full lower lip, gently tugging, then sweep my tongue carefully across it, when she moans softly and opens her mouth, letting me in. It's so soft, tantalizing, the movement of her silky tongue against mine, her taste is sweet, tangy, incredible, everything I could have dreamed of. Without thinking, I step closer, drawing her into me, closer, pressing my body against her, and her body against the wall by the door as I plunge deeper into the kiss. And then something frightening happens.

At first, I could swear that Bella answers my passion with a passion of her own, almost attacking me, drawing me nearer, meeting my kiss with a fierce kiss of tongue and lips and teeth clashing. But almost immediately she recoils as if we had crashed and she were hit by the whiplash of our collision, pulling away from me with a whimpering scream that sounds like the nightmarish sounds I remember hearing in the night. I immediately let go of her, afraid that I have hurt her, but she doesn't stop, she stumbles back, and ends up curled into a small ball in the corner of the hall, her arms wrapped around her head, short, quick, rasping breaths, making low keening sounds, shaking her head back and forth, rocking herself as if trying to shut out the world.

I crouch on the floor by her side, afraid to touch her, not sure if I should call an ambulance or not. She isn't cramping, she doesn't seem to be in shock, so I'm guessing this is a panic attack brought on by my violation of her space. I speak quietly, trying to convey to her that I'm here, that she's not alone, that I will be here for her whatever she needs, that she is safe, in spite of me, because of me.

After a long time, her erratic breathing slows down again, the mechanical movement stops and the whining sounds die down. Slowly, her limbs seem to relax out of pure exhaustion, and she lies slumped, shuddering in a heap on the floor, her face wet with tears, her hair damp and tangled around her face and head. I wait, murmuring her name and the usual inanities "it's alright, you're alright, Bella, I'm right here, nothing is going to happen to you, it's alright, you're safe now.."

She whispers something, and I lean forward to hear the words. "I'm sorry…so sorry.."

My stomach clenches at her words, and very carefully, I disentangle a strand of dark hair from her forehead, saying: "You have nothing to be sorry for Bella. This was all my fault, and I would do anything to make it right again. Please, can I help you in any way? Do you want me to help you sit up? Do you need a glass of water?"

She shakes her head slowly, rolling over onto her stomach and hiding her face in her hands. "No, no…it's fine. I'll be fine. Just…leave me alone, Edward. Go to your room. I'll be fine.."

I hesitate for a minute, wondering if I shouldn't just pick her up off the floor and leave her on the bed in her room, but then I chastise myself for not listening to her. She knows her own mind and body, and if she needs her privacy I must give it to her. So I slowly retreat down the hall and go to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and leaning against it, my head reeling.

Too much happened tonight. A date with Bella in a public restaurant, walking around in the street holding her hand, meeting friends and strangers at a bar on a Saturday night, the obnoxious guy at the bar hitting on her, getting violent, and the scary-looking bartender, it all probably was enough to pile up on her, making her emotionally unstable. And then, when she needed some quiet comfort, reassurance and security, I tried to molest her on top of everything, in her own home. I rub my face angrily with my hands, filled with regret.

Bella seemed so fine, so…normal, for lack of a better word, that I forgot that this was all out of the ordinary for her. What will happen tomorrow, when Rosalie arrives. Will Bella ask me to leave? Will she tell her friend what happened, and then Rosalie will throw me out on my face? I am drained, sad, too tired to start to grasp the possible ramifications of this day.

I shower, and then lie on the bed in the darkness for hours. When I can't stand my own thoughts any longer, I carefully creep into the hall. Bella isn't there anymore, the house is quiet and dark and her door is closed. I stand outside her door, holding my breath. I know I shouldn't do this, but I need to know that she's alright now, so I slowly test her door, which is unlocked, then open it and listen for the sounds of her breathing. I can't hear anything, so I slink into the room, just inside the door, and stand there for a minute, letting my eyes get accustomed to the darkness.

There is a shape on the bed, and after a while I can make it out. It's Bella, curled into a ball, still in her clothes, with the bedclothes wrapped around her in a cocoon. She is snuffling quietly into the pillow, and now that can I hear her, that sound is infinitely comforting to me. I sink to the floor beside her bed and try to make out the contours of her face and head in the darkness. Later, when dawn seeps in and I begin to see the pale oval of her face I know it's time to move to my own room before she wakes up and finds me here, creepy stalker that I am.

I carefully close the door behind me, and when I get to my room, I fall on the bed and sleep like the dead.

A/N: Uh uh, so that didn't turn out exactly liked we hoped it would, did it? (hides behind couch) But seriously, would you dance with a stranger in a bar? Would it give you a panic attack? No? What if it was Edward? Or that Tony guy? How do you feel about tattoos? Off-putting or sexy on a man? Do you have one yourself? (I confess I don't!) Love to hear your comments!