Two months ago

It's raining.

Deeks is lying on wet, muddy grass on the side of the road. His assailants have just thrown him out of a van onto the side of the road and driven off without a word. He can barely breathe and stay conscious from all the pain searing throughout his body. Within the last 27 hours, Deeks has been beaten and humiliated in ways that he hadn't thought possible. Now that he's lying in the cold rain, all he wants to do is die.

"Kensi," Deeks gasps. The rain falling on his body reminds him of the many nights he spent running from his car to her apartment in the rain to spend the night laughing and joking around with her while watching Top Model after a hard case. He misses her- he misses her smile, her laugh, even the stuffed cheeks that she gets when chowing down on donuts. Deeks chuckles lightly when he realizes that he also misses Sam and his eye roll, Callen's toying, Eric's nerdiness, Nell and the secret stash of suckers that he and her share, and of course, Hetty just being Hetty.

"Sorry," Deeks whispers. He closes his eyes and then suddenly hears the faint sound of ambulance sirens far off in the distance. For a second, Deeks doesn't believe it to be real- in his mind, there's no way he could be rescued. But when a male paramedic appears over him and calls out, "Sir, look at me!" he knows that it's real.

The last thing he sees before passing out again is a blur of the paramedics face and the dark rain clouds above.

Present Day

It's raining again and the steady patter of rain reminds Deeks of the night that the ambulance had found him.

He's been sitting in his room alone for half an hour ever since Sam had bolted to meet with the team. Fifteen minutes in, Deeks was beginning to worry- no one was saying anything to him about what had happened to his assailant, what was being done to find him, and if anyone was in danger. When the rain had started a few minutes ago, the ex-detective went from a worry to a full on panic. Besides his worry, he's also exhausted, even though he's been sleeping on and off all morning. And now that his mind is focused on the night he was found, Deeks can't help but fight to stay awake to avoid falling back into another nightmare.

Got to stay awake, I've got to stay awake…

Deeks tries to sit up more on the bed, but as always the intubation mask is preventing him from moving his head more than a few inches. He angrily kicks the edge of the bed in frustration and looks up to see his team in the hallway through a small crack in the closed curtains.

What the hell are they talking about?

He can see the entire team with Nate and Michelle included, standing in a circle while talking near the nurses' station. Deeks can't make out what any of them are saying, which makes him want to kick himself for not taking Kensi's lip reading lessons more seriously.

I can't just sit here not knowing anything! Sleeping is out of the question and….and….I can't have this tube in anymore!

Deeks places his hand on the intubation tube and contemplates what would happen if he pulled it out. Yes, it would hurt like hell and yes, everyone from Hetty to Kensi would kick his ass ten times over for doing it. But for Deeks, the intubation tube and mask is the only thing that's forcing him in a bed, alone in a room with incredibly destructive thoughts on the horizon.

It's a risk I'm willing to take.

He inhales deeply, taking note that he might not be able to breathe on his own without it. He also prepares himself to just give it one big yank.

Again, I'll take a chance. Alright, here I go. Just go for it. Just….just…

Deeks feels his eyelids slowly close as his train of thought runs off. He shakes his head and opens his eyes again, finding his gaze falling on the small gap through the curtains that he can see the team again. With his hands still on the tube, he counts in his head; One, two…two…..crap, what comes after two?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- what the hell are you doing?"

Deeks is incredibly close to drifting off to sleep when he hears this and it jolts him awake. He finds Callen standing over him with a panicked look on his face. The lead agent places his hands over Deeks and says slowly, "Deeks, let go of the tube."

No, hell no. Deeks turns his head away, but Callen places a hand on his cheek and guides his face back towards him.

"The nurses' will sedate or restrain you if you don't let go of the tube, Marty," Callen warns. Deeks lets go of the tube and drops his hands onto the bed sheets. Callen lets out a large sigh and asks, "Why would you do that?"

Deeks looks up to Callen with the saddest pair of eyes that he can do. Callen's face falls in response and the lead agent nods his head in understanding. "Hetty said that you were probably frustrated, confused, and scared and that we should tell you about everything. Not all of us are in agreement on this, but now I can see that you need it. "

Please do. Please do! Deeks' eyes light up, a first in days. Callen starts walking around the edge of the bed and towards the door, saying, "I'm not going to tell you, though. I'm going to get Kensi to do it."

Deeks freezes up at the mention of Kensi. He can't believe that he's now noticing that he hasn't seen his partner, the woman that he loves in two days.

"Don't worry, she's been anxious to see you," Callen says as he heads towards the door. He steps out into the hallway and closes the door behind him. Nate and Kensi are standing the closest to the door with the psychologist trying his hardest to convince Kensi to go in.

"Nate, I told you- I can't see him like that," Kensi hisses. She crosses her arms, keeping her gaze away from the door. Callen takes a step towards Kensi and says, "I already told him that you're going in."

"Why would you do that?" Kensi exclaims.

"Do you want to see him, Kensi?" Callen asks in seriousness.

Kensi rubs her thigh and places her hands on her hip. She inhales deeply and replies quietly, "I've wanted to see him for days. It's just that I can't."

"You can and you will," Callen slides open the room door, "Go."

Inside his hospital room, Deeks is trying to prepare himself to see his partner when she walks in the door.

Kensi slowly closes the door behind her, but doesn't move any further. Deeks sees that she's wearing his sweater, the same one that he purposely left at her apartment just to get her to wear it. She looks just as good as he imagined her to be in it.

"Hi," Kensi finally says with a small wave. With no way to respond, Deeks only stares back, hoping that she'll understand that's he's happy to see her. Kensi forces herself to start walking over to him; however, she stops in her tracks when she sees the scars, bruises, and the bandages all over his body.

"So…um…before I say the things that I want to really, have been dying to say really, I'm going to tell you what's going on with the-your case," Kensi states, "Stay calm for this, ok? If you have another seizure, it's going to kill me."

The ex-detective nods, ready and scared for what he's about to hear.

"All seven of the previous attacks fell on important days for you at NCIS. The Aryan case, our trip to Dubai, the fight club case, when we were undercover as a married couple, our kiss at the Hollywood Hotel- all of them triggered an attack around the country, you kissing me triggering the your assault. Everything is connected to you, Deeks."

How the hell? WHAT?! Deeks thinks before he quickly sits up in his bed. He doesn't get very far as his head is yanked back by the mask. Instinctively, Kensi runs to his side and places her hand on his forehead. She soon quickly realizes what she's doing and retracts her hand.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing- I feel like I'm going to break you if I touch you," Kensi chuckles. She forces herself to brush Deeks' bangs from his forehead. "There's also something else. We can't find the guy and because of that we need to move you. And we aren't sure how to do that since we also believe that they are stalking you."

I'm screwed, Deeks thinks sadly before closing his eyes. Kensi sits down at the edge of the bed next to him. "Now that you know what's going on, I'm going to tell you what I've wanted to say for a while. I love you."

Deeks opens his eyes and stares at Kensi in disbelief. It's the words he's wanted to hear back for the moment he fell in love with her. He enjoys the sound of it for a moment before a miserable thought comes to mind- Kensi, please don't be saying this to make me feel better. I hope to hell that you mean it.

" And because I-"

Deeks blinks and suddenly finds himself in complete darkness. Kensi is nowhere to be seen; in fact, Deeks can immediately tell that he's no longer in his room. He wants to panic- hell, he needs to panic, but he can't. The only thing that he knows is that he's lying on something that he assumes to be gurney and there's a whirring noise around him that he can't identify.

This is bad, really bad, Deeks panics, What just happened? Where's Kensi? And where am I?