Chapter 11
Mikaela feels so much lighter since Yuuichirou found out. Mika didn't tell him everything, but now he doesn't have to lie to him anymore, nor did Yuu break up with him and that in itself is enough to fill Mika with joy, so much that he can't stop smiling despite the sour looks Rene and Lacus are giving him. He's just too ecstatic and he can't wait to see Yuu again after this.
He won't say everything's perfect because it's not. Now, Yuu worries about him and asks even more questions than before, there's also the risk that someone will find out that Yuu knows. He doesn't think that Yuu realizes the full extent of what exactly he does, but so far he's taking it in stride after the disastrous way he found out. What does worry Mika is the fact that Yuu seems to want to protect him and if he tries to do that, he might just end up getting himself hurt, that's the last thing Mika wants.
He impressed on him the importance of keeping everything a secret and if he does, then everything should be fine. He's not telling anyone that Yuu now knows and it's a pretty high chance Lacus and Rene won't either, since they didn't kill him that day, it makes them accessories. So, everything should be fine for now.
"Mika! Quit grinning like an idiot and get your head out of the clouds!" He looks over at Lacus who's scowling at him. "You're even worse now than when you were depressed."
"I can't help that I'm a happy person."
Rene snorts and Lacus stares at Mika, "Hah! Since when?"
"Since always, your face has just been making me sad lately."
Mka ignores whatever retort Lacus came up with and glances at his watch, it's almost time. Earlier they had strategically placed several gas bombs in different locations inside the building, then sat back to wait for the meeting to begin. He's not exactly enthusiastic about this order. This was a request from a different branch and Krul didn't want to get involved, but staying in the good graces of another branch would go a long way.
Over 30 people, this would be the largest group of people their small group of three had ever taken out. Fortunately, there was no need for faces or names, they were just nameless people Mika would never have to see or know about. At least that's what he told himself to deal with the guilt from the many families he was about to ruin.
About 30 minutes into the meeting, enough gas would have been released to paralyze all the people inside or at least slow them down considerably. That's when they'd light the fire and the entire building would go up in flames. Security on the building was tight, so the windows were painted shut and they'd made sure that the stairs would burn the fastest, but likely no one would reach them anyway. The smoke inhalation would get them long before they'd ever be able to fight the effects of the gas.
Rene hands him a bag of chips as they watch the line of men greeting each other and entering the building unaware it's the last time they ever will. Sometimes, Mika just wishes Krul would step down, so they could live a normal life. He doesn't know all the logistics, but it's probably not that simple. Though it doesn't keep him from wishing. He has no idea what will happen when he reaches college age, if he'll be able to go or have to stay in town. He would love to be roommates with Yuu, but the way things are going that may not be possible.
Speaking of Yuu, he's supposed to be at his house after this to 'officially' meet his friends. According to him, since he now knows Mika's secrets and what he does when they're not together, he should return the favor and Mika should get to know his friends. Mika's not exactly enthusiastic about it, but he's happy that it means Yuu wants them to be closer. Fortunately, his friends won't be there the whole evening, then it'll just be them.
Mika snaps back to attention when Rene pulls out a small ball, the fuse is inside and once it's lit, you have about 45 seconds to get away. Lacus goes to grab it, protesting that he should be the one to throw it, Rene simply punches him in the chest effectively cutting him off before tossing the ball just far enough for it to reach a stop against the building.
30 seconds later, the fire catches and the building erupts in flames. There's no one banging on the windows and no one screaming inside, just the sight and sound of the fire burning, guess the gas worked. As the flames get higher, Mika stares in awe. It's a strangely fascinating sight and the warmth reminds him of being with Yuu at the campfire a few weeks ago. Hmm, that was a good night.
"Mika, you're smiling at the fire, don't tell me you've turned into a sociopath...unless you're thinking about Yuuichirou...again."
Mika frowns, "I'm not a sociopath, the fire just reminded me of something." He coughs as the wind carries ash into their group, using his shirt to cover his mouth and nose, "We should probably get out of here."
"Yeah, we finished what we came to do. How come you didn't ride with us here?"
"I'm going to Yuu-chan's house afterwards."
Lacus rolls his eyes, "Of course. Covered in ash?"
Mika frowns and shakes his clothes out, "All clear."
"Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow."
~~~~~
30 minutes later, Mika's awkwardly standing on Yuu's front porch mentally preparing himself for the night. He isn't looking forward to this, but he'll do it for Yuu's sake. He's still gathering his nerves when the door swings open and he comes face to face with Yoichi's surprised expression.
"Uh hey Mikaela? Yuu didn't say you were here yet."
"I just got here."
Yoichi steps to the side, "Come in, everyone's in the living room. I was just going to get something from my car." Mika nods, stepping inside, slipping off his shoes, and shuffling towards the living room. Yuu lights up when he sees Mikaela hovering in the doorway, running over to grab him in a hug.
"You made it!"
"Of course."
Yuu pauses and sniffs before questioning Mika in a low voice, "You smell like smoke, what were you doing?"
"Just finishing something up for Krul."
"Was it dangerous?"
"Everything is dangerous, Yuu-chan."
"Mika…"
"Come on, your friends are waiting."
Mika enters the living room and exchanges greetings with everyone, not missing Shinoa's displeased expression. He takes a seat on one of the couches with Yuu sitting next to him and Yoichi joining them a minute later. Yuu explains that they were watching a movie while waiting for him to arrive to start the games.
Shorty after, they head to the kitchen where a stack of games has been put out and start setting up, idle chat in between. Surprisingly enough, it's Kimizuki that Mika ends up talking to the most, he has a lot of questions and Mika's never really had any experience with him, so his curiosity isn't really unexpected. Mika glances over at the stack of games and sincerely hopes they don't intend to play every single one.
It's sometime later in the night and Mika has apparently severely underestimated how long they would stay because it's been hours and they're still here. It hasn't been unpleasant and no one, besides the obvious, seems to harbor any negative feelings towards him, so they get along well, it's nowhere near as comfortable as hanging out with his own friends, but it's a start and of course he's doing it for Yuu.
Somehow they've ended up playing Life and Mika's near the end after just finishing his turn with only his piece and another little blue piece, unofficially dubbed Yuu-chan, in his car when Shinoa makes her comment.
"Must be easy to make it to the end quickly when you don't have to worry about other family members."
"...What?"
"When your only priority is yourself, I'm surprised 'Yuu-chan' didn't fall out of the car, get run over, and left for dead near the beginning,"
He knew the peace couldn't last. "Of course I'd do everything I could to keep him in the car, I'd be hurt if I lost 'Yuu-chan'."
"Yeah, death is a very hurtful thing. I was so depressed after my sister was killed." The atmosphere at the table shifts immediately with the others beginning to squirm uncomfortably at the tension, but still continuing to play.
"Killed?!" Yuu interrupts, "You never mentioned that."
"I'm very sorry for your loss."
"Are you really, Mika?"
"Of course he is! Why wouldn't he be?"
"I'm surprised, I didn't think you had the capacity to feel sympathy for other people."
"Shinoa! What is with you?"
"I may not feel any sympathy for you, but I feel love and I love Yuu-chan. Since you're his friend and it obviously makes you sad, he feels sympathy which makes me sorry for you. So, I suppose you're right I can't feel sympathy for someone I don't care about."
"Heartless bastard."
Mika shrugs, "If I didn't have a heart, I couldn't love Yuu-chan."
"If you really loved him, you would leave him alone."
"Enough!" Yuu exclaims, "Can't you two just try to get along? We're supposed to be getting to know each other."
Mika shrugs, "I was," he replies, playing his last turn and sitting back to wait for everyone else to finish. Why would she bring that up now of all times? He swears it's like Shinoa has no sense of the danger she puts herself in by talking about shit like that. She claims she wants to protect Yuu, but she's not helping anyone by saying things like that.
He sighs, he could really use a distraction from this. Mika glances over at Yuu and notes his changed body language and the distracted expression as if he's trying to decipher the meaning behind their conversation. Mika moves over to sit in Yuu's lap and lean back against him, might as well be comfortable while he waits for the game to wrap up.
Yuu grips his hips and whispers, "What are you doing?"
"You guys are going to take forever, this way I still get to be close to you. Do you want me to move?" Mika whispers back.
"Nah, it's fine," he says rubbing his thumbs against Mika's lower back.
"Yuu! It's your turn, go!" Mitsuba yells.
He startles and quickly takes his turn before bringing his hand back to Mika's waist. It takes him a few turns to notice how Mika's been shifting against him and how it's becoming harder for him to stay still. Somehow Mika' gone from the front of his thighs to right over his crotch and he won't stop fidgeting. Yuu grips his waist harder to keep him from moving, but Mika just glances back at him with a confused look before moving again.
Mika's shifting is starting to create a problem and part of him wants to shove Mika off his lap, but the other part doesn't want to reveal himself. If he had any doubt that Mika didn't know what he was doing, it disappeared the moment he felt him shaking lightly with concealed laughter, which coincidentally was also not helping his problem. God, Mika did that knowing his friends were right there and he'd be stuck.
Yuu's hands have a death grip on Mika's waist as he starts to make small movements side to side across Yuu's crotch, he's sure his face is on fire and he's starting to break into a sweat, he kind of wants to die right now. If he ends up coming in his pants right now, he'll never live it down, granted it's never happened before, but he's also never been in this situation before. Apparently Mika has no problem having Yuu's erection pressed against his ass because he hasn't even tried to get up.
He's so thankful when the game wraps up and they start grabbing their things to leave. He's trying to figure out how to discreetly show his friends out when Mika gets up sooner than he's ready. Yuu's eyes widen in alarm and he mutters out a quick goodbye before taking off up the stairs before anyone can notice his problem.
"What was that about?" Kimizuki questions.
"Did you not see Mika practically giving Yuu a lap dance at the table?" Shinoa answers sarcastically.
"Uh...no?"
"I mean, he was kind of being subtle about it, but all you had to do was look at them to know plus Yuu's face started turning red which made it really obvious."
Kimizuki turned to look at Mika who smiled, but said nothing, just waited for them to leave before shutting the door and going after Yuu.
Mika enters Yuu's room and gives a small laugh when he sees Yuu laying on his bed in misery with a pillow over his lap. He shuts the door and makes his way to the bed, taking a seat next to him.
"What are you doing up here?"
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm not."
"Then it's a good thing I came, isn't it."
Yuu glances over at him, "I don't know, you might make it worse."
Mika gives him a smile, "I'll try not to." He removes the pillow and cautiously plucks at the bottom of Yuu's shirt, taking note of just how tense Yuu is and how his whole body stiffens when he lays his palm flat against Yuu's stomach just above his waist. Yuu's staring at him and there's a lot of anxiety in his eyes, although he hasn't moved away. He gives him another reassuring smile before sliding his hand down below his boxers to wrap around Yuu's hardened member, smiling inwardly when he feels Yuu shudder. "Relax, Yuu-chan, it'll feel better if you're not so tense."
"Easy for you to say," Yuu replies, hips twitching as Mika begins moving his hand in slow strokes from top to bottom.
"Do you have lube?" Yuu shakes his head and nods towards the bottle of lotion on his dresser. Mika grabs it and returns, "You should get some."
"I'm not buying...ngh...lube," he replies as Mika rubs lotion down his length.
"I'll go with you. It'll be fun," Mika says, smirking as Yuu's fingers grab the sheets in an iron grip.
"Shut up," Yuu hisses out.
Mika laughs before stretching out next to Yuu, keeping his pace on Yuu's member consistent. Yuu opens his legs wider to give Mika more room, switching his hands from the sheets to Mika's sides. He can feel his nails digging into Mika's sides, but he'd rather hold onto him than the sheets. Mika's leaving open mouthed kisses down the side of his neck, increasing the pace of his stroking as he goes and it's all Yuu can do to hold on and try to keep from groaning too loudly.
"You don't have to be quiet, Yuu-chan," Mika whispers against the wetness on his neck.
Yuu shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He's close and he knows it. He's never had someone else's hands on him before, so he's not surprised he isn't going to last long. Mika gives another quick stroke and that's it for Yuu. His whole body tightens up and he spills inside his boxers, panting as Mika strokes him through his orgasm.
He falls back against the bed, hands dropping from Mika to lay limply at his side. "See, I didn't make it worse," Mika murmurs against his neck.
Yuu groans in response, shoving at him when he feels Mika's fingers spreading his seed against his length. "Mika, gross, don't play with it."
"It's not gross, it's yours Yuu-chan."
"I don't care." Yuu yanks Mika's hand from his pants. "Don't wipe your fingers on me!"
Mika laughs, "Then what else am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know! I didn't tell you to touch it!" He won't deny it felt really really good, but now his release is cooling and it's sticky on his thighs making his boxers stick to him uncomfortably. "Let me up, I need to change."
"You're seriously going to leave me right now?"
"I'll be right back, I just want to take these off."
"You can do that here."
"And put on clean ones."
Mika turns to the side and Yuu hops up, awkwardly waddling to the bathroom, ignoring Mika's laughter. He wets a towel and quickly strips his lower half before cleaning himself up. Gross, Mika wiped it on his stomach, he's such an ass sometimes.
Yuu flips on the TV as he makes it way back over to the bed, now in fresh boxers. He settles down next to Mika against the headboard, throwing a wet towel at him, face still a bit red and unable to meet his eyes. He's taken a bath with Mika, but now he's suddenly shy? It kind of makes sense he reasons, it's not like Mika was touching him in the tub and this...was a deeper stage of intimacy. One that was completely unexpected, so it's not surprising he was nervous. He ignores Mika's smirk, searching for anything to let his eyes land on, finally stopping on the TV. It's on the news and as he gradually relaxes, the words become clear and he almost wishes he couldn't hear.
The reporter is in front of a extinguished building that's still surrounded by ambulances and fire trucks, reporting that no one survived. A body count of 32 and they don't know the details yet, but it seems like there was no struggle to escape the flames, everyone just sat there and died. They're contemplating mass suicide, but the many crying family members insist there was nothing wrong for them to all kill themselves.
Yuu glances over at Mika to ask his opinion, but he's not looking at the TV or Yuu, in fact he seems to be doing his best to keep his gaze solely focused on a spot on the wall and oh shit….Mika smelled like ash when he first got here. Yuu sincerely hopes it's not true, but the expression on Mika's face leads him to believe otherwise. "Is that what you were doing before you got here?" No answer. "Mika, tell me!" Yuu's shout is met with continued silence. "I guess that's my answer then."
There's no possible excuse Mika could give Yuu validate their deaths because it's bad no matter how you look at it. All those families ruined, what can he say? I was just following orders? They weren't innocent either? No, those excuses would just make it seem like he was trying to avoid blame, but it was his decision to follow the orders or not. He squeezes his hands into fists, god, he can't even bring himself to look at Yuu right now.
Yuu takes in Mika's clenched fists and tense posture, it's like he's completely shut down. Yuu takes a breath and tries to calm himself. This is probably one of the reasons Mika wanted to keep him in the dark, so he wouldn't know about things like this. If he's accusatory about this now, Mika won't tell him anything in the future and they'll be almost back to square one.
"Hey," Yuu reaches out to grab his fist, firmly uncurling his fingers, "Is this what you meant by you aren't the good guys?" A curt nod. "It's okay," he soothes, trying to get Mika to relax. "It's bad, really bad, but you're also not the one who targeted them."
Mika turns to stare at him, "You don't have to try and comfort me, I know what I did. I helped kill those people."
"I know you did too. I'm saying, sometimes we do things that we don't necessarily want to do and...it probably makes it easier if we don't know them too."
"Yeah…"
"I can't blame you for doing what you were told to do."
"You're so naive Yuu-chan, but still far too good for me."
"Well, someone has to be there for you and if you keep holding everything inside, you're going to fall apart. Let me help you."
Mika sighs and gives a small smile, "You're too much Yuu-chan."
"Maybe, but you have to tell me things and stop worrying I'll leave. I promise I won't leave you, so believe in me. It's worse when I find out this way." Mika pauses before giving a short nod, he doesn't know if Mika will actually listen to him, but for now Yuu inwardly relaxes, crisis averted. However he still doesn't understand what motivates Mika to continue to do this if he doesn't like it, he seriously doubts Krul would kick him out, he knows too much. "...Why?"
Mikaela settles himself cross legged between Yuu's legs, placing each one of Yuu's legs on one of his thighs. "Krul adopted me because she needed someone she could trust."
"Trust?" Yuu questions.
"Yeah, in her world people can't be trusted. You never know who could stab you in the back and she wanted someone she could unequivocally rely on."
"So, she picked a child?"
"An unloved child who was thrown from the car by his parents and lived in an orphanage with no friends. She took him in and gave him everything including a home. How could that not inspire unwavering loyalty?"
"And you were happy?"
"As happy as I could be, I suppose. She loves me, but she wasn't actually the maternal type with affection that I wanted."
"That explains why you're so affectionate."
"I am not," Mika protests.
Yuu raises an eyebrow, "Look where you're sitting."
Mikaela flushes and begins moving back, but Yuu locks his ankles together behind Mika's waist. "I didn't say I minded, I'm just saying it makes sense why you like touching so much, even before we started dating."
Mika scoots forward and wraps his arms around him burying his face in Yuu's neck, "Only with some people Yuu-chan," he murmurs.
Yuu tightens his legs around Mikaela and reaches up to run his hands through the soft blonde strands, "That's fine with me," he replies just as softly. "Guren was lonely, I think that's why he adopted me. He traveled a lot in the army and his girlfriend had died, so he didn't really have anyone. Apparently, the day he came to the orphanage, he overheard them talking about me, how I'd been taken from my parents, how I didn't listen, didn't talk to people, and was aggressive.
Then when he was observing us, he saw me and apparently figured I had the right traits. I had no ties to anyone there and was a loner, so moving around a lot wouldn't be a problem. I was eight and aggressive, so he figured for the most part I could take care of myself and I'd have similar athletic and fighting interests as him. It was a done deal.
He got me a three weeks later, told me to say bye, and we left the country. I spent the next 6 years being dragged wherever Guren was stationed and tossed into the closest school that happened to teach in our language in the area. In between, he trained me to fight, use guns, and all the other physical things he does to keep his mind focused.
About two years ago, they gave him the option of a permanent station and he picked this city because he has a friend here."
Yuu stretches his arms, "It was unbelievably hard catching up on the school work from being bounced around. I had so many tutors. The only thing Guren bothered to make sure I knew was how to read, because according to him, then you could teach yourself everything else. It was a long year."
Mika silently listens to Yuu speak and thinks how lucky he is. He's done a lot of bad things and Yuu is still accepting and trying to make him feel better about it. He really doesn't deserve him, but he's so so happy he has him. "Yuu-chan?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
"No problem."