Mikau: Hey there guys. Welcome to the final main chapter. There're still the three omake chapters where the group will be reunited in England, but this chapter will resolve the main action. I hope you enjoy it, and I plan on being back next week with the first of the omakes. Thanks so much to the reviewers from last chapter: SheeleOtaku3, Opal Spirit, and Lady Lily Anne!
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I fear it'd be a little too melodramatic. ^.^;
…...
Chapter Twelve: Goodbye
Late that evening, the group gathered at the air strip.
Hakuba and Kaito stood some distance away to give Shinichi and Ran a bit of privacy while the two said their goodbyes.
Kaito watched his mates without interest, arms crossed and glassy-eyed. His thoughts were obviously far, far away.
Saguru, in turn, watched Kaito, noting every twitch of his lips and quirk of his eyebrows.
"Are you all right, Kuroba?" he softly inquired as Ran and Shinichi embraced.
Kaito blinked, turning to give his friend a listless glance.
"It's fine, if you're not," Saguru added hastily. "…And if you wanted to talk about it…"
Kaito blinked again, and a little life returned to his eyes. He summoned up enough energy to weakly smile for Saguru. "Thanks, but I am so not all right on a whole score of levels right now. It's been everything I can do to keep it together all day. Once I say goodbye to Shinichi and we're on the plane, though, I'll tell you all about how useless, pathetic, and unloved I feel. Then, once I stop crying, I'll rant at you about what a selfish ass my boyfriend is. After I stop shouting my head off, I'll probably start sobbing again as I begin to feel guilty for badmouthing Shinichi when he's the most loving and thoughtful guy on the planet. That will probably lead into a downward spiral of depression wherein I beat myself up for being insecure and doubting Shinichi's love when he regularly goes out of his way to remind me how much I mean to him." Kaito took a deep breath and shook his head. "So yeah. It's going to be a fun plane ride."
Saguru nodded as Kaito visibly began to cement the shreds of his composure together. "…When you cry…do you want me to hold you or just listen?"
Kaito paused and looked back at Saguru in surprise.
"And am I to contradict you when you're too harsh with yourself? Do you want me to stop you mid-spiral or wait until you're done and then build you back up again?" Saguru inquired in all seriousness.
Kaito blushed, looking away and chuckling. "Geez. What are you, a host?"
"Better," Saguru corrected. "Because I genuinely care about you."
"Be careful," Kaito warned, only half joking. "I'm an emotional leech, and I just might suck you dry if you let me."
Saguru shrugged Kaito's comment off. "I can handle you," he assured and then added softly, "…for better or worse."
Kaito frowned at his friend's word choice, but before he could remark, Saguru cut him off, saying, "Ran-san's getting onto the plane, and it looks like your fiancé is coming to have a word with you. Shall I give you two some space?"
"Stay," Kaito replied, but it came out sounding a little more like a panicked command than he had intended.
"As you wish." Saguru nodded, stepping to the side so as to be out of the way but still within reach.
"All set?" Shinichi greeted, counterfeiting a cheery demeanor as he approached them, despite the lingering red tint of his eyes.
"Not really, but if I must," Kaito snorted, a portion of his tempestuous emotions leaking through.
Shinichi's face clouded slightly.
Seeing this, Kaito bowed penitently. "Sorry. It's been less than twenty-four hours since my world got turned on its head. I'm still kind of bitter."
"But you know why I'm doing this, don't you?" Shinichi gently prompted, voice level, but his face showed the anxiety he was trying to keep inside.
Kaito shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets as he mumbled, "Because you're afraid. You're scared of losing me. You're terrified of losing control and getting everyone else killed too. You're stressed because you have so much weighing down on your shoulders, and instead of sharing the burden with me, you're keeping it all to yourself and pushing me away so I won't be in the blast radius when you finally do explode—because you're going to break down sooner or later, Shinichi, what with the rate you're going, and it's going to happen all the sooner if you send Ran and me away."
"—Kuroba," Hakuba interjected, reaching out and taking Kaito by the forearm.
Kaito's eyes widened as he looked at Saguru in surprise.
"Kuroba, this is the last time you're going to see the man you love in what could be any number of months or even years. Don't you think you're going to regret it, parting ways like this?"
Kaito looked down at his feet and grumbled something undistinguishable.
"Kuroba, I know you're very upset right now, but lashing out at Kudo-kun isn't going to help matters," Saguru continued in a soothing voice, trying to smooth the ruffled feathers. "You're right. Kudo-kun is certainly afraid that he can't protect what's most important to him, and he is stressed what with all the people depending upon him, but the reason he's doing this—the very heart of the matter—is that he loves you. He's a broken human being, just like the rest of us, and sending you away to keep you safe is his imperfect way of saying how much he loves you."
Kaito laughed ruefully, looking up at Shinichi and smiling through the tears gathering in his eyes. "Your love hurts, Shin-chan. It hurts so much, I'm afraid it's going to kill me."
"Don't die," Shinichi whispered, stepping forward to take Kaito into his arms.
Saguru let go of Kaito's forearm and moved back as the couple came together, bodies slipping into place like jigsaw pieces once more. Saguru smiled sadly as Kaito melted into Shinichi as if it were the most natural thing.
"You're stronger than that," Shinichi insisted. "You're one of the strongest people I know, and I love that strength of yours. It's beautiful."
Kaito chuckled warmly. "You think you can charm your way out of the doghouse just by buttering me up?"
"I hope so," Shinichi laughed nervously, nuzzling Kaito's ear. "Because I was lying earlier when I said I didn't care if you hated me so long as you were safe."
Kaito looked up to searchingly meet Shinichi's gaze.
"I do care," Shinichi stressed, eyes growing dewy once more. "So please don't hate me."
"Idiot," Kaito snorted, pressing a quick kiss to his beloved's cheek. "I could never hate you…even if you are stubborn and selfish and very, very bad at expressing your love for me."
Shinichi leaned in, his lips grazing Kaito's ear as he answered, "I don't think we have enough time for me to adequately express my love for you at the moment. Besides, poor Hakuba would drop dead, scandalized if I tried here in public."
"Naughty," Kaito purred, nipping at Shinichi's ear. "You're a bad boy, putting such wonderful ideas into my head when we're not going to get to enact them for maybe as long as a year." He pulled back and whined, "I'm going to die, Shinichi. Promise you'll come visit me. And then actually do it this time."
"Maybe in a few months," Shinichi hedged.
Kaito refused to accept such a weak vow. "Promise me."
Shinichi sighed, closing his eyes and considering his options a minute before he looked Kaito in the face and acquiesced to Kaito's demands. "Okay. I promise that in a few months, if I can get away from The Mission, I'll come and visit you and Ran."
"That's too many ifs," Kaito pouted.
"I promise I'll come see you," Shinichi rephrased. "Okay?"
"Better," Kaito hummed triumphantly. Then all mirth slowly drained from his face, leaving a serious expression. "You do know that I love you, Shinichi, even though I'm mad right now…right?"
Shinichi nodded. "And you know that I love you, even though I'm hurting you by sending you away?"
"Yes," Kaito whispered, his eyes tearing up as he realized that the time had come to say goodbye.
Shinichi pulled Kaito close one last time. "I miss you."
"I'm not gone yet," Kaito chuckled, but the tears began to fall.
"But I miss you anyway. As soon as I let go, that's it. I may never hold you again. I may never kiss you again, make love to you, laugh with you, watch you sleep, see you smile…"
"Dammit, Shinichi. Just come see me in a couple months like you promised," Kaito sniffled into Shinichi's neck. "And don't get killed before that. I promise I won't die either."
Shinichi pulled back just enough to meet Kaito's gaze. "God, what am I going to do without you? My lieutenant, my Mata Hari, my respite, my friend…"
"Be careful or you'll let me talk you into letting me stay," Kaito chuckled. "But you have Akai, Amuro, Vermouth, and Hattori. The FBI is behind you as well as the CIA and the Japanese SP. You'll be fine. And besides," Kaito purred. "…you can video chat me any time you like, if you get lonely."
Shinichi laughed at that. "My phone bill is going to be outrageous this year."
"It'd better be," Kaito teased. "Otherwise I'm going to cheat on you for neglecting me."
"All right," Shinichi chuckled. "…All right."
Suddenly words failed them as they stood there, taking each other in one last time before they were parted.
"I'm going to miss you too," Kaito whispered. "But this isn't goodbye, Shinichi. Okay?"
"Okay," the detective assented, giving Kaito a squeeze.
With a smile, the magician leaned forward and gave his beloved a long, chaste kiss.
They exchanged "I love you"s a final time and then reluctantly pulled apart.
Kaito turned and smiled sheepishly at Saguru (who was politely looking away, pretending he wasn't there and couldn't hear the lovers' emotional farewell). "Ready, Haku-chan? Sorry for the holdup."
"Actually," Shinichi broke in. "I wanted a word with him, if you want to go ahead, Kai."
Kaito raised an eyebrow at this, but he didn't protest. He shrugged and started to walk towards the plane, calling back over his shoulder, "Remember what you promised! If you don't come in a few months, I'm going to be mad! And call me!"
Once he'd waved Kaito off, Shinichi turned to Saguru, a deadly serious expression on his face.
"You needed to speak with me?" Saguru gulped as all kinds of fears flew through his thoughts. Had Shinichi realized that Saguru had feelings for Kaito?
"I need your help."
Saguru had to have it repeated. "My help?"
"Yes," Shinichi confirmed, expression intense. "I'm entrusting my family to you, Hakuba. Please, please keep them safe."
Saguru bowed, incredibly humbled by the other detective's request. "I promise," he replied, even though he lacked confidence even in his ability to keep himself safe. "I'll take extra special care of Ran-san and the baby. You needn't worry about—"
"—That's not what I meant," Shinichi interrupted, shaking his head. "I mean, yeah. Please do look after Ran and Baby, but…Ran's mentally, as well as physically, tough. We've done the long distance thing before, and I'm ashamed to say that she's kind of used to it. She's strong, and she can get by on a phone call here or there. Of course, I intend to call practically daily, but…she should be fine. She may get a little lonely every once in a while, but Ran doesn't physically need me to be there to be okay."
Shinichi pursed his lips, still staring intently into Saguru's eyes. "I meant Kaito. I'm not going to be able to come see him in a few months, and even twice daily phone calls aren't going to be enough to keep him going. He's going to get bored, he's going to get depressed, and he's going to get needy. Kaito self-destructs, and I'm not going to be able to be there for him, so I need your help, Hakuba. Whether you knew it or not, you supported him before. I need you to support him again until this nightmare is over and we're able to be together as a family again."
Saguru nodded. "I'll be whatever Kuroba needs me to be."
Shinichi's brow creased, and he frowned at the sincerity and determination in Saguru's words. "Be careful not to be too much."
Saguru smiled sadly. "Don't worry, Kudo-kun. I don't believe you have anything to fear in terms of me as a rival. No matter how nice my eyelashes are, Kuroba is never going to pick me over you, and I don't intend to pursue the matter."
"At this point anyway," Shinichi muttered, but then the solemn expression on his face dissipated. "Anyway. Regardless, thank you. Anything you can do to keep Kaito safe for me, I'd appreciate it. I know I can count on you."
"It's an honor." Saguru bowed slightly and made a move to go.
"Will you tell them I love them?" Shinichi blurted out, his voice revealing a hint of panic as it rose in pitch. "And to stay safe?"
"Of course, Kudo-kun." Saguru bowed again.
"Thank you," Shinichi mumbled, suddenly feeling extremely tired.
His eyes followed Saguru as the Brit boarded the plane, and Shinichi continued to watch as it took off, carrying his loved ones to safety.
…
Shinichi sighed as he sank into his desk chair, mind still on the tarmac as he fumbled about the various files littering his area for the one that he needed.
"You okay, Chief?" Akai hummed into his coffee can.
"Fine," Shinichi mumbled, anxious to bury himself in work. "Just itching to get this war over as soon as possible." So that he could bring his family home—save Kaito from himself, be there for the birth of his child, help Ran through her recovery and first months of motherhood.
"That's not like you." Akai set down the coffee and studied the team's mastermind.
Shinichi could almost feel the agent looking through him, reading his thoughts.
"Getting antsy and rushing into things isn't going to bring them home any sooner," Akai replied after some thought. "It'll only get you killed. Take the day off, clear your head, and then come back with one of your brilliant plans that's seven layers deep, Chief."
Shinichi breathed a heavy sigh, resting his face on the cold glass top of his desk. He cursed softly and then muttered, "All right. Thanks…. And if I ever lose it and do something stupid again, stop me."
Akai helpfully didn't mention the fact that Shinichi had put one of their best agents on a plane to England without sufficient cause.
"Will do, Chief," Akai affirmed, getting up and heading out so as to give Shinichi space.
Shinichi closed his eyes and began to unpack all of the unnecessary worries and fears zinging through his head.
If he couldn't be with his family, then he would just have to trust in the bonds between them. They were strong—unbreakable—and so all Shinichi had to do was trust and stay strong himself.