bChapter 12/b
After observing her to make sure that nothing looks off, Dr. Lam tells them that Vala can go home. Even at home, Vala is tired and listless, though. The process of losing the baby takes a lot out of her - physically and emotionally. She says she feels fine, but she sleeps more than normal and Cam takes the week off of work, keeping on top of things from home and only making one or two trips to the base for meetings that couldn't be postponed.
She doesn't talk much - and that's ok with Cam, he understands that right now there just isn't a lot to say. Sometimes she wants him there and sometimes she just wants to be alone. Sometimes he lets her get away with it and sometimes he forces his company on her. She still doesn't like to cry in front of anyone; not when it means something, not out of sadness.
He goes into the bedroom to see if she wants breakfast and finds her sitting there staring at the stuffed puppy that still sits on their dresser. It's the one Vala had given to Cam when she'd told him she was pregnant.
He sits down beside her and reaches for her hand. She gives him a smile and then goes back to looking at the stuffed animal.
"We can try again," he says, not sure if that's the right offer to make or not.
She shakes her head. "Not now..."
"No, God, no!" Cam is horrified that she might have thought he meant that but she doesn't seem upset. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a hug that he needs as much as she does.
"Maybe in a few months... maybe..." She sounds unconvinced and he isn't going to push it. It's one of those mornings that she hasn't been out of bed. He knows she had some more light bleeding during the night. He'd listened to her as she got up and went into their bathroom and shut the door. She hadn't said anything when she'd come back but he'd heard her crying and pulled her to him.
"If you feel up to it, I thought we might get out of the house today." He pulls away but leaves a hand on her back, rubbing in soothing circles. "Kids are getting a little stir crazy."
"What did you have in mind?" She asks.
"Thought maybe we'd let them play hooky and head out to the zoo... weather's good for it, and we can stop somewhere and get lunch."
She smiles. "That sounds nice. I'll go get ready."
Cam feels accomplished when he comes back out. Breaking the news to the kids over breakfast at the table - well, breaking the news to Tyler and Lyra, at least - makes him their hero. Even though neither of them hates school, they both love not going - and to have Cam and Vala both skip work too? It might as well be a holiday for them.
"Should I go to school?" Adria asks, hesitant.
"What? No, of course not."
"I didn't know if you just wanted..." She glances at her brother and sister, neither of whom are paying her any attention. They're eating their breakfast so they can go get dressed and ready for the zoo.
"Of course you're coming with us," Cam says, looking at her. It's a reminder to him that while they've managed to recover somewhat, things are still different and Adria will probably always have more reason to doubt him than Tyler or Lyra, no matter how much he tells her he loves her - at least until she's an adult and can really try to understand things. "Who else would help me sneak in popcorn for the fish?"
She grins, remembering how when she was little they'd always fill their pockets with popcorn to drop into the stream surrounding the monkey island, ignoring the "do not feed" signs. "Okay. I'll go get dressed, too."
xxxx
Lyra's face is smashed against the glass, cheek flattened and one eye closed from pushing so hard. "That's what I wanna be when I grows up, Daddy."
"It's hard to be a glass enclosure, little one." Cam ruffles her hair as she giggles.
"Nooooooo, Daddy! I wanna be a monkey!" She leaps off the small ledge she's kneeling on and starts bouncing around the aisle in front of the lemurs. "Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!"
All of them are amused by Lyra, but Vala seems the most cheered by her. She's tucked under Cam's arm. He won't let her go, it's like he feels like he needs to protect her all the time now. It's suffocating and annoying and insulting and sweet and loving and she loves it.
"She's got such aspirations, honey." Cam smiles down at her. "We could only be so proud to have a monkey for a daughter."
"I will know that she takes primarily after her father then." Vala winks at him and kisses his shoulder.
It's the happiest he's seen her since... since that day. Leave it to Lyra to raise everyone's spirits.
"Mom, can we go look at the penguins next?"
"PENGUINS!" Lyra squeals and grabs Tyler's hand. She pulls him along, knowing the zoo backwards and forwards even though she's only five. He holds his spot and gives her a look. "Oh... Can we, mommy?"
"Adria?" She's looking much happier to Vala. More relaxed, comfortable in her own skin for a minute again. "I think it's your turn to pick."
She pretends to think and her sister is groveling in a adorable and annoying mumble. "I guess we could go to the penguins. But then I want to see the moose."
"THANK YOU!" Lyra screams and returns to pulling Tyler along with her.
Cam calls out at them, "Not too far ahead, you two." He picks up Adria's hand, she feels stiff for a second, but doesn't pull away. Vala stays securely under his arm as they follow slowly behind the two youngest. "My two ladies having a good time?"
Adria gives him a genuine smile. "Thanks... Daddy... for letting me skip too."
"There was no way you were getting to go to school today." He gives Vala a squeeze. "You having fun playing hooky with us?"
"You're the best man I've ever known." He's about to dispute it. "No, Cameron, you really are."
xxxx
Tyler and Lyra need a break after an hour of wandering around. They stop at a food stand and overtake one of the nearby picnic tables. The younger kids are busy making up stories about all the animals they've seen while exploring. Lyra names them all and gives them all roles - mommies, daddies, babies, the doctor chimpanzee, the dentist lion, the bear baseball player...
Vala sits with her chin resting in her hands, arms propped on the table while Cam orders lunch. The little kids get chicken nuggets, Adria and the adults get hamburgers. He gets a triple order of cheese fries and soda for everyone and takes the loaded down tray back over to him.
Tyler and Lyra manage to coerce Adria into their make believe game. Cam listens to her telling her fascinated siblings about how the elephants are really plumbers and he can see that spark of something childlike in her still. It makes him happy, that she still has that... he has a feeling the things she's been finding out about herself and her life lately, plus being a firsthand witness to her mother's miscarriage, has forced her to do more growing up than Cam really wants.
He feels a warm press against his cheek and it jars him out of his reverie.
Vala's kissed him on the cheek and now she's just smiling at him.
"Hey, beautiful," he says, putting his arm around her. She's only eaten half of her burger but she seems finished. Cam wants to push her to eat more but she gets testy when he hovers too much and right now she seems happier than he's seen her in a while. They all do.
"Hi, handsome." She smiles again and rests her head on his shoulder.
Once everyone is done eating, Cam says, "Okay, so. What's next? Otter show, or the petting zoo?"
"Otters!" Adria says.
"Petting!" Lyra demands.
Tyler, caught in the middle, just shrugs.
"Smart boy." Cam grins at him. "Okay, Addy's oldest, so the otter show it is."
Lyra sulks but it only lasts as long as it takes them to get to the otters. Once she sees them running and playing she forgets why she was upset to begin with.
xxxx
By the end of the day, Lyra's asleep in Cam's arms with a stuffed platypus clutched in her arms. Tyler has a toy alligator and Adria has a new pencil case with otters on it.
(Vala fussed at him for spending money to begin with but by the time they left she'd claimed ownership of cute little monkey barrette.)
When they get to the car he has to wake Lyra up to strap her in. "Daddy?" She says, looking at him with sleepy blue eyes. "I love you and Mommy. You're the best Mommy and Daddy."
"We love you, too, sweetheart." Cam kisses her cheek and she smiles, drifting back off to sleep.
Cam knows that Vala hears her, because when he gets into the driver's seat and looks over at her, she has tears in her eyes.
"Are we gonna go home now?"
Tyler's voice shatters the trance the two of them seem to be in. Cam can't stop looking at his wife. The love he feels for her is overwhelming him. Sometimes it gets like that, they get so caught up in each other they forget everything around them.
He doesn't take his eyes off her while he holds his hand, palm up, on the center column. She puts hers in it for a moment and they just touch. "Give us a minute, buddy."
Both of them can hear their son whispering something about it to Adria, but it doesn't matter. "How would you guys feel about spending this weekend with your grandparents?"
The car is still not moving. Their hands are still connected and she offers him a shy grin and a little shake of her head. He mouths back at her that he knows. But this isn't about sex. It's too soon, he gets that, but they need time together. He's just worried about Adria, how she would feel about it.
"Are you sure you guys won't need us?" Ty's always concerned with his mom needing him. Cam knows he was included in the general statement because Tyler doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
Adria's not entirely convinced either. But the only reason Cam knows is because out of the corner of his eye he can see her face pinched as she looks out the window. "It's up to you two, Lyra won't care."
"It's too soon, Cam." Vala finally breaks the gaze and looks back at her oldest. "Too soon?" She's asking her, letting her tell them.
"Mom?" As her oldest daughter she can read her mother quite well already. She also knows that as selfish as she was rumored to be before she was a mother, Vala is one of the best mom's she could ask for. "Do you need time with dad?"
They drop hands and he pulls out of the parking lot, no reason to sit around since the spell seems broken now.
"Yeah..." Tyler looks up at his sister, questioning her with his eyes. But she just shrugs at him. "If you want just dad..."
"I want you all, Ty." She sighs.
Cam looks over and can see her distress. "Kids, sometimes moms and dads need some time to work things out. Losing the..." He doesn't need to finish, they all know what's being left out. "It's hard on everyone. I know that."
"You just want to help mommy more with some quiet times?" Tyler's used to being told to pipe down and keep quiet.
"Yeah, buddy."
He's happy he understands. "'Kay. I don't mind going to grandma and grandpa's this weekend." He's about to turn the floor back over to Addy but quickly adds. "If you're sure you don't really need me too, Momma."
"I think I'll make it, but you're only a short trip away." Vala grins up at Cam. Tyler seems placated with that answer.
"Could I stay with Aunt Sam instead?" Adria's not sure she wants to face her grandparents yet. "I've got a lot of science and math homework..."
Both of them know it's not the reason but let it slide. "We'll give her a call. I'm sure she won't mind."
Once they make it back inside their house, Lyra's up from her nap crawls into Cam's lap while he's on the phone with his parents. She all but demands that he concede the call to her, and starts to tell Wendy all about their adventures at the zoo.
Vala's in the kitchen, enlisting Adria's help to start cooking dinner. Cam plans on volunteering his own services once he's off of the phone.
When Lyra finally runs out of stories, Cam steals the phone back. "So, Mom, do you think you'd mind watching the kids this weekend?"
"Of course not," Wendy says. She rarely gives any other answer. More often, she's the one reminding Cam that they moved to Colorado to be closer to their grandkids and see them more.
"It'll be just Lyra and Ty. Adria wants to stay with Sam," Cam explains. "Something about homework."
He'll tell his parents soon what's really going on with Adria - but not right now, with Tyler playing on the floor and Lyra still treating Cam's lap like it's the comfiest seat in the room.
"I think it's very important that you and Vala spend some private time together," Wendy says. "Make sure you treat her right."
There's not much question that Cam treats Vala right - but with his job, sometimes he still ends up gone more than he'd prefer, and their schedules are often dictated by little league and science club and a variety of other scheduling conflicts that mean they don't get nearly as much alone time as they used to. Every good intention in the world won't half a planetary crisis, and while Vala understands it Cam knows that sometimes their relationship suffers for it.
It does make him all the more confident in his decision to leave behind his position as team leader. He'd spent a year or two missing it - the action of being on the field, the thrill of it. But he hadn't been willing to leave Vala and Adria without the protection of solid ties to earth, and even more importantly he hadn't wanted to leave any of his children without a father.
If an alien empire wages war on the planet over the course of Saturday or Sunday, Cam won't be able to help that either but what he can do is plan for the best case scenario and cross his fingers. "I will, Mom," he promises his mother. "I'll give you a call when we're on our way over tomorrow."
"We gotta go to school tomorrow?" Tyler looks around at Cam, disappointed. "Maybe we could go to the movies instead?"
Cam laughs. "Nice try, but no."
"What was that?" Wendy asks.
"Sorry, Tyler asked me something. But - yeah, I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon, and we'll pick them back up Sunday."
Cam ends the call happy to report good news to Vala.
"Daddy?" Lyra's looking up at him with her blue eyes bright and mouth turned up in a big smile.
"What's up, munchkin?"
She snuggles in closer to him. "You don't need to have another baby. I can always be you and mommy's baby girl."
"Oh, sweety." Cam's not even sure what to say. He leans over and kisses her forehead. "You'll always be our baby girl, no matter what."
"But if you have another baby I won't be the baby. I will the almost baby." She thinks a bit. And he's afraid she might start to cry. "Mommy's really sad about the baby. I don't want her to be sad."
"I don't want her to be sad either." He gives Lyra a tight hug and she squeezes back just as tightly. "You're a good kid, pumpkin."
"I know, Daddy." She gives him a kiss on the cheek. "You and momma are so lucky to have me."
He lets out a big belly laugh but it's true, they are. "We are. We're very lucky to have you and your brother and sister." She makes a face that says she's not as convinced about those two so Cam starts tickling her.
She's squirming around the couch when Vala comes in to see what the noise is all about. "I thought something was being tortured out here."
Cam lifts Lyra's t-shirt and blows a raspberry on her belly. "Oh there is, baby, the oldest kind of torture known to man." Lyra's looking at him with big eyes as he talks. "Tickle torture!" He starts in again with his fingers on her belly and sides, Lyra squeals with delight.
"Dinner is ready." She picks up her daughter from the couch. "I'll protect you. No more tickle torture from daddy."
She's quick to snuggle up on her mother's shoulder, burying her face against her neck to catch her breath. "I love you, momma."
Vala hugs her tighter. It's like she always knows what to say and do. She's got a gift, this little one. "Love you too, baby girl."
Lyra whispers against her neck. "I told daddy I will always be your baby if you want. Don't gotta have any more."
Cam sees Vala pale and knows that Lyra just gave her the same offer she gave him. He's off the couch in an instant and wrapping his arms around both of catches Tyler's attention.
"It mom okay?" He's left his trucks and standing right next to them now too. He hears her sniffling and it worries him more.
"Fine, Ty, I'm fine." She's not even convincing to herself. "Come here." She holds out her hand and pulls him into the giant hug.
"Mommy?" Lyra's louder this time. "I'm hungry. Is there chicken for dinner?"
Cam shushes her. "Adria! Come out here." She's quick to listen and when she sees them all he can see the hurt in her eyes. "Get in here, honey." There's a smile there as she rushes over to join the family hug, one he hasn't seen in days.
"Now can we eat?" Lyra makes it sound like a chore to hug them all. "So hungry."
"Now we can eat." Cam proclaims.