Chapter 12: I Love You

He has been avoiding Gianni for weeks. He rarely went to her shop anymore except to buy pizza for CC and whenever he would stop over, he made sure it was one of the waitresses manning the counter. He doesn't know why he's been doing it; he just doesn't want to see her in the meantime. Is it because of his guilt that he refuses to see her? It also doesn't help reduce his guilt that he spent every waking moment he had since that day with CC.

He was forced to face Gianni two weeks after avoiding her. He had just entered the house with CC trailing behind him after picking oranges in the farm with the girl the whole day when he saw a certain red haired girl sitting on one of the sofas in the living room.

"Kiryuu," she whispered, "can we talk?" Then casting a glance at CC, "alone?" she said venomously.

"See you later," CC whispered to Lelouch and entered her room.

"That was rude, Gianni." Lelouch said when they were already alone.

"What?" She replied indignantly. "I am rude? I merely asked your woman to leave so we can talk in private."

"My woman?" Lelouch said carefully. He can see where this conversation is heading.

"Yes, Kiryuu, your woman. I know for a fact that she's the one holding you back. That's why you haven't been seeing me." Gianni faced him, "tell me, Kiryuu, what has she got that I don't? I am more beautiful, I love you more than I love myself you don't have to take responsibility for anything with me."

Lelouch knew she was referring to CC's child. He took a deep breath. He doesn't know what to say to her seeing that he and CC are not really a couple.

But you want the two of you to be. Said a nagging voice at the back of his head

Shut up, this doesn't concern you.

Oh, it concerns me as much as it concerns you. You and I are one, right? I know what you know, I feel what you feel. And I know for a fact that you love CC.

I don't! Okay I do like her a bit. Love is a bit too strong.

But what you feel is strong isn't it?

The verbal sparring going on inside Lelouch's mind was cut by Gianni's voice. "K-Kiryuu, do you love her?"

"N-no!" Then he fell silent. He knew he was lying. "I don't know, Gianni."

"I-I'll give you some time to think about things, if you want," she said then left.

**+**+**+**+**+**

Lelouch was sitting on his favorite place in the farm. The rock by the riverbank. He was deep in thought, mulling over the things that happened, what Gianni said to him, the events that transpired over the past few days, and most especially his feelings for a certain woman in the name of CC. A pair of soft, pale arms enveloped him from behind. He saw her long, green tendrils and he knew it was CC. He was shocked but pleased by her sudden closeness.

"Are you okay?" She whispered to his ear.

"Yes."

"You broke up with Gianni?"

"I think so."

"What do you mean you think so?"

"I mean I don't whether we're still together or not."

"Does Gianni want to break up?"

"She wanted to give me space to think. Does that count?"

"How about you? Do you want to break up with her?" CC asked sincerely hoping that he would say yes.

Lelouch fell silent. After some time, he spoke, "do you want to go to the beach? I need to tell you something."

**+**+**+**+**+**

The beach was beautiful. They were the only people since it's already winter and with the freezing cold water, the beach is not a famous tourist spot right now. The sand is fine and white and the water was a clear crystal blue. A small beach house stood a few steps away from them. In front of them, the sun is a huge orange ball sinking into the waters.

"It's beautiful," CC said.

"Yes, it is. I wanted to take Gianni here but she's just not the outdoors type of woman." Lelouch said with a faraway look on his face.

"I see," CC whispered, hurt, "G-Gianni."

"She was a very important woman in my life," Lelouch continued, "she was there when I needed companionship. She was with me when I felt very alone, remembering no one."

"D-do you love her?" CC did not want to know the answer fearing that it might be a yes but she had to ask. She had to know whether she still has a chance or whether she should finally move on.

"I love her, but," CC cut him off,

"Stop it," CC said, agonized; she turned around so Lelouch would not see her crying. "That's all I want to know. All I want to know is whether you love her. You said yes, that is enough." She began to walk away.

"CC, listen to me," Lelouch said and gripped her hand so she wouldn't go away.

"I-I'm going to check out the beach house. I-I'll come back later." She pulled away from him.

"CC," Lelouch whispered as he watched her retreating form, "I love Gianni, CC, but not in the way you think." CC was already too far away to hear.

**+**+**+**+**+**

I was stupid. Stupid! Stupid! You're an idiot, CC, if you ever thought for a moment that Lelouch might be falling for you!

CC cursed herself. She was an idiot. Why did she have to be such a masochist and bring so much hurt upon herself? Why didn't she stay away from the very beginning? Why did she continue to hope?

CC fell on her knees, weeping. "Lelouch," she whispered, "I am an idiot."

"No, you're not," she heard Lelouch's voice whisper in her ear. She felt his warm breath on her cheek and his arms encircling her body, holding her close to him. "You're not an idiot. You're smart and independent, you're beautiful," he turned CC so she would face him, "any man would be lucky to have you." He wiped off her tears as he looked straight into her eyes, "don't cry, CC."

"Tell me, Lelouch, if you had not met someone else, would you and I be together right now?" CC asked. She momentarily forgot that Lelouch does not know of his past nor his true identity. He stiffened slightly at being called a different name.

"I am not Lelouch," he said in a stony voice, "Tell me the truth CC, just what am I to you? Do you feel something for me? Or are you just using me? Did you befriend me because I remind you so much of that Lelouch?"

CC fell silent. In her misery, in her desperation to find comfort, she forgot about Lelouch's situation. She forgot about his memory loss. "H-how did you know who Lelouch was?" She asked hoping to change the subject.

"I knew that Jeremiah and Anya took me in because I looked like someone they knew. I recently found out from them that this man I looked like was Lelouch. I heard Anya saying that the two of you were lovers." He spat the last word out as if it was dirty. "Tell me, CC, the times we spent together, were they genuine? Or whenever you look at me, all you see is Lelouch? Was our relationship true?"

CC let out a bitter laugh, "Relationship? What relationship? Last time I checked, you were over there at the beach mourning about the relationship that was lost between you and Gianni. Last time I checked you told me you love her!"

"You didn't let me finish! I love Gianni, CC, but only as a friend! I'm in love with someone else! Do you want to know who she is?"

CC turned her head so she wouldn't face him but Lelouch held her in a way that she would look him in the eyes, "does it even concern me?" she said tonelessly.

Lelouch took a deep breath, "I love - ", but before he could finish CC put a finger on his lips to interrupt him.

"I don't want to hear this. I've had enough pain for a single day." She pushed him away and left.

"I love you, CC, I love you." He whispered as he once again watched her retreating form. But once again CC was already too far away to hear him.

Author's note: How was it? Personally, I think it was pretty stupid that Lelouch just let CC go without telling her how he really feels but I also think it would be too fast if they become lovers again at this time…am I going too fast with the story? Should I slow down? Anyway Suzaku's coming back next chapter…I think that's all for now…ciao