Episode 12: Alchemy 101
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AGAIN
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Hey paissanos! It's the Super Elric Brothers Super Show!
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A grown man with blonde hair. So long that it was in a ponytail like Ed's. He had this beard and some glasses. He also had the same gold eyes that only Ed and Al had. Who was this man? Why was he glaring?
…
Ed woke up on a train.
"NO PIRATES WHAT- … Oh it was just a dream. Sorry I disturbed you, Al."
Al looked up from playing with a paddleball. "Huh?"
"I was just having a dream - slash - remembering our father whom I hate because he left us."
"You know Ed, you never let me feel angry about him. How come you get to have all the anger?"
"Because you barely knew him!"
"You only barely knew him too."
"… That's besides the point!"
…
Dublith was a rather large town in Southern, but Ed and Al found their teacher's place with no trouble, having been here before.
"Well…" Ed said. "Here we are…"
"Brother, I'm scared!"
STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!
"OH NO! Brother, I'd recognize those footsteps anywhere!" Al whimpered.
"Don't worry Al, it'll be okay! … I hope!"
STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!
Ed had pulled out some scratch paper. "I leave my suitcase to Winry, and I leave my red coat to-"
However Ed couldn't finish writing his will, as a very large man had opened the door. Was this their teacher?
Name - Sig Curtis
Specialty - Meat
Notes - Considers Barry the butcher to be a disgrace to butchers, what with becoming a killer
"H-h-h-hi Sig." both brothers whimpered. But Sig just stood silently. Ed spoke next.
"Um… You wouldn't happen to know if… if Teacher was still here, would you?"
"… You're Ed." Sig concluded. "I remember now. Who's that?" Sig pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the mysterious suit of armor.
"I'm Alphonse, sir." Al replied.
"So you want to know if Izumi's here?" Sig asked. Ed and Al nodded. Sig then turned to the window. "HEY! IZUMI! ARE YOU HERE?"
"QUIT YELLING SIG, I'M STILL BEDRIDDEN!"
"THE ELRIC BROTHERS ARE HERE TO SEE YOU!"
"ALL RIGHT, I FEEL BETTER ANYWAY! I'LL GO SEE THEM!"
"Are you having a fight?" asked Al.
"Nah, yelling's just easier than walking all the way to the window. We have an understanding about that."
Ed rubbed his chin. "Hmm, Teacher's still sick? That can't be any good. I was kind of hoping she was good to walk around." The very second the word escaped Ed's lips, he was met with a foot to the face, knocking him across the front lawn.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MY STUPID PUPIL? I'M FINE!"
Name - Izumi Curtis
Specialty - Alchemy, fighting
Note - Difference between getting on her bad side or Ed's bad side - With the latter, you'll still be alive
"SO WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT BECOMING A DOG OF THE MILITARY? YOU DISGRACE ME!" Izumi turns to face Al. "AND WHO'S THI- Wait a minute… Alphonse? Is that you?"
Al was dumbfounded that she recognized him so easily.
"Um… Yes ma'a-AAAAAAAHH!" screamed Al as he was flipped over by his teacher.
"You didn't even try to stop me, Alphonse? I taught you better than that! You're getting weak!" noted Izumi. "D Minus!"
"Owww…" Al moaned. "I thought you were sick…"
"WHAT? HOW COULD I BE SICK, I FEEL FINE! … blurrr!" Izumi spewed blood from her mouth, freaking out both Ed and Al. Sig grabbed her by the shoulder.
"Take it easy dear, if you die I don't know what I'd do."
"Oh honey don't talk like that!" Izumi said. The husband and wife started hugging and speaking gibberish as little hearts and sparkles appeared around them.
"… Yeeeeah…" started Ed. "This is uncomfortable.." He went unheard. "Just… kind of having a moment in front of company… Like we're not even here- Still going at it, wow. … And no one can hear me. I can say whatever I want. Blargle floop."
…
All four of them were seated in the dining room, at the table. Evidently, they had been speaking about the Philosopher's Stone.
"Nope, never looked into it at all." answered Izumi.
"Wait, what about that guy in Central?" asked Sig. "Didn't he say something about it?"
"Oh yeah! There was this guy in Central who knew about it! I think his name was… Uhhh… Henry… No, Harry… Ah! Hohenheim!"
"MUST KILL!" raged Ed, the instant he heard that name. This confused Izumi and Sig, but Al was able to explain.
"He's our father. Ed… kind of hates his guts. His very name is a berserk button for Ed." The Curtis couple understood now.
"Expository… FLASHBACK!" Ed spoke through clenched teeth.
…
A very young Ed and Al were up early in the morning. They walked in on their parents standing together in the front hallway of their house. There was Trisha, and there was the blonde mystery man himself, Hohenheim.
"Well hi boys! You're up early!" greeted their mom.
"Mommy I had a bad dream!" said Al.
"He wanted me to take him to the potty." said Ed.
"Well good for you Ed, helping your brother. And don't worry about your dream Al, dreams can't hurt you." Trisha got down to her sons' level and tousled their hair with a smile. Ed looked up and noticed his father glaring. Not necessarily at him, just kind of looking nowhere in general and glaring. As if he had other things to worry about. And then he left, without so much as saying goodbye.
…
Ed, Al, and Trisha were having lunch one day.
"Mom, when's Dad coming back?" asked Al. Trisha avoided the question by tickling her youngest son. This didn't fool Ed.
…
Their mom died.
…
"Brother? Are you okay? You've been sitting in silence and glaring for the past ten minutes now."
Ed snapped out of his flashback. "NO PIRATES WHAT- Huh? … Oh, back in reality." No one bothered to question whatever he just said. Instead, Izumi punched Ed on the top of his cranium.
"TIME FOR DINNER!" she announced.
…
Dinner was business as usual at the Curtis household. Beef, pork, and turkey. They were butchers, after all. While Sig had a whole plate and miniature mountain of meat to himself, everyone else helped themselves to a large plate of meat in the center.
"So that's how I saved Youswell from… Yoyo or whatever his name was." Ed narrated.
"So Al… You gonna eat anytime soon?" Sig asked. Al remembered that they didn't know about his situation.
"Um… Uhh… I had a lot to eat at the conglomerate restaurant at the train station before coming. I'm still stuffed." he lied.
"So anyway we just came here from Rush Valley." Ed changed the subject to avoid suspicion. "Al, wanna talk about the baby?"
"Oh yeah! We helped someone give birth to a baby!" Though they couldn't tell, this struck a nerve with Izumi and Sig, mainly Izumi. But it didn't show.
Ed added to his brother's recap. "Well if by help, you mean 'stand in the hallway and be frightened'. Then yeah that's exactly what we did."
"Well Brother, we also helped them gather supplies."
"Oh… A baby, huh?" Izumi asked. "That's pretty special." She sipped some tea. "Yep… special." It was now showing that something bothered her, but not enough for the Elrics to see. There was an awkward night of trying to fall asleep next to Izumi in store for Sig.
…
Ed and Al stayed in the guest room.
"Ed, Teacher hasn't changed at all. I was kind of hoping she mellowed out over time."
"Well sometimes you don't get what you want, Al."
…
It was raining heavily in Risembool. There was a flood as an effect of this rain, so there were plenty of people trying to keep the water away from town. Ed and Al were among the townspeople who were just watching from a distance, nervous.
It was at that point that a beacon of hope arrived in the form of a woman with dreadlocks. Ignoring the workers telling her to stay back, she clapped her hands and created a wall to block the water. Then a large, bearded man with an umbrella gave cover to this woman, his wife.
"Well there you go, flood's taken care of." said Izumi.
The workers all responded at once. "Cool." But only one of them thought to ask the obvious question.
"Who are you?"
"Huh? Eh I'm just housewife. … BLURGH!" she spit up more blood, to the confusion of the workers.
A young Ed and Al ran up to Izumi and pleaded at once. "Will you make us your apprentices, old lady?"
Their answer was a large hand transmuted out of the ground, sending them away. This didn't stop Ed and Al though.
"Please, old lady, please make us your apprentices?"
Izumi cracked her knuckles and clenched her teeth. "If you call me an old lady one more time, I'm gonna transmute where you're standing into a CANNON!"
Ed and Al gulped. Al got the idea. "Will you please make us your apprentices? … Young and pretty lady?"
"No!" was the answer.
"But whyyyyyyyyyy?" complained Ed.
"BECAUSE! It doesn't matter anyway, I'm in the middle of a trip! Don't you have families to get back to?"
A random person went up to Izumi, with the knowledge she seeks. "Nah those two don't have parents anymore." Izumi sighed.
"Fine…"
…
Izumi and Sig had taken the Elric Brothers to an island in the middle of a lake near Dublith.
"Welcome to Yock Island!" Izumi said. "Now get off the boat and take this knife with you."
"Okay…" said Ed. He complied with the instructions. An instant later, Sig started rowing the boat away from the island.
"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" Ed and Al shrieked.
"Welcome to the preliminary training!" shouted Izumi, as Sig was rowing her further away. "You're gonna stay there for a month, and you can't use any alchemy! Fend for yourselves, and avoid this weirdo I hired! One is All, All is One! If you don't figure out what that means in a month, then I can't train you! Bye!"
Sig waved quietly as he rowed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ed and Al were horrified.
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FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST - Sig Curtis, Izumi Curtis
FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST
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Izumi and Sig were working in the butchery, messing with meat, and sharpening knives and cleavers.
"So Izumi, you think it was the right thing to do to leave those boys on that island?"
"Hey it's a picnic compared to what I went through! I survived for a whole month in the Briggs Mountains! In winter!"
"Well when you put it that way, I can't really argue with you. But you do know that you can't compare someone like yourself with little boys, right?"
Izumi shrugged. "Meh."
"But still, there is that weird, masked killer guy." Sig added.
"Eh he's a sweetheart when you get to know him."
…
"Ed, I'm hungry."
"I know, Al."
"Ed, I'm sore."
"I know, Al."
"Ed, I'm hot."
"I know, Al."
"Ed-"
"I KNOW, ALPHONSE! SHUT UP!"
…
Ed and Al caught a rabbit in their trap.
"Haha, yes!" Ed cheered. "Dinner!"
"Behind the rabbit?" Al asked.
"It is the rabbit!"
"Oh."
" … Okay Al, kill it."
"No you do it, Brother."
"No you do it."
"No you do it!"
A fox did it. And she didn't share.
…
Ed and Al were at the shore.
"What are you doing, Brother? Are you going to try to swim for sure and return home?"
"I can't swim… I was thinking about trying to catch a fish."
"Great, I'm starved, let's eat!"
"Key word would be 'trying'. I have no clue how."
"Aww…"
…
Six days in, Ed and Al were lying in the hot sun. Ed began to hallucinate from hunger. He looked over to Al and instead saw a giant piece of meat with a bone sticking out each end.
"Must… eat… Al… looks like giant… tasty… Japanese depiction of meat… even though that country has… nothing to do with us…" chanted Ed. He bit on Al's arm.
"HEY QUIT IT!"
"Oops… Sorry." Ed looked over to the line of ants marching past. He ate one. "AAAAH! THAT'S NOT A CHOCOLATE AT ALL! … Must have mor- Wait a minute! I get it now!"
"What do you mean, Brother?"
"There are ants and there are me. … I forgot the rest."
"Oh-"
"No wait I remembered again! There are ants and there are me! I broke down the ant, deconstructing it! With my mouth! Then I reconstruct it as the nutrients I need! And now it's a part of me! And when I die, I become the grass! And the antelopes eat the grass! And lions eat antelopes! And lions eat people! We're all connected! That's what Teacher meant, and that's how alchemy works!"
"Like the Circle of Life!" Al realized.
"Everything the light touches! Kings of the past watching us from above! Elephant graveyard! Hakuna Matata! It all makes sense now! One eventually becomes part of the all, which itself can be consumed by the one!"
"So you're sure that's what Teacher meant?"
"If not, we're screwed! Let's hope so!
…
After a little over three weeks, Izumi and Sig had finally returned to the island.
"Well?" asked the housewife. "What does 'One is All, All is One' mean?"
"All is the world." Al answered. "And One is the individual."
"… What he said!" was Ed's answer.
"All right good job, you two can train for real now."
…
Izumi was reading aloud the basics of alchemy while avoiding Ed and Al's strikes like they were nothing. She ended it quickly by flipping and throwing both boys across the yard.
"Teacher, how come you never use a transmutation circle?" asked Al.
"I'm not sure. Maybe it has to do with Truth."
…
"NO PIRATES WHAT- Oh. Al, I realized something!" said Ed, back in the present.
"Hmm?"
…
The next morning, Ed and Al were out front with their teacher. She was facing a wall for some reason.
"Mrs. Curtis will you fix our toy train?" asked some kids.
"No. I'm a bit busy."
"Mrs. Curtis?" asked a little girl. "Will you fix my cat?"
"I already told you, he's dead."
The little girl ran off, crying. Izumi transmuted a spear out of the wall and began attacking Ed and Al.
Ed was shocked. "Hey, hey! Don't take out your grief over the cat on us!" But Izumi wouldn't let up. Eventually Ed had no choice but to transmute part of his arm into a blade and chop the spear.
"AHA! YOU HAVE AN AUTOMAIL ARM AND LEG! And you can transmute without a circle!
"H-How did you kn-"
Izumi smacked Ed across the back of his head. "Fool! I could tell from your footsteps! The legs make different sounds from each other!" She turned to Al next. "And you're hollow inside!"
"H-How-" Al got smacked as well for asking the same stupid question.
"I felt it when I flipped you over yesterday! So you two thought you could pull a fast one on me? YOU SAW THE TRUTH, DIDN'T YOU?"
"Umm-" Ed stalled.
"DIDN'T YOU?"
"AAAAAAAHHHHH! YES! YES I SAW IT! THEN I SAW IT AGAIN SO I COULD SAVE AL'S LIFE!"
"T-T-T-Teacher? What were you trying to do when you saw it?" asked Al.
…
Izumi tried the same exact ritual that Ed and Al did. When she saw the Truth, it resembled Izumi more than Ed. When she returned to her basement, she coughed up blood. Sig came in to see what all the noise was about. When he noticed what was going on, he came to his wife's aid. And that's when they noticed a tiny Gate Zombie, much like the one Ed and Al summoned.
…
"Well Sig and I wanted a child for a long time, but we couldn't conceive." Ed and Al had to fight the urge not to freak out over the thought of their teacher and her husband conceiving. "But when I was finally pregnant, I got so sick that the baby died. And then… well… After what I did, the Truth took some of my innards. … You two must be miserable with your lives."
"Eh it hasn't been so bad." Ed answered. "People know not to make me mad or else I'd slap 'em with my metal hand!"
"Yeah!" added Al. "Now I have a list of foods I can look forward to eating! I just have nothing but things to look forward to now! I appreciate life more!"
"QUIT LYING TO YOURSELVES!" Izumi yelled, but then there was a pause. "You don't have to take everything in stride. It's okay to admit it."
"Well…" Al began. "I miss having the senses of touch, taste, and smell. And I never need any sleep, so nights are boring while Ed just snores!" Al started crying. Eventually Ed did to. The Elric Brothers did nothing but cry and repeatedly apologize.
…
"So yeah that's pretty much how the Circle of Life works." explained Ed.
"I know, Brother. That's the third time now. Can we just go to sleep now? Teacher's coming in the morning."
"We're going over this until we can recite it from memory, Alphonse! Now listen closely! There are ants, and there's me…"
…
USO
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Next time, some selfish guy kidnaps Al.
(A/N: Unrelated to the chapter, but I realized the irony in Chapter 5 that Scar said Lion King was his favorite movie, what with the villain in Lion King being named Scar as well.)
See you next time, State Alchemist
RIP - Isaac, Cornello, Grand, Tucker, Nina, Alexander, Guard, Slicer Brothers, Hughes, Chiko the Cat