Chapter Twelve: Loss
After getting the rest of my gear from Peggy and a stern 'come-back-or-else' from Howard, I had set off with the Howling Commandos. In a few short hours, we reached the ridge of a mountain that I was not happy with at all. Cold was never my thing, even more so now that it reminded me of being sick with the radiation poisoning.
Montgomery was looking almost religiously through his binoculars for the train that would be carrying our target. Jim and Gabe were listening to a German radio transmission, attempting to decipher it as quickly as possible to see if it would be any help. Jacques was looking over his guns for the millionth time. Dum Dum was standing at the very edge of the ridge, looking out over all the snow.
Finally, Steve and I were standing side by side in the front of the group, Bucky stepping away from his former spot next to the radio to stand at Steve's left. "Remember when I made you ride the cyclone at Coney Island?" he asked.
"Yeah, and I threw up," Steve smiled bitterly. It seemed to be a half-decent, half-terrible memory for him.
"This isn't payback, is it?"
Bucky was eyeing the zipline we would be darting across momentarily with a wary look on his face. "Now, why would I do that?" Steve asked, looking over the line before smirking at Bucky. I couldn't help but shake my head at his playfulness. I was glad that he had a good sense of humor, it made sitting here waiting that much more bearable.
"We were right," Gabe spoke up, and all three of us turned back to face us. "Dr. Zola's on the train. HYDRA dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad."
Without needing to announce it, we all knew that it was time for us all to gear up. Steve moved to stand in the front of us, Bucky behind him, me third and the rest of the guys stood in no certain order behind me. As I wrapped the safety belt as securely as possible around my waist, Montgomery finally moved his binoculars. "Let's get it moving, because that thing is moving like the devil."
"We only got about a ten second window," Steve informed us all, clasping his harness to the line. "You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield."
I chuckled, tapping my heels nervously against the ice. "What a first mission. We couldn't have waited for Zola to work his way to a tropical beach?"
Montgomery smiled knowingly at me- he'd confessed earlier that he didn't like the cold much either. "Mind the gap."
"Will do, Monty."
As the train roared closer, the rest of the men behind me finished strapping in. "Better get moving, bugs!" Dum Dum laughed, and Jacques shouted something in French.
I was going to ask for a translation from Gabe, but realized as soon as Steve pushed off from the ledge that one wouldn't be necessary. Bucky went next, and before I was completely ready I had forced myself to jump. The ride was over in a matter of seconds, but I was biting back a scream the entire time. Steve, Bucky and I landed roughly at the same time, standing quickly to find a point on the top of the train we could enter from.
Originally, I was supposed to stay back with the rest of the Commandos as backup, but after a lot of arguing with the Colonel, it was agreed that I was to stay with the two boys from Philadelphia.
Later than I might have liked, the three of us were inside the train, and I closed the door as quickly as I could behind me. The three of us wordlessly crept towards the next cab, finding that it was as empty as the one we'd entered. With a quick glance back, Steve stepped through the door only to have it slam shut behind him, separating him from Bucky and I.
"Oh, shit," I breathed, whipping back around to see three HYDRA agents coming after us with those weird glowing guns. Bucky quickly stepped in front of me, firing off some type of submachine gun at two of them. The third was headed my way, and I did what any highly trained super soldier would have done in that situation.
I punched him in the nose.
He stumbled back, dazed long enough for Bucky to turn his weapon on him and drop him along with the other two agents. Before I could compliment his shooting skills, more HYDRA men were storming into the room. Bucky and I took cover on opposite sides of the train, ducking behind some metal boxes.
When I glanced up and over the top of my box there was only one guy on my side of the train, and a two quick bullets to the brain from the pistol Howard had thankfully gifted me took care of him. I wouldn't realize until much later that night that he was he first person I ever killed.
I looked over to Bucky to see if he was doing as well as I hoped he was, but saw that apparently his gun had jammed. "Bucky," I whispered just loud enough to get his attenton, and tossed him my own gun when he looked up at me. He mouthed his thanks before continuing to fire on the endless stream of enemies. A quick peek through the window on the door told me that Steve was still on the other side, attempting to get in and help us.
Only seconds later, the door was opened and he nodded to me before replacing the pistol I'd given up to Bucky. When I caught it, Bucky spared a quick look our way to see what it was I had caught, and smiled his appreciation to the Captain.
A quick hand signal from Steve, and we all silently agreed before jumping over the top of our boxes as he rammed into one of the containers that split the room in half, knocking it into the HYDRA men in the room.
Once we were sure the room was empty, Bucky stepped forward with his gun hand on his hip. "I had him on the ropes."
"Not without my gun you wouldn't have," I snickered, and he glared at me while I winked at him.
"I know you did," Steve agreed patronizingly, patting his friend on the shoulder before smiling at me. "Not bad for a first timer."
"Not bad for a little guy," I retorted, causing him to look over himself before leveling his quizzical gaze on me. "You know what I mean."
The sound of something powering up behind us caused all three of us to turn around, only to see one of the biggest, scariest motherfucking guns I have ever seen.
"Get down!" Steve shouted, pulling Bucky and I behind him to hold his shield in front of all of us. The blast sent us all flying back, and a violent chill flooded into the room.
Bucky had landed on top of me, and I groaned as I rolled him off to the side. I was about to mumble a snarky comment about his weight, but froze when I saw why the room was suddenly so cold. A huge hole had been ripped into the side of the train, and Montgomery's warning of "Mind the gap" suddenly made a reappearance in the back of my mind. I didn't see Steve, and panic flooded through me as the words, "Fire again!" resonated over the intercom.
"Steve?" my voice trembled, and I quickly pinched myself- though I could barely feel it through all the padding that covered me. I wasn't answered, but I was relieved when I saw the man I was searching for pushing off the wall opposite to the giant hole. Bucky, who had already stood back up from his spot on the floor, snatched up Steve's shield and started firing at the man with the outrageously frightening gun while I took the opportunity to run over to Steve, helping him stand up as I scanned him for any noticeable injuries. "You all good, kid?"
He nodded and mumbled, "Thanks."
Another deafening blast, and before Steve or I could react, Bucky was no longer in sight. Steve's helmet dropped to the ground when he grabbed his shield and hurled it into the man holding the gun, knocking him back into the room he'd come out from. I was already at the edge of the hole, clinging to it for dear life as I saw Bucky was doing much of the same, except outside of the impossibly fast train.
"Hold on, Buck," I called out before forcing my foot over the edge to step onto the metal flapping in the wind like it was no more than a piece of paper. Steve appeared behind me, desperately calling out his friend's name as if that was enough to save him. "Okay," I whispered to myself as I inched closer to Bucky, the wind causing my hair to fall out of its holder and whip around me furiously. "I got you, baby doll," I said louder so Bucky would hear me, hopefully soothing the panic I saw rising in his eyes.
When one of his hands slipped from the railing, a violent shudder ripped through my body, causing me to clutch the railing I was holding onto even tighter. "Hang on," Steve yelled from behind me, and I would have rolled my eyes at him if I wasn't so deathly terrified for not only my life, but one of my friend's lives as well.
"Come on, baby doll. Take my hand," I instructed, my voice stronger than I'd anticipated as I dropped my left hand to stretch out towards Bucky. He swung his right hand out to meet mine, our fingers barely brushing against each other's before his rail made a nasty snapping noise. "NO!" Steve and I cried at the same time as Bucky dropped screaming from the side of the train.
I clutched the railing I was holding on to with every bit of strength I had in me, my head reeling as freezing tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. I didn't think I could move, and after a moment Steve reached out to pull me back inside of the train. Before he could protest, I had my arms wrapped tightly around him, letting out the tears I knew he shared with me at the loss of my friend- somebody I knew Steve thought of as his own brother.
We didn't move for what seemed like years, clinging to each other, subconsciously making sure the other didn't fall, that we were both there- real and alive. Eventually, Jim came in to tell us that Gabe had Zola apprehended. Thankfully, he didn't ask why we were hugging, or crying, or where Bucky was. In that moment, I was ferociously grateful that Jim had common sense enough to know that neither of us would be saying anything for a while.