Whatever it Takes –Sky
What does it take to get someone back?
A/N: The beginning of the end.
Don't own anything related to Dark Angel. This fic is for entertainment purposes only.
Thank you to all the readers, reviewers and followers.
Enjoy
DA~DA~DA
"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
-Joseph Addison
DA~DA~DA
Joshua stood outside Alec's room listening to ensure the transgenic was sound asleep before he would lie down too.
It had been a difficult day. On the surface, things seemed to be the same with Alec as angry as ever, dispatching Max in less than two minutes, refusing to acknowledge anyone, or eat his supper. But on the inside, Alec's emotions were gnawing away at his core, causing him to doubt everything about himself. It was exactly the type of maelstrom that could wreak havoc on his nervous system and Joshua wanted to be close in case he was needed.
The dog man gave one last listen before he walked back towards the cot and sat down heavily. He'd been banished from the room days ago and had no alternative but to re-position his cot out in the corridor. At night, when Alec was sleeping, the dog man entered and made sure all was well before returning to his spot outside.
Joshua's ears perked up at the sound of footsteps but he didn't have to look to know it was Max.
She stopped and stared at the door, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. "Any change?" she asked worriedly.
Joshua shook his head no.
Max huffed and dropped to a sitting position next to him. "He hates me," she voiced softly.
Joshua looked over and saw how days of trying to reason with the young transgenic had worn her out emotionally. "Alec doesn't hate Max," he replied. "Alec hates Alec."
Max closed her eyes to keep the tears from falling because Joshua's statement was far more devastating than her own. "Is he sleeping?" she asked, trying to divert her thoughts.
"Sleeping but not resting," Joshua whispered then twitched an ear towards the room before leaning back against the wall. "Hard day for Alec."
Max sighed. She tilted against the dog man determined to see the night through with him but when she laid her head on his shoulder, the pull of sleep was much too strong. She closed her eyes, just for a second and her next thought came as she was jostled awake when Joshua moved off the cot and into Alec's room. Max blinked away the sleep and let her eyes adjust to the darkness before she got up and followed. She stayed far enough back not to be seen, but when she glimpsed at the transgenic, she knew he wouldn't be aware of her presence.
Alec was trying to sit up, was making unintelligible noises and repetitive motions with his hand. The dog man was by his side in no time, speaking softly, keeping Alec apprised of what he was doing. He pulled the sheets aside gently, untangling the transgenic then laid his hand on Alec's chest to guide him back into the bed. Once Alec was on his back, Joshua grabbed a pillow and stuffed it between the transgenic's body and his casted arm.
Alec's eyes tracked Joshua but were unseeing as the electrical impulses sparking in his brain began to take over. He grunted softly and Joshua knew there was nothing he could do at this point. The seizure was inevitable and he hated the look of confusion in Alec's eyes just before it hit. The dog man rubbed the transgenic's chest and murmured words he had spoken countless times. Alec's breathing hitched and his eyes flitted upwards. It wasn't one of those all out violent seizures still Max couldn't bear to see him like this, especially since she blamed herself for the mess they were in.
She averted her eyes away from Alec and towards Joshua. Max watched the dog man's absolute devotion and compassion as his hands tried to still and comfort his friend. The seconds seemed to last forever, until the horrible choking sounds started. Then Alec's spasms began to abate while he gasped desperately for air. The transgenic's hand skimmed across his t-shirt and then reached up to his scars and tugged at his hair. Joshua left Alec's side and moved towards the shelves in the corner.
"Joshua get for Alec," the dog man whispered hurriedly over his shoulder.
The transgenic became more and more agitated; his hand grasping along the edge of the bed and then frantically clutching at the hem of his t-shirt. Joshua rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. It was a towel. One in particular that had a seam along one edge that was more pronounced. He came back to the bed and took Alec's hand and guided it around the soft material. Even with his eyes unfocused and his brain firing crazily, Alec worked his way around it until he was able to run the pads of his fingers along the stitching. The effect was almost instantaneous; the transgenic took a couple of deep breaths and quieted despite the fact he continued to twitch.
Joshua relaxed knowing something so insignificant could bring relief to Alec. He leaned forward and adjusted Alec's head and neck so it was squarely on the pillow. He pulled the sheet up and swept Alec's long, sweaty bangs away from his forehead. Joshua surveyed the transgenic whose fingers worked automatically and compulsively over the seam.
Max took this all in, watched how Alec clung to that towel and used it to calm himself. She realized the towel had become something familiar and dependable. Something Alec could count on to help ground him and get his bearings and it slowly dawned on her that this was exactly what he needed.
Max leaned against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief as Alec's hand stilled. She felt a tiny bit of the weight lifting from her shoulders, replaced by a deeper appreciation for how she could make things better for him. She knew it wouldn't be easy. She knew it would require a lot of patience but she wasn't about to give up on him. Not now, not after everything they'd been through.
DA~DA~DA
Max put together a schedule to get Alec back into a routine. She made certain everything had a place and a time. Something familiar and dependable, that was her mantra. But regardless of her attempts, Alec continued to be sullen and angry. Meals were barely touched. Sketchy was turned down every time he asked Alec to join him in the training room. Max or Mole tried to involve him with the planning of the supply runs but it was impossible to make conversation with someone who refused to speak and when he did, you wished he hadn't.
It was Joshua however, who bore the brunt of Alec's ire.
"You can go," Alec mumbled wanting the dog man to leave him alone.
Joshua was torn between doing what Alec asked and watching over him. He hesitated and looked around the room as if the answer was somewhere on the ceiling.
"You don't owe me anything," Alec continued as a way to convince Joshua he was off the hook.
"Not a matter of owe," Joshua replied sadly.
The dog man's response did nothing to deter Alec. It was bad enough the transgenic still needed everyone's help for the most simple and mundane tasks but he didn't want anyone to feel obligated to him. He didn't want to be anyone's responsibility or burden.
"Listen, I'm no hero...what happened." Alec waved dismissively at his head. "Probably an accident…maybe I fell in front of that bullet, maybe the shooter couldn't aim straight…I don't even remember…" he explained, trying to convince Joshua that he had no conscious part in saving him. "Bad luck, s'all…"
Joshua's heart ached because Alec made it seem like his actions on that fateful day had been unintentional and thus devalued his bravery and selflessness. "Joshua remembers," the dog man said dolefully.
"Well I don't, so it doesn't mean anything to me," Alec huffed and turned away.
Joshua let out a small sound of disappointment and hurt. "Means everything to Joshua."
"Yeah, well good for you," Alec muttered irately, hoping Joshua would just let it drop, and he did.
Somehow it seemed like things would go on like this for a long time until Sky flew into their lives, or more accurately into Alec's window.
Alec had taken to crushing his morning toast and spreading the crumbs across his window sill. He loved to watch the tiny birds flitting about, swooping down and grabbing the tiny morsels of bread. There were times early in his recovery when he dreamt he could fly. The feeling of lightness and freedom when his dream self soared over the streets and buildings was indescribable. He'd wake up out of breath, elated and overjoyed until he realized it was just a dream. When Joshua questioned him, he always lied and told the dog man he'd been awakened by a nightmare. Truth was it had been the best dream ever and it was his waking life that was the nightmare.
It was one of the reasons he refused to be taken outside. He didn't have wings, only chains holding him down. What hope did he have of getting around in that stupid wheelchair when there were countless obstacles like stairs, broken pavement and piles of garbage that could stop him dead in his tracks?
The transgenic decided to erase such hopes, to lock them away where they couldn't hurt him. Instead he tried to focus on the fact that he was alone and didn't have to feel guilty about anyone tending to him. Yet, as much he pushed everyone away, he missed the company of others and the feeling of belonging and these conflicting emotions were exhausting him and making his head hurt until he didn't know what he wanted except for all of it to stop.
Alec felt the warmth of the sun on his skin as the sun broke through the cloud cover. He allowed himself to be lulled into closing his eyes. No matter how painful, he wished he could dream of flying but the melancholic thought only lasted a moment before he was startled back to reality by a loud bang.
Alec frowned, expecting to find someone intruding on his alone time. When he opened his eyes, there was no one there. The transgenic turned back to the window noticing a tiny drop of blood splattered across the pane. He scrubbed at his face and strained to look outside. There he saw a bird flopping around on the ground. He stared at it with a detached fascination. The sparrow tried to right itself, but the wing that hung uselessly by its side kept pulling it down and preventing it from doing so. Soon, the bird fell over gasping for air and Alec thought morbidly it was doomed. It was doomed to die alone, far from home, on the hard, cold concrete.
Just like I was.
A cold fear gripped Alec. It wasn't the thought of dying. It was the thought of Joshua standing over him, watching him bleed out and helpless to stop it. It shook him to his core and stirred something deep within him. He took a shaky breath, closed his eyes and wanted nothing more than to get away from that thought but he was brought back to the moment by the sound of a solitary chirp.
The sparrow stared at him, chirped again, insistent, calling to him and the walls he had built to keep everyone out cracked. All he could think was that Joshua would have never left him there to die.
Never. Never. Never.
The words echoed in his brain and Alec knew he couldn't leave the bird to its fate, to our fate. In that moment, they became inextricably linked and he had no choice but to lower himself to the floor and drag himself across the room.
"Stupid, useless…idiot," he cursed, unable to get into the wheelchair.
He called for Joshua but it was Mole who came running, spotted the kid on the floor and immediately went to his aid.
"What happened?" the transhuman questioned in confusion.
"Just get me in here," Alec ordered and tapped the chair.
Mole pulled him up easily."You coulda called if you needed a hand," he groused.
Alec ignored him and started to push himself towards the door.
"Where you going?" Mole asked dumbfound. He watched Alec's one armed attempts to move forward which only caused the chair turn in circles. The lizard man grabbed the handles thus stopping any motion. "You could answer, you know." Mole couldn't mask his irritation at being ignored.
"Outside," Alec huffed.
"Outside?"
"Urgh…isn't that what I just said?" Alec sniped, pushed and ended up going in circles again.
Mole grumbled because he still had no idea where this sudden need to get outside came from. They rolled down the corridor and through the exit and were immediately assaulted by streams of sunlight. While the lizard man stopped and averted his eyes, Alec pushed on unsteadily.
"I got it," Mole huffed and straightened him out.
"There," Alec pointed.
Mole saw something small and brown. He pushed until the transgenic was inches from the small bird.
Alec leaned forward and tried to grasp the barely moving creature in his hand. "It's okay…it's okay…" the transgenic murmured as he attempted to corral the sparrow with one hand.
He lifted it, laid it on his lap and covered it lightly to keep it from moving and hurting itself. He looked back at the window and realized the glare of the sun had fooled the bird causing it to fly into the glass. Alec felt the flutter of a wing against his hand and saw the sparrow breathless for air. He couldn't tell if it was pain or fear causing the reaction. He collected it gently and held it against his chest to calm it.
"Sh…sh…it's gonna be okay I won't hurt you…sh…sh," Alec whispered against his fingers as the bird peered out. The transgenic looked back up at the lizard man. "Well, what are you waiting for, let's get back inside," he said anxiously.
"We're not taking that thing inside," Mole growled.
"Fine," Alec hissed. He used his foot to move the chair.
The transhuman watched as the kid made some headway and then was resigned to the fact that Alec would somehow make it, with or without his help. "Stubborn as a mule…" he muttered while pushing the transgenic into the infirmary despite his gut telling him this was a bad idea.
Soldiers knew not to waste resources and energy on something useless and there wasn't anything more useless than a bird and worse still, one that couldn't fly.
Once inside, Alec handed the sparrow to a surprised medic who placed it on the bed. In return, the medic was confronted by Mole glaring at him in warning, indicating he shouldn't humour the kid. But when he looked down and saw two frightened, brown eyes staring up at him and he had no choice but to get his first aid kit and tend to the little creature.
Alec watched the medic inspect and then splint the wing. The little bird looked dazed, its feathers ruffled. A tiny spot of blood leaked from its beak which might indicate internal injuries but there was no way the medic would be able to do anything about those.
"He's gonna be okay, right?" Alec asked hopefully then stroked the bird's head.
"It's too early to tell," was all the medic offered, not wanting to get the transgenic's hopes up.
"I'm keeping him," Alec stated while Mole grumbled something about a no pet policy. "I'll need newspaper, an eye dropper, bread and water," Alec listed then looked at the medic and Mole.
"Sure, let me pick-up the morning paper from the front stoop," Mole groused. "Newsflash - we don't have newspaper or food lying around, we barely have toilet paper."
Alec's eyes narrowed, "Okay, get me toilet paper."
The medic couldn't help but chuckle at the stunned look on Mole's face.
"I just said - we don't have enough toilet paper for ourselves. I'm not using our allotment for some disease infested bird," Mole roared already regretting taking Alec out to pick up this little bundle of trouble.
"Yeah, well then you're gonna go out there and get me some straw and twigs and we're gonna build a nest."
"What do you mean we're gonna build a nest? Does bird flu mean anything to you? You're gonna put that damn bird outside where it belongs before you catch something," Mole argued.
"You'd throw him out?" Alec asked incredulously.
"Damn right I would," Mole replied without hesitation.
Alec's eyes clouded over. "Just cause he's...," he couldn't finish…broken…useless. He knew it was the soldier in Mole talking but he couldn't help but feel the lizard man's statement was directed at him just as much as the bird.
The transhuman huffed, shook his head and muttered at his own stupidity. "It's not what I meant. I'm sure he'll be fine especially if he's outside, where he belongs," Mole added to appease Alec.
The transgenic stared at the small bird and saw how helpless it was. He knew putting it outside would be its death sentence. "He belongs with me. I found him. I'll take care of him," Alec stated, determination written all over his face.
"He's a bird. He belongs outside," Mole replied as if that was reason enough.
"Well, you're a lizard," Alec argued.
"Half-lizard," Mole retorted in his own defense.
"And half jackass," Alec shot back.
The medic stifled a laugh as Mole cursed under his breath but left it alone knowing Alec would always have the last word.
"Fine, I'll do this by myself," the transgenic ground out. He placed the tiny bird on his lap and pushed away using his arm and his foot.
Mole stared as the chair swerved erratically from side to side until he was out the door. The transhuman gave the medic a menacing scowl and pointed an accusing finger at him.
"Don't you dare help him with that…that…thing," he snarled then spun on his heels on his way to see Max.
DA~DA~DA
Alec kept Sky.
Back in his room, the transgenic used his teeth, ripped a towel into strips and molded a nest inside a soup bowl.
"You're gonna be just fine, you'll see," he told the tiny bird and stroked its head. "See, we're the same you and me." Alec lifted his casted arm. "We both have busted wings but you're gonna be flying in no time."
Joshua, Sketchy and Max all came to take a look at the sparrow and unlike Mole they were all genuinely concerned for its well-being.
Joshua remained by Alec's side throughout the day. He helped gather whatever supplies the transgenic needed then sat by his friend during countless hours as daylight faded into night. The transgenic fussed over Sky, keeping him warm and trying to get it to drink, knowing dehydration would be fatal.
"Come on Sky," Alec pleaded and tried to get the dropper positioned by the sparrow's beak.
Joshua watched, wanting to assist but waiting patiently to be asked. Eventually, Alec looked at him with quiet desperation as his one armed attempts proved futile. Without a word of recrimination or I told you so's, Joshua took the dropper, pried open Sky's beak and squeezed some liquid into its throat. He did this unfailingly every half hour.
Alec saw how weak and restless the little bird was as the evening wore on. He thought it best if he laid it on his chest hoping the steady thumping of his heart would have a soothing effect on the tiny creature. Still, despite their interventions, Sky was barely alive, weakened by its injuries and exhausted by its ordeal. The transgenic wasn't far behind.
"Alec sleep," Joshua implored.
"I'm gonna watch him," Alec yawned tiredly, his body contradicting his words.
The dog man stood by and watched as Alec fought to stay awake, his eyes slipping shut and then opening rapidly. Occasionally, the transgenic murmured to the little bird but soon the words slipped out half spoken and Alec's eyes eventually closed.
Joshua finally let out a tired breath at the sight of a relaxed and untroubled transgenic. It was a rare moment and no matter how temporary, Joshua was grateful for the reprieve because Alec was beyond exhausted.
Every day was a struggle for the transgenic. Gone was the soldier who could hide his true feelings behind a carefully constructed mask. Alec could neither hide nor control his emotions and the inner turmoil was wearing him down.
But it was more than that. It was the fact that Alec couldn't seem to get ahead. It was always one step forward and two steps back. It was making progress and then getting knocked down and having to start over again. Joshua had witnessed the transgenic's every failure, watched as his hope dissipated, as Alec was stripped of his confidence and sapped of his resiliency until it was easier for him to stay down than to try and pick himself up.
Despite all this, Joshua felt a small glimmer of hope when Alec allowed Sky into his fragile heart, when he allowed himself to care for another. Joshua couldn't help but smile at this tiny sparrow that had a lock on the transgenic, on a trained killer, a scam artist and smart aleck. Alec was all of those things but he was also someone who would do anything to defend and protect those he cared about most. Even to his own detriment. Joshua knew this firsthand and he felt a surge of tenderness for his friend as he reached up to stroke Alec's scars.
Maybe, Sky was exactly what the transgenic needed. Maybe, but Alec's heart still needed protecting and Joshua made it his responsibility to do so. For now, that meant making sure the tiny sparrow made it through the night. Joshua could do that, for Alec's sake.
…