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Shock.

That was all he felt.

Right to the core.

Shit.

There was no going back from this.

He was sitting on his bed, the fateful letter clutched in his sweaty hand. It could change his entire life.

They had been back for nearly a month now; Quidditch practices had started up, James as Chaser and Sirius as Beater. Life was almost normal again except for Sirius. Matt had been right. Josh, a sixth year Ravenclaw was able to meet Sirius' demands and luckily he never asked questions. And Remus had stopped looking at him strangely. He had earned his forth detention, got into his first fight with the Slytherins and received his first O of the year for a Charms essay. And now this - fuck.

He looked back over the shakily written letter. It was from Julia.

It was possible for unknowing Muggles to contact Wizards at Hogwarts. They would send their letters to the false address of a made up school and they would be redirected to the wizarding school instead. Sirius had given her the address before their argument. It turned out she had actually kept it then.

Phrases leapt of the page at him I don't know how this could have happened… pregnant…yours… He clutched the letter limply in his hand and slowly processed what he had just read. Julia was pregnant… and it was his. She said there was no doubt about it. She didn't ask for help or to say sorry, just to deliver the horrifying news.

Suddenly, the door opened gently and someone entered and put some heavy sounding objects down on the second bed from the door. It was Remus then, Sirius guessed and the heavy objects were probably library books. "Sirius?" Yes, it was Remus' voice.

Sirius didn't have the strength to answer.

Remus edged round the edge of Sirius bed, worry lines creasing his face. "Sirius? What's wrong?" He glanced from Sirius distraught face to the letter in his hand and sat down on the bed next to him. "May I…?" He pointed to the letter.

Sirius gave it to him and put his head on his hands, resting his elbows on his knees whilst Remus quickly read and re-read the letter.

"Oh," he murmured. "Oh Sirius, how on earth did this happen?"

"I don't know," Sirius muttered, his voice muffled by his hands. He sat up and looked Remus in the eye, an awkward habit he had. "Remus, what the hell am I going to do? What can I do to get out of this mess?"

Remus shook his head, shocked at this turn of events. He felt desperately sorry for Sirius who looked like he was thinking of throwing himself off the astronomy tower. "Sirius, you're so stupid!" He half smiled at his friend's shocked expression. "I mean come on Sirius! You're not even sixteen and you've got a girl pregnant. And who is this Julia?"

Sirius smiled sadly. "My girlfriend I suppose. She's a Muggle and absolutely gorgeous, but we had an argument. And now this."

Remus nodded slowly, baffled at how sexually experienced Sirius was. He took the opportunity to ask the question he, James and Peter had been dieing to ask for ages. "Um… how old were you… err… when you had sex for the first time?" He asked slowly.

Sirius shuffled uncomfortably and mumbled something.

"What was that?"

Sirius bit his lip and said slightly clearer, "well, I was nearly fourteen." He avoided Remus' eyes and looked at James' boxers on the floor.

"What!" Remus yelped.

"Look Remus, that doesn't matter now, does it. What the fuck am I going to do about the mess I'm in now? You need to help me!" he begged.

Remus went over to his bedside table and collected a Muggle biro, a paper pad and a book to lean on and gave them to Sirius. He sat back down. "You need to write back to her and tell her how you feel. If you're scared think how she feels. Tell her what you want to do." He looked questioningly at Sirius, who nibbled the end of the pen. "Please don't do that," he added.

"Always the stationary freak," Sirius commented, ignoring Remus' scowl. He wrote 'Dear Julia,' and stopped. "I don't know what I think. Just shock."

"That's not going to be much help to her, is it? Tell her that you will support her no matter what she chooses to do."

Sirius nodded and wrote a few lines. He looked up, confused. "Hang on, what if… what if she… you know… gets rid of it?"

"Then you won't support her?"

"No!" Sirius looked angry at the mere thought. "Remus," he said slowly, "my mother has had four miscarriages and they have all been awful for the whole family. I could never support her if she did that."

Remus mentally kicked himself for forgetting that Sirius had lost siblings, one only the year before when his mum miscarried at seven months. "Right," he said shortly. Sorry."

"It's Ok," Sirius muttered, adding a few more lines to the letter and signing it. "Hey, don't tell the others about this. They won't understand."

Remus smiled in agreement. "You'd better get that posted quickly. You've got to be at the Quidditch pitch in forty-five minutes."

Sirius smiled sadly although he felt slightly better about the situation as long as he didn't think about the future too much. "Thank you so much Remus," he said quietly and left for the Owlery.

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The good thing about heroin was that it really relaxed Sirius although it was more awkward for him to take. He had stopped injecting after he left for Hogwarts but smoked it instead. Only in the evenings though. A month into the autumn term, he had developed a routine of nipping to the toilets between lessons to sniff a line of cocaine which was quicker and cleaner to take. And if he acted differently or more normally so he thought, no one would notice anyway because he always had had an extremely erratic mood anyway.

After slipping out of the forth floor toilettes he had only taken a few steps down the deserted corridor when suddenly someone slammed into him and pushed him into a deserted music practice room. The door slammed shut and Sirius was thrown back against the stone wall. It was Rodulphus accompanied by two slow looking Slytherins. Sirius recognised one as something Crabbe because he had been forced by Professor Slughorn to work with him on a Potions project. The other he only knew by sight but he didn't look bright either.

"Your father wrote to me especially Sirius," he sneered, tossing his black hair over one shoulder.

Sirius narrowed his eyes "Why should I care?"

Rodulphus raised an eyebrow in mock surprise at Sirius' reaction. He was about the same height as Sirius but his face was paler and narrower and his eyes were closer together giving him a pinched look. "He asked me to make sure his wayward son toed the line. In my opinion he should have disowned you already after Bellatrix let him know, quite rightly, about the scum you spend time with. As though the shame of being a Griffindore is not bad enough."

Sirius pushed him roughly as though to walk out and was slammed back into the wall by the boy named Crabbe. His head spun painfully so he blinked and tried to ignore it. "I did not chooseto be placed in Griffindore as I have explained many times before, but since being there I have realised it is a much finer house than Slytherin."

Rodulphus punched Sirius soundly in the mouth and his two friends grabbed him to prevent him from fighting back. Sirius struggled aimlessly as blood trickled down his chin.

"If you are finished insulting your family I would like to pass on my message." He waited until Sirius was still again. "He said that we, your cousins, are to make sure you behave more respectfully this year and do not drag the family name through any more shit than you already have. If you do however, we can do what ever we chose to stop you." His eyes glinted in anticipation. He knew as well as Sirius' father that he would not change his behaviour at all.

Sirius fumed inwardly, but his anger must have shown on his face because Rodulphus added, "Uncles order. Now be a good boy and behave." He patted Sirius mockingly on the head and left the room closely followed by the two idiots.

Sirius let out a scream of anger at the closed door and wiped the blood off his chin. This was just an excuse for him to be beaten up whenever his cousins chose and there were much more of them than him. With James he stood a chance but alone he was simply a punch bag. It seemed that his idea of Hogwarts being a sanctuary was over. Checking his puffed up lip in the mirror he left the room and ran up to the dormitory to change his shirt.

On the way, it suddenly dawned on Sirius just how much shit he was in. He felt that everything which had been good in his life had been shattered. Julia. His family. And now he couldn't even go two hours without some filthy drug in his system. He constantly felt his temper near the surface and often snapped at people for the most stupid things. He was like a coil of wire wound so tightly that he knew it wouldn't be long before he snapped or exploded. And it would be awful when that happened.

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How quick did I upload that chapter! A monumental chapter is coming up soon so it will take a while to write to make it good. There is a little hint there at the end!