Chapter 11- What is written in the heart…

He couldn't let her go now, not at this point. Andras kept calling him weak willed soft hearted but what could Pearly say? The girl was what he needed. It was astounding to him, how something he'd never had before all of a sudden became something he figured he couldn't truly live without. The very thing he was supposed to destroy was now, at least in her case, something he lived for.

And she didn't know. He was going to keep it that way, for now at least, until the time was right. She didn't need to know, no one did. Hopefully, a particular someone would never find out. Pearly thought nothing could scare him, but the thought of the Judge discovering the girl and his feelings for her was indeed frightening. He knew what the fallen angel would make him do if he knew. By that time, he wouldn't have a choice but to obey.

But for now, since it was something he wouldn't admit even to himself, the secret kept buried in his heart was left with him and he was perfectly happy with that. They were both in the study now together as she painted a new picture and he was focusing, or attempting to, on some work or other but it was all a blur on him. Pearly couldn't keep himself from looking at her, even as her back was turned to him as she painted, this time using all of her colors. He warned her it'd be chaos, but so far this new creation was beautiful, if not for the colors or that she had made it.

"You know, watching me isn't precisely productive" she said, not missing a single beat.
"What do ya mean? I'm workin'" he replied, chuckling a little.
Cassie grinned. "You're a terrible liar, Pearly Soames. Your Short Tails may believe you, but I know you a little better"

She put down her brush and palette and made her way over to the desk. Smiling lightly, she took a place on one of the corners, her hands folded in her lap. Cassie looked at the paper for a moment and saw that it was handwriting, but couldn't read it as he picked it up before she could.

"What are you writing anyway? Nothing about me I hope".
"Nah. Just some borin' business shit" he shook his head, again knowing he was a terrible liar when it came to her.

Truth be told, he was writing something about her. Pearly never thought of himself as a decent writer, but, for the first time in a long time, he was trying his hand at poetry. What he was writing was about this wonderful girl and how she made him feel, how it pained him to not be able to tell her how he felt.

She seemed to accept it with a shrug. "If you ask me, you focus too much on work".
Pearly looked back at her, smiling. "Perhaps I do".

He failed to notice that her own smile held a hint of mischief. She rushed off the desk and grabbed his hat from one of the coat hangers and ran to the opposite end of the room with it, laughing.

"Hey!" he got up and ran after her, but she easily evaded him, being smaller and quicker.

She giggled at his attempts to retrieve it. She almost fell over but kept on her feet. "Oh c'mon Soames I know you can do better than that".

Suddenly he was right in front of her. How did he get so quick all of a sudden? He took advantage of her stunned expression and grabbed both her arms, careful not to hurt her.

"Cassiel Lorraine Wright you will put that back" he told her.
She shook herself out of her stupor. "You like to make deals. What'll you give me for it?"
"What do ya want?"
"Hm…that I'm not so sure of".

She was aware of just how close he was to her. They'd been this close only two weeks before, at the cemetery. But now they were facing each other. Their breaths mingled, hearts beating together in what felt like the same rhythm. For a moment, she was reminded of how she'd kissed his shoulder. Cassie told herself that it was only meant to comfort, to be a sign that she was there for him and always would be. But now, confronted with this, she couldn't deny that a part of her considered him much differently, much more important. Her head swam with an emotion she'd never allowed herself to give in to, not until now. It felt like she was drowning as she looked into his eyes.

His hands moved from her arms to her hands as he leaned down to her head. Cassie closed her eyes, expecting to feel his lips against hers again in another of his attempts to get her to kiss him. But she was surprised when, instead of her lips, he kissed her cheek. Cassie opened her eyes again, barely hiding her surprise. He saw her blush lightly and kissed her hands as well.

"Well…it's getting late…We should probably get some sleep…" her voice trailed off as she gazed down at their still entwined hands as if wondering something.
"Yeah…I guess so".
"Why? I mean…how?".
"Whataya mean?"
"How is it…that someone can…can just waltz into my life and…make me see things differently as you have? And yet I know enough about you, but you still hide secrets. Why?"
"I…I just can't tell ya, Cassie" his gaze followed hers to their hands and he noticed just how small her hands were compared to hers.

It sometimes even surprised him how gentle he was capable of being. But he owed all of that to her. He was learning to love, learning to feel, from her. He knew now it was next to impossible to let her go now. It'd kill him if he did or if somehow she got hurt.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked, her voice small and quiet, "My father said you had secrets for your own purposes, but I still want to know you. Despite all that's happened, Pearly, you still keep your heart under lock and key and…" Cassiel shook her head, "Nevermind, I know you don't like to talk like that".

It hurt him to see her like that. He had his secrets it was true, but how was he to tell her that his demon wanted nothing more than to see her dead? How could he frighten her like that when she never feared him before? It hurt him to see her hurt like this. Of course he trusted her, but he needed to protect her as well. All Pearly could bring himself to do was embrace her, just hold her like she'd held him at the cemetery. He hoped someday she'd understand. She hugged him back and once again he felt her kiss area between his neck and shoulder. It told him that she wanted to love him, she really did, but she was afraid. Her fear wasn't entirely unfounded. The demon inside him was always scratching, begging to be free from his prison. Andras never stopped, not even when she was around.

Cassie let him go and they turned to look at the painting. Cassie smiled lightly at it, with a hint of pride.

"It's not done yet, but what do you think? It's not mud is it? I…I tried to capture just how fragile the heart is. I thought I could make the colors represent all kinds of emotions".

It was indeed at least part of a heart. It looked as though she'd painted it like a glass window, each color piece ending in a jagged edge that fit perfectly with another, the colors all coordinating, but no similar ones touching.

"It's beautiful" he answered after a minute or so, then whispered, "Just like you".
"What was that?"
He shook his head and smiled lightly at her. "Nothin, mo chol beag".
She smiled back. "Well, in that case we should get some sleep. Good night, sweet dreams".
"Good night"

He watched her leave, noting the sad but sweet smile as she walked out of the room. When she was gone, Pearly turned back toward the painting. He put a hand over his heart, feeling it beating faster and harder than it did before. It was almost painful. Pearly focused his mind on his power and dug his hand through his chest. After a brief moment of pain, he'd successfully taken his own heart out and gazed at it in his hands. It was a power that Andras had given him the knowledge originally to be used on other people. But he hardly ever used it, since humans were so easily manipulated anyway. Typically the damned thing was black as night, but now, since having the girl in his keeping, something was changing within it. At its core was just a spot of pure violet. Cassie was turning it towards her, towards light.

"What? How?!"

But he didn't need to ask himself. The heart never lied, and when he thought of her, its beat got stronger and louder. Pearly now quite literally, had to face his own feelings, he had to admit it.

"I…I…I love her" he finally admitted, practically shoving the heart back into his chest, "Shit…I love her…".

He didn't have a moment to lose. He resolved to see the Judge about this as quickly as possible, leaving Cassie alone sleeping. It was early morning by the time he made it to the Lair.

"Demon…to what do I owe the pleasure of this…unexpected visit?" Lucifer looked at Pearly with a hint of disdain.
"Somethin's happenin' ta me, yer honor. I wanted to see what ya thought of the matter".
"What exactly are you talking about?"
"See for yerself".

Pearly once again took out his heart to show to his master. Lucifer took the organ from him and stared down at it. It didn't take long for the Fallen One to notice the speck of light growing within.

"What is this?" Lucifer demanded, "What the hell is this, demon?!"
"It's the girl…Cassiel Wright. How could this happen? Why is it happenin ta me?".

Without even so much as a warning glance, Lucifer began to squeeze the heart, sending an indescribable pain through Pearly and Andras, who hissed at his human counterpart in his head.

You fool! See what you've done!

"The reason this is happening…is that you…are thinking TOO MUCH!" Lucifer growled, "This is why I told you in the beginning to grab the boy! Her brother was the one you were supposed to bargain for, not the girl! She's too light!"

Finally he let go, letting Pearly breathe again for a short time. He kept his head down, but glared daggers at him.

"This is typically the reason why I don't let my knights keep their hearts, things like this happen! Fortunately there's still time for you to correct this little mistake of yours, demon. Love is disease, and like all diseases it can end one of two ways: A cure, or death".
"What…what's the cure?"
Lucifer grinned. "I'm glad you asked, demon. Coax her, entertain your feelings for a little bit, maybe get her to feel the same way. And then, once you have her at her most vulnerable…break her little heart. Rip it out if you want to and kill her. It's your choice though, but it's personally what I'd do".

The thought of doing that was painful to him. At least what he would feel was genuine, but imagining breaking her heart, after all she'd done for him, after all she'd taught and showed him…it was almost too much. But to keep her safe, he at least had to break her heart, he didn't have to kill her. With that, Pearly found his determination again.

"I'll be sure ta deal with the girl accordingly. I thank you for yer advice, yer honor".
"Advice that I hope, for both yours and Andras' sake, you won't need again. Now go…take care of the girl or I'll intervene. And you won't like how I do things".
"Of course…"

He didn't fail to notice her scar. The one on her left wrist, nor could he forget how she got it. The scare was gnarled, made by four hooked claw like nails, talons. They were huge, he remembered, but he remembered her fear most. What had been sweet in Andras' mouth was bitter and terrible in his. Her sadness was the death of him, her fear was his heartbreak. He had her own madness to deal with, on top of his. Sometimes when he'd touch her arm, anywhere near the scar, she'd pull away.

It hurt that all she could remember of him was that he'd hurt her so violently…

She was getting ready for bed one night, brushing her now slightly longer hair as he watched. Linette was now at least a little more tolerant of his presence. Pearly kept his electric eyes on her scarred wrist, which didn't go unnoticed by the young woman.

"You did that to me…I remember that if nothing else. I can't remember why though".
"It was the night ya left" he told her looking down, "The night I broke my promise".
"A promise?" she turned and looked at him.
"Ta never hurt you. Yet I did".
"But you regret it, don't you?"
"With all my heart, what's left of it anyway".

She moved back toward the bed and put her head on his shoulder. She felt safer with him day by day. She tried so hard to remember him, but she just couldn't. The sad look in his eyes when he looked at her pained her most of all. He was a man so deprived of love that he practically begged for it with his eyes.

Suddenly he shifted so now his head was in her lap, his body curled up against her, his eyes sad as he gazed once more at her scar. He kissed the mark softly, almost as if apologizing. He fell asleep, curled up to her like that, his heart broken beyond measure…