Is everything ending so soon?
The cold weather made me sick. I was stupid – I knew it would but still I carried on stubbornly. I sat in bed for a few days just nursing a cold and sore throat, avoiding my parents as much as I could. I was obeying them – it didn't mean I had to like it.
The time has flown past, fallen out of reach right before my very own eyes. It doesn't matter what I do now – I can't stop the seconds coming, one after the other, inevitably.
Haven't seen much of anyone in a while, I've been packing up and sorting out things I need to buy for the journey. Tapes, batteries, magazine…cross that off, I can get one at the airport…
I'm taking it all very well don't you think? Being all calm and adult about it? Well it's only an act; believe me, a vain pretence to keep me from screaming and throwing a tantrum like some spoiled three-year-old.
I think perhaps the reason I haven't seen anyone is because things are getting worse, the death toll is at a high, hundreds of people everyday, and still my parents wait for the all-mighty antidote…
I haven't heard anything of Beth. She probably doesn't care. She gets more b!tchy every day. I'll bet she can't wait for me to leave so she can have Jay back and all to herself...!
Dads taken some time off work to be with mum and Sara…and me I guess, but he's spent most of his time sleeping. He looks awful…I can't even begin to describe it properly…almost as if he's aged dramatically overnight…
The evacuation process hasn't reached us yet, but still everyone seems to be in turmoil – no one knows what to do with all these newly orphaned children who are to running wild in the streets and back alley's.
I'm scared.
Where will this all end…?
Will Sara and I escape it or will we just end up trapped over there…
The journey's coming quickly, like a bad omen…y'know what it's like when you're trying to put things off and they only come round even quicker – I've got barely enough time to breathe…I'll never be prepared for it.
I saw Jay yesterday; he came round with some flowers and a card… "Bon voyage" and "get well soon!"…Smiling and pretending that it was going to be a great experience…
We sat on the bed, well he was sat, and I was lying looking at the pale ceiling hands folded on my tummy. As close as lovers, but far enough apart to be classed as nothing more than friends.
I closed my eyes and listened to the music, the soft floaty notes, this song had become my mantra:
"…It's late in the evening…She's wondering what clothes to wear?
…She puts on her make-up…and brushes her long blonde hair…
…And then she asks me… 'Do I look alright?'…
…And I say… 'Yes…you look wonderful tonight…'"
"I never liked this song." Jay commented after a long while of silence. "Before I met you I never even thought about it. Now I think it'll remind me of you forever."
I laughed in spite of the melancholy mood that had settled over us. "Forever? Forever's a long time Jay…People forget…move on. You'll probably never hear this song again!"
"You never forget your best friend." He decided and I nodded in agreement.
"Y'know I've not got a picture of us. Nothing to remind me. To put in my new room." I suddenly realised.
We were talking so casually I wanted to scream. We didn't mention the other day, it didn't even become a passing comment…I didn't tell him how much I'd wanted him to kiss me, still wanted it…in spite of everything I'd said.
He looked at me. "You're right." Was all he said.
And we sat in silence. Things had already changed between us; already he was preparing himself for me to leave, detaching his feelings for me…if he ever had any.
Grace sighed. What did she want? She'd practically told him to leave her alone – and now he was she was complaining? She'd never understand how her mind worked…
It was five days and counting until the plane departed, she hoped in that time one of her parents would've came to their senses and decide it had all been a terrible mistake! Grace knew that would never happen, so she focused her mind on what good fun she was going to have…a long holiday in a smoky town, no clean fresh sea air, no beach.
And most importantly, no Jay.
"I'm going to miss you Jay." I admitted. "More than anything…I'll write to you every week…and maybe you could come and visit?" I paused hopefully – I was talking too much, the way I always did when I was nervous or upset... "And then I'll be back here before you know it and we can…" I put my hand in his and looked into his eyes. I searched them for something, a sign, a glimmer of hope, anything… "I don't want to go." I whispered breathily.
Jay nodded sadly but kept his face neutral. "I know you don't Grace – but it's for Sara right?" His eyes held me for a second.
"Yes…" Was my reply.
"Gra..cey!" Sara burst through the door, as if she had heard her name, breaking the sombre mood and leaped on top of me giggling.
I tickled her and kissed her hand. "Jay…J…Ja…Jay…" She sung as she climbed over me and onto Jay's lap. "Jay…Ja…Jay…J…Jay…"
"Hey kid…" He winked at her as she rested herself in his lap.
I smiled at them – he was so good with her, she cared about him so much…
I wonder if she even realises what going away means…
"He Jay…" She tried to wink back clumsily twisting her face into a funny grin.
We both laughed at her pure cuteness and as I looked at Jay I realised something…
He was still holding my hand.
"Come in!" Grace called, as there was a tap on her door. She closed the diary.
The girl walked through her door her long silky hair scraped out of her face and smiling. "Hey Grace!" Malaika moved to her friend and kissed her cheek breezily as they hugged briefly. "All packed?"
Grace looked at her and shrugged. "How can you pack your whole life into a suitcase?"
Mali grinned slightly. "You…"
"How are things anyway?" Grace asked quickly changing the subject.
Malaika's smile faded slightly and then returned. "Mum…she…a few days ago…"
"No…" She whispered her eyes stinging with tears. "Mali I'm sorry…"
"It's okay." She stopped her. "Really Gracey, I'm fine. Especially now the guys are talking about all sticking together – looking out for each other…and I have my brothers…and Luke…"
Grace looked at her for a moment and then realised her point, she still had someone to take care of her…
"Its chaos out there, we couldn't even have a proper funeral – the graves are all…Besides…" Malaika continued. "I've seen enough death in the past few weeks to prepare me for anything."
Grace nodded and they sat in silence for a while, they'd all seen more death in a few months than any person should have to in a life-time…
"I'm glad you have the guys to look after you…Jay'll look after you Mali, I'll make him promise…"
Mali eyed Grace sadly. "We won't forget you Grace…HE won't…"
"He?" She asked raising her eyebrows.
"Jay…he loves you too Gracey…he cares…"
"I don't…!" Grace protested. "He…you…don't know that, you can't possibly."
Malaika nodded. "Okay, you're right – I don't KNOW it." She paused. "But I feel it."
Tears filled Grace's pretty eyes and she blinked hard to rid them. "Don't Mali."
"I can't leave it Grace I'm sorry, I really am…you can't go…not now! What about you and Jay?"
"There is no me and Jay, remember?" Grace sighed. "I think I'm falling in…I think I'm going to regret leaving forever Mali. But I'm going – I'm really going."
"Grace don't."
"I have too don't I? It's my mother's wish – it may be her last."
This she couldn't deny and the friends sat facing each other in silence until Malaika took a small parcel from her bag. "Here." She whispered handing it to her friend. "It's not a going away present." She wanted to make sure Grace knew this. "It's just a friendship thing…to let you know we need you as much as you'll need us. And so you know we'll be thinking about you."
Grace slowly unwrapped the green tissue paper to reveal a beautiful handmade bracelet covered in tiny green stones and reflective glass… "It's lovely Mali…I'll always wear it." She promised slipping it onto her slim wrist. "Thank-you."
Mali fought tears this time. "Stay." She whispered hastily.
Grace shook her head. "I can't." She sighed as they embraced. "I'm sorry Mali. I just…can't."