Okay, so I'm like looking at the future reviews right? And I see all these songs you people want the characters to sing. Mostly Karkat. And I'm like, what the fuck people? I skip over the song singing anyway. What do you gain from this? Funny reactions? They're pretty much all the same. You all need therapeutic help.
That being said, there will be no more singing. It's a waste of time.
I'm not mad or anything, but you need to admit it's a little weird.
Oh my god, it's so hard to write this with my brother playing Call Of Duty in the background. What is the appeal of that game?
Haha, sorry, I'm babbling. No, I will not delete it. Chapter 12!
There's a light snow falling, but the sun had been shining so brightly lately that the snow locking everyone in melted. Everyone decided to do the reviews outside today for some fresh air. The author is sitting on Maplehoof's back getting everything set up. Jane and Jake are sitting under a tree having another feelings jam, and John is in the tree above them grinning evily.
John: (sorry nanna!)
He opens a bag of fleas and empties it out over Jane and Jake.
John: (now that i think about it, this would have been better for jade... nah nevermind. thats a bit too mean!)
Jane: I'm not trying to pry or anything, but you've been drooling over Aranea ever since she got here! Did I miss something?
Jake: Oh Jane, it's not like that! It's just, she's so... oh my, what's that on your nose?
Jane: Huh?
Jane screams and swipes the flea off her nose.
Jane: Oh god, there's some on you too!
They both start furiously brushing the fleas off and scratching their hair. Everyone looks up at the new comotion. John jumps down from the tree.
John: here jane, let me help...
He uses his windy powers to blow all the fleas off of her. After a nasty look from Jane he does it for Jake as well.
John: sorry guys, it had to be done!
Jade: You did that? That's so irresponsible, John! ... but it was a good prank!
Jake: (Thanks for getting me out of that awkward situation!)
John: (dude, dont lie to my grandma!)
Jake: (I'm not!)
Author: Good job John! 19 more to go!
John: you said 19 last time!
Author: Yes, but then Aranea and Meenah showed up.
Aranea: W8 what?
Vriska: Oh sure, SHE gets to use the eights...
Author: Well, this seems as good a time as any to get started on today's reviews! We're actually starting to catch up!
Submitted by Homestucker:
hehehe you're welcome! that was so cute! 3 i'm taking it your a davejade shipper then?
Author: Maaaaaaaaybe!
Vriska: Oh COME ON!
Submitted by Homestucker101:
I dare Equius to slow dance with Feferi and Aridia.
I also dare Virska to lick Tavros's horn.
Submitted by Homestucker: (again)
yay! please put them up soon these are so funny! i have a couple truths today.
Dave: what are your feelings for jade?
Jade: what are your feelings for dave? (i have an idea for how you could do that. have them both write down their feelings on some paper and then you read them out loud so like whoever goes first doesnt change the others)
Nepeta: what is your favorite ship that doesn't include you?
Submitted by Katastrophe666:
:D These are soooooo good!
I Dare Jane and who ever wants to help to bake a AMAZING cake for Karkat, but have Nepeta Jump out of it in a cute kitty costume! I feel bad for him.
I dare Eridan to be the rider with Equius as his hoof beast!
Submitted by BOB:
DARE AND TRUTH tAVROS ADMIT YOUR TRUE FEELING FOR VISKA THE VISKA I DARE YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH TAVROS FOR 1 HOUR
KARKAT SING A SONG ABOUT CUDLEFISH AND SQUIDLES
Author: No more singing!
Submitted by shenza:
hey guys. ok so karkat i want you to sing the songs "Won't Say I Feel Flushed", "hey there harley", "love me drowned", "matespritship", and "grismas songs". aradia, feferi, you two have two sing "s0meb0dy t)(at he used t0 kn0w". and karkat one more thing, you have to kiss jonh, jade, eridan, and gamzee. bye
Author: NO MOTHERFUCKING SINGING!
Gamzee: calm down, sister.
Author: *sigh* Thanks Gamz.
Submitted by gia monic:
I'm not even sorry. I'm really not. Karkat - Dare: Rant for 10 minutes straight about how much you *hate* everyone. Everyone - Dare: You must listen. Must. Even if you're currently doing a dare in which you're doing something else, just put it on pause or something. Author/Karkat/Eridan/Casey/Everyone? - Dare: Author, please appearify (however you spell that darn word) Casey for this. Those mentioned above, please sing the song Glub-a-glub. (YouTube song. Look it up, it's beautiful.) Author, everyone involved in the music video must do what they did in the video itself, so pretty much like a recreation I think. For the parts involving Doc Scratch, Lord English, the grubs, etc, just use your imagination or whatever for filling those parts. AND RECORD IT. MAKE THIS SHIT GOOD! :D Gamzee - Dare: Chug all the Faygo. All of it. THAT IS ALL I HOPE I DID BETTER LENGTH-WISE.
Author: You did do better length-wise, thank you. Oh Equius! Do you know how to slow dance?
Equius: D - Of course.
Author: Good! Dance with Fef!
Equius: D - Uhh... umm... do I have permission?
Author: Yes.
Feferi: yes!
Sollux: n0.
Author: Shut up.
Equius walks hesitantly over to Feferi and holds out his hand like the gentleman he is. It would only be better if he were wearing a tux. They start to slow dance much to Sollux's horror.
Feferi: glub, equius! you're a good dancer!
Equius: D - U-Uhh... nnnnn...
Feferi: ) (ee ) (ee!
They finish. Feferi walks back to Sollux and consoles him.
Author: Now Aradia.
Sollux: holy fuck.
Equius: D - No.
Author: Oh please, the hemospectrum thing doesn't even matter here! Just do it!
Aradia: come on, equius!
Before he can resist Aradia grabs him and begins to lead the dance. He immediately takes over, and Sollux looks ready to kill him. When they finish, Aradia kindly thanks him and he goes back over to Nepeta in a huff.
Author: Someone calm Sollux down.
Aradia: i got it.
Aradia walks over and assissts Feferi in keeping him from murdering Equius.
Author: Cool! Next, Vriska, you've been dared to lick Tavros' horn.
She facepalms.
Vriska: You've got to be joking.
Tavros: pLEASE BE JOKING,
Author: Nope!
Vriska goes over to Tavros and sticks out her tongue, but hesitates to lick him. Terezi pushes her into it.
Vriska: Ow! Terezi! I bit my tongue!
Terezi: H33 H33 H33!
Vriska: Bitch!
Terezi: B4CK 4T YOU.
Author: Calm down, ladies. Let's refocus our focus. Alright, Dave and Jade! Let's get some feelings out there! I want you both to write down your feelings for each other, and then give them to me. We're doing this so you don't change your answers based on what the other person says, like Jane.
Jane: Yeah...
Dave and Jade take the papers from the author and start to write. The author pets Maplehoof's mane while she waits. She's really become attached to this stupid old horse. If only it were real. Dave and Jade finish up and hand the papers back to the author.
Author: Cool, guys. Who's should we read first?
John: dave's!
Dave: shut the fuck up, egbert.
Jade: wait, youre reading these out loud?
Author: Okay, Dave's! Ahem. "i think jade is pretty cute and funny and a fantastic friend, and i care for her a lot." Well thought out Dave.
Jade: can i have mine back?
Dave: thanks.
Jade: like now?
Author: I was being sarcastic.
Jade: please?
Dave: i know.
Jade: WOOF!
Author: Right! Jade's paper!
Jade: ...
Author: "dave, i think youre very amazing and, well, i do have some feelings for you and-"
Jade: okay you can shut up now!
Terezi looks at Jade with a newfound jealousy. Dave just looks a but surprised.
Author: Do you need to have a feelings jam?
Jade: no! nonono! thats fine!
Author: Okey dokey. Moving on. Nepeta, what is your favorite ship that DOESN'T include you?
Nepeta: :33 ohhhh, thats a tough one! umm... oh, there is this one ship thats especially confusing!
Author: Which one?
Nepeta: :33 the one fur John and WV! whats even going on there?
John: youve got to be kitten me.
Author: HA!
Nepeta: :33 h33 h33, good one!
John: thanks, ive been saving it! but no, he's just some friend of mine. i think he's my exile, too.
WV looks at him happily.
Author: Next up! Jane, would you mind baking Karkat a cake? You can get help if you'd like. Remember, you still can't eat any Betty Crocker products.
Jane: I would love to! Would someone come with me to taste test?
Roxy: i wlil!
Jane: Not while you're drunk, you won't.
Roxy: ughg fine!
Rose: John knows a lot about baking.
John: dammit rose.
She sticks her tongue out at him. Jane and John head inside.
Karkat: FINALLY SOME FUCKING RESPECT AROUND HERE! YOU SHOULD ALL BE BRINGING ME FOOD!
Author: (Nepeta, go with them! Show them this dare!)
The author hands her a slip of paper with the dare on it. Nepeta shrieks in delight and follows them inside.
Karkat: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
Author: Nothing, nothing. While we wait for them, Equius! Be the rider!
Equius moves toward Maplehoof but the author stops him.
Author: No, not Maplehoof. Eridan.
Eridan: wwait wwhat?
Equius: D - I don't understand why all these dares have to do with highb100ds. It's une%ceptional.
Author: Stop being a pussy and ride Eridan like a hoofbeast!
Equius cautiously goes over to Eridan and forces him onto the ground, then mounts him. That's pretty much as far as it gets.
Author: Good job Equius. I guess. Tavros! Tell Vriska how you feel about her! No hesitation!
Tavros: uHH, wELL, i DON'T LIKE HER VERY MUCH AT ALL,,,
Vriska: 8ut I help you so much! You should really appreciate me more!
Author: Vriska, was that an eight?
Vriska: Dammit!
Author: Make it up to me by making out with Tavros.
Vriska: What? No!
Author: Actually that's your dare.
Vriska: Shit!
She walks over to Tavros and makes out with him, uneventfully.
Author: For an hour.
Vriska: No.
Author: Yes.
Vriska: No.
Author: Yes.
Vriska: No.
Author: Take it up with BOB.
Vriska: Fine, no.
BOB: Yes.
Vriska: No.
BOB: Yes.
Vriska: No.
BOB: Yes.
Vriska: No.
BOB: Fine.
Author: Cool. Karkat also has some kissing to do. A lot of kissing.
Karkat: FUUUUUUUUCK.
Vriska: grrrrrrr...
Author: Vriska, how many r's was that?
Vriska: Seven! Seven r's! Count them!
Author: Oh hey. Never mind. Anyways, Karkat, first you need to kiss John, but he's inside, so I guess you can kiss Jade.
Karkat: NO I CAN'T.
Author: Yes you can! You are perfectly capable of doing that!
Karkat: SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE, DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO FUCK THAT UP?
Jade: dont you dare use my feelings to your advantage!
Karkat: DO YOU WANT ME TO KISS YOU?
Jade: ... good point.
Author: Too bad, you have to do it anyway.
Karkat goes over to Jade and probably sets the record for the world's fastest kiss.
Aradia: does that count?
Sollux: wait i missed it
WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?! I get off for one night, ONE NIGHT, and there are 50 reviews! Are you all motherfucking insane? DO YOU SEE HOW WEIRD THIS IS?
Whew, sorry. I had to get that out of my system.
Author: Alright, now kiss Eridan.
Karkat: OH MY GOD. NO. NO. HELL. FUCKING. NO.
Author: Yes, yes, hell fucking yes now do it!
Eridan: ... wwell come on then.
Karkat: YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS, AREN'T YOU?
Karkat goes over, and although reluctantly, kisses Eridan. John starts cracking up.
Karkat: WHEN DID YOU GET OUT HERE?
John: a couple minutes ago! we finished the cake!
Karkat: OH GOD YES, I NEED A BREAK.
Author: Wait, kiss John first.
John: wait what
Karkat kisses John before he can do anything about it and grabs a knife. He's about to cut a piece out of the cake when Nepeta bursts out and tacklepounces him, causing him to scream and pass out.
Nepeta: :33 oops.
Author: Well that gives Karkat an excuse to not do the rest of his dares... too bad! His next one said he could rant about how much he hated everyone for 10 minutes. I guess today is just not his day.
John: eww! oh god! why did he do that?
Author: A dare.
John: blargh!
Author: I guess that just leaves one more dare. Gamz, chug all the faygo. All of it.
Gamzee: WILL DO
He absconds.
Author: Well, that's it for chapter 12! I hope you all enjoyed, and farewell!
Quick update: Vriska now has 5 more chapters to go. Chapter 10 did not count. In case you were wondering.