A/N: Hi, so here's the next chapter. It's very, very angsty, but I promise it's also the angst zenith for this story: the worst it will ever get. It's also probably the last flashback heavy chapter of the story. There will be a few more flashbacks, but just interspersed with the action that's going on in the present and the HEA we're working towards.
If anybody is also reading (was also reading) She's Not There, then you know my life is a little upside down right now. We have a few hours left in which we could find out we're being allowed to stay in Germany for 60 more days, or we could be packing it up and leaving for good within the next week.
I don't want to bore anyone with details, though I do want to thank everyone who sent me kind words and encouragement about our situation. I can't tell you how much it means.
But I wanted to let everyone know that this is the reason I may not update next week. If we move I might not be able to post again for up to another month, which I'm very sorry for.
I haven't ever left a story unfinished though and it won't happen with this one.
So I hope I'll see you all next week, but if not I promise I'll post again as soon as I possibly can.
Okay, enough Author's Note- angst time
Disclaimer: I own nothing….
"Who Wants to Live Forever"
Sookie's only response to the news he'd returned was a small whimper and Eric felt his feet unglue themselves from the floor at the sound. Moving through the room, as fast as his long legs would carry him, he came to the bed where she lay. She was so pale and tiny, shivering uncontrollably under the furs which covered her, freezing from cold even though her body was clearly burning with fever.
He had almost forgotten his mother was in the room at all, when he felt her hand take his own. Turning to her, Eric could see how weary she was, but also how sad. He knew without doubt what it meant, if his mother had already begun to grieve.
"We didn't think she would last this long. She's been fighting for days now, hanging on in the hope of seeing you one final time." His mother's voice trembled as she spoke and Eric could see her holding on hard to her composure. "I will give you as much time as I can, but I don't know how long I can keep the others out." She whispered, squeezing his hand, not waiting for a reply before leaving them alone.
When Eric heard the door shut behind him, he didn't know what he should do. He still couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. He'd come expecting to find his mother sick and possibly dying, and Sookie nursing her. He'd come filled with anxiety and hoping he wasn't too late to say goodbye to the woman who'd raised him, loved him, given him life and instead he found the woman who was his life, barely breathing.
Why? How?
Sookie had been fine, more than fine, six weeks ago.
She'd been the picture of health and beauty as she'd walked down to the beach with the other wives bidding their husbands goodbye. The sun had all but danced in her hair and the roses were blooming in her cheeks as she'd hugged and kissed Thorvalder goodbye, and then turned to give him a hug 'for luck' as well.
He could still feel her strong, little arms wrapped around his waist, her head resting that tiny bit too long on his chest, and the secret look she'd given him before letting go. It was those moments, those seemingly innocuous touches, which had sustained them over the years. And even as he'd hacked and slashed his way across the shores of Scotland, her touch had still been with him, the memory of her scent making the unwashed bodies of the men he cut down bearable.
And now she was…. Eric couldn't let himself finish the thought. It could not happen. He would not let it.
"Eric." Her voice, not much more than a whisper, cut through his anguished thoughts.
As he watched, Sookie lifted her arms slightly, her fever bright eyes imploring him, though she didn't have the strength to ask for what she needed.
It didn't matter. He knew what she was asking him for and he could not have denied her even if he'd wished to. Not caring that he stunk of six weeks' worth of sweat and sea salt, or that his mud stained boots would soil the blankets, he climbed into the bed with her. Pulling her into his arms, he laid kisses in her sweaty, tangled hair and tried with all his might to keep his tears from falling.
"My Sookie." He whispered over and over again as he held her. "My Sookie, what happened?"
At first, her only response was to burrow weakly into his arms and bury her face into the opening of his shirt, breathing him in as though his scent were more precious than air. But after a few moments, in which she seemed to calm and shiver less visibly, he heard her speak, the sound of her voice muffled by his chest.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I don't know." Saying only those few words seemed to exhaust her, and she struggled for breath as her head fell back against Eric's arm.
"It doesn't matter." He comforted, peppering her forehead, cheeks, nose and finally lips with soft kisses. "Just promise me you'll get better." Eric could hear the desperation in his voice, but he didn't care. She had to get better. He needed her to fight. He could not lose her.
"I'll try. I promise." Sookie answered. "Just hold me, please. This is the first time I've felt warm in days." He words were so soft, but they broke the dam of Eric's tears, because the truth was she was burning up in his arms.
He was about to answer her, to tell her that he would never let her go, that he would keep her warm and safe forever, when the door burst open, the force causing it to slam into the wall behind it.
"Take your hands off her!" Their intruder roared.
It was Thorvalder, flanked by his father and Eric's. The two older men looked as though they'd been attempting to hold him back, or perhaps had been holding him back for some time, but had finally failed.
The eyes of his cousin were filled with anger and hatred as he took in the scene in front of him: Eric holding his sick wife in their bed, the two of them clinging to each other. The mother of his children clutching the fabric of Eric's dirty shirt with what strength she had, instead of letting him go in shame as she aught to.
Disentangling himself from Sookie, even as his body screamed at him not to, Eric rose from the bed. Standing to his full height he watched Thorvalder advance on them.
"Get away from her. She is my wife!" Thorvalder snarled at him. "You have no right to touch her. She is MINE!"
"No right but that it's me she wants." Eric answered back, his voice steady and strong, his stance daring Thorvalder to try to move him a single inch.
"Get away from her now or I'll cut you down where you stand." Was his cousin's response.
Eric readied himself as he saw Thorvalder reach for the sword still strapped to his waist. But just as his hands closed on the pommel both of them heard the sound of Sookie crying behind them.
Neither was sure of how much she was sensible, but it mattered little. They could both clearly hear her, weeping and calling out, trying to lift her arms, and only half succeeding. The name she called out was unmistakable.
Thorvalder's hand dropped away from his sword and his shoulders seemed to slump visibly even as his face went dark and wrathful. She was calling out for Eric, begging him to come back to her, in whispered sobs.
With one final look Thorvalder turned and made for the door. Taking the handle he turned back, pinning Eric with a murderous look.
"This isn't over." He said, leaving just as he'd come, with a violent slam of the door, which made the wood beams shake in the frame.
"Eric…Eric" Sookie continued to cry until he again laid on the bed and pulled her into his arms.
"I'm here love." He reassured her. He knew Thorvalder meant every word he'd said, but Eric couldn't spare the emotion to care. All that mattered now was Sookie.
The day passed on in a blur as people came and went, but stayed completely away from them.
Fearing Sookie's mysterious illness would spread, the children had already been taken to other homes, and the adults seemed determined to give them this time alone. It spoke volumes of what his family believed would happen. They'd always been expected to act as they were, cousins by marriage, and not what they had been, lovers who'd meant to marry. If his father, mother and the rest no longer demanded they uphold that pretense then it was certain they'd given up on her already.
As night fell, Sookie seemed to drift further and further away, even as Eric tried everything he could to keep her from leaving. He spoke in quiet whispers of what their life would be like when she was well again. Attempting to lure her back to health by promising her the dream they'd imagined only weeks before.
He spun preposterous fantasies in which they would take the children, all five of them, and sail to Iceland. How they would live there, happily, making a home, having more children, working the land, laughing and crying and loving until they were old enough to sit idly by and watch all their huge family surrounding them.
At some point, as she'd worsened right in front of his eyes, it had even stopped being a lie. All she had to do was live… and duty, family and loyalty could damn themselves. He would take her away and the children too, give them the life they deserved, the life they should have had, and never waste a single second more of the fleeting time they were given on this earth staying away from her.
It was well into the night, the blackness outside inky and impenetrable, when Eric finally gave up talking. He was certain Sookie could no longer hear him anyway and instead he simply sat beside her, clasping her hand between his own and praying to anything that might hear him to save her.
He'd nearly fallen asleep where he sat when he suddenly sensed a presence behind him. Eric felt the hairs on the back of his neck and arms rise as his body began to tingle. Had his prayers been answered? Or was it death come to take her? Not knowing Eric prepared to fight. If it were death he would have to take them both! Rising, he reached for his sword at the same time. He'd almost gotten it when he felt a large, warm hand cover his own and a feeling of peace and well-being wash over him.
Looking up Eric came face to face with a man he'd never seen before. The man was tall, Eric's height or just nearly, with long white-blond hair, the front pulled back into a ponytail and the rest left to cascade down his back almost to his waist. His eyes, dark blue and hypnotic, seemed to look through Eric, and his generous mouth was set in a deep frown.
Eric would have called him the most beautiful man he'd ever seen, except when he looked again, his eyes were drawn to the stranger's ears, which were clearly displayed by his hairstyle. Instead of being rounded, they were large and delicately pointed, and Eric realized the being before him was no man at all.
"Who are you?" Eric asked, awe in his voice.
The being merely looked past him to Sookie's unconscious form, huddled under the furs.
"I am her kin." He answered.
Eric couldn't help the look of disbelief that painted his face. He knew Sookie's kin, all of them, and even if he did not, he knew that this 'man' was not Human and therefore could not be family to the woman he loved.
"That is not possible." Eric stated bluntly, pulling his hand out of the stranger's grasp.
"Do you think, simply because you do not know a thing, it is impossible?" He shot back.
Eric knew there were many things in this world he did not understand, but how could this be one of them?
"What are you?" He asked instead of arguing.
"That isn't important. What is, is that I have come to help her." The stranger stared at him, his face calm, but an air of challenge lighting his eyes. He clearly expected to have to fight Eric to get any closer to Sookie, and seemed to find the possibility…amusing in some way.
Part of him thought he should try to fight the mysterious being who'd simply appeared in their home, but no matter how much he wanted to protect Sookie, two things were clear to Eric. The first was that he would probably have very little chance of defeating a being who could appear, and more than likely disappear, at will. The second was that, if no one did anything, Sookie would die before the sun rose anyway.
There was nothing this being could do to hurt her anymore… if that was his intent. If he really had come in answer to Eric's silent pleas, and could help her, Eric would not stand in his way.
The stranger waited patiently for him to think through all of this, and after a moment's pause, Eric stepped aside willingly, allowing him to sit on the bed beside Sookie.
Placing his hand on her heart, the stranger closed his eyes. Eric watched in amazement as the man's hand began to glow, becoming brighter until it rivaled the candle which stood on the small table by Sookie's bed.
The brightness of the light lasted for only a moment though before their visitor pulled his hand away and it went out, leaving his appendage looking as normal as any other persons. Sighing, the man shook his head.
"I am too late." He said, his voice forlorn.
At his words, Eric's found himself stepping closer once more. He could not believe this being was unable to help his love. He was clearly something not of this world, a God of some sort. Surely one with such power could overcome something as Human as illness.
"There must be something you can do!" He pleaded. "Please, I will give you anything… Anything I have. She cannot die."
A sad smile broke across the man's face then.
"I did not recognize you at first." He said, looking up at Eric. "But you are the boy…the boy who was always with her, aren't you? Yet you are not her husband. I was here on her wedding day. I was surprised when I saw the man she married. But then you Humans have so many customs I don't fully understand."
"We were to marry." Eric explained, looking down on Sookie's sleeping form. "But… fate intervened. She is my cousin's wife instead."
"And yet it is you by her side in her final hours."
"We could not marry, but I have never stopped loving her, nor she me. She is my life. I cannot watch her die. I will do anything."
"I'm sorry. If I'd been able to come sooner, there might have been hope. But her body has been too ravaged by this illness." The man shook his head once more as he looked at Sookie. For a moment he seemed to be lost in thought or perhaps simply in grief, but then he seemed sit up a bit straighter. "There is nothing I can do to save her human body, but perhaps all is not lost."
"What do you mean?" Eric felt the hope lighting in him.
"You understand I am not Human?" The man asked.
Eric only nodded his head.
"Neither is Sookie, not completely. She is my daughter." When Eric would have interrupted him, the stranger held up his hand. "I know you do not understand, but it is true."
Eric closed his mouth then, letting the words he would have spoken die before ever being said. He had seen already this man was no mere mortal, and he knew the Gods often disguised themselves when they walked about in the Human world. He had no right to doubt this powerful being.
"I believe you." Was all Eric finally said.
"Then you understand she is not entirely Human either." He continued gesturing to the still figure on the bed.
Eric nodded again.
He would have been astonished, but in truth he'd always thought Sookie something too special for this world. She had always been lit from within by a light so beautiful he wondered that so few other people seemed to see it. He always had though, from the very first day she'd shone it down on him, when she was very little, and he'd been in love her from that day on. So it was no shock to hear it finally said aloud.
"I cannot save her body, but I can take the part of her which is not Human and with much magic I may be able to make her live again."
Eric didn't know what to say. He knew the Gods were powerful, but to see and hear such things said so simply…. He would give anything to know Sookie's end would not happen on this night in this house. But if this being, who claimed to be her father, took her now, would he ever see her again? If she were…reborn somehow, he would be an old man before she was even a young woman again.
Eric's heart broke at the truth that they would still never be together.
"Please, I beg you." Eric began. "If you have this power, then take me as well, please!"
The stranger looked at him then with naked pity in his eyes.
"I cannot do that. You are just a man. There is nothing for me to take from you."
A part of him had known it could never be that simple. Nothing between him and Sookie had ever been easy and yet, Eric couldn't help the tears that started to fall from his eyes. He tried to comfort himself knowing Sookie would live, somehow, in some way. And yet, the thought he would be without her, that he would never even know if she made her way back into this world, it broke something inside of him.
"Please, there must be some way. There must be something you can do…." Eric trailed off, even as he felt himself falling to his knees in front of the being before him.
"There is only one creature I know of which a Human can become that would allow him to live indefinitely and I promise you, you would not wish to be such a thing." The stranger voice was filled with a kind of condescending confidence that turned Eric's tears of sorrow into angry rage.
"Do not presume to tell me what I wish or do not wish!" Eric snarled back, completely uncaring of the consequences of his actions.
He knew it was beyond foolish to anger a God. Mortal men had died for less. But if Sookie left this world tonight, and left him behind, then he had nothing to live for anyway. Better to die by the hand of a being such as this than to wither away from grief like a weak, pathetic creature.
"I have already told you I would do anything! Do you doubt my word? Can you not see I speak the truth?"
"I can see you are consumed with grief and made irrational by it. Can you honestly tell me you would give up your life, your children, your family? Would you give up the very fiber of your being to become a creature of cruelty and violence, ruled by unnatural lusts and led by little more than instinct? Would you condemn yourself to a life of darkness and death, for the mere hope of one day seeing her again?"
Standing to his full height then, Eric looked around his home. His life, his family, his village, they had been almost his entire world from the day he was born. He had been taught from childhood they were the most important things in anyone's life. A man was nothing without his family, without his people. He had sacrificed so much for them. He'd given Sookie up for them once before.
And yet now…now when he was faced with the knowledge they would forever be parted…. Even his children, who had been the anchor that had held him to this life for so many years, seemed to fall away in face of the truth of what his life would be without her.
"Yes." He answered, staring the visitor directly in his mesmerizing blue eyes. "I would give anything or everything, to be with her again. HELP ME!"
The look of quiet astonishment that crossed the 'man's' face then was palpable.
"Very well." He said solemnly. "I will help you. But I promise you, one day you will look back on this night and rue your words."
With that the stranger rose from the bed and turned to face Sookie once more. Bending down he laid his lips gently on Sookie's. For a moment the room seemed filled with bright white light, and then he was gone.
Eric stood, shaken for a moment, wondering if it hadn't all been some sort of sleep deprived dream, but when he looked over at Sookie he saw the shallow rise and fall of her chest had stopped.
She was dead.
Walking back over to the bed and going down on one knee, he took her suddenly cold hand and held it between his own. Raising it to his lips, Eric kissed Sookie's palm and fingers over and over again, repeating the words he'd spoken to her that night in the woods, when they'd made love to each other for the first and only time. It had been a promise then, it was a vow now.
"I will love you forever, Sookie, through this life and beyond to the next. Nothing will change that, not even death."…
Tears streamed down Sookie's cheeks as Eric fell silent.
"He lied to you! You became a Vampire because he promised I would live again and then he purposely kept me from living, hoping you would die!" She'd asked how it had ended for them, but she never could have imagined this.
"Shh love, don't cry…please don't cry!" Eric pleaded, looking at her with a desperation she somehow knew had nothing to do with the years of anguish he'd suffered, but was all about his terror of weeping women.
Sookie couldn't help the little laugh that escaped through her tears.
"For the life of me I'll never understand how it is, with everything you've lived through, you can act as though a few simple tears are like kryptonite."
"They're not just any tears, lover, they're your tears. It's your tears I cannot bear, your tears I would do anything to prevent. And as you've just heard, there is little I wouldn't do for you." His words only seemed to make her cry harder.
"Oh Eric…" She trailed off, holding him impossibly closer and trying to calm herself, for his sake if for nothing else.
"Was Fintan right?" She asked after a long moment. "Did you come to regret your decision?" She remembered his words earlier in the night, about facing century after century alone, always hoping… only to end up always disappointed.
"No, I didn't." Eric answered without even having to think about it. "Fintan was right, I could not have known what it was I was asking for that night and the Maker he sent to me was…not a kind one. In the beginning it was difficult, but the hope of seeing you again was the light which led me through my first centuries.
And once I was released from my Maker I found I greatly enjoyed my existence. As a Human I loved to fight, to travel to new places and see new things. A Vampire's existence, before the Great Revelation, was all about fighting and moving. I seem to have been uniquely suited to this life and, despite the ache of missing you, I have never regretted my decision, especially not now when all my patience has finally been rewarded!" Eric said the last with a look of genuine joy on his face and seeing it made Sookie's heart skip a beat.
She wanted to know about his Maker, about the things he'd lived through to make it to this moment with her, but she also knew dawn was approaching quickly. Not surprisingly Eric had sensed it too.
"It's almost time for me to leave." He said after a moment, sadness lacing his voice.
"Will I see you tonight?" Sookie asked, holding him a little closer, not wanting to let Eric go though she knew she had to.
"I could not stay away even if I wanted to!" Eric said, taking her lips with his own.
There kiss was soft and sweet, filled with promise.
"Good." She said, nodding her head, when they pulled apart. "There's still so much more I want to know, but I think tonight it's my turn. I think it's time I told you everything about what happened while you stayed here…and a few other things too."
"I look forward to it lover." He answered her, before pulling her into another kiss, this one a great deal more purposeful then the last.
"I thought you had to go?" Sookie asked a little breathlessly, when Eric's lips wandered from hers to begin drawing patterns on her collar bones.
"I do." Eric said, letting his hands explore her body once more even as he shifted to move over her once again. "But there should be just enough time."