Sarah was becoming frustrated with Harry's new attitude. Obviously, the lovely dark-haired woman had brought bad news, but surely a grown man should be able to control his emotions better than this. And then she heard it.
"Stop that at once! Get down from there!" Harry's angry voice carried through the apartment—and half the neighbourhood, she was certain. Sarah rushed over from the kitchen to intervene in time to see Teddy run from the room and Charlie dissolve into tears and rush into her soapy, wet arms.
Harry stood and paced to the front door without a word of apology. "I'm going out," he said, his voice still angry and gruff.
"Oh, you are, are you? We've been stuck in this apartment as long as you have. Why do you get to leave? And what gives you the right to be so mean?"
He stepped back toward her, raising his voice to be heard over Charlie's sobs. "You've no right to speak to me in that manner!" he asserted hotly.
"Exactly what are you going to do to prevent it?" she challenged, not in the least intimidated. "Grow up, Harry! Bad things happen. Life sucks sometimes but it doesn't give you the right to take it out on the people who care about you." She turned on her heel and walked into the bedroom, slamming the door.
Consoling the boys, she learned that Teddy had been crawling up on the back of the couch and jumping down onto the seat and then onto the floor. He assured her that Harry had only told him once to stop before he'd yelled at him. Charlie had been playing with some blocks on the coffee table.
"Something is bothering Harry. I don't know what. I guess we'll have to give him some space for a while. Let's go find something to do," Sarah suggested.
"I don't want to go out, Mommy," Teddy reported, his voice panicked.
"Harry's not out there. He's gone."
"Did he die like Daddy?" Teddy asked quietly.
Sarah's heart clenched for her poor little son. "No, sweetheart. He just went for a walk to get rid of his grumpies. Come on. There must be something we can do that we haven't already done sixty times." Sarah picked them both up and moved to the kitchen, pulling out a bag of dry pasta and dumping it into a large mixing bowl. She pulled out ten of the noodles, colouring them with markers and hiding them in the mixture. "Let's see how long it takes us to find the red ones," she suggested and the boys dug in, soon lost in the fun of playing in the pasta, retrieving a few cars and blocks to add to the adventure.
Sarah sat by them at the table, desperately wanting to cry. Why on earth am I upset by this? He told me himself he was lousy with kids. Just because it took a few days to see the real man doesn't mean I wasn't an idiot for thinking he was anything special.
Once the pasta lost its charm, they built a fort under the kitchen table and then Sarah put them in the bathtub for a 'just for fun bath', no washing required.
Harry didn't return until supper was almost ready. Teddy shot into the bedroom as soon as Harry entered the apartment and Charlie didn't come running but stayed in front of the television.
Harry set a plastic bag on the table and sat heavily on a chair. Sarah ignored him. He made this mess, he can sort it out.
"Sarah," he said, his voice husky and quiet. The next was a little louder. "Sarah, I'm sorry." She turned to him, seeing his face cloaked in misery. He didn't look up to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
"What happened?" She kept her voice even, her anger retreating in sympathy with his misery but she was not willing to let him off the hook until she understood better what had happened.
"Nothing," he replied.
"Evidently something did happen because you hollered at Teddy, frightening him badly and hurting his feelings," she insisted.
He met her eyes with a fleeting glance and then looked away again. "I mean nothing happened that justified my behaviour. He was just jumping on the couch and didn't stop when I told him to." He leaned forward, resting his head on his hands, quiet for a long while and Sarah returned to preparing supper.
"What did you mean when you said I had no right to take it out on the people who care about me? Sarah, I don't know if you've noticed but no one cares about me. My life is a train wreck, as a colleague once told me. I shoot through life hurting everyone I come into contact with." He looked up to find her eyes.
"Oh, Harry," she replied, sympathy driving her to his side. "You have been a big fat jerk today but one loss of temper doesn't qualify you as a train wreck. Mistakes can be fixed."
"Not all mistakes," he replied, his eyes watching her face. He seemed unable to look away and she couldn't tell whether he was waiting to be condemned or desperately hoping for forgiveness.
"I suppose you must be right. But this mistake can be." She moved closer to lean against the table beside him.
"What do I do?" he asked, still watching her closely.
"You need to apologize to Teddy. You really hurt him, Harry. He was just beginning to trust you and you treated him very badly."
He brushed his hands through his hair. "Why would he forgive me?"
"Because he cares for you and Charlie cares for you."
"And you?" She started to move away but he wrapped his arm across her waist, stopping her but not restraining her. "Please tell me. The truth. All I want is the truth."
She met his eyes again, seeing the pleading there. "I care for you, too, but I'm not very happy with you at the moment. Apologizing does take you some way toward making things right, though."
His breath shuddered in his chest but she was still shocked when he pulled her close, resting his head against her, holding her tightly around the waist. She hesitated and then wrapped her arms around his shoulders, stroking his hair in comfort. He released her just as abruptly, returning to studying the pine knot on the table between his hands.
"I'm sorry. I had no right to do that," he mumbled.
She patted his shoulder in comfort and then moved around the table, turning off the stove burners and sitting across from him at the table.
"Harry, you're going to have to tell me the truth." He looked up at her words. "But first you need to make things right with Teddy."
"Tell me what to do," he insisted.
"Apologize to him. Explain—in four year old terms, of course—and try to do better. He's very sensitive so it will take some time for him to trust you again. But, Harry, this is not an unfixable situation."
He nodded slowly. "Jane always said—" he stopped.
When he didn't continue, she prompted him. "Who is Jane? Your ex-wife?" Sarah asked.
He nodded. "She always made me feel that each failure was critical and unrepairable. She used to remind the children of the times I'd overreacted or underreacted or just been absent." Harry's eyes pleaded with her. "I do love my children. I do care for yours."
"No parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. But when you make a mistake, you have to go back and apologize and try to fix it, either in the now or in the future. And, just for the record, your wife should not have done that. I've seen it many times in friends and colleagues who feel the need to punish their spouses, using their children as their weapon. She was wrong to do that and you were wrong to leave mistakes unanswered." She stood and moved back into the kitchen, reaching up to bring down four plates. "Now, go in and talk to Teddy and fix this."
He nodded once, his face determined. "I—uh—I stopped and bought some new trains and a couple of books. I also bought you some coffee. It's Ethiopian—supposed to be very good. I've—uh—arranged for you and the boys to go out once a day from now on."
She gave him a small smile. "Thank you. It will be nice to get out of here." She sighed in relief. "I'll let you give the toys to the children."
He nodded again and moved into the bedroom.
Sarah hugged her arms across her chest, wishing she could hear what was being said. After a time, Teddy emerged, carried on Harry's back and she wondered how the poor man was managing with his battered ribs. Charlie raced over and Sarah announced that supper was ready so as to preempt a new activity which would then leave supper cold.
"Harry?" Harry looked down at Charlie. "Grumpies gone?"
Harry turned his head to look at Teddy's face over his shoulder. "What does he mean?"
Teddy answered quietly, "Mommy said you went for a walk to get your grumpies out."
Harry's eyes dropped to the floor. "Yes. My grumpies are gone. I'm sorry Charlie. I'm sorry Teddy. I behaved badly."
Teddy kissed Harry loudly on the ear, making Sarah smile. Clearly affected by the little boy's affection, Harry announced, "Er—I bought some new toys."
"Toys! Toys!" the boys cried together.
Sarah lifted Teddy off Harry's back and watched as Harry took out two new trains, a train station—which must have cost a small fortune—and two books, one about a car and one about a horse. He produced the packet of coffee and moved over to Sarah, wrapping his arms around her in a hug which she returned. "Thank you, for a second chance," he murmured in her ear.
She gave him an extra squeeze. "My pleasure."