A/N: FINALLY, another update! Thank you to all my readers and reviewers!
"She really wanted him to kiss her, desperately so..."
"As his lips met hers, gently and timidly pressing down, she suddenly had to fight the temptation not to completely melt into his arms...she was Queen, after all..."
Clarisse suddenly sat up in bed with a start, wide awake, her heart racing, breathing erratic, her cheeks hot, her mind fuzzy as the emotions she had been feeling that night (and had been reawakened through the dream) continued coursing through her.
It took several deep breaths before she finally had the presence of mind to switch on her bedside light and sink back against her pillows, still breathless, her mind still reeling from a dream that, a week earlier, had been a reality, and something she and Joseph had yet to discuss, through no fault of their own. They had been back in Genovia three days and had had no opportunity to be alone together, discussing what had happened between them.
They had left two days after the ball, accompanied by Sheila Motez and other ball guests and, once they had landed, Clarisse had had back to back meetings as well as her usual duties- public appearances to be a particular focus as she had been out of the country for the past month- and there had been precious time since then.
She wasn't quite sure what they were going to say to each other when they FINALLY caught up with each other, but Clarisse felt simultaneously nervous and excited- for her, this was uncharted territory...
A quick glance at her clock informed Clarisse that it was only 10:30- exhausted by the non stop schedule she had maintained since her return, she had retired at 8- but now, feeling wider awake then ever, she knew she wouldn't go back to sleep for a long time...and, after a moment's pause, knowing that she was too restless to go back to sleep for a while (and that a book wouldn't help, nor television), Clarisse decided to go to the kitchens and have a cup of tea- she had done it many times before and, besides, who would still be in the kitchen at almost eleven at night?
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Joseph couldn't sleep.
Despite his exhaustion, the three full on days that had proceeded the month long sojourn to San Francisco and that trip itself and, despite the early night- the Queen had retired and all was quiet in the palace and on the grounds- he found himself tossing and turning, his mind still focused on the something that had occurred in San Francisco several days earlier, something that he and Her Majesty...Clarisse hadn't had the chance to discuss.
The Kiss...
Their Kiss...
The kiss that had the potential to change their relationship, either for the good or the bad...a thought that plagued him- what if she didn't want to pursue a relationship with him? What if she found it so awkward working with him after that happened that she terminated his employment? What if she hadn't wanted the kiss but had allowed it because she had felt sorry for him?
However...what if...what if it had been meant to be...what if it was something they had both wanted and that it was the start of something special...
Suddenly he realised that, with all the possibilities, they were venturing into uncharted territory...
The realisation made him feel unusually nervous and even more restless so, after yet another attempt to sleep, Joseph decided to get up and go the kitchen to make a cup of tea- thankfully, the palace kitchen would be empty so he wouldn't have to focus on anyone to make conversation...
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Clarisse had just sat down at the table with a teapot, cup and saucer and plate of cookies, relieved that she was alone, when she heard footsteps coming down the hallway towards her, and she stiffened slightly before Joseph, clad in black pyjamas, stepped into the room.
"Oh," they said in unison before they both paused awkwardly.
"I didn't realise you were here..." Joseph began, breaking the silence. "I'll go."
He turned to leave but Clarisse's voice stopped him.
"No, don't... please," and he turned back at the tone of her voice. "I've already got a pot of tea here," she waved at the table. "Would you like some... or would you prefer coffee?"
"Tea will be fine," he said gruffly, retrieving a mug from a nearby cupboard and sitting down opposite her, focusing on pouring his tea and trying to pretend that he WASN'T nervous about being in Clarisse's presence.
Once he had finished pouring his tea, they sat there for a long, awkward moment, at opposite sides of the table, staring into their respective cups, before Clarisse, butterflies in her stomach, spoke up:
"Have you had a few busy days since we got back from San Francisco?"
"Relatively- the men here didn't have all that much to do while they were gone, so I didn't think that there would be so much paperwork...but they have obviously left it to accumulate for me..."
"Any trouble?" she looked concerned,
"No, but I can more than empathise with your paperwork," he paused for a moment. "How have your days been?"
"Busy as usual...but you would know that," she teased and he chuckled.
"True," he agreed before the awkward silence fell over them again and eye avoidance became a game as both Joseph and Clarisse felt nervous- why couldn't they look at each other- and sad- had the kiss really changed things to this extent?
When the silence grew unbearable, the tension between them growing, Joseph decided to break the silence, if only so they could try and resolve this.
"Your Majesty," he began almost timidly, but before he could continue, he was startled when Clarisse's head snapped up, her expression a mixture of surprise and sadness. "What's wrong?"
"You called me Your Majesty..." she said in a soft voice.
"I thought..." he began again, before stopping suddenly.
"What?" she looked curious.
"I thought...well..." he was now stammering, much to his embarrassment. "I was afraid that, after what happened in San Francisco, you would prefer...to keep our relationship strictly professional."
"You would think that? That I would prefer to pretend nothing happened? To maintain a professional relationship?"
She was torn between annoyance and distress- she hadn't expected Joseph to be this insecure, although she found it endearing- as she flushed slightly. "REALLY?"
"Yes," Joseph said simply, knowing that it was better to be honest rather than pretend, particularly when Clarisse's blue eyed gaze was focused on him. "I know I shouldn't have been thinking that but..."
"I thought that too," Clarisse interrupted him. "It was one of the fears I had- that you would prefer that, or that I would want that... I'm not sure myself, at the moment."
"Really?"
"Yes," she looked down for a moment before looking up and meeting his eyes- NOW was the time for honesty as he was one of her closest friends... best friend...
"We haven't spoken for nearly a week and... I have to ask, how do you feel about the kiss... OUR kiss?"
There. It had been said, it was finally out in the open, the act that they had both been worrying about for the past week and the other's subsequent reaction to it, but hadn't had the chance to admit it to each other.
There was another long silence between them, although the tension had dissipated somewhat- before Joseph said quietly:
"I was afraid that...that you had regretted the kiss and... that you would fire me."
"Why would I do that?" Clarisse sounded horrified, trying not to show how insulted she was. "Why would I do that? We both know that I wouldn't do that- especially not now!"
Joseph could see that she was insulted, but before he could amend his statement, she sighed- he was afraid to admit his true feelings about the kiss, so she had to start.
"I suppose I was a little scared afterwards... this is very new and different for both of us... I too wasn't sure how this would affect out friendship, but I also knew that...we've been moving towards this situation for a long time and that it was only a matter of time before it happened."
"So... you weren't angry at me?"
"How could I be when I was obviously encouraging you?" Clarisse smiled gently at him, still remembering how excited she had felt, having him so close to her and hoping that he would kiss her...
She wanted him to kiss her, desperately so...
"I wanted you to kiss me, and... I felt wonderful afterwards, even though I didn't show it very well," she looked down at her hands again, blushing, and there was a moment's pause before she felt his hand on top of hers and squeeze gently.
"So did I... I was terrified that I would be arrested for forcing myself onto the Queen's person," he joked and she chuckled as she looked up and their eyes met.
"I could have, you know..."
"I know...but I was also afraid that you would be offending... I was telling you the truth before when I said that I was afraid that you would fire me."
"I am also telling you the truth when I say that I wouldn't," she placed her other hand on top of his- this was a new situation, almost a role reversal, as she was the one to comfort him rather than the other way around, and she had to admit that she liked it. "I had no justification... and I couldn't..." she trailed off and Joseph looked at her curiously.
"You couldn't what?"
"I couldn't...I couldn't let you go, not after you had been such a solid supporter for Amelia- I think she would have been very unhappy if I had fired her," Clarisse said simply, and while that was the truth, she knew that the real reason was something that she couldn't yet admit to him- that she couldn't bear not to have him in her life.
Joseph watched her for a moment, sensing that she was not being entirely truthful, but since the evening had already been quite intense, he decided to let it be.
"So," he said after a moment. "What do we do now?"
"I have no idea... although we could finish our tea and try to retire back to her respective suites for sleep," Clarisse teased, her humour finally making a reappearance.
"True..."
"I know what you mean though...this is uncharted territory for me..."
"And me as well..."
"Really?" she teased. "The ladies certainly love you!"
"I can't help that I'm so charming!" he pretended to preen for a moment and the tension between them completely dissipated before he sobered up. "But this is seriously uncharted territory for me as well..."
"I know...what do we do now, then?"
"I have an idea..." he said after a moment, suddenly feeling more confident- now that they had finally admitted what they were really feeling about the kiss, and they had both realised that they had nothing to really worry about, he was feeling much better and he could see that she was feeling just as relieved.
"Oh?"
"Why don't we just relax and not worry about what's going to happen and what we're going to do...why don't we just enjoy what's happening between us and..."
"Let whatever happen proceed naturally,"she finished his sentence with a smile. "That sounds like an excellent plan...and I'm glad that we've talked about this."
"As am I...It felt strange not having talked to you for nearly a week..."
"Yes, it has been..." Clarisse agreed and they gave each other a warm smile, relieved that everything was back to normal and they were just going to let things proceed naturally...