Chapter 11: Bottoms Up! - Bofur
After hours of another infamous long walk, all of us stopped at an inn. Finally we would have cozy beds and a decent meal for once. Soon as the proper negotiations were made, we were shown a room. We all dropped bags all over the floor carelessly as usual. Thorin pulled both of his nephews apart for a manly talk...
"We will stay a day only to get supplies. Make sure Wyenne feels welcomed. I don't want any complains. Understood?" Said Thorin lightly threatening.
"Yes uncle!" said them both in unison.
"Good, see you all in a moment." He said, leaving for his usual habit of seeking solitude to smoke his pipe. He winked at me on his way out.
Bofur immediately landed on the barrels of ale with Bifur and Nori. I accommodated my things on a bedside table, while fondly thinking of Thorin and how lovely he was to me in private. My thoughts were quickly interrupted by the dynamic duo.
"So, now that you have decided to be part of the family, you also have to learn the proper dwarf customs" Said Kili.
"This is nice of you but, does it have to be now?" I asked, knowing full well my past experiences with the Durin brothers. But I knew I would eventually need to bond with my future nephews.
"Oh, come on Wyenne, first rule to being a proper dwarf is that you cannot be shy!" Said Fili.
"In fact, you have to loosen up a bit. How about dancing for starters?" said Kili.
"And the music?" I asked with a smirk.
"Nonsense, this will be a rehearsal! Just watch" said Fili.
The brothers locked up one arm each in opposite directions; One of them was facing forward, and the other back. They began to jump clockwise and counterclockwise, each time faster and alternating arms.
"See? is not that hard. Let me see you try!" Said Fili encouragingly.
"Oh no please, I got two left feet and zero grace" I said, and it was a genuine worry of mine.
"You know Wyenne, you are making too many excuses. We will need the help of the expert here..." With that said, Fili pulled my hand and leaded me downstairs to the barrels of ale, where Bofur was; funny hat and twin braids as usual, with a mischievous smile under his mustache.
"Hey Lads!" Exclaimed Bofur.
"We need your help here, Wyenne is shy and says she cannot dance!" said Kili.
"Easy enough, Wyenne all you have to do is drink this and all your fears will ease down." said Bofur as he handed me a pint of ale.
"What is this?" I asked with suspicion.
"Just a bit of ale. Will also quench your thirst." Said Bofur, as he poured another pint for himself, which he downed from five gulps. He belched noisily.
The others laughed loudly, taking each a pint afterwards. In a matter of seconds, the silence of the place was murdered by belches and cackles. I shrugged my shoulders and downed my pint too, maybe too fast for a rookie drinker.
"This tastes good!" I began to feel a bit tipsy because I was not used to drinking.
"Want another?" asked Bofur.
"Sure!" After a short while I was giggling, my cheeks got a rosey tone to them. The taste of ale began to agree with me.
One pint after another, we drank like pros. Bofur climbed on a tabletop, pulling the Durin brothers up.
"This place is boring, let's get the party started, lads!" Exclaimed Bofur.
"AYE!" They all yelled in unison.
That's when Bofur began to sing one of his drunken songs... The rest of the gang joined in the lyrics they knew by heart, singing out loud and laughing. Everything made me giggle like a school girl. That's when the boys looked at each other with mischievous smiles and pulled me to the table top. They danced with me until I assimilated the rhythm, leaving me alone with Bofur after. He locked arms with me immediately.
The boys were banging the bottoms of their pints against the table to keep the beat, while singing out loud their lyrics. There was spillage of ale all over the table where I danced with Bofur, causing me to slip and fall flat on my rear. I laughed out loud.
"Are you alright, lass?" Asked Bofur.
"YES!" I said, at the top of my lungs and chuckling.
"Then rise and let's keep dancing!" said Bofur.
"Wait! I have something to do first..." I said.
All of a sudden, I decided my boots were bothering me. So I removed them and tossed them away randomly. One of them flew past the fat Bombur at just inches from his temple. The other got tangled on the ceiling fan (no idea if Middle Earth has those, but I felt it added to the overall environment), which sent it flying at high speed against some glasses on a counter. The shattering sound of breaking glass caused them all to roar with laughter. I snatched the pint from Kili's hand and drank what was left in it. Then I dropped the empty mug. It crashed when it hit the floor. Bofur helped me up, grabbing me immediately by the waist to prevent me from falling flat on my back. And again, we resumed our dance at the table top. Before long, I was yelling the lyrics as well, off key. I lost most of my inhibitions. Everybody was encouraging me to act like one more of them. Bad idea!
All the noise alerted Bilbo, who came downstairs to see what was going on. That's when he saw me making a fool of myself. He ran outside to tell Thorin of my behavior, heavily worried that I would hurt myself in the process. Thorin followed Bilbo indoors and arrived just in time to catch me in the air, as I fell from the table into his arms, giggling like a school girl.
"Your nephewsh adore mesh!" I chuckled incoherently.
"Who is responsible for this?!" Demanded Thorin.
"But uncle, you told us to make her feel welcomed, and that we did!" Said Fili, half as wasted.
"Can't I turn my back for two seconds without returning to chaos?! Everybody upstairs! The party is over!" He yelled, highly upset. Not for the party, but because HIS betrothed was drunk. His plans were ruined.
One by one, the dwarves composed the mess and paraded past Thorin upstairs to occupy their beds, silent as graves. He carried me all the way up to my bedroom, but he was afraid to leave me alone there in my current state. The bed was too small for two, so he pulled some blankets and pillows to the floor, lying me down there and making me comfortable. He stood by me on the floor, contemplating me in my sleep. "What will I do with you?" He thought. Thorin was deadly tired, so he embraced me against his chest to keep me warm. He dozed off almost immediately.
That evening the lesson was for my betrothed, who learned to not leave me at the mercy of a bunch of jack asses.