Adam felt weary as he trudged up the stairs. The last few nights had been rough. Matilda was teething and up and down all night. Eventually he just bought her into bed with him in the vain hope she would be more settled but it didn't really make that much of a difference. The only benefit is that he doesn't have to get out of bed to settle her down he can just open his eyes because despite having a whole bed to spread out in Matilda always ended up close to him and because she was restless she was kicking like a mule at the moment. Who knew babies moved so much in their sleep?

One benefit of her being up so early was that he had her at his father's place before breakfast and headed into work. The earlier he got started on the pile of reports the better if he had any hope of getting home at a reasonable hour and because she was so unsettled lately he wanted to get home to her and be the one to get her into bed. Routine, all the books talked about was routine and god knows he was tyring to go by the book. Pity Matilda couldn't read he often lamented.

He was surprised to see a brightly wrapped box on his desk. It was almost Christmas, their first Christmas and it should be exciting but to say he wasn't looking forward to it was an understatement. If he could have just avoided it all together he would have but that was unlikely and he was determined that for Matilda's sake these occasions had to be enjoyed and for him, he would do his best just to endure it.

He read the card that was secured to the red and green wrapped gift with a gold ribbon.

'Merry 1st Christmas Matilda Burgess.'

It seemed odd and he turned it over in his hands a few times looking for a clue as to where it had come from. Nobody called her Matilda Burgess. Her name was Matilda Ruzek, not many people even knew that one of her middle names was Burgess; he certainly never mentioned it when people asked her name. He looked at the card again and it suddenly hit him. The cramped messy writing, he'd seen it before. He grabbed the box and flew down the stairs.

"Sarge." He barked, dropping the gift on her desk. Platt glared at him and pulled the pile of papers out from under the box he had unceremoniously dumped it on. "Where did this come from?"

"What? It's a Christmas present for Matilda."

"Where did it come from?" he asked again through slightly gritted teeth.

"I don't know. It was here when I got in this morning. Why?" She pulled her glasses down her nose slightly and peered at him looking completely annoyed by his presence. He appreciated that it didn't take Platt long to get back to ragging on him at work once he returned. At home, with Matilda she was a completely different beast. She was a little like a toasted marshmallow, crusty on the outside and a little burnt but soft and gooey on the inside. "You suddenly going all Grinch? Cancelling Christmas?"

"It's from Roman." He leant his elbows on the desk and inched closer so that no one could eavesdrop. The last thing he wanted was to start the rumour mill. This place was a cesspit of gossip.

Platt leant forward, mimicking his actions. "What? How do you know that?"

"The writing on the card. And nobody calls her Matilda Burgess. It's from Roman. How did it get here? Is he here?"

"Whoa, slow down. I don't know. It was here when I got in, I took it up and put it on your desk."

"Get rid of it." He shoved it across the desk. "I don't want it."

By the time Al arrived Ruzek was no doubt back at his desk and stewing on it. Platt had done her best to talk him down off his ledge but she was pretty sure she had failed as he had stormed back upstairs. Platt called Al back as he tried to sneak past her like he did most mornings. "He's up there, and not happy. Someone dropped off a Christmas present this morning for Matilda. He thinks it was from Roman."

"Sean Roman?" Al leant one elbow on the desk.

"How man other Roman's do you know? Yes Sean Roman. He's pissed." Platt was a mixture of annoyed that Olinsky was being, well typically Olinsky and concerned at how this was going to affect Ruzek. He was doing great, probably better than she had initially expected but they were always on edge because he was still prone to moments of doubt and anger and on the odd occasion he had probably gone a little harder at a suspect than he should have. This had the potential to knock him off his axis again and that was something they were all keen to avoid.

"Did he drop it off himself? Is he back in town?"

"I don't know."

Adam was hunched over his desk when Al got up there. He sat on Atwater's desk and folded his arms across his chest and waited for Ruzek to acknowledge him. He didn't. "You okay kid?"

"Yep." Adam didn't look up from the report he was working on.

"You don't look it."

"I'm fine Al, really." Leaning back in the chair he forced himself to smile. "See." Before returning his focus to the report.

"I've never lied to you so don't lie to me. Platt told me about the present."

"Of course she did." Al could tell by the tone of his voice he wasn't surprised, annoyed yes but not surprised.

"What makes you think it was from Roman?"

He knew that writing because he had seen it on enough arrest reports but it was the letter he had seen in Kim's apartment that he remembered the most. Kim had opened the letter without knowing it was from him, just after they decided to try and work things out. She promised him that she wanted nothing to do with him, that it was over, a mistake and she had completely cut him out of her life. She unfriended him on Facebook and blocked him. She wanted to prove to Adam that she was serious about repairing their relationship. She had made sure he saw the letter because she didn't want any secrets or things to come back and bite her later. He had taken her at her word and never had any reason to doubt Kim, but this guy he wouldn't trust as far as he could kick him.

"I know the writing and who else would call her Matilda Burgess? Seems the kind of dick thing he would do."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing." He threw his pen on the desk, ran his hands roughly through his hair and wheeled around to face Al directly. "I am certainly not giving her the present."

"You know he did care about Kim."

"So what? He also manipulated her into breaking up with me so he could move in on her and because of that I lost almost a year of the life I wanted with Kim. So forgive me for not wanting to be best buddies."

"Hey, I'm not saying you need to be buddies but carrying around this hate is not healthy."

"Stops me hating other things."

"Such as?"

"Myself." Al leant over and rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "By hating him I can ignore everything I did wrong."

"Don't go there. You worked it out in the end."

"To what end? To become a widow with a six-month-old baby. Great fucking success this has been."

"So that part isn't great but you had a wife who adored you, you've got a daughter who adores you, that's more than a lot of people ever get."

"Not great?" He was starting to question the validity of Al's Pep talk. "It fucking sucks big time Al."

"I know it does. Don't let Roman get you all worked up. He's not worth it."

"I just don't get why he is so fucking focussed on Matilda. Turning up at the hospital trying to see her, now this. I don't trust him. I don't know what he's up to and it scares me."

"Maybe it's nothing, maybe he just wants to know that she is okay because she is part of Kim."

"And what if it isn't?"

As they heard the gate open Adam grabbed his cup and headed into the break room indicating to Al that he was done talking about it. For the past six months Al had spent enough time with Ruzek to know when he wanted to talk and when he wanted to be left alone. Right now he wanted to drop the whole conversation and focus on work. Being at work was a relief from the crushing grief he lived with. It hadn't got any easier, it was just different.

"Mouse." As soon as Ruzek and Halstead headed out to follow up with a couple of CI's Al approached their tech wizard. He had kept an eye on Ruzek all morning and perhaps it was only him that noticed his agitation, he had called his father four times checking in on Matilda. He was spinning. "Can you trace someone for me?"

Mouse cocked his head to the side and smiled his all too familiar lop-sided smile. He had lost count of how many personal favours he had done for this team. Perhaps he should start charging? He'd make a mint. "Sure. A new boyfriend for Lexie?"

"Sean Roman." Mouse's smiled faded as he nodded. "I just want to know if he's in Chicago."

When Erin heard his name she stopped what she was doing. That name instantly set her on edge. She had never forgotten how angry Adam had been when he found out that Roman had been at the hospital, she had borne the brunt of his wrath that day. "Al?"

"Don't worry about it." He brushed her off. Ruzek didn't want to talk about it and he probably didn't want everyone to know about it. They would all start fussing over him and telling him not to worry about it and that would piss him off even more. He appreciated everything people were doing for him but sometimes he needed them to back off.

Mouse dropped the note on Al desk a little while later and whispered. "He's in Chicago." Al leant back in his chair and blew out a long slow breath. Antonio watched him from across the room; he came and sat on the edge of his desk.

"What's eating you old man?"

"Did you know that Sean Roman was back in Chicago?"

"No, I don't hear from him. He sold out of the gym when he left. Why?"

"He's stirred Ruzek up. There was a present delivered for Matilda today. Matilda Burgess. He recognised the handwriting on the card and now he's freaking out and you know what he gets like when he gets a bee in his bonnet." Al leant forward in his chair. "Hey, let's keep this to ourselves. He doesn't want or need everyone hovering over him."

"What do you want to do?"

"Have a chat."

"Let me do it. He knows you're in Ruzek's corner. Let me have a chat and see what it's about."

Al agreed and Antonio promised to keep him in the loop. He handed him Mouse's note and he grabbed his jacket and headed out. Fortunately as the months had passed they had to do less and less of this, diving in to stop Ruzek spinning out of control. Antonio found him exactly where Mouse said he would be, in a bar.

"You guys are good." He muttered as Antonio pulled up a stool next to him.

"How's it going Roman?"

"You know. Happy to be back." He rolled his eyes as he took another mouthful of beer. "Although I forgot how brutal the winters are here. How's the gym going?"

"It gets by."

"Soooo." He drew out the word. "You are not here to talk about what a raging success your business has become and that I was a fool for selling out?" Antonio just shrugged and waited for Roman to continue. "What then?"

"You came by the District this morning?"

"Nope." He ordered another beer.

"You got someone to drop something off for you then?"

"Ahhh, you guys upstairs always working. I guess that's why it's called Intelligence." He tapped his temple with one finger as he sneered. "Can never get anything past you?"

He threw some more money on the bar. Antonio was starting to get pissed off with him and the fact he seemed to be enjoying it. "So how is Kim's baby doing?"

"Ruzek's baby is doing fine."

"How pissed do you think Ruzek would be if I asked for a DNA test?" Antonio clenched his fists and then suddenly let them go, shaking off the tension. This guy was seriously pissing him off. Even when he was still a cop there was always some uneasiness to their relationship with Roman, with all of them. You never quite knew where you stood with him and whether he was straight up trustworthy of not. Ruzek certainly had little time for him and he generally seemed to have a good gut feel for people.

"What?"

"Just kidding. I know it's not mine. Would be fun to watch Ruzek lose it though."

"What have you got against Ruzek? What did he ever do to you?"

Roman shrugged. "I guess I'm just pissed that she loved him and not me."

"So by hurting Ruzek and their baby that makes you feel better?"

"I would never hurt Kim's baby." Roman's eyes flashed angrily and Antonio was a little taken aback. Ruzek had a bad feeling about all this and now so was he. He took a deep breath and tried to think of something to say that would put all this to bed.

"You are hurting her, by stirring up Ruzek it's affecting Matilda. Just leave them alone." Antonio patted him on the back as he stood up to leave, although he doubted they had heard the last of Sean Roman, unfortunately. "If you do we won't have a problem."

Roman watched Dawson leave and chuckled to himself as he finished off the rest of his beer, grabbed his change from the bar minus the tip and walked out. He had somewhere to be.

Adam rugged Matilda up as he got her out of the car. She had been at his father's all day and he was surprised how bitterly cold to had become in the last few days. He really did need to find a new place to live that was better set up for a baby. Perhaps he would eventually look for something with a yard for when she was running around but the thought of taking care of a garden, mowing the lawns left him cold. He was not a handyman by any stretch of the imagination but it would be good for Matilda to have space to run around. And a garage would be great, because this parking outside in winter seriously had knobs on it.

He stopped dead in his tracks and instinctively put his hand over Matilda's head and held her tightly against his chest.