Before you read this, I want to apologize. For one, this chapter took me forever. For another, it's not very good, and it may feel a bit forced. That's because it is. Lately my own depression and self harm have been getting worse, and I haven't really been up to writing anything. This chapter was supposed to be cute and fluffy, but I just couldn't do it. It's also a good deal shorter than I wanted it to be; I was also going to include Remus' and Sirius' whole day in the hospital, but I'm just going to add that into the next chapter, because I wanted to get this posted. I also have finals this week, but then I have break, so I should be able to post more. So, yeah, if anybody actually cares, I'm sorry.

Chapter 12

"And Madam Pomfrey didn't do anything?" James asked in disbelief. "She kicks me out nearly every time I walk through the door! Hell, she even kicks Dumbledore out!"

"I think she thinks that Sirius is good for Remus, and I agree."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on yet?" He begged Lily. "You keep talking about him like he's dying or something. Sirius has been so protective over him lately, and he's in the hospital constantly. Is this just because of you-know-what?"

James and Lily were sitting comfortably in the corner of The Three Broomsticks, trying to avoid the rest of the world as curled up close together, hand in hand, sipping their butterbeer. They were deep in discussion about Remus and Sirius; James was trying to convince Lily to tell him what was going on with Remus, while Lily was trying her hardest to keep the secret contained. It was, after all, Remus' business. Remus had trusted her to keep it quiet, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin her relationship with him. Lily knew that she would hate if somebody told a secret of hers. At the same time though, she also knew that she would hate if such a serious secret was kept from her. She almost felt as though James had a right to know what was going on. He was Remus' best friend, besides Sirius. Lily figured that the desire to keep certain things under lock and key grew mostly from misunderstanding. Remus was afraid of being judged, afraid of being pitied, afraid of being looked at differently, afraid of being treated like a little kid, afraid of being treated like an animal. James might not understand this. However, Remus didn't seem to understand that people worried about him. He thought it such a preposterous idea to consider that people might actually care about him. Lily knew more than anyone that James could be an idiot, but she also knew that his heart was always in the right place. This was why, as she opened her mouth to speak again, she was silently praying that Remus would forgive her.

"You have to promise me a few things first," Lily decided.

"Come on Lils, just get on with it."

"You have to talk to him, like you promised you would. Whether you want to bring this up directly or not, you need to let him know that you're there."

"I know, I know, I said I would. That's kind of hard to do though, when you don't know what's going on."

"You have to promise not to be ashamed, or disgusted, or to pity him," She said. Then, as an afterthought, she added, "Or to speak when you don't understand."

"Now when have I ever done that?" James teased. What Lily was saying was important, no doubt, but James was growing impatient.

Lily returned his smile, although humorlessly. There was a feeling of anxiety growing in her chest which she couldn't help, despite the fact that she knew it was totally disproportionate to the situation at hand. "He's been in the hospital because he needs help."

James pretended that she had just given him the most shocking information, while exclaiming, sarcasm obvious in his voice, "Wow! I never would have guessed!"

Lily rolled her eyes at him, as she was accustomed to doing. "You have to let me finish!" She said. "It's- It's not for the reasons you think."

"Oh really," James said dully. "Please enlighten me."

"You're a prat, you know that?"

"So I've been told." He flashed another goofy grin.

Lily sighed. "Remus is…depressed," she eventually said.

Much to her annoyance, James shrugged. "Everybody get's upset from time to time,"

"I didn't say he's upset! He's depressed. As in clinically depressed. He's been- He's had to go to therapy and everything," She informed him.

At this, James seemed a little more interested. "Therapy?"

"Yes, James. Ever heard of it?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Remus, well, He's- God, he's going to hate me for this."

"So you've mentioned," he replied.

"He cuts himself, James. He takes a knife, or a blade, or God-knows-what-else to his skin and cuts it. There are thousands of scars covering him. He's not just a little upset."

This had succeeded in shutting up James, which was not an easy feat. His mouth hung open a little bit.

"He's going to be fine though," Lily added as an after thought, when James didn't say anything.

"He- He what? Is he-?"

"Is he suicidal? I don't think so. He was never trying to kill himself. He just… Wanted to relieve the pain."

"How is slicing up your wrists going to 'relieve the pain'?" James asked, incredulously, and Lily had to shush him.

"I don't know!" Lily responded. "I'm just saying, he's not doing well, and I'm worried about him, James. Please talk to him? You promised," She begged.

"It seems Sirius is handling him pretty well," James pointed out, a little jealous that he had been the last to know.

Lily rolled her eyes yet again. "Don't be like this James, don't be such a prick. He needs help. He needs to know we all care about him. The more support he had, the better," She pleaded. She had a feeling that he would have more influence with Remus than she did. Although, she thought, Sirius would probably have the biggest effect on him.

"Fine, fine, I'll do it," James agreed. Despite his casual demeanor, he cared deeply for Remus, and he was far more worried than he would let show. The last thing he wanted was for something to happen to Remus, or any of his friends, for that matter. James resolved to talk to Remus after the full moon that night.

After a few minutes of silence, in which Lily and James both lost themselves to their thoughts, James spoke again.

"So… Do you think they're together then?"

Lily pondered this for a second. "I don't think so. Not yet anyways. They're definitely both into each other. And I think that they're starting to notice that there's definitely something more between them than friendship. I could be wrong, though."

"So what's the plan then? Neither of them are even out yet. I don't think Sirius ever plans on coming out, either."

"Well we'll just have to make them then, won't we?" She smiled. "Though, how we're going to do that, I don't know. I think we're dealing with two of the most insecure boys on the planet."

Usually, Remus was left alone to sit in the hospital wing on the day of the full moon. He normally tried unsuccessfully to finish off homework and study, but he always felt too ill to focus. With Sirius there, though, it wasn't so bad.

When he had awoken that morning, he had found himself curled up in Sirius' arms, with his head resting on the other boy's chest. Sirius hadn't even seemed to care, which was confusing to Remus. Sirius had kept his arms protectively around Remus, and his hand had somehow found Remus' hair. He didn't remember falling asleep like that, but still, it wasn't a position that best friends frequently found themselves in. Not that Remus was complaining. Still, Remus didn't want to let himself hope that there was anything more there. His relationship with Sirius was starting to feel somewhat normal again, and he didn't want to mess it up by feeling things he shouldn't.

But Merlin, did he love Sirius. Remus couldn't remember ever sleeping as peacefully as he did that night.

It had been awkward, though, when Lily had found them in that position. She, fortunately, didn't say anything. Remus didn't think he could bear it if she did. Lily had just smirked down at them, and greeted them in an unusually cheery voice. She had winked at Remus when Sirius wasn't looking, though. Then she just called a house elf to bring all of the residents of the wing breakfast.

Things were extremely awkward at first. Remus thought Sirius had just held him because he had known that Remus was having a hard time. Sirius thought that Remus just wanted to be held so he wouldn't feel alone. These things were both undeniably true, but neither boy let himself consider for a moment that there might be more to it than that, though deep down, they both hoped. They were both well onto their second piece of toast when Sirius finally spoke.

"So how are you feeling this morning?" He asked, as casually as he could. Sirius wanted to pretend as if nothing unusual had happened, because he didn't know if he could deal with anything else.

"Good," Remus replied, just as casually.

After another few moments of silence, Remus spoke up again. "You can go to Hogsmeade if you want, you know. I don't mind." Well, he did mind. He wanted Sirius to stay more than anything, but he didn't want to ruin Sirius' day either. Lying in a hospital wing was definitely not the most entertaining thing one could do.

Sirius, however, insisted on staying with Remus. Sure, he wanted to go to Hogsmeade, but he would much rather stay with Remus. Besides, he would be the third wheel anyways; James and Lily were together, while Peter was with his girlfriend, Penelope.

They finished their breakfast in silence, the things going unsaid hanging over them.

It seemed to both of them at that moment that it was going to be a very long day.