The weather was cooling, as October finally came to a close, and one dour black-haired professor could be found nursing a tumbler in his quarters in the dungeons.

Halloween had been much the same as could be expected, and apparently one of his Slytherins had decided to give a Gryffindor a pumpkin for a head. It was completely harmless, but as such he had just returned from a detention.

All in all, it had been rather uneventful, though, considering that the six years in which Potter had been a student here, things were always hectic; someone had either let a troll in, petrified someone, or broke in to the castle; in no specific order.

Not that he was complaining about some peace and quiet.

He groaned. His head was killing him. He was beyond tired. Tired of it all. It didn't help that the last few days had been one thing after another. He could feel the tears prickling his eye, and angrily brushed them away with the sleeve of the robe he was wearing. Snivellus. Get a hold of yourself. You don't cry like a frightened youngster.

He took a swig from the Firewhisky, trying to block out the memories. Trying to make himself numb.

Unfortunately, he wasn't left alone to his musings for long.

"Severus," said a voice, knocking on the door.

"Not now, Minerva," sighed Severus.

She wasn't deterred for long, however, as she wouldn't stop knocking, and Severus needed the pounding to stop.

"What do you want, Minerva?" said Severus.

"I was going through this week's reports," said Minerva, in way of explanation. Severus had not been as thorough on his reports as he maybe should have been. Though, she supposed that she really should be thankful they got done at all.

"I see," he said.

"That's all you have to say?" she questioned.

"Yes," he replied.

If Severus was on edge before, it was nothing compared to how he was feeling after the next couple things that Minerva said, in an attempt to get him to open up. It was, apparently, very obvious that something was bothering him.

Finally, when she didn't take the hint, he snapped.

Minerva just watched Severus rant and smash the empty bottle against the hearth; the man was devastated.

"SEVERUS SNAPE, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" roared Minerva. She then softened her tone. "I don't even know who the person standing in front of me is. The Severus Snape I knew was a fighter, he would not give up and become a pathetic drunk."

Severus swayed on his feet but looked at her balefully.

"Get out!" he snarled quietly.

To her credit, Minerva held her ground, and stared at him. "Go clean up, and I want you at dinner. Do try to make yourself presentable."

Annoyance crossed his pale features.

"Go! Now!" she ordered sternly.

Severus looked resentful, still not moving.

"Do I have to take you in hand myself?" she said, taking a step forward.

Severus took a step back.

"You know what?" snorted Severus, angrily. "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"Severus –" she said.

He just shook his head.

"Talk to me, please," she said.

"I can't," he said, his voice growing hoarse.

"Why not?" questioned Minerva.

"You don't get it, Minerva," said Severus, acting rather the petulant child.

"What don't I get, Severus?" prodded Minerva.

"Nothing," said Severus, sighing.

"No," said Minerva, hoping to push him a bit over the edge. It hadn't escaped her notice that he had been distant and moody for a couple weeks. He was pushing everyone away.

"What don't I get? Tell me," prodded Minerva.

"Just go!" said Severus, hands shaking.

"No. Talk to me, Severus," said Minerva. "What don't I get?"

He winced as tears entered his eyes.

"What don't I get?" she asked. "You can't keep on like this, Severus."

"I… I killed him, dammit!" said Severus, before even realizing he said it. "I don't –"

His voice cracked, and sitting on the couch, his head fell into his hands.

He felt a light touch on his shoulder.

"You didn't," said Minerva. "You gave him an extra year."

"I... I cast the curse, I watched… him… d-die," said Severus, gritting his teeth. He could feel his control shattering, and was fighting desperately to hold onto it. "D-don't tell me I didn't! I killed him, just like I good as did L-lily! Not to mention Charity!"

Though he didn't look at her, his voice was filled with a raw, bitter ache, and a savage self-loathing.

Minerva felt her heart ache for the man before her, who was hurting so badly and yet did not know how to ask for comfort. Worse, did not believe that he deserved comfort.

"Severus, you did the best anyone could have done," said Minerva. "You were handed an impossible situation; it was war."

"Everything I do… It's –" rasped Severus.

"You did more than enough, Severus," said Minerva, tears running down her cheeks. "Way more than enough."

"I just –" he started to say, before a sob escaped his lips.

Then the older witch did something no one else would have dared.

She took the guilt-ridden, distraught, Potions Master, and Defence Instructor, in her arms and held him.

Severus stiffened, then tried to pull away.

"No… don't…" he rasped.

"I should have done this a long time ago," said Minerva, hugging him tighter.

Suddenly his last remnants of control snapped. He was tired, so tired. He was weary unto death of suppressing his emotions, sick to his very soul with remorse and anguish, and could not bear it any longer. Head buried in Minerva's shoulder, there was no keeping back the flood as strangled sobs escaped his lips, shaking his entire body and threatening to overwhelm him. He wept himself to exhaustion, and all the while the animagus held him, wise enough not to offer council but only blind comfort, her tears mingling with his own.

Once he calmed enough, he got up, and still feeling defeated, turned towards the loo.

After he got out of the shower, he threw on some decent robes, went to his stores and took a sobering and headache draught. He could have just taken a Pepper Up, but he had no desire to go to dinner with steam coming out of his ears.

He was instantly feeling much more clearheaded, and while in his stores, one bottle caught his attention. Recognizing it immediately, and figuring it wouldn't hurt any, he took the tiny vial and tipped it to his lips; a warm feeling spread through him, as he instantly relaxed.

It was under the effects of the calming draught that Severus made his way up to the Great Hall.

Upon entering the hall, he noticed that something was off. There were two extra seats, and even though he couldn't see his face yet, the black hair was unmistakable. He had actively tried to avoid the young boy - no, man - these last few months.

The other, even if the raven-haired young man didn't, certainly had better things to do than being here. What in Merlin's name was going on?

He did successfully manage to keep the confusion off his face, however, and just moved to take his seat.

He was pulled out of his musings by Minerva, standing up, and catching everyone's attention.

"Good evening," she said. "As I am sure you've all noticed, we have some special guests with us this evening: Mister Harry Potter and Minster Shacklebolt."

There was a round of applause from the sea of students.

"Now, before we eat, I do believe that our guests have a few words that they would like to say," informed Minerva. She then glanced at him, and said, "the floor is yours."

"Thank you, Ma'am," said Potter. "I am thrilled to be here tonight, and thank you for the warm welcome."

The students were all hanging on to his every word. His worth had grown tenfold when he had survived not only twice, but vanished the darkest wizard of the age.

"Young mister Potter stole the words out of my mouth," said the Minster. "Thank you for the warm welcome. It is truly an honour to be here tonight. As you all know, not so long ago we were at war. Fear makes people to terrible things, but as a good friend once said, it is the quality of one's convictions that determines success, not the number of followers."

Severus then watched as Shacklebolt gestured to Potter.

"Twenty years ago a drastic decision was made," said Harry. "Twenty years ago a young man made a decision that would change the course of history."

At this Severus fought to keep the nervousness, and surprise, off his face. However, if the look that he was currently receiving, from Minerva, was any sign, he was failing horribly at keeping the look of surprise at bay.

"This man has, in a very real sense, been to hell and back," said Shacklebolt. "He played an unenviable role; scorned by the Light, and unable to align himself with the Dark."

His mind was racing with curiosity. What in Merlin's name was going on? He tried to think of a reason they would be dishing out his biography of sorts, but none came to him.

He also couldn't help but wonder if Shacklebolt was referring to Azkaban, or the Dark Lord. Although, it might have been a touch of both. Personally, both qualified in one fashion or another.

"He intercepted a prophecy, and switched sides. He decide to give a family their best chance. He owned up to his past mistakes, and with his decision," Potter continued, "he showed everyone that not only are things not what they first seem, but he showed us that we've all got both light and dark inside of us. He showed us that what matters is the part we choose to act on; that is who we really are. He showed us that the mistakes we make, the choices we make, can be reversed. Personally, I have to believe there's redemption in the darkest of circumstances."

The hall was still quiet; students and staff hanging onto every word.

"While I was at Hogwarts, although not a kind man, he did everything he could to protect me," said Potter. "He lived up to the promise he made to himself, and even while I was in hiding, worked to help me end the war. He didn't hesitate to take his role as spy back up, even when everything was telling him not to. I was there when he was asked, and a stronger look of resignation I've never seen. He always has been quite the character; even while I was hexing him, and berating him, he tried to give me advice. Advice that I never heeded, and I should have."

Severus knew exactly what the young man was referring to.

It was the night he had killed Dumbledore. He was fleeing the castle with the other Deatheaters, and Potter was on his tail, hexing him.

"Incarc-" Potter roared, but Severus deflected the spell with an almost lazy flick of his arm.

"Fight back!" Potter screamed at him. "Fight back, you cowardly-"

"Coward, did you call me, Potter?" he shouted. "Your father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him, I wonder?"

"Stupe-"

"Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!" sneered Severus, deflecting the curse once more. The boy needed to learn to close his mind off! If he didn't he didn't have a prayer! "Now come!" he shouted at the huge Death Eater behind Harry. "It is time to be gone, before the Ministry turns up-"

"I can honestly say that without this man I don't know if I would be standing in front of you today," said the young man. "He has a shocking knack for acting, and enjoys messing with people, altogether too much."

At this, Severus smirked, and quite a few others laughed.

"He embodies the best of all for Houses; exceedingly loyal, incalculably cunning, uncommonly brilliant, and immensely brave," continued Potter. "This is why, with the Minister's blessing, I have been given the, huge, honour of doing this. Professor Snape, if you could come forward."

Severus stood up, and still confused as can be, made his way beside Potter and Shacklebolt.

"I apologize for everything," said Potter, just for Severus' ears.

Severus just quirked his eyebrows in reply, causing Potter to shake his head.

"Severus Tobias Snape, it is my great honour to award you the Order of Merlin – First Class – for your incredibly bravery and special services to both the school, but the British Wizarding Community!" announced Potter, moving to pin the green ribbon onto Severus' robes.

The entire hall broke into seas of cheers and applause. Hagrid even whistled.

Severus was utterly, and completely, stunned. Nowhere in his mind had he suspected this, or even considered it an option.

"It is well deserved," said Potter. "You sacrificed a lot for our cause."

"Hardly the only one, Potter," he replied.

"True," said Potter. "Others have as well, but in a different way. You deserve this, Severus. You've more than redeemed yourself."

"Thank you," he croaked, an uncharacteristic amount of emotion in his voice. It took everything he had to compose himself again.

"You're welcome," grinned Potter, before getting a sly smirk on his face.

"Merlin, save me," thought Severus.

"How about a few words from the professor?" offered Potter.

"Git," whispered Severus.

"Revenge is sweet," chuckled Potter, in an equally low voice.

"You're the one that got up and spoke," reminded Severus.

"Ah, yes, but I hate public speaking," grinned Potter.

"Did I mentioned you were insufferable?" inquired Severus.

"Wouldn't be the first time you thought that, I'm sure," said Potter, bemused. He then handed the reigns over to him.

"Thank you, Mister Potter, Minster Shacklebolt," said Severus, now talking in a more raised voice, and shaking their hands. "I am beyond honoured and humbled, even as I think of the others who worked tirelessly to help us get to where we are today. This means a great deal, and especially due to who it is coming from. Permit me to say that both of your parents would be proud of you, Mister Potter."

"Then permit me to say, sir, that you're forgiven," said Harry, in a much lower voice.

"Congratulations, Severus!" said Shacklebolt. "I also have much to apologize for, and wish you all the best in the coming years. Harry is right, it's well deserved."

Severus just nods, and Potter started another round of applause.

"Congratulations, Severus," said Minerva, as he took a seat.

"Thank you," said Severus.

There was a sea of congratulations from the rest of the staff.

"How long has this been in the works?" questioned Severus.

"For some time," acknowledge Filius, filling his plate.

"We know we made many mistakes your year as Headmaster, Severus," said Minerva. "Things have been particularly strained these last few weeks, and if we've done anything to do that, we apologize. I also know that I've said and done some hurtful things. I am particularly sorry for what I said at your trial."

"I purposely ignored things, and ended up hurting you," said Poppy. "It wasn't right, and I said many things that I shouldn't have."

"As did we all," said Filius.

"We all are very sorry, Severus," said Minerva. "We know it doesn't change what happened, but we'd all like to move on, and put this behind us."

"You're right," said Severus. "It doesn't change what's happened, but nothing will. Things were hardly easy for you lot either, and I can't fault you for that. I want to put in the past as well, as for how I've been acting the last few weeks, well… suffice to say I haven't been dealing with things well."

He then gave her a rather pointed look.

"Although, if you can refrain from making me feel like an unruly school boy next time you want to make a point, I assure you, Minerva, I would most certainly appreciate it."

"Then don't give me a reason, Mister Snape," she teased, taking some Yorkshire pudding.

Severus just rolled his eyes.

"They are right you know," said Filius. "It is well deserved."

"Definitely," agreed Neville. "As one of the students, things could have been a lot worse."

"Did you really not suspect anything?" questioned Poppy.

He snorted.

"I noticed you lot acting peculiar and secretive," he said, slightly bemused. "However, I had no idea what was going on. And this did not find itself on any list of arbitrary theories."

"I hope you didn't think of anything to bad," said Filius.

"No," he lied, smoothly. "I just had no idea what to make of it."

"You're losing your touch," teased Rolanda.

"Hardly," he smirked. "There are just some things that one ought to leave alone."

"Sure, Severus," jeered Rolanda. "Whatever you say."

"Oi! It has to be some sort of record," teased Lizzy. "What do you think Irma?"

"I'm not coming near this with a ten-foot broomstick," she said.

"Wise choice," smirked Severus.

"What do you think?" questioned Lizzy, turning to Vector.

"Oh, without a doubt," said Septima, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"As I said, not likely," he snorted. "Furthermore, if we're playing this game, I could mention..."

"No thanks," Lizzy said, quickly.

"That's what I thought," he smirked.

"Don't count your owls before they're delivered, Severus," goaded Minerva.

Severus shot a mock glare in her direction, causing her to shake her head, smiling.

"Severus, Severus, Severus, what are we going to do with you?" questioned Minerva.

Severus just rolled his eyes.

"Never have an dull day," suggested Lizzy, with a shrug.

"Well, you certainly have a certain proclivity for making things interesting, Severus," said Minerva.

"It's a talent," he said, oozing mirth.

He was beyond exhausted by the time the staff had called it a night, and he went to bed.

He fell asleep instantly, and for the first time, in a long while, he had a peaceful night's sleep.

Despite the horrible start to the day, things were slowly beginning to look up. Maybe things really would turn out alright. They forgave him, but could he forgive himself?