Dorothy and the Telemarketer

It was a beautiful autumn day. Birds were singing cheerfully, the sun was shining, a soft breeze was blowing, and there was an overall sense of picture-perfectness.

This was a guarantee that something was about to go wrong.

Within one of the many extravagant rooms of her mansion, ensconced in an armchair that was more like a throne, Dorothy regarded the peaceful woodlands and smirked a pretty little smirk, stroking a finger along one of her strangely-shaped eyebrows. Peaceful…that place was too peaceful. She would have to go stir it up…perhaps take a couple cats and a couple more guns and wreak havoc on the avian inhabitants… The options were endless.

Her musings of feathered destruction were interrupted by a ringing sound. Rather than containing all the shrill tones of a normal phone, this ring practically oozed coy evilness. She'd programmed it herself.

Languidly, she reached over the arm of the chair, and flipped the cell phone off the little table next to her, landing it neatly in the crook of her shoulder, depressing a button with a perfectly manicured fingernail.

"This is Dorothy, what can I do to you?"

"Hello, miss. I'm Midii Une, representing SpyAccessories Inc., here to tell you about our newest product."

"SpyAccessories, hmm?" Dorothy pulled a bottle of blood-red fingernail polish out of thin air, and began shaking it. "Continue."

"Thank you! Now, as you know, the profession of the spy is a long and arduous one. It's very difficult to get a piece of equipment that is easily concealed."

"That's certainly true." Dorothy didn't mention her collection of spy tools squirreled away in an inner room of the mansion.

"Which is why we've come up with the newest model of the spy world! The Spy Necklace and Game System, version 5.00008! Taking on the guise of an innocent game that is worn around the neck, with the ability to transmit information over up to ten kilometers, the SNaG System is entirely reliable." Midii coughed. "SpyAccessories is not responsible for the capture, imprisonment and/or torture of spies who use these products."

"Really." Now the nail polish was being applied carefully and smoothly over the perfect nails. "Do they come in colors?"

"Of course! The SNaG System possesses a transmutable exterior that can be programmed to any color you desire."

Dorothy held a hand up to the light, and examined it critically. When the polish passed muster, she lowered her hand, and said "It will be obvious if you sold a lot of these to a lot of people. They would pop up everywhere."

"And we have taken this into account. You, miss, are the only one to receive this exclusive offer! We are selling a variety of different products, each one different from the last. No two look alike, but all possess the same function."

"Clever." The blonde smiled. "You wouldn't happen to know who the president of this company is, would you?"

"I do know, actually. It is a Ms. Dorothy Catalonia. Why, miss?" asked Midii, slightly confused.

Dorothy leaned back in the chair, and capped the bottle of nail polish. "Oh, no reason. I think I'll pass on getting anything. After all, I'm not really in the spy business." She smirked slightly. "At the moment."

"Are you sure? I know there has to be something that—"

"Oh no, nothing. You just keep doing your job. But do me a favor…look up this number."

There was a slight pause as Midii crosschecked the phone number in the company database, then a muffled, and more than slightly panicked "Eep!" as her screen revealed the owner of the number.

"It's alright," said Dorothy, before her flustered employee could say anything. "I'm glad my company is working so efficiently." She set the bottle of polish on the table next to her chair. "Good luck with your sales." And she hung up.

It really was a beautiful autumn day. The blonde-haired woman gazed out the window with a small, slightly evil smile, and thought of all the things that she could do to make Quatre flustered when she 'accidentally' ran into him at the next diplomatic party.

A/N: Whew, it's been a while. *sheepish look* I've been stewing over ideas, but have been too busy/lazy/both to post. Plus, it took me a while to finish writing this. Want any more excuses? *nervous laugh* I've got plenty… But seriously. ^_^ To Lady D, I say: there's Midii. And she was just perfect, too, so thanks for suggesting it. *grin* To Berserker: kudos for thinking up Midii's place in the story. And to all my reviewers: many thanks for all your fabulous, lovely (insert adjective of your choice here) comments. ^___^

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