Phil's P.O.V

I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked around me and wondered where I was. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Then I remembered what happened at night. I looked next to me and saw Dan sleeping there, peacefully. I smiled a bit. He looked so adorable. Then I shook my head and stood up. I walked out of Dan's bedroom and shut the door. Then I walked in to my bedroom and looked at myself from the mirror. I didn't like what I saw, so I turned around and looked for some clothes. I got dressed and then I walked in to the kitchen. I saw the razor blade on the floor, that I dropped there at night. I quickly picked it up and shoved it in my pocket.

"Morning Phil", I heard Dan's voice behind me. I turned around quickly and saw Dan coming towards me, smiling. I smiled back at him. I hated to fake my smile to him. "Did you make some coffee already? You should've wake me up", Dan said and wrapped his arms around me. I shook my head in a rush.

"No, not yet, and sorry I didn't wake you, but you were too adorable", I said and pulled away. I turned around and started making coffee. Dan wrapped his arms around me from the back and kissed me on the cheek. "Dan, I'm making coffe, stop it", I said and he pulled away laughing a bit.

"Sorry", he said. I sat on the kitchen worktop to wait for the coffee to be ready. I saw Dan glancing at my wrists, and I didn't like it. I tried to hide my wrists. Why didn't I wear the long sleeves? "Phil, don't be ashamed of them", Dan said and walked over me again. I looked at the floor, but I didn't say anything. Dan took my arm in to his hand and pulled it up.

"I don't want you to look at them", I said almost whispering. "They don't look nice, and when you look at them you just feel pity, and I don't want that", I continued, still looking at the floor. Then I felt Dans lips on my arm and I looked at him. He was kissing my scars, but I didn't pull away. It felt comfortable and I liked it. He kissed my arm, all the way to my neck and then he pulled away.

"Don't be ashamed of them. I know you think I feel pity, I do. But that's not the only thing I feel. I feel pain 'cause you feel pain. I feel that it's my fault that you did those scars. I feel that I should make things right, and I should make you feel better, 'cause it's all my fault, and-"

"No", I said and cut him off. "Don't take the blame. It's my fault own fault. I did it, not you", I said and looked at Dan in the eyes. "I'm sorry if you feel that way. 'Cause you shouldn't. You should never feel my pain, 'cause you don't deserve it", I said and Dan wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Neither do you", Dan said. I shook my head and looked away.

"The coffee is ready", I said and jumped off the work top. Dan sat down on the breakfast bar and sighed. "You want?" I asked and he nodded. I poured coffee for us in two cups and gave the other one to Dan. Then we stayed quiet. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it wasn't a comfortable silence either. It was something from the between. We just didn't have anything to talk to.

Dan's P.O.V

"So, you're together now?" PJ asked and I nodded. He stared at me for a while, maybe thinking was I pulling a trick on him, or was I telling the truth. "Wow", he said finally. "Really, you two? I mean, I know that you've always been way too close and you've always had something going on, but wow. You were dating Jake, what happened?" PJ continued and I smiled a bit.

"We don't need to talk about what happened between me and Jake, we just broke up. But yeah, me and Phil, together. But he's a bit unstable with this", I said and dropped my gaze to the table. "I mean, he's not getting used to this so well and he has his own problems, but I think were gonna get this work, somehow", I explained to PJ. But I wasn't that honest with him. I hadn't told him about what Jake did to me, or what Phil had done to himself. I could keep it clean with PJ, no rough stuff with him.

"What do you mean with 'own problems'? I didn't know that Phil has own problems, he never has problems", PJ said and I just tried to think quickly what to say. I didn't want to lie to PJ, but I also didn't want to tell the whole truth. Phil would not be happy if I tell everybody about his problems.

"No, it's just about this dating. We're just trying to get this work and it's harder for him than it is for me, I guess", I said. That wasn't lying. That was just the half of the truth. PJ stared at me for a while and then he took a hold on his coffee cup and drank some of his coffee. "But yeah, that's all. What's new with you and Chris?" I asked and smiled.

"No, that wasn't all", PJ said and stared at me in the eyes, again. "Dan, I'm not stupid. I've known you a while and I already know when you're lying or not telling the whole truth", PJ said. I just shook my head. I could not tell everything to PJ, I didn't want to. He would not like what he would hear. Not at all. "So are you gonna tell me the truth or do I ask that from Phil?"

"You don't want to hear the truth. It's a long story", I said in a rush, hoping that PJ would leave it, but of course he didn't. He kept staring at me. "Long story short. I'm in love with Phil, Jake raped me, twice, Phil has self harm problems because he's in love with me", I said quickly and drank some coffee to keep myself calm. It took a while for PJ to get everything in before he reacted.

"Wh-when did he rape you? And why?" PJ stuttered out. I didn't really want to talk about it. I knew that everybody always said that talking helps and all that bullshit, but I didn't believe it. Or I didn't want to believe it. Even thinking about it made me feel like shit. And it brought back memories that I didn't want to remember. "Does anyone know? Have you called to the police?"

"No", I said and stared at PJ in the eyes. "I don't want to call to the police. They never help anyway" I said. "And Phil knows. And you know. And Jake knows. And that's about it."

"You really should tell-"

"No, Pj, no", I said cutting him off. "And let's not talk about that", I added and looked at the clock, which was hanging on top of the door of the starbucks. "Oh shit, I gotta go. I said to Phil that I'd be at home by now", I said and stood up quickly. "I'll see you soon, I guess", I said and rushed out of the starbucks. I ran through the streets and finally got to the flat. I opened the door, but I didn't hear the usual noices of our flat. I didn't hear Phil playing sonic or watching TV. I didn't hear him cooking food or singing in the shower. I didn't hear anything. "Phil?" I asked carefully and threw my coat on the floor. I walked to his door, which was closed.

"Don't come in", I heard Phil's little voice through the door. He sounded broken. I couldn't help but open the door to see what he was doing. Phil was curled up in a ball on his bed. I saw a little bit of blood dripping down on his arm and some of it was on his face too. "I said, don't come in."

"What have you done to yourself? You promised to come to me when you need the blade", I said and walked by his bed.

"You weren't here."