Chapter 12
After prefect meeting on Hogwarts express after the holidays, Remus and Lily were walking back to their friends when they met James and Sirius on their way. "Evans," Sirius smirked, "Black," Lily smiled and nodded and then looked over to James, who was running his fingers through his messy hair. "James," Lily's voice was soft, "Lily," James noticed the change in her voice as well as the pink cheeks when he called her name. People around them stopped and gave those two astonished looks, for they could not believe that James and Lily were actually being civil to one another and not just that polite!
Things were silent for a while after they came back from Christmas break, but when had things ever been silent for too long at Hogwarts? Lily was walking to Potions class with her friends when they saw a bunch of students gathered near the greenhouse. "What is going on?" Mary squinted her eyes to see what the chaos was all about. "Sirius Black got into a fight with some of the Slytherins" A Ravenclaw student told the girls as she passed them by. "These Slytherins," Mary shook her head, the argument got a lot louder and the girls exchanged looks before Dorcas said, "Let's go look what is going on."
When they reached the crowd, Lily could make out the back of Sirius standing closest to the Slytherin students he got in a fight with, apparently his brother was also the part of the group, but stood furthest away. "You, son of a –" the crowd gasped when the angry Slytherin made that remark and all eyes shifted to Sirius. "That – sounds about – right," Lily snorted at Sirius' response, while James and Remus let out a roar of laughter. Mary, Alice and Dorcas gave Lily a puzzled look and Lily composed her face. "Was that supposed to offend me?" Sirius asked to the tongue-tied Slytherin. Lily looked over to Sirius' brother Regulus, who looked as if he would lose his cool any second. "What are you laughing about scar-faced?" The Slytherin boy turned his attention towards Remus.
Lily's jaw dropped, and the students gasped again. Remus, who would usually remain unaffected by anything thrown his face, stood frozen, the laughter disappeared. Lily had a strong urge to punch the Slytherin student in the face for making that remark. Before anyone could react, he was thrown back a few feet away from the crowd, and a bunch of things happened to him at the same time; Lily could identify some of the hexes, like knee reversal hex, Sardine hex, Redactum Skullus incantation, tail growing hex, soap being spurted out of his mouth. The students started backing up and Lily could see clearly now, both James and Sirius were hexing the student at the same time.
"What are ye both doin'?" a blooming voice startled Lily. She turned around to see none other than Rebus Hagrid making his way through the crowd of students most of whom came up only to his waist. "James, Sirius, Stop!" he warned the boys, "ye want to kill him?" he asked loudly, making the boys lower their wands. "Pick him up, take him to Madam Pomfrey, will ye?" Hagrid pointed his large finger towards the bunch of scared Slytherins, who rushed to the boys' side and picked him up. "Yer comin' with me" Hagrid pointed towards Sirius and James, who looked just as pissed but followed after Hagrid, who kept looking behind himself as if to check if the boys were following him.
Remus quietly took his bag and with his head lowered started walking to the next class. Lily and her friends were walking a good few steps behind Remus quietly and Lily felt extremely bad with all that happened with Remus. "Go ahead, I will catch up with you in the class," Lily told her friends who nodded and started walking faster to the class. "Remus!" Lily spoke loud enough for Remus to hear, he stopped and when he turned around, he had a smile on his face. "Lily" his voice gave away whatever he was feeling inside, Lily fought an urge to frown. "Mind if I walk with you to the class?" Lily asked, "Not at all," Remus smiled. "Where is Peter?" Lily asked, remembering not seeing him during the confrontation a few minutes earlier. "He is sick, taking a day off" Remus told her. "Where are your friends?" he asked, "They were in a hurry," Lily lied.
"I see," Remus started, "and how was Christmas? I heard you were at James'" he asked after a pause. "Christmas was wonderful," Lily replied excitedly, remembering the most fun Christmas she had ever had. "I heard you took some photographs, when will you develop those?" Remus asked, "I was going to do it tonight," Lily told him. "Show it to us when you do," now Remus had a genuine smile on his face. They reached the classroom and walked inside together, "Of course, how was your Christmas?" Lily asked him and without a second thought the two of them sat down together. "You know my mother is a muggle?" Remus asked Lily as they took their books and quill out, "Yes" Lily nodded. "It was a mix of muggle and wizard Christmas as always," Remus and Lily settled into an easy conversation.
When James and Sirius came to the class rushing, they were more than happy to find Remus sitting with Lily and laughing as they talked about muggle stuff that confused them both. "Alright class," Professor Slughorn entered the class a few minutes after James and Sirius took their seats. "Today we are going to learn about a potion you might have heard about," he started. "Amortentia, who can tell me what it is?" he asked, Lily's hand shot up. "Miss Evans," Professor Slughorn looked at Lily, impressed as always. "It is the most powerful love potion in the world, and very dangerous too," Lily answered. "Correct, take 10 points, and do you know what it smells like Miss Evans?" Professor Slughorn asked, "It smells different to every person, according to what attracts them," Lily replied with a smile, "Another 10 points to Gryffindor, alright now, first I will tell you all about the ingredients and then I will have some of you come up here to smell Amortentia," Professor Slughorn turned to his table and started picking up one ingredient at a time, telling the students about its properties and how it is used to brew Amortentia.
"Miss Evans, would you join me and tell the class what it Amortentia smells like?" Lily was dreading this, she herself did not want to find out what it smelt like let alone the whole class, but nonetheless she got up. "We are going to find out what Prongs smell like," she heard Sirius, a row of chuckles were heard, and she shot him a death glare as she stood beside Professor Slughorn. "Go on Miss Evans," Professor Slughorn encouraged Lily. She looked at the cauldron and watched the spiralling steams rising from the potion that shone like mother-of-pearl. Lily took a sniff and could immediately tell what it smelt like, "It smells like –" she started and noticed Sirius and James sitting on the edge of the chair, even Remus looked curious. "old books, cherries and –" Lily could not bring herself to say the third thing that. She knew it smelt like woody and fresh aroma, she knew that aroma too well. "Chocolate" Lily lied, and her gaze dropped, 'Why chocolate?' Lily thought, she did not even like chocolates that much, and Amortentia smelt nothing like chocolates. "Very well Miss Evans, you can go back to your seat" Professor Slughorn told Lily who dragged her feet back to her seat. "Mister Potter," Professor Slughorn had a smile on his face, "Join me here," Lily did not even dare look at James, who lazily got out of his seat.
"Oi Evans, are you sure it smelt like chocolate?" Sirius whispered, leaning close to Lily. "Yes" Lily lied, "Are you sure you did not confuse the smell with James' smell?" he asked, and her ears started to turn pink, "No!" she lied again. "That's not possible," Sirius mumbled. Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, inclining away from Lily slightly. Lily looked up to see James sniffing the potion and in a very low voice he said, "fresh flowers, broomstick handle and lilies" a roar of laughter was heard through out the classroom and Lily turned a shade of red. Lily wore a perfume that smelt like fresh flowers, she knew that, she could understand his love for his broomstick, but he liked lilies? "Thank you, Mister Potter, who would like to come next?" Professor Slughorn patted James on the back and then turned to the class.
Just then a smell hit Lily's nostrils, it was – chocolate. Lily was sure she could not smell Amortentia from her seat and even if she could, it smelt nothing like chocolate. She let her head follow the smell and it turned in Remus' direction. She suddenly remembered, and her eyes widened. Remus always carried chocolates, he smelt like chocolates! She looked back immediately, without concealing the fact that she was looking behind her where James sat.
He had his head lying on the table, his eyes closed, as if he was sleeping. Her eyes drifted to Sirius who looked as if he was solving a very difficult Advanced Arithmancy Studies question and was no where close to the answer. She then, hesitantly looked at Remus, who was still looking uncomfortable. Is this what axing one's own feet felt like? Not only had she possibly ruined her friendship with Remus but lost any chance of anything with James, not that she would want anything more than friendship but even that was gone now; and for what? Because she did not want to give James the satisfaction of knowing that Amortentia smelt like him. She wanted to shout on the top of her lungs that it did not smell like chocolate!
James could not believe his ears, he must have heard wrong – chocolate? Not him but chocolate? Now, someone would ask what the big deal in liking chocolate is, many people love it and Lily might be one of them, but he had seen her for six years and she barely ate chocolates; and anyone with an average sense of smell could sniff chocolate off of his best friend Remus Lupin. Moony was practically chocolate! He would sometimes forget to eat the chocolate he had put in his trousers and in the morning wake up with a stain on his trousers and sheets, and even now James could bet he had at least 5 pieces of chocolate in his robe pocket and 2 other in his bag. James wanted to bang his head against the table or hit the wall. Not smelling him was bad enough but smelling his best friend. James should have understood, Remus was charming and mysterious, sassy too if you were close enough to him, Lily could fall for him besides they stroll the castle corridors together every night! But then why did James not want to understand it? Why did it feel like Lily had practically walked all over his heart?
When walking around the corridors at night – alone, since Lily did not want it to get more awkward than it already was with Remus and James, Lily stumbled upon a hushed voice. "This is why mother hates you!" she heard a boy spat. Hiding behind the corner, Lily peaked to see who it was, it sounded like a familiar voice. "You hexed Vincent for insulting your friend while you stood there mocking your own mother!" it was Regulus Black talking to Sirius, "you stood beside the boy who was insulting your mother," Sirius told him, "and she is only the woman you gave birth to me, who is officially my mother, I was not loved by her" Sirius added. "It is good that you have been disowned," Regulus spat, "Do you think I care?" Sirius' voice was still cool, "I am after all the disappointing child but just imagine the perfect son who stood and did nothing while a fellow student abused his mother," Sirius mocked. Lily turned around and walked away quickly, feeling as if she was intruding on something very private.
Just as she turned around the corner she bumped into Remus. "Lily," he jumped back, "Remus," she replied awkwardly. "I would not go there" she said in a low voice when Remus started walking in the direction from where Lily was coming. "Why?" his brows creased together. "Sirius and his brother are – arguing," Lily told him in a whisper, looking at her shoes. "Then we should probably not go there," Remus agreed. The two started walking in the direction from where Remus was coming.
'Tell him' Lily thought to herself, 'But what would I say? I lied, Amortentia did not smell like you, it smelt like your best friend!' It was ridiculous Lily thought. Lily was sure that a lot of other people could smell like chocolate, she could have smelt chocolate because of chocolate! It only seemed like a big deal because she was thinking too much!
So, Lily did not say anything that day or the day after that or the day after that or for the next few weeks. James stopped flirting with her or just talking to her in general, he would not even smile in her direction; he would drop his gaze and walk past her as soon as he saw her. His smile would disappear every time she would enter the room and to Lily it seemed like she had suddenly become the source of his agony. She felt more and more guilt with every passing day, but it had been so long since she had lied that she could not rectify it even if she tried. In the meantime, Lily had (alone), developed the photographs with the developing solution and sometimes, she would look at those photographs and it was enough to tell why James was so upset. Lily had hid the photographs with the letters of James in a box in her trunk.
On a particular night when she could not fall asleep, she walked out of her room, which felt too suffocating. Maybe a walk around the common room would clear her head and then she can fall asleep peacefully. Very quietly she opened the door of her room and walked out, closing it with as little sound as possible. She tip-toed down the spiral staircase and found herself in the common room. She heard a shuffling sound coming from the couch near the fireplace and for a moment thought it would be best if she just went back to her room.
"Who's there?" A familiar voice spoke, but it sounded like this person had just cried or has a very bad case of cold. "Black?" Lily's voice was a whisper, "Evans?" his voice was almost inaudible. Lily walked around to the couch and found Sirius curled up on the couch in nothing but thin pjs. "You must be cold, what are you doing here?" she asked, he sat up on the couch cross legged. "Nothing," he lied. "Go back to your room, it's freezing" Lily instructed, "I – can't" he told her. "Why not?" Lily asked sitting beside him. "Don't ask me that," he looked away, "Wait a minute, I will be back," Lily got up from the couch and rushed up the stairs to her room.
Without making a sound she walked in her room and from the trunk near her bed she picked up a blanket that she always kept handy in case it got colder. It was one of those warm and fuzzy blankets that reminded her of home. Closing the door on her way out, Lily rushed to the common room and saw Sirius' puzzled eyes looking at her.
She opened the blanket and put it around Sirius as if he was a little kid in need for some comfort. "It is too cold to be sitting like that," she told him. Sirius looked at her as if he would cry any moment. "You should not be nice to me, I am a horrible person," Sirius told her. "Did you do something?" Lily asked him softly, and he nodded. "Was it harmful to someone?" Lily asked, and Sirius' head dropped, it was a yes. "Was it intentional?" Lily asked, "No," Sirius' voice cracked, "But I don't think my friends would ever forgive me," So, Sirius had hurt his friends? "I am sure they would, if you have hurt your friends, apologize" Lily looked at him, "I did" Sirius told her, "then wait for them to heal and forgive you and even if they don't, you must understand that your sorry automatically going to earn you forgiveness, it is your responsibility to apologize and it is their choice to forgive. But I am sure they will forgive you," Lily told him. "What if they never forgive me?" Sirius asked, "That's not possible, you are like family to them, one day they will forgive you," Lily assured him. "They would not even hear my explanation, not that it is a good one" Sirius said. "Give them time Sirius, they are hurting," Lily told him.
"Are you going to sleep here?" Lily asked Sirius, who nodded. "Did they kick you out of your room?" she frowned, "No," he shook his head. "Are you going to talk to them in the morning?" Lily asked, "I will try but they will avoid me," Sirius told her. "If they do, let them have their time," Lily said, "What will I do till then?" Sirius frowned, "I don't think I have spent a day without talking to them, it is killing me that I have hurt them to the point where they won't even talk to me!" Sirius' voice was wobbly. "Well, in the meantime, you can join me and Mary, and Alice and Dorcas," Lily offered, "We might not be as fun as Prongs, Moony and Worm—" Lily started, "Wormtail" Sirius smiled, "Wormtail" Lily nodded, "But we are a good company" she completed. "Give it time to heal, and don't sleep in the cold" Lily patted Sirius's hand. "Thanks Evans," Sirius gave a weak smile to Lily, who smiled in return. "Why were you here so late?" he asked after a long pause, "I could not sleep, but I think I am going to go to bed now," Lily told him.
"Good night" Sirius said, "Good night," Lily replied getting up from the couch. Before walking up the stairs of the girls dormitories, Lily gave a last glance at Sirius who was preparing to lie down on the couch again and covering himself with Lily's blanket.
When Lily went down to the common room with her friends next morning, to head for breakfast, she saw it. Sirius was standing alone, looking hopefully at his friends, who walked past him as if he did not even exist. Peter was looking sadly between James and Remus, and Sirius; James looked angry and disappointed and Remus looked not only tired but also hurt. "Now I have seen it all," Mary said, "What was that about?" Dorcas asked, "Don't ask about it, I am going to ask him to join us, be nice" Lily told her friends. "Black," Lily called, Sirius looked at Lily and gave her a weak smile. "Want to come for breakfast?" she asked, "No, I am not hungry" Sirius told her, "Oh for Merlin's sake just come," Lily told him, holding him by his forearm and dragging him with her.
"I am telling you Evans I am not hungry," Sirius told her as Lily made him sit beside her. "And I am telling you that you have to eat, even if it is only a little bit," Lily told him, passing him some toast. Lily noticed James, Remus and Peter looking at them in disbelief, and Lily passed them a smile, all three of them looking away quickly. In the classes that day, Remus and James sat together, Peter sat with some other Gryffindor student and Sirius stood dumbfounded. "Alice, is it okay for you to sit with Frank today?" Lily asked Alice, who usually sat with her. A grinning Alice nodded happily, and turned around to invite Frank to sit with her. "Mind if we sit together?" Lily asked Sirius who shrugged.
"Thanks Evans," Sirius whispered to Lily at the end of the day, "Are you going to sleep in the common room tonight?" Lily asked, "Yes," Sirius shrugged, Lily frowned. "Would you mind if I use your blanket for a few days?" Sirius asked, "Not at all," Lily shook her head, "Thanks Evans," Sirius mumbled with a weak smile.
For the next few days it was like a routine, Lily would find Sirius standing alone in the common room, his friends walking away from him; she would take him for breakfast and sit with him in the classes, take him for lunch and dinner and find him sleeping in the common room. It got to the point where Sirius had visibly started losing weight and his sassy comments had stopped, he had been so quiet that it was hard to tell if he was even there!
Lily have had enough of it and even though she knew that it was not her place to interfere, she could see that this whole ordeal could be sorted out if these four would just sit and talk. One night, she saw James walking out of the common room and ran after him. "James!" she caught his hand and he stopped immediately, frozen in his place. Yes, Lily's heart leaped, and butterflies emerged in her stomach, it was stupid! "I want to talk to you," she told James, why had she not let go of his hand? He wasn't running away.
He turned around, his eyes on their hand, his ears were the same colour as Lily's hair. "About?" his voice was a whisper and when their eyes met, for a moment Lily forgot that she was going to talk about Sirius. "A lot of things," Lily told him, and James froze in his place.
A/N: Hey Readers,
'powerofthename' THANK YOU again for being an amazing supporter. I hope all you silent readers are also enjoying the story, leave a review and let me know. Hit the follow and favourite button if you like it.
Thanks!
-JT