Nick sipped his coffee and tucked into his second croissant which he had ordered as something of an appetizer while he waited for Jess to arrive, hoping that the waitress would come and remove his plate of crumbs so Jess wouldn't notice his impatience to eat. He leaned back in his chair and took in his surroundings, he had never been to this cafe before but Jess always had a way of finding these great little places that he had never even heard of on some block he had never taken the time to walk down, one of the many things he loved about her. It was a little earlier than Nick would have liked but he was happy to take what he could get, he hadn't seen Jess for days and he didn't like to be out of touch with her for too long.

It had been four months since Jess had moved in with Cece and while at first the merits of her leaving the loft were minimal, Nick was glad to have his room back and although he and Jess had never admitted it to one another, having some time apart had done them good. The last thing he and Jess had ever wanted was to reach a point where they couldn't even be around each other or have their relationship become something unrecognisable to them. So in spite of the gut wrenching pain it had first caused them, it had actually turned out to be a smart decision. That's not to say they didn't miss each other. They did, very much, but the pain had lessened over time and truth be told Nick revelled in the feeling of excitement he got in his belly when he got to see her after they had been apart for a few of days. That was something they had never had before.

Smiling to himself, his grin got even wider as he saw Jess waving emphatically from the other side of the road as she waited impatiently for the lights to change so she could cross over. He laughed to himself as he watched her jiggle back and forth from one foot to the other, it was comforting to know she was as excited to see him as he was. As the lights changed she walked quickly over the road, throwing in the odd skip every now and again to hurry herself along.

As she finally reached him he stood and greeted her with a sweet kiss on the cheek, his hands resting comfortably on her hips while hers found their way to his shoulders.

"Hi! Happy Birthday!" She smiled wider than he had ever seen.

"Hey, thanks"

"Sorry I'm a little late I got stuck in traffic. I know you must be starving by now." She huffed breathlessly as they sat down.

"Me? No, I'm good."

"...Right." She laughed as she reached across to smooth away the crumbs from the side of his mouth with her thumb.

"Alright I might have had a small snack while I was waiting." He admitted sheepishly.

As the time passed they laughed and talked, feeling as relaxed and comfortable as they ever had as Nick ordered his third breakfast, fourth if you included what he finished from Jess' plate. He asked her about work and she asked him about his Mom and they poked fun and teased each other like old times. But sooner or later they always bumped into the inevitable.

"So Lauren doesn't mind you meeting me here?" Jess enquired as she blew the steam away from her coffee.

"No she's fine. She's just at the mall round the corner looking for my gift. She didn't say that's what she was doing but it was pretty obvious. She's a terrible liar."

"I guess that's another thing you guys have in common huh?" Jess smiled but she lowered her eyes to the table to hide the flicker of sadness that crossed them.

"Yeah I guess." Nick nodded weakly, not really wanting to agree with her.

The familiar silence returned. It wasn't that they didn't want each other to be happy, not at all, but the notion of them finding their happiness with another person still didn't sit right. The concept of someone else being their soulmate and the person they were really meant to be with was tough to swallow. Not wanting to cast any awkward shadows over their otherwise lovely morning Jess piped up and changed the subject.

"Speaking of gifts..."

"Jess you didn't need to get me anything."

"Shush I wanted to."

He smiled warmly, his eyes fixed on her and she rifled through her seemingly bottomless bag.

"Here!" She beamed at him as she handed the small package across the table.

Realising he was staring at her he shook his head very slightly to snap himself back into focus and lowered his eyes to the gift in her hand accepting it graciously, his fingers trailing down the back of hers as he took it from her hand.

"Thanks Jess."

Her heart swelled at the sincerity in his voice and the genuine look of gratitude on his face. He played with the package between his fingers momentarily, smiling at the side of his mouth at the way she had wrapped it and the heart sticker she had stuck over the top of the ribbon to attach it. He dipped his finger behind the corner of the paper ready to peel it open before he felt the warmth of her hand on his pressing it down and away gently.

"Wait, why don't you open it later."

"Why, don't you wanna..."

"Nah just open it later. I'll get all embarrassed."

"Uh...ok...well thank you."

He tucked the small parcel neatly in his pocket patting it in place for good measure and then raised his head to face her once again. They studied each other's faces in silence, forever trying to figure out what they were to each other and never vocalising any sort of any answer, if there even was one. The corners of Nick's mouth started to curl up in an uncontrollable smile as he stared intently but the moment was broken by the sound of his phone vibrating harshly against the glass of the table. He knew it was Lauren and he didn't want to answer in front of Jess but he knew he had to, he couldn't ignore his girlfriend who was out buying him gifts while he sat having coffee with his ex. He picked it up and answered, shifting his butt back in his seat and trying in vain to lean out of earshot while Jess buried her face in her coffee, her eyes dropping down to the bottom of her cup.

"Hey, how's it going." He spoke down the phone, hoping to muffle his voice a little with his hand.

Jess could hear the high pitched squeak of Nick's girlfriend on the other end of the phone, she couldn't make out what she was saying but she knew it was something to signal the end of hers and Nick's breakfast. Jess took one last gulp of her coffee, feeling it burn a little on the way down from swallowing it too prematurely. She fished around in her bag for her purse and pulled out some dollar bills dropping them on the table and batting away Nick's hand as he tried to pay, mouthing his protests at her picking up the cheque while still talking to Lauren on the phone. As Jess gathered her belongings together under the assumption Nick would have to leave, he hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket.

"I'm sorry Jess."

"Hey it's ok don't worry about it."

"Uh it seems Lauren has done what she needed to so..."

"You gotta go."

"Yeah, sorry"

"Hey no it's ok, I'm gonna see you later right?" Jess' weak smile didn't hide the glimmer of disappointment on her face.

"Right."

They both made a move to stand up and Jess comfortably linked his arm as he walked her back to her car, disregarding the fact it was in completely the opposite direction to the mall where he needed to be in the next five minutes.

"This was nice." Jess said with a smile as she nudged him in the ribs gently with her elbow.

"Yeah it was. Thanks for breakfast...it's my turn next time. No arguments."

"So I'll see you later."

"Sure."

She jumped up on her tip toes gleefully and rested her hands on his shoulders, pecking him on the cheek. As she pulled back to give him a warm smile, she waited several moments before she realised her hands were still resting between his shoulders and his chest. She pulled them away like he had become hot to the touch and adjusted her glasses nervously.

"See ya." She turned to walk across the street to her car and when she was safely over to the other side she paused at her car door and turned back to him. She cocked her head almost shyly as he winked at her. She bundled into the car in a fluster and eventually pulled away, beaming at him as she passed. He stayed rooted to the spot until she was completely out of sight.

Nick opened the door to the loft allowing Lauren to sprint past him with a big box not so discreetly disguised under her coat. As she ran off to his room to wrap it up Nick wandered into the kitchen to find all three guys drinking coffee and musing over their respective mornings, although Schmidt seemed to be doing most of the musing as Coach tucked into a bowl of cereal that was almost the same size as him while Winston had his head buried in a newspaper. As Nick came into their line of view he was met with bigger smiles and a more enthusiastic greeting than he was used to the other 364 days of the year, from Coach and Winston at least.

"Well here he is the man of the hour." Winston piped up getting out of his seat to offer Nick a quick hug and a manly pat on the back. "Happy Birthday man"

Winston was followed by Coach and Schmidt who held his hug a little to long, as ever.

"What the hell are you doing up so early." Coach asked through a mouth full of Cheerios, ignoring the drops of milk that flew messily from his mouth towards Winston.

"Uh Lauren wanted to go to the mall and get my gift so..."

"You spent you're Saturday morning at the mall, what are you a 13 year old girl now." Coach teased with a mocking smile on his face.

"No I uh...I met up with Jess for breakfast actually." Nick walked quickly round the counter and buried his head in the fridge trying to maintain his casual demeanour.

"Oh, ok...got it." Schmidt drawled as he turned from his coffee grinding to face Nick, leaning smugly against the counter with his legs crossed one over the other. Coach and Winston caught Schmidt's eye before lowering their heads back to their breakfasts and newspapers with knowing smiles, satisfied with the 'real' reason for Nick's impromptu early morning outing. Nick stopped fussing in the fridge and closed the door with a frown, unhappy that they all seemed to be in on some little secret he wasn't a part of.

"What's the big deal?" Nick enquired innocently, his palms facing upwards in an inquiring gesture.

"Nothing." Schmidt laughed, glancing at Coach and Winston before turning back to his coffee grinder.

"What?" Nick pressed, starting to get a little annoyed. Even more so when he was met with complete silence. "What?!".

Schmidt sighed and turned back to his friend, his naive, oblivious or possibly just down right stupid friend. "Don't you think it's a little weird Nick."

"What's weird?"

"You and Jess."

"What's weird about it, she's my friend. You guys see her all the time too."

"Hmmm not as much as you Nick." Winston interjected, immediately regretting it as Nick threw him a look of distinct irritation for siding with Schmidt.

"Guys what is the big deal? It's my birthday and she wanted to grab some breakfast."

"I just think it's a little weird is all." Schmidt posed again for emphasis.

"What?! What is weird?" Nick barked impatiently.

"Um ok how about the fact you spend more time with Jess than you do with your ACTUAL girlfriend."

"What are you talking about? I'm with Lauren all the time."

"Ok, alright." Schmidt held his hands up in surrender and pretended to zip his mouth shut as Lauren appeared behind Nick wrapping an arm firmly around his waist.

"What are you guys talking about." She chimed in excitedly.

"Oh nothing, just tonight." He lied.

"It's gonna be fun, I can't wait." She turned to face Nick grabbing both of his hands and swinging them back and forth playfully, bobbing up and down on the balls of her feet as she spoke. "You want to come open your present now."

"Sure."

Lauren sat on her knees bouncing excitedly on Nick's bed as his gift sat in between them waiting to be opened. Nick laughed at her a little and suppressed the small wave of guilt that passed over him for spending the morning with Jess. Lauren knew exactly where he was and she hadn't minded, at least that was what she said, but he still couldn't help but feel like he was taking advantage of her good nature. He and Jess had made it clear to their respective partners from the outset that the continuation of their friendship was non-negotiable but Nick was smart enough to know that not many girls would put up with their boyfriend spending as much time with their ex as Nick did.

But the truth was Jess leaving the loft had turned his world upside down and he simply wasn't prepared to let her go. At first they had talked on the phone every night, sometimes for hours and they made the time to see each other every other day. Sometimes it has almost felt as if they had started to date again, but they hadn't. James had stayed in Jess' life throughout it all and they were together. They weren't 'together' in the casual sense that Jess had been so keen for Nick to understand in the beginning, now they were really together. So when Lauren called him four months ago, he answered the call, when she asked him out again he accepted and three months ago when she asked if she was his girlfriend, he said yes.

It couldn't be said that it was an entirely comfortable arrangement for everyone involved. Nick and Jess being exes who insisted on being friends was still the big elephant in the room when they were all together but it was an elephant they had tried to disguise as a more tolerable yet annoying puppy they had to kick into touch every now and again. Nick knew it got hard for Lauren sometimes which was usually when the local florists and choclatiers benefited most from his hard earned cash. He felt bad, he did, but never bad enough to cut Jess out of his life. That was something he would never be prepared to do for anyone. But he cared about Lauren and he wanted to make her happy, he wanted to make it work. The fact that he had managed to muster feelings for Lauren in the first place after Jess was something he clung on to desperately with both hands, like some miracle he never believed was possible.

She nudged the gift towards him, prompting him and bringing him out of his head. "Go ahead open it."

He smiled and started to peel back the hastily wrapped paper, laughing as Lauren got more and more giddy by the second. When he finally revealed what was beneath the spotted paper he plastered on the best smile he could manage and leaned forward to show his gratitude in kiss form.

"Do you like it?"

Nick stared at the 'home beer brewing kit' and nodded his head with a grin. Nick never ever brought his work home but he guessed that was something she had yet to learn about him and he appreciated the sentiment, even if it was a little misplaced.

"I love it." He beamed.

"Yay, I saw it and I thought you would love it. Isn't it the best gift ever!"

"It sure is."

As she screwed up the used wrapping paper and moved off the bed to throw it in the trash he squeezed affectionately at the small package that still sat in his pocket.

That Evening

The guys had all congregated in the kitchen where Nick met them, overwhelmed by the wall of aftershave that hit him as he rounded the corner. Coach wordlessly handed him a beer which he gladly accepted, he could do with relaxing a little. In spite of the fuss he had made with Lauren when she had suggested making plans for his birthday he had actually been kind of excited about the night ahead. But now it was upon him he felt on edge and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. It was a fun night out to celebrate his birthday, it presented no kind of chore or challenge so what was his problem? He took a healthy swig of beer as he tried to settle the churning feeling in his stomach to no avail.

As Coach threw his jacket on, Schmidt located his keys and Lauren finally emerged from his bedroom clad in a black, low-cut, figure hugging dress, Nick figured it was time for them to leave.

"Whoa Lauren you look great." Winston cooed with an inane grin on his face.

"Dude!" Nick aimed his warning tone at Winston.

"Sorry." Winston offered and snook away sheepishly to put on his shoes.

Nick turned back to Lauren and curled his arms around her waist pecking her on the lips, her perfume scent filling his nostrils. "He's right though you do look great. Really great." He bowed his head to kiss her on the neck affectionately.

"Well thank you, you're looking pretty dapper yourself Mr Miller."

"This old thing..." He joked.

"You ready to go?"

"Uh yeah let me just run to the bathroom first."

Nick walked away from the excited buzz of the kitchen and headed for the solitude of the bathroom. Closing the bathroom door he leaned against it for just a moment and took a few deep breaths. Pushing himself off the door he walked into one of the stalls locking the door behind him. He had never locked the stall door in the entire time he had lived there. He dropped the toilet seat down to sit on top of it. After toying back and forth with the idea for a few moments Nick eventually retrieved Jess' gift from his pocket and stared at it like it was about to burst into flames or something equally as impressive. Glancing in the general direction of the kitchen as though he could see through walls, Nick tried to make sure he wouldn't be interrupted and started to unwrap the gift.

He unpicked the heart sticker that was taping down the ribbon which he then untied. Peeling the paper away he revealed a small cardboard box which released a small note as he opened the lid. He recognized her handwriting instantly.

Hi Nick

So this is weird, me writing you a letter but I guess it's less weird now that I'm not across the hall anymore. Anyway I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I know the past 6 months haven't been easy for either us but I just want you to know that I am always here for you, no matter what. Nothing has changed about that. We could so easily have fallen apart and we didn't, we're still friends and I'm eternally grateful because I can't ever imagine not having you in my life Nick and I hope I never have to. You mean more to me than anybody ever has and I don't want you to forget that so I hope that's what is in the box will help you remember. Happy Birthday Miller.

Lots of love Jess xx

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat and ran his hand over his face until his fingers met at his chin. Steeling himself he looked back down at the box. Inside was a smooth, leather wallet with his initials neatly stitched into the corner. When he picked it up it had a strange weight to it so he flipped it open to see all the inside pockets had been lined with coins and in the middle pocket was a bright pink post-it which looked distinctly out of place, he pulled at it and saw her handwriting once again.

Now you gotta get rid of that ratty old plastic wallet! We still have plenty more memorable moments to come Nick, I promise. Here a few more coins to make sure you remember them xx

Nick felt his heart fall apart piece by piece.

Nick sipped his drink and laughed and joked along with Lauren and the guys but couldn't help but casually glance at the two chairs which still sat vacant at the table. Jess had said she was coming and he knew she would be there but he still couldn't help but feel on edge. It was no secret that things were better with Jess when he had her on her own. It wasn't that he didn't like James, the truth was in another lifetime Nick probably would have been good friends with the guy, but the fact remained that James' girlfriend was his ex and for that reason there would always be a wall between them no matter how hard they tried.

Nick realised he was getting distracted again so he leaned forward and rested his hand on Lauren's leg anchoring himself back into the moment. She placed her hand over his and rubbed it affectionately as she smiled at him before turning to continue listening to Schmidt's story which Nick had now completely lost track of.

Lauren really had been a sweetheart arranging this for him, it was true that he wasn't big on celebrating birthdays but he had to admit this was nice, having everyone together. He started to relax back in his chair with an expensive whiskey in his hand which Coach had bought him, his other hand still stroking comfortably over his girlfriends thigh. When she turned to face him he offered her a lazy kiss on the mouth but they both pulled away quickly at the sound of Jess' voice.

His face still broke into a huge smile when he saw her, it was something he was going to have to learn to contain, it was just pure luck that Lauren hadn't picked up on it yet. If she had she hadn't said anything. He watched her walk towards the table in a stunning red dress, he had to actively stop himself from dragging his eyes up and down her body. Failing miserably he allowed himself the luxury to do it just once but as his eyes trailed up and back down they wandered down her right arm to her hand which had another larger, more masculine looking hand in it's grasp and that feeling of excitement was once again dampened. James trailed behind her obediently and as he looked on Nick really wished she'd had the decency to pick somebody unattractive or at least in some way unappealing but James was good looking there was no way around it and he was always so well put together, not quite as manicured as Schmidt but definitely a few notches above Nick. But who was he kidding, Jess was beautiful, of course she was going to end up with a guy like that. Nick was pretty sure James didn't get the 'I wonder why she's with him' looks he was certain he got while he and Jess were dating. It wasn't like he had pulled the short straw with Lauren though, she was gorgeous, Nick was forever baffled at his knack of getting girls that were way out of his league, because Lauren sure was. He squeezed Lauren's hand at the thought but dropped it as Jess approached him.

"Hi!" Her smile was as wide as he had ever seen it and her voice unmistakably excited.

"Hey" He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek as she kissed his, her hands resting gently on his shoulders as his found a comfortable spot on her hips. He closed his eyes fleetingly as her familiar scent flooded his nostrils but remembered himself and pulled back releasing his hands from her hips. They looked at each for a moment without speaking, their mouths and eyes smiling. Nick was on the verge of telling her how incredible she looked but a hand was thrust in his direction from behind Jess.

"Hey Nick, happy birthday man."

"Hey thanks James, how's it going?" Nick leaned his arm past Jess to shake hands with James. They weren't quite at the hug and back pat stage yet.

"It's going good."

Nick subconsciously dropped his eyes to Jess' waist as James' hand wound around it the way his used to. Swallowing away the burning sensation that had started to bubble up in his chest, he moved to pull a chair out for Jess next to him but he was too late as James pulled on her body gently to usher her to the other side of the table. He chewed his lip with a mixture of embarrassment and nervousness and pushed the chair back into position. Re-engaging with the group, he turned back to Lauren who had thankfully become engrossed in a conversation with Winston. Sitting back down he draped his arm around the back of Lauren's chair and tried his best to keep his eyes off Jess who was now sitting directly opposite him. She was too far away to talk to without the whole table hearing, but near enough that he could see the light from the candles glistening in her eyes.

"You got a little drool there Nick."

Nick's attention snapped back to reality as he saw the Cece had taken the seat next to him.

"Hey Cece...oh no I wasn't..."

"My lips are sealed...happy birthday kiddo."

Nick smiled at the side of his mouth with mild embarrassment and leaned over to kiss Cece on the cheek. Cece knew Jess too well and after working with him day in and day out she was getting to know him a little too well too.

Jess leaned back in her seat while James leaned across her to talk to Coach about basketball, if it weren't for his hand clasped possessively over her leg she could easily have slipped out of her chair without him even noticing. She had tried her best to join in at first but Coach knew all too well that basketball wasn't Jess' forte and the truth was after five minutes she was too bored to keep it up. Zoning out of the conversation she started to scan the table and noticed that Lauren and Cece had now switched seats while they waited for their desserts to arrive. Schmidt and Cece were engaged in some form of conversation although they were huddled together so intimately she couldn't make it out, but she guessed that was their intention. As her eyes moved round still she clocked Nick sitting shoulder to shoulder with Lauren, her arm was draped up the back of his shoulders, her fingertips scratching lightly at the fine hairs at the top of his neck and Jess struggled to swallow her wine which suddenly felt like acid. Their faces were so close that Nick's forehead was almost resting against hers. Jess stared intently trying to figure out if he looked at Lauren the way he used to look at her. She studied them for what felt like minutes and minutes on end forgetting she was sitting right opposite them and there was no wall shielding her from their view. It was then she realised Nick was staring right back at her and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her hands messing with her napkin. She dared to look back at him just for a second and he was still looking at her, Lauren was too engrossed in her conversation and straightening the back of Nick's collar to notice.

Nick could still hear Lauren talking in his ear but all of a sudden his senses weren't playing ball. He couldn't get his ears to decipher her conversation and he sure as hell couldn't get his eyes to focus on anything but Jess. What the hell was he doing? Just like Jess he finally started to fidget uncomfortably in his seat, their direct view of one another suddenly becoming both the most intense and intrusive thing in the world. He contemplated going to the bathroom but he was saved by the bell - literally. He pulled his ringing phone from his pocket to see his mother's name in bright letters. Lauren peered over the shoulder she was resting on but he had nothing to hide, nothing on his phone anyway.

"I gotta take this, she's been trying to get hold of me all day. I'll be right back ok?"

"Ok sure, say hi to her for me."

Nick pecked Lauren on the lips and left his chair. He lifted his jacket from the back of it as he started to make his way out on to the balcony, turning his back on Jess as he left to avoid reigniting the eye contact they had shared moments ago. As Lauren moved along to join in with Schmidt and Cece, Jess allowed her eyes to follow Nick as he weaved in and out of the other diners to get outside.

Nick leaned on the wall looking out over the sparkling lights of the city. The phone call with his mother ended five minutes ago, the same way it always did these days, with Bonnie telling him he didn't sound happy. He didn't have the energy to argue with her about it anymore, there was only so many times he could assure her he was fine. Enjoying the brief moment to himself he breathed in the now cool night air and let it fill his lungs, straining his shirt against his chest as he inhaled. His head felt a little cloudy but he supposed that was the whiskey he was drinking, his mid-thirties were creeping ever closer, he couldn't drink the way he used to. Yeah he was sure that was what the problem was. He rubbed his thumb and fingers in his eyes harshly when a quiet voice broke the silent air around him.

"Hey."

He spun round quickly, blinking a few times to bring her into focus after rubbing his eyes to hard. "Hey."

"I told the guys I would come find you." Jess stepped slowly towards him, her arms folded around her chest to keep her warm "I have the feeling Lauren is about to embarrass you horribly with some singing waiters and a multi coloured cake." She chuckled.

"Great." He let out an airy laugh with a sarcastic edge.

There was a long pause. Nick stared at his shoes while Jess stared at him.

"You ok Nick?"

"Yeah I'm great." He fixed a smile to his face that was half genuine and half for show but he figured she would see right through it anyway so it didn't matter.

"You sure?" She was standing in front of him now, her hand trailing down his arm for just a second until she remembered herself.

"Yeah I'm sure." He nodded slightly with a quiet voice.

"Come on let's get you back inside birthday boy." She squeezed his hand and gave him a tug to get him moving but he squeezed her hand harder and pulled her back. All of a sudden he forgot everything he wanted to say, it had been so long since their faces has been this close to one another. He could feel her breath on his skin as his affected the light strands of hair at the side of her face. They had both forgotten how to blink it seemed as their eyes darted around each other's faces begging for answers that neither of them could give. Their chests heaved under the weight of unspoken words.

He went to speak, not sure if the words would come out at all and grateful when they did.

"Thank you Jess." He needed so much more than 'thank you.' Never had two words been so insufficient but it was all he had, all his low, raspy, dry voice would allow him to give. A silence thickened between them as he waited for her to speak, neither of them moving their hands which were still resting in one another's.

"You're welcome" She breathed. She had hoped her voice wouldn't betray her but it did.

As a wail of laughter erupted from the restaurant their moment was over and Jess turned her back to him, heading back inside without a word and he followed with no argument. Using the time it took them to get back to the table they composed themselves, they levelled their breathing and fixed smiles to their faces. Nick walked back into a wall of icing and candles and the unharmonious sound of his friend's collective voices as Lauren bounded towards him, throwing her arms tightly around his neck, his around her waist. Jess came to stand in front of James as he hugged her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder and bellowing his dulcet tones of Happy Birthday right in her ear, which left her no choice but to join in. Jess sang, Nick blew out the candles and they kept their distance for the rest of the night.