So sorry I kept you guys waiting, but at least it wasn't on a cliff hanger right? So this is the final chapter of this story and I have to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed and followed. A few shout outs for keeping me going and always being supportive with your reviews and PMs so Thank you to Darkestwolfx, , Curious Rebel, CBloom2,and Minxheart Thank you all for reading and I am loving all the Ethan and Cal fictions that you are all writing.
Chapter 12
It had been two weeks since Lilly's funeral and Cal and Ethan had been back at work a week, Cal still had a slight limp but was able to resume duties.
Cal was worried about Ethan and watched him like a hawk, He had not cried since the day of the funeral and Cal knew that it was still playing on his mind.
Ethan threw himself into work, treating each patient like it was member of his family, not one thing was missed, if anything he was a little to thorough.
At Connie's request Cal kept a close eye on him making sure it wasn't getting too much, not that Connie needed to tell Cal that, as Ethan couldn't blink without Cal knowing it.
Cal and the others tried to keep Ethan away from the more severe cases letting him deal with cubicles whilst Cal and Ash dealt with crash.
This morning Ethan had been smiling and laughing on their way in to work and Cal had hoped it meant Ethan was turning a corner, however as the hospital loomed into sight Ethan's demeanor changed from happy go lucky to snappy, irritable and rude.
Cal looked at Ethan before speaking
"You ok Ethan?"
Ethan just nodded his head and when Cal looked at his face again the wall had been put up, blocking Cal form seeing past it.
Cal sighed and started making small talk and tried to get Ethan's mental state from his mind.
The shift had gone relatively smooth and fast as Cal and ash were dealing with the casualties of an RTC they were occupied when a third casualty was brought into re-cus and Ethan was told to take the Lead.
As Cal heard his brothers voice sounding out orders to the nursing staff he looked up and glanced a Ash who also looked at him and shrugged, there was no one else available right now to administer the care this casualty needed.
From where he was stood he could see that the victim had been stabbed and that it was young girl perhaps early twenties.
Cal wrapped things up with his patient and walked over to where is brother was treating the young girl, he stopped dead when he saw her face, and noticed the long brown hair and dark brown eyes.
The girl being treated could have been Lilly and Cal looked up at Ethan sighing when he noticed the determined look on his brother's face.
He approached Ethan's side and got his attention
"Hey, what do we have here?"
Ethan began to explain "this is Lil… I mean this Mary, she's 24 and has numerous stab wounds to her abdomen and also her upper chest, her breathing his labored and I believe she has internal bleeding"
Ethan realized he had called the patient Lilly, and tried to cover his tracks however Cal had picked up on it and reached across to Ethan to take Mar's notes before speaking
"Ethan, kid, stand down I'm taking this case, go see if you can clear some cubicles, I got this"
Ethan shook his head "No Cal I am lead on this, I can do it, I'm ok"
Cal was about to answer Ethan, when the machines began to beep and the patient crashed.
Cal dropped the noted on the floor before assisting while Ethan began to do CPR
Cal kept an eye on Ethan while he was getting readings from the machine, there had been no output from over 20 minutes and Cal knew there was little chance of CPR helping, he had let this go on for too long, they tried charging her it was time to stop and make the call.
Cal spoke "Ethan" after repeating this a few times in a gentle tone as he could see Ethan was upset and just barely staying in control.
When this had no effect he walked around to his brother's side and Lofty took Cal's place checking and rechecking the machines Cal laid his hands on top of Ethan's speaking firmly
"Enough, Ethan, she's gone you have to let her go, this is not helping in any way, we have had no output, she's lost almost all her blood, you have to stop"
Ethan pulled his hands away and pushed Cal gently starting CPR again. Cal sighed before taking a deep breath and pulled Ethan away saying
"Ethan, I'm calling this, Time of death 14.35pm" as Lofty nodded in agreement Ethan looked up at Cal and Cal continued speaking
"Ethan you worked harder than most to try and save her, we can't save everyone"
Ethan laughed and looked Cal in the eye before speaking
"I could have saved her, I could have brought her back, you stopped me"
With that he pushed past Cal and kept walking, Cal noticed the drop in his shoulders and the barely contained shake to the hands, he sighed, filling out the necessary notes on the patients file before asking Lofty where her parents were.
Cal went to visitor's room, breaking the news of the young girl's death on her parents. Cal loved being a doctor, but this part of the job was the worse bit, knowing that the call to stop CPR had come from him Cal felt the guilt as her parents cried.
Even though he knew there was no more that could have been done
20 minutes later and Cal was looking for his brother, he checked the staff room and then looked outside he was about to give up when he caught site of his brothers hair in the memorial garden and he headed over there at a jog.
He stopped just before an obviously irate Ethan who was so angry it would seem he couldn't stand still as he was pacing the length of grass in front of the bench, Cal spoke
"Ethan, talk to me, please"
Ethan looked up and though there was anger in his eyes there was also fright. Cal took a step closer and Ethan held his hands up kicking at the stones on the ground and thumping his hands on the back of the bench, unable to contain his anger
He spoke, his voice barely containing the anger "we just gave up, you gave up, I could have saved her, I could have saved her I could have"
Cal nodded "is this really about Mary, or is this about Lilly, because that kid in there, there was nothing anyone could have done"
At the mention of Lilly's name Ethan face fell and Cal stepped closer, Ethan swung around at him and Cal caught him as Ethan hit out, hitting Cal in the chest, Cal held firm trapping Ethan's arms between their chest as he wrapped his arms around him, Ethan continued to shout
"I should have saved them both, I'm a doctor, I couldn't save her, she died protecting me and I couldn't save her"
AS Ethan finished his rant his head fell against Cal's shoulder and he sobbed, Cal holding him tight speaking gently
"There was nothing you could have done, nothing any of us could have done, you are not to blame, but you can't keep bottling it up, you have to let it out"
Ethan continued to sob nodding against his shoulder and Cal continued
"what happened today, can't happen again Ethan, you have to be in control in there, the nurses, the patients and their relatives all look to you, to be in control, I know it's hard losing a patient and I know Lilly dying is hard for you, if you don't want to speak to me then go to counselling, but this has got to stop"
Cal knew he was being harsh, that some of his words would hurt Ethan, but he knew Ethan needed to hear it.
He pulled away from Ethan and sighed wiping the tears on Ethan's face with a gentle hand he smiled a little and softened his tone
"I know it hurts, losing someone you love always does, but you're not alone, and you have to know that its ok to grieve, to be angry, or upset or to admit that you're having an off day" he stopped when Ethan raised his head before continuing
"you have to allow yourself to grieve, no one expects you to be ok, I know how you felt for Lilly, but only you know how you feel inside and no one can help you with that unless you let us, ok?"
Ethan nodded pulling Cal to him and Cal hugged him rubbing his back in comfort as Ethan spoke "it hurts, I miss her so much, I miss everything about her, Cal, I just want this to be a dream and for me to wake up from it"
Cal nodded against Ethan, and continued to soothe him. He looked up and saw Ash at the gardens entrance and he pulled away from Ethan as he drew near he prepared himself for Ethan's fight or flight response to Ash's arrival but Ethan continued to lean onto him speaking to them both
"She loved being a doctor, she wouldn't have given up on that girl today" ash interrupted him
"She, never give up Ethan, but that girl was dead before the ambulance arrived, you kept her alive longer than most, and even Lilly couldn't have done more than that"
Ethan looked up at him and Cal smiled when a small voice answered "really?"
Ash smiled "you are an amazing doctor and we are lucky to have you both, but right now you need each other, that's not a sign of weakness that's a sign of strength, a bond so strong that nothing can break it, look at what you've been though the past couple of weeks"
He held a hand up when Ethan began to speak before continuing
"But you have to stop pretending to be superman, your human, doctors invincible, they're not above grief, your brother's right you can't bottle it up"
Ethan smiled "I know that your right, you both are, she'd kick my but if she could see me now" Cal laughed and ruffled his brother hair
"Damn right she would, she'd also tell you to man up and listen to me"
Ethan smiled before ducking his head again "what about the Mary's parents have they been told?"
Cal nodded "I dealt with it, they were pleased you didn't give up easily, Lofty is with them right now"
Ethan looked up "Thanks, Cal, you didn't have to do that, I mean Thanks for everything"
Cal pulled his little brother into a tight hug before whispering to him
"Sure anytime, Once a brother always a brother right"
The End xx