Monday 4th April
Well that went well.
Hey Ichigo, this is my mum. Mum, stop drooling on the rug and come meet Ichigo... Oh, don't mind her – she's nuts!
*insert awkward laugh*
Fuck.
This was not meant to happen. Just when I thought Mum was getting better... I can't believe I got my hopes up like that. I want to kick myself for being so naive. She will never get better. She'll only have good days and bad days. Nothing more, nothing less.
She seemed fine this weekend, but I'm not letting that fool me. I've been keeping more of an eye on her; sleeping next to her at night and ringing home every half hour when I'm not in the house. Call me paranoid but I refuse to let anything bad happen to her.
I'm beginning to realise that this is it now. I will look after her till she's an old woman. My life will be on hold until she isn't around anymore. I guess that sounds pretty terrible but I don't think I ever had much of a life anyway. You can't miss what you never had.
I know I made a poetic speech about being proud of being different... but am I a little too different? Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm the same species as everyone else, let alone on the same page. Is there something wrong with me? Like fundamentally? Am I just... not meant to fit in?
But then there is Ichigo. He doesn't make me feel quite so deformed.
I walked him home after mum's 'episode' or whatever it was, and he didn't say it but... I kind of felt what he was trying to say in his silence.
I think Ichigo loves me.
As in Love - the real deal. He's said it before and it was fine but…
This Love feels so much… more.
Maybe I just didn't take him seriously enough. This is the first time I've really tried to comprehend it.
Ichigo loves me. Ichigo. Me. In love. Grimmjow. Loved by Ichigo. Ichigo...
He's in love with me.
It's still hard for me to grasp. I'm sure he's telling the truth but...
I just can't quite believe it. I can't wrap my head around it.
Not yet, at least.
This morning Ichigo came running up to me like a headless chicken. I was too busy trying not to laugh at him so I had to ask him to repeat what he was saying.
"Urahara wants to meet you! Hopefully he can give you some hours!"
Then there were two headless chickens.
After school, Ichigo lead me along the high street and towards a yellow brick shop with a lime green door and window frames. I paused. It was... unique. Is that the right word?
Urahara Shouten certainly stood out against all of the other shops. A closed sign hung on the door. I opened my mouth to point this out to Ichigo but then remembered we weren't customers.
"Wait till you see inside." Ichigo assured me with a grin, reaching for my hand and dragging me across the threshold.
I vaguely remember mum reading Harry Potter to me when I was younger... what was that magical sweet shop called?
Fuck, never mind. This place was better.
It was no bigger than a small supermarket: Tesco Express or somewhere like that.
But the sheer number of sweets that cluttered the shelves and hung from the ceiling nearly made me pass out. They had everything in there... everything; every sweet you have ever eaten or dreamed of eating. A rainbow of chocolate, old fashioned sweets in jars, penny sweets, kilogram bags of harribo, curly wurly, skittles...
Ok I'm really not doing it justice, but...shit...
"Ichigo." I said. "I think I just jizzed my pants."
"So glad you like it." A voice said from behind a shelf.
Then a man appeared, smiling down at me.
"You must be Grimmjow. Nice to meet you. Urahara Kisuke, at your service." He bowed deeply and I cast a glance at Ichigo who cast me a grin before wondering off to browse the shelves.
I turned to Urahara again, who was regarding me smugly.
Was I missing something?
We looked at each other for a few seconds. He was obviously taking in my blue hair and general aura of 'touch me and I'll rip your fucking face off' because he raised an eyebrow curiously.
He had a scruffy haircut and stubble, and he dressed in shabby green robes. This made him look about ten years older than he probably really was. He couldn't have been older than 30.
The fact that he was wearing a stripy hat which cast a dark shadow around his eyes didn't help either, he looked a bit ill.
"Come with me." He told me, turning on the spot and walking away. We passed an empty checkout and I swear I saw someone riffling through a box behind it, but all I saw was a big curvy bum as they bent over.
I noticed a walking stick in Urahara's left hand. I frowned. He seemed to be pretty young, why the hell does he need a walking stick? But as he lead me through a door in the back of the shop and down some steps to what was obviously also his house, I didn't miss his quiet groan of pain as he tried to descend the steps nonchalantly.
What's wrong with him? I wondered. Ichigo did mention he wanted to reduce his hours. Is he sick?
But of course, I wasn't going to ask.
Urahara quickly motioned me over to another room which appeared to be his office with a grin and the crook of his finger.
When we were inside he gestured to a chair in front of a desk and then took a seat himself.
"So." He started. "What days can you work?"
It really was that simple. I tried not to frown as Urahara and Ichigo later introduced me to a woman I would be working with called Nel, but I couldn't help it. Surely it isn't this straightforward? I felt like I'd cheated.* But I remembered something Dad said once.
"It's not how good you are, it's who you know."
He winked at me and then told me to fuck off. I can't remember what we were talking about.
Ichigo had obviously put in a good word for me. I was overcome by a stonge urge to kiss him but I held it in.
Nel was nice enough. A bit shy, but she had the hugest boobs I have ever seen. Seriously, I thought she had something stuffed down her shirt and was taking the piss. But as she chatted to me, I realised she was for real. She also had hair a startling shade of green, but really, who was I to criticise?
Then Ichigo said goodbye and made me promise to call him later.
"Bye." I said, a little too softly perhaps, because Nel gave me an odd look.
I wanted to snap at her, but I found I wasn't really sure what to say. The shop was empty for the moment and we were alone. I felt sort of nervous. I'm not good in situations like this where I'm left alone with someone I don't know or can't get a read on.
"It's hard to make friends in a new place, isn't it?" Her voice lisped slightly on the words 'friends' and 'place'.
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged, but secretly wondered what she saw when she looked at me.
"You'll have to forgive me if I mess up when we work together; I haven't been in town long." She said, offering me an apologetic smile.
She lisped quite badly on the word 'forgive' and I realised she probably would have taken a lot of shit for it when she was younger. That explains why she looked so meek and anxious. I noticed she kept giving me a wobbly smile or laughing nervously at nothing in particular as she fiddled with things on the counter.
I usually get annoyed at people like her who have absolutely zero backbone, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for her as she idly twirled a moss-coloured strand of her hair and watched the people walk outside on the street. She looked slightly dazed.
I imagine I am exactly the kind of person she spends her life trying to avoid. I felt sort of bad for having a murderous aura. She hadn't done anything to upset me and I can't explain why it bugged me that she was clearly afraid, or at least overly aware of me.
"Um." Fuck, why did I feel compelled to say something? "How long have you lived here?"
"About 3 weeks." She told me, chuckling nervously again.
"Oh." I concluded, awkwardly.
"How about you?"
"Hm?"
"How long have you lived in Karakura?" It was an innocent enough question but I couldn't help but scowl at her and she blanched. She could have been asking just to be polite or...
"How did you know I'm not from around here?" I asked, feeling unnerved, but probably coming across as a rabid dog about to have a fit.
"Y-you don't look like you're from Karakura." She stuttered, clearly taken aback.
"Are people from Karakura supposed to look a certain way?" I asked harshly. I should really stop being such an asshole.
"No." She squeaked.
Well done, Grimmjow. Here's a Cluster Fuck of the Year award for you to take home.
I sighed heavily. Stupid conscience. "Look..." I started to apologise, but Nel didn't seem to hear me.
"You just seem to be a bit like me. Kind of..."
"Scared?" I offered suddenly angry.
"No!" Nel suddenly straightened up and threw her shoulders back. She looked sort of intimidating since she had a couple of inches on me and boobs the size of steering wheels. "I'm not afraid! Afraid of what?"
I laughed, I couldn't help it.
"What?" She asked, her shoulders slumping, her face turning worried.
She really is like me.
"I'd never admit to being afraid either."
I don't think Nel understood right away, but a while later she seemed to warm up to me. She still got jumpy and nervous every time I cursed or scowled and each time I internally kicked myself.
Why can't I be more friendly?
I wish I had a switch I could turn off that would just stop me being such a prick to people. I'm ok most of the time with Ichigo, and then there are his friends in school, but random people I don't know, it's so hard to let my guard down and relax.
If I could, I think I'd have more friends. I'd be calmer, nicer, friendlier, more popular.
But I hope, for now at least, Nel can like me the way I am. I hope eventually she'll figure out that this is just the way I am and she shouldn't take it personally.
But I know the rest of the world will probably always have a problem with violent sociopaths like me.
Tuesday 5th April
Today I felt sort of emotional. If I was a girl, I'd be on my period right now.
After realising yesterday how hard it's going to be to win Nel over and make her see the good in me, I felt incredibly grateful for Ichigo, who seems to understand me with hardly any effort at all. Even Tatsuki and Chad and the others who I sit with at lunch seem to understand me to some extent.
I'm not sure but... would I consider them my friends now? They've crept their way into my daily routine and I've hardly noticed. There's still a lot of inside jokes I don't seem to get, not to mention I'll never be as close to Chad as Ichigo is, but Chad will never be as close to Ichigo as I am, so it works both ways.
It's hard to explain the concept of a friend. I seem to get on better with certain people about certain things.
With Tatsuki, our main similarity is that we love violence and fighting. She'll randomly give me a noogie or a headlock or a piggyback and it feels nice to know she feels comfortable with me. But I'd never dream of giving Ishida a piggyback, in fact, I'm pretty sure I'm about to die of laughter just imagining it. We're not very close and he comes across as a bit stuck up, but he likes to tease Ichigo and I like to tease Ichigo and we have bonded over this hobby. He seems more at ease with me than anyone else at the table at any rate. I like Ishida, but I think he keeps a lot to himself.
Orihime, I realised, is trying to take care of everyone but is terrible at looking after herself. She gives and gives and gives, and in return we all take the time to make sure she isn't being harassed or has a spare moment to feel lonely in. She doesn't get intimidated by me and seems to find my crass comments and glares funny, which makes me feel a lot more relaxed and able to be myself without fear of being misunderstood. Apparently she and Ishida went out for three days in year 8 and they do seem quite close, but I've been assured by both of them that they are just good friends.
Then there's Chad who is more of a backbone to the group than I had ever realised. He's just so solid and real and there. Every village has an idiot, but they also have a wise elder who is the voice of reason. He doesn't speak much, except when it's absolutely necessary, but when he does open his mouth, pretty much everything should be written down and put in an archive because you could stop wars with some of the shit he comes up with.
Thursday 7th April
Three words – FUCKING RIGHT ON!
I had another shift with Nel today and she showed me how to work the till (I've never seen so much money!), but that's mainly her job as I'm there to keep the shelves full and interesting. She showed me how to move the sweets with an earlier sell-by-date to the front of the shelf, how to check for damaged goods (I got to eat all the cracked bonbon's), how to keep everything fresh overnight and loads of other stuff to help maintain the shop. It doesn't sound like much, but all together it's a lot of work. I'm on my feet the whole time. The only consolation is that I get to eat everything that can't be sold. But that's not the reason today was fucking awesome.
Ichigo came to meet me when my shift ended at 8 and when we were just about to go, Nel called us over. She was looking nervous again.
"I know it's really short notice but I only just got the invite myself." She blushed. "A... guy... friend invited me to go to a gig in the city. The thing is, while I know he's a nice guy, I'm a bit... nervous about going on my own. Would you both come with me?"
It got even better.
"I-I can give you a lift there and back – we decided to drive there." She seemed to be convinced we weren't interested and appeared to be trying to persuade us. "It's only £15 or so to get in and no one will check for ID – Oh! But I won't be drinking! The band is awesome, I promise! You'll have such a good time! I know I've given you no notice what so ever, but I swear It'll be worth it-"
I held up a hand to silence her.
"We'd be glad to go with you, Nel." I didn't need to look at Ichigo to know he was buzzing, I could feel the excitement roll off him.
Nel flew at me and crushed me with a boob-hug attack.
"Thank you, Grimmjow! Oh, you guys are the best!"
We found out that the only 'downside' was that it was tomorrow night, but if anything, that just made us more excited. Ichigo walked part of the way home with me.
"This is amazing and all, but I don't actually know Nel all that well... and who's this guy she's bringing? Why was she so eager for us to go if she's got him?"
"I've only known Nel since she moved here but I can tell she struggles to be around new people." Ichigo told me, reaching for my hand absently. Why is he always so freakin' warm? "I think she really likes this guy and just wants us there for a sort of buffer, so she has some familiar faces to make her feel more at ease." Ichigo looks at me. "She likes you, y'know. She told me she thought you and her had a lot in common."
"She told you that?"
"Well, yeah. As far as I'm aware she only really talks to me, you and the others at work."
"Others?"
"Tessai, Jinta and Ururu – Oh, you haven't met them yet." Ichigo laughed. "You're in for a treat."
Friday 8th April
I'm such an idiot. Whatever happened to putting mum first or keeping more of an eye on her? Fuck. I never had a life but now I'm sort of scraping one together. Tatsuki and Ishida were talking about how we should all go camping together during the summer holidays but how can I leave mum for more than one night? What if she got hurt when I was away and I didn't find her till days later...
There's a thought to keep me awake at night.
But Ichigo was buzzing all day and he looked so excited about going...
I really want to go.
I've slept at Ichigo's before so this isn't any different, is it? I'll ring mum when I get there and when we leave and make sure everything's ok.
Nel said she'd pick us up from Ichigo's at 7 so I went home to change, grab some money and tell mum where I was going before I made my way to Ichigo's house. I actually met one of his sisters, Yuzu, before she went out to a sleepover. She was small and blond and didn't really resemble her brother at all. But then she opened her mouth and giggled at something on the TV and I felt my stomach flipflop because she sounded exactly like Ichigo.
She made dinner for us before she left, hugging her brother around the waist and shooting me a soft smile as she grabbed her things and dashed across the road to a friend's house nearby.
Apparently Ichigo's family aren't around much. Karin spends most of her time out playing with her friends or practising with her school sports team and Yuzu has her own circle of friends. Ichigo assured me that they are all very close and it's just the dynamics of their family. They all do their own thing.
Isshin, Ichigo's dad, is always in the clinic next door working if there's any kind of emergency.
We heard the doorbell go at bang on 7 o'clock and I opened the door to let Nel in, but ended up frozen in horror at what I saw.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I nearly screamed at the man on the doorstep.
"Grimmjow! Don't be so rude!" Ichigo scolded, coming up behind me to see what was going on.
Nel appeared and smiled at us, ignoring my outburst, and gently reached for the hand of her companion.
"Grimmjow, Ichigo, this is my... umm, my date." She blushed and looked thoroughly embarrassed.
"Ulquiorra, this is Grimm and Ichi. They work with me at Urahara's Shouten."
"I've met Grimmjow before." Wide green, watery eyes regarded me plainly.
Yeah you fucking have, you emo son of a bitch! You live right next door!
Then the prick held out his arms like he was about to embrace his long lost son.
"Hello, best friend." He said blankly, his face devoid of any sort of emotion what so ever.
His expression was unreadable like it was the night on the balcony, but his lips twitched slightly with his effort not to laugh and his eyes shone with suppressed mirth. He was enjoying this.
I wanted to kill him.
"Fuck off-" I shouted, but I was unable to finish as I was swept up into a strong, bony hug that pulled me right off my feet. He was quite a bit taller than me, as most people are. Who isn't taller than a 15 year old? I haven't had a growth spurt in a while. At least I'm bigger than Ichigo.
"I missed you too. It's ok. I'm here." Ulquiorra patted my back soothingly and buried his face into my shoulder.
"Get off me, you creepy fucker!" I struggled and when his grip loosened, I managed to give him a good kick to his shin, which quickly wiped the creepy smile off his face.
"Oh, Grimmjow! This is wonderful! I had no idea you and Qui-chan were friends!" Nel squealed, eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Not just friends, Nel. Best friends." Ulquiorra reassured her, his face utterly serious.
"Asshole." I grumbled.
I turned to Ichigo who looked amused and I groaned internally.
"Let's go." I ordered, before anyone else could take a shit on my ego.
Nel has a tiny green fiesta and once we were all piled in, we were off.
It takes about 40 minutes to get to the city from Karakura and I loved watching all the lights get bigger and brighter as we got closer. We parked at the train station and then had to walk for ages to get to where ever we were going. Ulquiorra and Nel walked a little further ahead of us, wrapped up in each other, me and Ichigo lagged behind a bit, sharing a cone of chips and making vomiting noises when Ulquiorra's hand crept over Nel's ass.
I phones home quickly, while we were queuing to show our tickets, and everything was fine. Mum just mumbled the affirmative when I asked how she was feeling; she sounded sleepy so I quickly hung up.
The venue wasn't what I was expecting; an ultramodern university building with a huge winding staircase that went up 4 floors right through the centre of the building. We paid and then followed the crowd up the stairs to the top floor where there was a bar at one end and 4 sets of double doors at the other that lead to a dimly lit concert hall. I could already see the lights flickering on the stage and the silhouettes of people inside. But it was still early and apparently the support act weren't very interesting because most people were hovering by the bar or sitting at the tables that littered the room.
Two hours later and it was a different story.
This was like no gig I've ever been to before. Most places I've been to the venues are really small and theres never been more than about 150 people, so I felt relatively safe. I still felt safe here, but there was easily 600 all jumping around with us in the dark. I should have really checked with Nel first, to see what kind of music was going to be playing, but I'm sort of glad I didn't. I'm not a fan of mindless club music with a heavy baseline and hardly any real lyrics to appreciate.
But this... I guess it's true when they say that some things just have to be experienced.
The guy we saw was called Example. I've heard of him before; I'm pretty sure everyone has since popular music is so overplayed, but I've been so out of touch with music up until recently, I haven't really listened to his stuff.
I've never been afraid of the highest heights
Or afraid of flying now
I've never been afraid of the wildest fights
Not afraid of dying
There were actually words to listen to and it was dark and claustrophobic and just so fucking loud. My heart felt like it was sitting on my tongue and I thought I was gonna be sick. But in a good way, if that's possible. I didn't let go of Ichigo's hand, not even once; Nel and Ulquiorra were long gone but I didn't care. Ichigo was going absolutely mental, screaming the lyrics and leaning all over me. It would have been annoying if I wasn't equally delirious.
Our love feels wrong please wind it back
our love feels wrong cant hide the cracks
I guarantee you'll miss me cuz you changed the way you kiss me
There was one annoying girl with a really big ass who kept body popping and knocking everyone within a 4 ft radius off their feet, but then disembodies hand and arms would just pull people back up again. Another girl finally hand enough of being jostled and when FatAss got ready to do another body roll, she hip bumped her and she went flying into a sweaty wall and got pushed to the back. Ichigo cackled and we both high fived her.
Then there was a really drunk guy with a huge blond afro who suddenly appeared, grabbed my wrist and forced me to touch his hair. Two seconds later he was bounding off into the crowd again.
It felt like we had been in there forever; it was like some dark sweaty ocean that would suddenly surge forwards or backwards, then a new song would start up and it was like everyone was reborn again, people would start screaming and jumping even louder and more fiercely than ever. It was contagious. I actually felt like I was losing my mind. There wasn't a mosh pit that I could see but every now and then the jumping would get rougher and people would get more hyped, but that was just until the song ended or they ran out of room.
After what felt like an eternity, Ichigo leant into my ear and asked if I wanted some fresh air. I suddenly realised my voice was almost gone and my throat was painfully dry. We made our way back through the crowd with wobbly knees and sticky skin. Ichigo brushed past an extreamly overweight guy at the back and squeaked.
"Fuck, that dude was such as asshole! Look, he wiped his sweat all over me." Ichigo grumbled as we stepped out into the bar area, which was considerably cooler and less noisy. Ichigo's arm looked like it had just been pulled out from under some water. "Fuckin' disgusting!"
"Haha! Nice." He made a poor attempt to wipe it on me and we ended up in the toilets under the hand dryer, trying to cool off.
Awhile later we made a beeline for the bar to get some drinks and joined the short queue.
The room was crowded with students all sporting plastic cups of larger; around the edges of the room were the more drunk people, propped up on chairs and left to sober up.
"We won't get ID'd here." Ichigo told me excitedly. "Practically everyone's a student."
I grinned at him then let my arm circle his waist. He leant into me slightly and we let the crowds of the line for the bar push us together even more. I never really think about being all touchy feely with Ichigo in public; I've only held his hand a handful of times. It's not that I'm insecure or anything, but most of the time it's like hanging out with a good friend; I don't need to claim him for my own.
Then I surprise myself by suddenly wanting to feel his dick against mine or kiss his fucking head off or hug him so tightly he can't breathe...
He's in love with me.
Am I in love with him?
"What can I get you?" The girl behind the bar asked me, smiling coyly and moving her chest up to eye-level.
I pulled out my money and asked for two pints of larger, trying to appear confident but nonchalant at the same time, as if I bought alcohol every day. Her boobs weren't that great. Orihimes were nicer. But Ichigo's chest takes the biscuit, all smooth and tan and his belly button is so cute and his nipples...
Fuck.
I licked my lips and turned to Ichigo, pressing the drink into his hand and leaning over to whisper into his ear huskily. "Come with me." I pulled him down the corridor leading to the toilets, but then took a left down another hallway and then another. We were tucked away from view.
We were laughing and spilling our drinks and tripping over each other and then his mouth was quite firmly latched onto mine. There was a table and I lifted him onto it, setting our drinks down and pulling him closer, kissing him furiously.
"Did that girls boobs make you horny?" Ichigo asked, half joking. I shook my head. "No. Yours do though." He laughed against my lips and I can't quite remember ever feeling happier.
One of my hands crept under his shirt and I rubbed my palm across a nipple, groaning at the noises he made in the back of his throat. His fingers bit into my ass as he pulled me closer, our dicks touching through our jeans. The coil of pleasure tightened and I had to stop for air.
"How come we don't do this more?" He asked suddenly.
"W-what'dyou mean?" I sounded breathless.
"Well, there was that time in my basement like, two weeks ago, but how come we haven't done anything since?"
I felt my jaw drop. I thought that was something Ichigo wanted!
We had some seriously heavy make out sessions but neither one of us took it further than that. I didn't want to force Ichigo to give me another blowjob (even though I really wanted one) because didn't Nnoitra, y'know... mess him up. What if he thought I was using him for sex?
"W-wha- I thought... I dunno. After Nnoitra... don't you wanna take things slow?"
Ichigo studied my face for a minute, his earlier smile sliding off his face, and for one horrifying moment I thought I'd said the wrong thing.
"I don't wanna think about Nnoitra. You're all I give a shit about." My heart literally felt like it was going to burst because we both knew what an understatement that was. "And no, I don't want to take things slow... unless... Do you want to go slow? Do you think this is too soon?"
"Fuck no." I told him honestly. "The world could end tomorrow and we'd both die with one less handjob than we could have had."
"Oh, thank god." Ichigo sighed dramatically, his face splitting into a grin as our mouths came together for another hot, wet kiss.
I love kissing Ichigo. His lips are soft and moist, but they hold their own. I love his hip bones too. Is that a weird place to have a fetish for? They fit right into my hands and I can feel every frustrated flex of his hips as he tries to get closer to the friction. I kiss across his jaw towards his ear and I intended to start kissing his neck but he gave a particularly delicious shudder when I exhaled in his ear so I took the soft lob into my mouth and Ichigo's reaction was amazing. He groaned louder than before and shuddered against me.
"You're sensitive here." I told him.
"No shit, Sherlock." He gasped as I licked the shell of his ear. Who would have guessed?
We kissed again and it was rough and slobbery and somehow just too fucking perfect.
I held his hips in place and grinded down onto his crotch without finess.
Ichigo moaned but there was a desperate edge to it which wasn't there before.
"Fuck, Ichi..." I glanced around frantically, looking for somewhere more private. I could still hear the music and people drinking by the bar...
"Fuck." I hissed again. Next thing I know I've dropped to my knees and I'm unbuttoning Ichigo's jeans.
I think I'm an exhibitionist.
I didn't beat around the bush. I've touched him before so why not like this?
I put his cock in my mouth.
It was salty... Yeah. Salty. I tried not to think about millions of little sperms swimming around, but I did and I ended up laughing, not a good idea with a dick in your mouth because I gagged big time.
"Sorry." I mumbled against Ichigo's thigh.
"It's ok, it's ok, just don't stop. Don't stop." Ichigo moaned breathlessly. His hips were twitching.
Right. Ok. You can do this, Grimmjow. Suck it up.
I groaned internally at my own innuendo and tried again.
He felt silky in my mouth. Kind of slimy too. It wasn't terrible, I mean I wasn't dying or being sick or anything. It just felt weird.
I tried to remember what Ichigo did for me last time but I quickly discovered that there was no particularly special technique to giving head; half the pleasure was having a mouth around your cock and I pretty much had that bit sorted. The other half was finding all the little spots that were especially sensitive and a penis is only so big so it didn't take too long.
But after a couple of minutes I stopped focusing so much on what I was actually doing and looked up at Ichigo's face. His brow was furrowed and his mouth formed an O shape; I noticed how tightly his fingers gripped the edge of the table and how his hips and stomach twitched when I licked a particularly delicate spot. His breathing was heavy and he was moaning my name over and over like a fucking mantra.
"Faster, Grimm. Fuck..." He sounded so desperate, so urgent, I had to comply. I used my hand to set a brutal pace, my mouth nipping here and there and then Ichigo was clawing at the table, my hair, anything to hold him steady.
"Fuck, so close, Grimm. Ohh..." Ichigo threw his head back and arched off the table, my hands holding his hips down as he came.
But I wasn't prepared for his cum. The first load hit my lips. I got my mouth around the second and third but I swallowed without thinking.
I just sort of knelt there on the floor feeling slightly shocked.
I just swallowed Ichigo's jizz. What does that mean? His taste burnt my throat.
Ichigo laughed at my spaced out expression and tucked himself away. He pulled me onto the table to sit next to him and then he kissed my hair. "I'm so sorry, I should have warned you first."
"T-that's ok. I'm fine." And I was surprised to find that I really was ok with everything that had just happened. I felt Ichigo wipe at my face with a corner of his tee and realised I still had some of his load around my mouth.
I licked my lips and Ichigo pulled his hand away looking at me with wide eyes.
"Mmm. Strawberry." I grinned; it was cliché but I couldn't help myself.
But instead of getting annoyed like I thought he would, Ichigo suddenly had me pinned on my back on the table, his eyes fixing me with his black stare that was pretty much all I thought of when I jerked off in the shower.
"You have no idea how hot you are! This is ridiculous!" He crushed his lips against mine and I felt myself gasp as he ground his thigh against my straining dick.
Then Ichigo was gone and I was staring bleary eyes at the white cracked ceiling. Next second he was undoing my jeans and reaching in my boxers. I felt his white hot mouth on me and I was gone in under two minutes.
My breath wouldn't come to me and my chest was heaving.
That was brutal.
"Shit..."
Ichigo appeared in my line of vision, wiping his mouth and laughing at me for a second time.
"Who's the seme now?" He teased, pulling me into a sitting position and joining me on the table.
"Yeah, I let you push me down like that. Thought it'd make you feel more manly." I replied nonchalantly, folding my arms and sniffing.
"Yeah, alright then." Ichigo snorted disbelievingly.
"Wanna go back?" I asked a short while later after we finished our drinks.
"Yeah, let's bail."
He gave me one last peck on the lips before grabbing my hand and leading me back into the moving sea of sweat and people.
Who's the seme now?
I look at the back of Ichigo's head as he pulls me along. Could I let him top me? I just assumed it would be me fucking him...
To let him in like that, physically and mentally, to trust him so deeply and let him have me so entirely... Could I do that? Just hand myself over to him?
The night ended with a blast.
Two really drunk guys let me and Ichigo onto their shoulders during the last song and I literally felt like I was ascending into heaven.
Then it was over. We waited outside for Nel and Ulquiorra who were both pink in the face and looked thoroughly exhausted. We made a quick stop at burger king before heading back to the car.
We spent a while discussing the gig, but we soon fell into a sleepy silence. Ulquiorra drove and Nel slept like a baby. Ichigo was soon dozing as well and I wonder if its creepy that I couldn't take my eyes off him. But then the engine noise lulled me to sleep as well.
What seemed like an age later, I heard voices. We were still moving, but more slowly than before. We must be close to home.
"How long have you and Grimm been going out for?" It was Nel's voice.
"We're not... It's more..."
And I realised we never made it official. Ichigo isn't my boyfriend.
"He isn't my boyfriend." Fuck. Ichigo sounded kind of... sad? "But... that's ok, I guess. What we've got now..." I felt his hand brush against my fingers and I could hear the gentle smile in his voice. "It's perfect."
I felt relieved we were on the same page. This is perfect, isn't it? We don't have to tell anyone, we don't have to hold hands every five seconds, we don't have to change our stupid relationship status' on facebook; there are no expectations nor any chains to hold us down. We are simply friends who sink in the temptation of a kiss or a touch.
But that's not true at all really, is it?
Friends.
That's bullshit. Ichigo is in love with me and I... care one hell of a lot about him.
There are feelings. There always have been but we've both tried to downplay everything. We're 15, this isn't a big deal...
But it is. It's a very big deal. Ichigo loves me and I'm not afraid of that.
Then the car came to a stop and Ichigo was gently shaking me awake. I was surprised by how tired I was all of a sudden; my arms and legs felt like lead. We bid goodnight to Nel and Ulquiorra (who tried to hug me again, and I'm ashamed to admit I was too tired to push him away) and Ichigo lead me into his house. The lights were off but I felt my way towards the kitchen in search of the basement door. Ichigo grabbed my arm and shook his head, guiding me to the stairs.
I realised I had never been in Ichigo's room before.
The walls were a pale blue, but mainly covered with posters and photos. In the corner was a desk and under the window was a very comfy looking bed. The room was pretty tidy except for a corner where a TV and games console has been set down on the floor; piles of games were pushed up against the walls and littered the floor around the TV. There was a tall wide bookshelf against a wall stacked high with thick volumes; everything from Shakespeare to medical textbooks.
"I didn't know you like Shakespeare." I said incredulously, watching Ichigo strip down to his boxers.
I don't really know anything about him, do I?
"Mmm." Ichigo hummed in agreement and began to pull off my clothes. Sleep was flooding my brain; I felt slow and sluggish. Ichigo had to take my socks off for me as well because I was so lethargic.
"Cheers." I slurred, my brain crashing.
Ichigo snorted and pulled back the covers. We scrambled in and as we got comfortable, I tried to muster the courage to... not ask Ichigo out, that was just stupid, but...
I had to give him some sort of sign that I understood how he felt and I was 90% sure I was falling for him and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to fuck me but I was almost certain I wanted to fuck him and that had to count for something, right?
So I did the only thing I had energy left to do.
I wrapped my arms around him entirely and pulled him flush against my body.
"I got'cha, Ichigo." I mumbled against his hair. "I got'cha back, no matter what. Nothin' can stop me from being with you like this."
The last thing I felt before I fell asleep was a pair of ghostly lips against my own.
*That's pretty much how I got my first job when I was 15. Although I was stuck cleaning sweaty changing rooms. One guy was still in the shower when I went in to clean and when I saw him walking around naked, I'm ashamed to say I screamed my head off, threw a bucket at him and ran for the hills. I was quite dramatic back then. Hahah.