A/N- Huge thanks to "Lisa Jane" (I am feeling much better, thank you =D), "Litalove", "Lynbie", "shadow", "Jenny", "Skinny-fit" ;), and "Spike's real lover" (I hope you're feeling better!) for your reviews! Thanks to everyone else who has Favorited this story and/or put it on alert =).
I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with this chapter but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless =).
~BTVS~
Spike climbed into the drivers side of his Desoto and gave an internal sigh. What the hell was going on? He slayed slayers, he didn't kiss them. Of course two days ago he also wouldn't have told you that he didn't help them save the world.
He subtly shook his head and put the key into the ignition, turned it and brought the engine roaring to life. He could see Buffy giving him quick glances in his peripheral vision. Bugger.
Buffy waited until he put the car into drive before she opened her mouth to speak, she didn't want to risk him kicking her out before she even got a chance to say anything. He was unpredictable, she didn't know how he'd react,
"Sooo…" she began before trailing off pathetically. She mentally bashed her head against a wall. Smooth, Buffy. Very smooth.
Spike quirked a brow and shot a glance over at her. "Yeah?" he prompted, wondering what in the bleeding universe would make him help her start this conversation.
Buffy was silent for a moment, her mouth not working in coordination with her brain. "So…you know how to get back to the library, right?" She cringed.
Spike choked down laughter. "Yeah, Slayer. I think I can find my way around this two block town," he snarked.
"Right," she nodded inanely.
Spike sighed, knowing that he was going to regret this. "Just spit it out, Slayer."
Buffy looked at him in surprise, she really thought that he'd just leave it alone after her beyond idiotic question.
"Okay," she nodded, growing more confident. "What happened back there?"
Spike spared her a glance and smirked. "I found me a shiny sword," he replied.
Buffy rolled her eyes, of course he wasn't going to make it easy for her. "Yeah. Before that," she replied warily.
Spike was silent for a long moment and Buffy was beginning to think that he wasn't going to answer her. She sighed and shifted back into the seat. "I don't know," Spike finally replied, making Buffy jump.
"That makes two of us then," she muttered helplessly. She looked at him, something occurring to her. "What about Drusilla?"
"We've been over for a long time, pet," Spike replied with a shrug. He looked over at her, eyebrow raised again. "And Angelus?"
"Angel is…" she trailed of waving an arm like an answer would just appear in her palm.
"Dull as dishwater?" Spike provided.
"No," Buffy replied, irritated. "He's…" she trailed off again, face scrunching up in confusion.
"Dull as a table lamp?" Spike guessed again.
"No! He's not dull he's just…different," she finally choked out.
"Yeah, in a very 'special' way," Spike nodded.
"You're impossible!" Buffy told him.
"And incredibly sexy too," he added.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I love Angel, I really do. He's just…" she sighed in exasperation. Why couldn't she figure out what she was trying to say?
"Not what you want anymore?" Spike filled in, growing serious.
Buffy looked at him, a glint in her eyes that Spike wasn't sure he wanted to decipher. "Exactly."
"Well look, I'm no fan of the poof but no matter what's happening here you should be straight up with him," Spike told her hesitantly.
"That's the last thing I expected you to say," Buffy mumbled.
"Yeah well, I know what it's like to be toyed with," Spike said quietly.
Buffy looked at him, trying to cover up the sadness that she was sure shone in her eyes. "Yeah. You're right," she agreed. How was she supposed to tell Angel, her first love, that she didn't want to be with him anymore-because she'd met Spike. His evil grandchilde.
"Wanna fit in another fight after we drop this stuff off?" Buffy asked, switching subjects.
Spike didn't answer immediately, choosing instead to think over her earlier words. "Ya know, I take it back," he said suddenly.
Buffy looked at him in puzzlement. "You don't wanna train me anymore?" she asked.
"No, not that. I take back what I said about being honest with the poof," he clarified.
"What?" Buffy asked, somewhat relieved.
"Face it Slayer. In three days I'm dust. No point risking your 'love' with Angelus for a dead man," Spike told her matter-of-factly .
"But…" she started to argue.
Spike sighed and with a sharp twist of his wrist sent the car flying over to the side of the road. He turned it off and stepped outside, taking in a deep unneeded breath of the chilly night air. He didn't know how to even begin to work out his feelings for the young slayer when he was by himself, so being stuck in a small space with her wasn't exactly helpful.
Buffy's stomach finally settled after the sudden movement and she too climbed out of the vehicle. "Spike?" she asked, voice small. Like she said, unpredictable.
Spike turned to look at her, eyes emotionless, defenses high. "There's no point in continuing what ever the bleeding hell this is," he told her detachedly. "I'm already dead, and not of the undead variety, Angelus…he's likely got a few more years left in 'im," he told her, mind made up. No need to make anything more out of this than they already had.
"I don't want Angel," Buffy told him meekly.
"You don't know what you want, Slayer," Spike snorted.
Well she couldn't really argue that could she? However. "Maybe not. But I do know what I don't want," she told him emphatically. "Angel was a child's dream. The forbidden romance with tall, dark and handsome. It's not real."
"And you think this is?" Spike asked incredulously.
'I think it could be…if you weren't, you know," she told him walking around the car to be closer to him.
"What? Dying?" he scoffed.
"Well what do you think this is?" she demanded.
"Twisted," he replied readily. "This is sick and twisted. You kill me, I kill you, that's the way this works, Slayer. We don't snog, or shag, of have feelings other than 'hunt' and 'kill'," Spike told her, fire making it's way into his previously blank eyes.
Buffy swallowed back the hurt. She shouldn't feel like this. He was right. He was completely right. She was the Slayer and he's the Slayer of Slayers. Nonetheless, his words stung. She nodded. "You're right. It's sick and twisted. But it's real. And you know it, whether you wanna admit it or not," she replied confidently, face to face with him now.
Spike shrugged. "Maybe it is," he acknowledged. "The apocalypse is real too, Slayer," he reminded her.
"Why can't we just pretend? For the next couple days, why can't we just pretend that it isn't?" she asked him.
"Doesn't work like that, luv," he told her, calming down. He backed away from her slightly.
She nodded, reluctantly accepting the truth of it. "Yeah," she said sadly. "It'd just make everything that much harder anyway," she admitted, her emotions finally taking a backseat of logic.
"That it would, pet," Spike agreed. "It's better that we just keep to ourselves, fight the good fight before goin' out in a blaze of glory." He snorted, "Can't believe I just said that."
Buffy smiled in tame amusement. "Yeah, the big bad fighting the good fight," she laughed.
"Good thing I'll be dust at the end of it, I'd never live it down," he joked. Buffy smiled although she didn't really find it that amusing.
Her eyes landed on his lips and she thought over what she was about to do for about two seconds before throwing logic and rules and morals out the window. They'd stay away from each other, they really would. Just-not right now.
Before Spike could react she stepped up to him and pulled his head down until his lips met hers. She shuddered as the heated sparks flew up her spine again, every nerve felt like it had been lit up. Feeling everything.
Spike automatically responded, shoving the insanity of it out of his mind and pulling the slayer closer to him. This was wrong, he knew that. They'd both just established that and yet-here they were. It was true what they said, sometimes wrong just feels so good.
Buffy's hands roamed over his chest, delighted at the defined muscles that were hidden under his shirt. She felt as though he were eating her alive, like the passion was so intense that they'd just burst into flames. He pulled back allowing her to gulp in air, and she groaned at the loss of him.
Spike looked up at the heavens he didn't believe in wondering what the hell he was doing. Her small hand kept roaming over him. "Oh balls," he muttered quietly before turning her so that she was pressed up in between him and his car. His head swooped back down to continue devouring her.
~BTVS~
Rupert Giles had been waiting at the library forever. And really, he didn't think it was much of an exaggeration. They'd gotten here, put all the bags of weapons behind the locked cage, hidden them out of sight, sat down and began reading. Now he was pacing, getting anxious. Kendra watched him warily.
"Do you want me to go find them?" she asked.
Giles looked at her in surprise. He thought it over for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "No…I'm sure she's fine. They probably just got sidetracked by a demon or something," he told her, trying to convince them both.
~BTVS~
Angel walked back towards his mansion after dropping Cordelia off at her house. He was tired, maybe he should have gone home and gotten some sleep when the others did. He just didn't want to leave when he had the chance, for those few hours, to be there with Buffy without his vampire family.
Without Spike. He didn't know what was happening between Spike and Buffy but he wasn't stupid. He could see that there was something. The blonde irritation had this annoying habit of integrating himself into people's lives whether they wanted him there or not.
Maybe what annoyed him the most was that Spike was able to do that. Angel had always stood on the fringes, never quite able to fit in with the world. Even when he was human. The only exception had been during his Scourge of Europe days…but he didn't really fit in with them then either. He'd just forced them to fit in with him.
He sighed, opening the door to the mansion. He listened intently, Drusilla and Darla weren't back yet. He moved sluggishly up the stairs to his room and, upon entering it, slumped down on his bed, ready to fall asleep.
~BTVS~
Spike and Buffy pulled away from each other at the same time. "We gotta get to the library, luv. The watcher'll be worried," Spike told her.
"I don't want to," Buffy replied softly. "Once we leave here it's over."
Spike nodded. "Even if we never leave here it'll still end, Slayer. And so will everything else," he pointed out.
She sighed. "Fine," moving out from under his arms she walked around to the passenger side. She looked at him, cutting herself off from her emotions. "Let's go."
He nodded, it's for the best. He got into the car and they were on the road towards the library again in no time. It's for the best, they both try to convince themselves.
~BTVS~
"Where have you been?" Giles snapped worriedly as soon as the blonde duo entered the library.
"Uh…car trouble," Buffy thought up quickly.
"Got a flat halfway here," Spike backed her up.
"Oh," Giles said, taking them for their words and visibly deflating with relief. "Got it fixed then?" Giles asked Spike.
"'Course. Been changing tires since they were invented," Spike smirked.
"Right," Giles nodded.
"There are a few more bags in the car," Buffy said, changing the subject. She started walking back out of the library after placing the bag that she'd already brought in on the floor.
Between the four of them the Desoto was soon unloaded. "Alright, I'll take Kendra back to my place. Do you need a ride Buffy?" Giles asked, wondering what her plans were.
"Uh-I'll just walk home. Do a little patrolling on the way," she responded.
"Right then. Goodnight," the watcher said kindly, walking out of the library with Kendra in tow.
Spike shifted uncomfortably, he really should have left as soon as his car was emptied. "I should get back to my crypt, sun'll be out 'fore too much longer," he said, moving to leave.
"Wait!" Buffy called out, stopping him dead in his tracks. Now what? she wondered. "Um, listen I know that we're ending this or whatever but you're still gonna train me right?" she asked hesitantly.
Spike glanced back at her over his shoulder. "Yeah, pet. I can do that," he replied somewhat reluctant.
Buffy shot him a wide grin that had him falling even further into the white abyss that was swallowing him whole. "Great! Thanks," she said sincerely. He was still her best shot at getting prepared for The Scourge.
Spike started to leave again before sighing and turning back to her once more. "You're not gonna tell Angel about his are you, Slayer?"
"The fighting or the kissing?" she asked.
"Both, either," the vampire replied.
"No. I think it's best that we keep everyone focused," she replied practically.
"Good," Spike nodded, managing to leave the library this time. Buffy watched him go and sighed. She was so screwed.
~BTVS~
Buffy walked into her house, thankful that her mother was out of town. Using the front door was so much more convenient than sneaking in through her window. When Joyce had told her that there was an exciting conference on ancient artifacts in Los Angeles Buffy had encouraged her to go. It would be lasting until the end of the week, by the time Joyce got back the world would either have already been saved or it really wouldn't matter.
She replayed the last hour or so she spent with Spike over and over in her mind. She was insane, of that she was sure. Maybe it wasn't Angelus that had driven Drusilla mad after all. Maybe it was the intense feelings that being around Spike provoked. Though, she had a feeling that her feelings towards Spike were very different than the crazy vampire's.
They had agreed to keep it strictly business from here on out. No more secret make out sessions or long meaningful glances-or even brief longing glances. They couldn't afford for someone else to catch on. Willow, she could trust. Everyone else-it's just too risky.
She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a slice of leftover pizza out of the fridge, moving over to the kitchen counter. she only hoped that she'd be capable of keeping it professional between them. Because when he was around she really couldn't control herself. She sighed and let her head fall against the counter and groaned. What was she going to do?
~BTVS~