It was official. Loki was glad that Dean had his own separate personality that could act independent of his own. Sam had apparently picked up on his brother's presence though the odd Winchester telepathy they had going on...likely as a side effect of Loki hiding the Mind Stone in the Impala's engine near the console... so he was present when Dean's brain to mouth filter malfunctioned and he actually told off Odin to his face.
Sam's leg quickly grew tired of trying to kick Dean into shutting up, so he finally resorted to a very painful slap to the head.
Though they did accidentally find out one thing though.
Loki was NOT supposed to end up in Dean Winchester originally. Apparently Yahweh, or "God" to the humans, had diverted Loki's soul at the last minute into Dean for a laugh.
Considering the alternative, the life of a nameless vagrant, Loki preferred being Dean.
At least he got a brother out of it.
Loki, however, was not ashamed of Dean's sudden lack of tact and lack of self-preservation skills. He was glad Dean had put voice to things he would never dare to say out loud, much less in the presence of Odin while he was awake. Hearing Dean call Odin out on his spectacularly horrible timing telling Loki he was adopted and the fact he clearly favored Thor over Loki was something he would remember for centuries.
Though seeing Frigga hide a smile behind her hand, Loki knew his mother was glad Loki finally had a way of saying things he normally couldn't.
Odin didn't look happy, but he also didn't threaten to banish Dean and Sam from Asgard.
Instead he decided on a change of subject.
"Would you care to explain why you were surrounded by angels for several months?"
Dean made a face, then switched with Loki seamlessly.
"The mortal's heaven apparently has a prophecy involving Lucifer and Micheal. Unfortunately that prophecy involves Sam and 'Dean' Winchester. Dean was supposed to be the vessel for Micheal, while Sam is Lucifer's. Naturally I disagreed with that, so when the opportunity presented itself I derailed their plans. At the moment things are at a standstill, and will only grow worse from there once Lucifer learns Sam is no longer capable of harboring his grace."
There was also the oddity of the four days Dean and Loki spent in 2014, where Sam was possessed by Lucifer and running rampant.
They never did find out which angel took them there, or why.
Though they did alert Fury about the Croatoan virus and that the demons had spread it through a fake vaccine once Pestilence had gotten started.
Fury had been pissed, but finding out that an entire town had been wiped out by the virus had been enough to convince him Loki wasn't lying. Being able to name the date, town and some of the people there had proven their case.
Either way, S.H.I.E.L.D was now on the lookout for fake vaccines carrying a virus. They even had a rough idea of which company to look at.
Loki ran his hand through his hair, a habit he picked up from Dean.
"Right now Earth is at a crossroads. I don't plan on tipping the mess the angels allowed to happen one way or another. I'm removing the pins and letting whatever happens next happen. Having aliens fighting over the humans is bad enough...the last thing they need is to have a pair of petulant angels have a grudge match over who father loved best."
Hearing Sam's snort, Loki glared at him.
"My disagreement with Thor is nothing like Micheal and Lucifer's bitch fest," said Loki flatly.
"True, Thor doesn't see humans the same way as Micheal does, and you're infinitely less whiny than Lucifer," said Sam smirking.
"Bitch," said Loki.
"Jerk."
"A-hem," said Frigga, openly smiling now. Loki looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sam's smirk grew wider.
"I am so going to get you for that."
"And leave yourself without the only sane person you consider a decent conversation? Besides, what would Hel, Jor and Fenrir say if they knew you did something? They wouldn't talk to you for years, if you were lucky."
Loki's looked very much like a pouting child. He hated it when Sam won an argument.
"I think, Samuel, that you will be very good for Loki," said Frigga, not bothering to hide her amusement anymore.
Sam made a face at being reminded of his full name, which restored some of Loki's mood.
"And as for you, Loki. You had better not go for months without visiting or I'll abscond with your brother again," said Frigga sternly.
"Yes mother," said Loki. He gave Dean a mental kick in the shin, to get him to shut up. The jerk was laughing his ass off at the way Frigga pulled the "Mom" card on Loki.
No matter what his feelings towards Odin were, or how they might repair their relationship, his feeling to Frigga was absolute.
She might not have birthed him, but she was his mother in every way other than blood. And it was clear she was also growing on Sam.
And then she definitively proved where Loki got his spark as a god of mischief.
"Of course now that you're on Asgard, we'll have to start the feast of returning," she said impishly.
Loki's face couldn't have been more horrified than if Thor had suddenly started snogging his face off without warning. Sam couldn't help the laughter that came from seeing Loki's expression.
"Mother, please anything but that!"
It didn't matter how the seats were arranged, Loki always ended up sitting next to Volstagg because of someone switching places. ALWAYS. And his table manners were horrible.
"I'm sorry Loki, but you know how the rules are. When one of our returns to us after undergoing the trials, we hold a feast to congratulate them for coming home once more," said Frigga. She did take pity on him though. "You can force Samuel to sit next to you and take Thor's other side. After all he will have to be part of the feast as well, since he passed the trials along with you."
The pure relief on Loki's face was almost comical. Finally, he could make someone else suffer though that headache with him.
"Do I want to know?"
"Not much changes here, and we're big on tradition. The good news is that it means you'll be able to come here and stay for months, even years on end whenever you want within reason. The bad news is you're going to be the object of a lot of curiosity and some resentment for a while. On the plus side, I no longer have to worry about ending up sitting next to Volstagg during the feasts," said Loki.
"I take it's going to be a boring ceremony?"
"Immensely. Of course you always ask my mother about casting magic...she's the one who taught me."
Sam perked up at that. Frigga had left after telling Loki he could have Sam sit next to him at the feast.
The ceremony was long and boring, and Sam was really, really sick and tired of the way people looked at his brother. Loki had his usual mask on, but Sam could tell he hated being here.
And after one too many comments from Sif and the others while Thor wasn't paying attention, he'd had enough.
"You know if you have something to say, it's considered polite to say it to their face," he said irritated.
Sif was the one who spoke first.
"I find it appalling that Loki was able to bluff his way through the trials to be allowed back."
If Sam wasn't better at holding his temper than Dean, he would have thrown his knife at her.
"Loki didn't take the trials. He slept through most of it outside of giving us information to survive. My older brother Dean was the one who completed them," said Sam, emphasizing the names.
He knew Loki and Frigga were listening, as well as possibly Thor.
"You speak of them as two different people," said Fandral.
"They are, and at the same time they're not. Dean isn't as smart as Loki, but he's also quick to jump in to protect people he's never even met with almost no chance for glory. Loki is smart and rather caustic when's he pissed, but to be fair he's a scholar who was raised in a society of warriors who don't care for magic outside of enchanting their weapons. You look down on him because he's not as physical when it comes to fighting, and yet using magic is as exhausting as cutting someone up with a sword. It just uses different muscles," stated Sam flatly. "They are almost as different as night and day, but at the same time they're similar enough that it makes little difference."
Seeing he had quite a few people paying him attention, Sam spoke loud enough to make sure everyone heard him.
"You think I didn't notice you were subtly trying to make me like Thor more than I did Loki? That I wouldn't see though your attempts to bring me in on a hunt or some battle that I had no business being in, much less want to join as an attempt to distance me from my brother? You pretend to buddy up to anyone that gets close to Loki and slowly convert them to Thor instead. Even if he hadn't told me about it, I wouldn't have been interested in hunting with a pack of glory hounds like yourselves," said Sam flatly.
Seeing them bristle and Loki successfully hiding his smirk and relief, Sam hammered in something they hadn't known about Loki before he came back. He wasn't going to let the insult to his brother go down without a massive fight.
"Loki is a better Hunter than any of you would ever be," he said flatly.
"Loki? Loki can barely aim an arrow, much less track a deer," said Volstagg.
"Who said anything about hunting animals? I'm talking about hunting down the monsters who prey on the innocent and hide in plain sight," said Sam smugly.
Seeing their confusion, Loki subtly kicked Sam in the leg.
"Then again I suppose people who like to trumpet their accomplishments to any who would hear them wouldn't be able to understand the real dedication it takes to be a Hunter," concluded Sam.
"Hah! If Loki could be a 'hunter', then we could easily do the same!" said Volstagg.
"What do you think Loki? Think any of them could handle doing what we do every day without even the possibility of reward?" said Sam.
"I think they'll be eating crow the next time we see them. And just so we're clear, I'm not bailing you out of jail when you realize that I'm better than you," said Loki flatly. Inside both Loki and Dean were howling with laughter.
They were warriors, yes, but sneaking around trying to find monsters wasn't in their forte. It was about time they got a dose of humility!
When Sam and Loki were out of earshot, having laid down the challenge, Sam finally cracked up.
"How long do you think it'll take them to get arrested and force Fury to bail them out?"
"Not long at all. Personally I want to see the look on their faces when they realize what we do for a living, without any hope of glory or reward."
Without warning, both of them yelped as Frigga grabbed them firmly by the ears.
"Now you two didn't set them up, did you?" she asked smiling.
"Only if your definition of setting them up is to teach them a lesson," said Sam, before wincing.
"A Hunter works in the shadows. We don't do it for the glory or for money. We hunt because otherwise the monsters that hide in the night would run roughshod over the rest of humanity. The thing is that most people wouldn't believe us unless confronted by the supernatural, so we have to be discreet about it until we find the damn things. Not to mention the mortal police think we're insane because of it."
"Most of what we do is research."
Frigga released their ears.
"So you set them up without telling them how to hunt monsters."
"Give them a monster to kill, and they'll do it easily enough. Finding one based on clues and hiding in plain sight was always my job. It's about time they learn how much they take for granted, and I want to be here when they admit defeat," said Loki flatly.
"It's not like they couldn't handle anything we've ever hunted. I mean you kicked Zachariah's ass and he was an angel. They're harder to kill than most of the things we've faced."
"And let's not forget that most of what we do is covert, not overt. They're more used to trumpeting they're there than trying to actually find anything."
Frigga gave both of them a look.
"You will, of course, give them some help."
"Bobby?" asked Sam.
"Bobby. Though he'll definitely shoot us when he finds out we dumped them on him."
"What if we dump them with different hunters?"
"Who do you have in mind?"
"Sif with Jo and Ellen, Fandral with Rufus, and Volstagg and Hogun with Bobby," said Sam.
"Perfect. Let's see them get a taste of their own medicine," said Loki.
Payback was a bitch, and Loki could turn into one. Literally, in fact.
"Of course we can't do it all at once. Let's spread the misery and give Fury headaches like he wouldn't believe. Besides it would be easier to isolate them and keep the others from dumping them onto another if we do it one at a time," said Loki.
"True," said Sam smiling.
It was around that time Thor came around the corner.
"Loki..." he started, but his brother cut him off.
"It's nothing worse or more dangerous than what they've done before, the only difference is this time they have to find the monster and they'll be sent to Midgard one at a time to avoid them trying to smash everything in sight to locate the monster," he said flatly.
Which meant the realms were suitably defended and they each learned a valuable lesson. And, with any luck, they wouldn't take the resident researcher for granted a second time.
"You want us to what?" said Ellen in disbelief.
"Long story short, Sam set a challenge down for Thor's warrior friends who are always harassing Loki in the shadows and mocking him behind his back because he prefers to research what he's facing rather than charge in like an idiot. So they were challenged to act as Hunters, not Warriors for the period of one month or until they admit they were wrong about Loki. The thing is that if left unchecked they're more likely to ruin a hunt rather than kill the monster. So we're pairing them with established hunters who can at least keep a green horn alive for a month."
"Look, as funny as it would be to teach an idiot a lesson I've got enough on my plate keeping Jo alive," said Ellen.
"They're not bad fighters, they just suck at being discreet," supplied Sam.
Ellen looked unsure.
"Which one am I being saddled with?"
"Sif, the lone female of the group. Think Xena, warrior princess only without the princess bit and you pretty much have an idea of what she's like," deadpanned Dean.
"Fine. But you owe me for this."
"I can pay a decent sum of cash to repay you or a favor of your choice, within reason," said Dean immediately.
"And some enchanted weapons, to start with."
"Now that I can do. Any preference? Blades are easier, but guns are a bit tricky since they don't use the same kind," asked Dean.
Ellen wrote up a list of what she wanted, some requiring two sets (one for her and Jo each), and a few days later Dean showed up with most of them. Some she would have to wait for them to be forged, but the others were easy to come by.
Aside from the minor hiccup of her giving Loki a black eye (apparently one of her cousins was killed during the invasion...plus he was a Winchester) she believed him.