Chapter Eleven
"Okay, Tyler, enlighten me. What are Gorgs?" the Doctor said folding his arms over his chest.
"Um, well, they're kinda like gigantic Ogres. They would try to catch the Fraggles whenever they went outside."
"Much like the gigantic dog does, eh?"
"Yeah."
"These Fraggles have pretty crappy lives. Everyone seems to either be after them or resent them."
He paused a moment.
"I can relate to that." He said to himself.
He sighed.
"So, in order to go talk to this mystical garbage lady we have to basically steer clear of Shrek, am I getting this right?"
"Yup, you're right on the money."
"Mmm, so how intelligent are these Gorgs?"
"Um, from what I remember not very. There's one called…um…Junior….yeah, Junior Gorg who was pretty much a doofus."
"Good, doofus I can deal with. Is he the only one?"
"No, there was his mum and dad."
"And are they doofuses?"
"Well, sorta, but I don't think they were as stupid as Junior Gorg was."
"So, we have one idiotic Ogre and his semi-idiotic Ogre parents to deal with, and how big are these creatures?"
"Um, massive, we'll be Doozer size by comparison."
"Lovely, just lovely." The Doctor muttered. "But, on the plus side, if we're that small, it will be easier for us to hide from them."
He rubbed his hands together.
"Well, I always did like a bit of a challenge so let's go find us this talking compost heap and see what she has to say."
He took Rose's hand.
"Lead the way, Tyler." He said.
"Um, I can't, I don't know where to go." Rose said.
"Oh yeah,"
He sighed.
"Damn, I guess we're gonna have to go ask Nsync where the exit is. I just hope we don't get a bloody song and dance before we find out."
They walked off in search of the Fraggles.
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After enduring several minutes of off-key singing and dancing and sugary sweet happiness from numerous Fraggles, they finally found one of the Fraggles they knew. He was sitting outside a cave entrance using a washboard to wash something in a small wooden vat. The Doctor paused and glanced at Rose.
"What's this one's name?"
"Boober."
The Doctor shook his head.
"Boober, what a name. The poor bloke." He muttered.
He shrugged and they walked over to him.
"Excuse me, Boober." The Doctor said to him.
Boober looked up at him.
"Yes?"
"Um, I was wondering if you could help us. See, Rose and I are wanting to go up to where this rubbish woman is so we can talk to her. Do you know what I'm talking about?"
"The Trash Heap?" Boober said.
The Doctor glanced at Rose.
"Yeah, I think that was her name." Rose said nodding.
The Doctor shrugged.
"Um, yeah, the Trash Heap. Do you know where she's at?"
"She lives beyond the Gorg's garden." Boober said going back to his washing.
The Doctor watched as he ran a sock up and down the washboard.
"I'm sorry, what are you doing?" the Doctor asked.
"I'm washing socks." Boober said.
"I was not aware that Fraggles wore socks." The Doctor said. "I've never seen anybody wearing any."
"I know, that's why I'm convinced most Fraggles will die of the common cold soon." He said as he continued washing.
The Doctor stared at him.
"Ooookay…" he muttered.
He cleared his throat.
"So, um, Boober if you aren't too terribly busy washing socks, could you possibly take Rose and I up to see this Trash Heap?"
"You don't want to go see her."
The Doctor glanced at Rose.
"Why not?" he asked Boober.
"The Trash Heap has a ton of germs on her, you might get sick and die."
The Doctor frowned.
"Yeah, that probably is true, but nevertheless we want to go see her."
"Not to mention all the sharp cans and bottles you could cut yourself on. Then, you get a nasty infection and you could die from that."
"I'm…sorry…but are you usually this pessimistic?" The Doctor said to him. "I mean, the Fraggles I've seen are usually bouncing around the cave like they're on a permanent caffeine high. You seem to be the opposite."
"You mean I'm more sensible than they are? Yes, I am." Boober said looking up from his washing. "My friends do nothing but dance and sing and frolic all day long. There are more important things in this world like socks and fungus."
"Wow, Doctor, you finally found a kindred spirit."
"Shut up, Tyler." The Doctor said as she giggled.
He looked at Boober.
"Well, if you're not gonna lead us, can you recommend someone who will?" he asked him.
"Talk to Mokey, she goes up every day to gather the radish for our meal." He said to him.
"Mokey, gotcha. And where is she?"
"Go straight ahead about three caves and turn. She's the first cave on the right."
"First cave on the right, got it."
He paused a moment and then bent over.
"You know, there's this wondrous magic pill called Prozac, you probably wanna find you some, I think it would help tremendously." He said to Boober.
He bent back up and took Rose's hand.
"Come along, Rose, let's leave Boober to his socks." He said.
Boober watched them go. Then, shaking his head he went back to his washing.
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"Hello?" the Doctor said peeking into Mokey's cave. "Mokey? Are you here?"
They looked over at a hole in the far wall when they heard singing coming from it.
"Yup, guess she's in." the Doctor said to Rose.
They stepped inside.
"Mokey?" the Doctor said.
"Be just a minute!" Mokey called from the next room.
The Doctor and Rose leaned back against the wall and waited for her. The Doctor glanced over and saw a strange looking plant staring back at him. Curious, he wandered over and stared at it.
Suddenly, Mokey burst into the room carrying an armload of paints and canvases.
"I'm so sorry, I was just gathering my painting supplies for today." She said to them.
"Oh, you paint?" the Doctor asked.
"Yes, I do."
She let out a melodramatic gasp.
"I find it…exhilarating." She said.
She sat the supplies down in a small hole and turned to them.
"Painting and poetry feed the soul." She said raising her arms dramatically.
The Doctor glanced at Rose.
"Um yeah, well, Mokey I was just wondering if Rose and I could ask a favor of you."
Mokey picked up a watering can and walked over to the plant.
"Don't mind me, keep talking. I have to water Lanford." She said to the Doctor.
"Yeah, that's a very interesting plant you have. What is it?" the Doctor asked.
Mokey smiled at him.
"It's a Night-Blooming Yellow-Leaved Deathwort." She said sweetly.
"I see. Never heard of it, but then again I am in a kid's show." The Doctor muttered.
"What was that?" Mokey said.
"Nothing." He said quickly. "What Rose and I were wanting to know is if you can lead us to the Trash Heap?"
Mokey let out another melodramatic gasp.
"OH!" she said putting the watering can down and taking the Doctor by the hands. "You mean you want to go see the all-knowing, all-seeing Madam Trash Heap?"
The Doctor stared at her.
"Um, yeah." He said.
"Of course I will lead you there! Everyone should go see Madam Trash Heap at least once in their lives. She is truly unique!"
"Yeah, I have to admit a talking pile of rubbish is a pretty unique concept." The Doctor said.
"You are in luck, I'm just about to go up and get the radish for today." Mokey said. "I'll be more than happy to take you."
"Thanks." The Doctor replied.
His eyes widened when Mokey let out another melodramatic gasp.
"The Trash Heap. She is filled with so much wisdom. I wonder what she'll tell you?" she said.
"Um, I'm not sure. We'd really like to know how to get out of here though." The Doctor replied.
"How delightful. I love getting out of here with my paints and my poetry to some distant rock and just letting my spirit take flight." Mokey said in a hushed voice.
The Doctor stared at her as she sang to herself while she petted Lanford. He walked over to Rose.
"Okay, so we have one Fraggle who has a morbid fascination with disease and death and another one who is completely flaky. What's next?"
They looked over as a Fraggle wandered inside the cave making oinking noises under his breath.
"Mokey, I need you to help me." He said.
The Doctor leaned over to Rose.
"And this one is…"
"Wembley." She replied.
"Wembley, right." The Doctor said.
"What is it, dear Wembley?" Mokey said to him.
"I need your help, Mokey. I can't decide what shirt to wear this morning!" Wembley said frantically.
"Just calm down, Wembley, let me see the shirts."
Wembley showed her two shirts. The Doctor frowned as he stared at them.
"They're identical." He whispered to Rose.
"I can't decide which banana tree shirt to wear. Should I wear this one or this one?" He said looking from one shirt to the other.
Mokey paused and stared at both shirts, giving each one serious consideration.
"I think you should wear that one." She said pointing to the one in his right hand.
"This one?" Wembley said frowning as he stared at it. "Are you sure? Cause I really like the other one."
"Okay, then wear that one then." Mokey said pointing to the one in his left hand.
He stared at it.
"Um, on the other hand, this one isn't as nice as the other. But the other one itches. But this one fits too snugly. But on the other hand…"
"Geez, what is the stupid git's problem?" the Doctor said whispering to Rose.
"He does this. Wembley can never make up his mind." Rose replied.
"Well, someone needs to slap him upside the head and knock some sense into him." The Doctor replied.
By this time, Wembley was in a complete tizzy looking from one shirt to the other with growing desperation.
"AAAAAAAAAGH!" he finally screamed. "I CAN'T DECIDE!!!!!"
The Doctor sighed. He walked over to Wembley and snatched the shirts out of his hand.
"Look." He said holding the shirts up in front of him. "They are both the same. Pick one bloody shirt and be done with it. Mokey has more important things to do like leading us up to the Trash Heap. Now, why don't you go home, put your feet up, maybe take a nice sedative and relax?"
Wembley stared at him.
"You think that might work?"
The Doctor put his hand on Wembley's shoulder.
"I think a Valium would make all the difference in the world for you." He said.
"Okay."
Wembley stared at him.
"Um, where do you get this Valium?" he asked him.
"I don't know, but if I were you, I would make every effort to find one." The Doctor replied.
Wembley nodded.
"Okay, I'll do that. Thanks Doctor." He said.
"You're very welcome."
They watched as Wembley bounced back out of the cave making oinking noises under his breath.
"I am so glad I'm not a cartoon, Rose." He muttered to her. "Real life is bizarre enough."
"I agree." Rose muttered back.
They looked at Mokey.
"Um, so, are you going to take us?" the Doctor asked.
"Yes, just follow me." Mokey said.
The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. Taking Rose's hand, they followed behind Mokey as she walked out of the cave.