Chapter 11
Natalie poured herself another glass then offered the bottle to Destiny.
"You know, I thought to myself the other day...I thought...I have a whole new respect for you and my sister. Raising your kids by yourself. No help from their fathers. I don't know how you do it," she said as she downed the glass.
"It's not easy but, you have three kids. I only have one. AND John has always been in their lives and helped out. Mathew..." Destiny scoffed, "he's around when it suites him. When he feels like playing daddy or when he wants to ingraci...ingrashi...make himself looked good in front of his parents," she hiccupped, "excuse me." Destiny giggled.
Natalie nodded her head absently and said wistfully, "yeah, he's always helped me. Done more than his share really. He'd let me sleep in, take feedings...God it turned me on. He's so sexy when he's giving a baby a bottle, in the middle of the night, his shirt off, his tattoos-" Natalie let her voice trail off as she took another drink from her glass.
"Yeah ok, I get the picture," Destiny interrupted, giggling at the faraway look in her friends eyes.
"Sorry," Natalie said sheepishly and sighed, "I just miss him."
"I know but, I don't need those images of my bosses going to town on one another...it's not fair," Destiny said picking up the bottle and pouring more wine for them both.
"What about you," Natalie asked her with a smirk on her face, "is there anyone you're eyeing these days? "
"Oh, no. No I am in complete 'mommy mode'. I don't see that changing any time soon," Destiny answered.
"More wine?" Natalie asked her then poured more at her nod, "we are not in 'mommy mode' tonight. No, tonight we are two adult women doing whatever we please," Natalie said with confidence. Both were quiet for a moment.
"What do you want to do?" Natalie asked with much of the confidence out of her tone.
"I don't know. What can we do? We have to get up in the morning and go to work and be mommies," Destiny answered in a disappointed tone, "I'm already going to have a pounding headache."
"Well..."Natalie thought for a moment, "I know first..'poof'...you have tomorrow off," she said pretending to wave a magic wand.
"Really?" Destiny said smiling, "ok...what about you?"
"Mmmm...who cares, I'm not going in either. What's he going to do? He's not even there, right? Fire me long distance, huh? Fire the wife he left with his three children? Let him," Natalie paused, "I don't think I can stand to see him there now anyways." She finished quietly, then mumble, "Uncle Bo won't fire me." Destiny patted her hand then sloppily finished her glass.
"He was sleeping there you know," Natalie told her, "He tried to hide it but, I could tell when I went into his office."
"Natalie, I thought we weren't going to talk about John anymore?" Destiny said.
"I just can't believe he's left...or I kicked him out, I'm a little fuzzy on how this happened exactly, either way, he left town," Natalie looked down at her wedding rings. There were three total. One was his mother's engagement ring, then there was a channel set diamond eternity wedding band and last was a ring John had made for her. It matched her wedding band but, the stones were the birth stones of all three kids and one for both him and her.
"We need to do something daring," Destiny said out of the blue.
"What?" Natalie looked up at her in confusion.
"We need to do something we are afraid of and overcome our fears," Destiny said matter of factly.
"Like...what?" Natalie asked.
"Well", Destiny paused, "I want a tattoo," she answered with a nod as if it were decided.
"A tattoo? Why do you want a tattoo?" Natalie asked again, her head spinning just a little at the change of direction in their conversation.
"Yeah, I've wanted one since I was sixteen," Destiny told her, her slurring becoming more pronounced.
"Then why don't you have one?" Natalie asked, giggling and filling her glass again.
"Because my parents would kill me and mostly because I'm afraid needles...and pain," Destiny explained.
"You've had a baby, how much more pain could it be?" Natalie said draining her glass. "Ok, ok I get the needles and the pain but, aren't you a little past caring what your parents would think?"
Reaching for the bottle and finding it empty she stood up and walked into the kitchen to get another.
"You're never past that," Destiny mumbled, " and I know but, labor is kinda different then having a needle sticking you a bazillion times," Destiny said when Natalie returned with another open bottle.
"Alright fine so, what do you want?" Natalie asked filling her glass yet again.
"Well for years I wanted a rose but, after Drew was born I changed my mind," Destiny said absently, she'd picked up her phone to search for a picture, then handing the phone to Natalie to see.
"Oh, a butterfly. I like it," Natalie said.
"They symbolize new beginnings," Destiny told her while picking up the bottle and filling their glasses.
"Where do you want it?" Natalie asked, handing Destiny her phone back.
"Tramp stamp of course," Destiny said causing them both to giggle.
"I've always wanted one since I was a teenager, too but, I don't know, I just never got one. If I did it would have to do with the kids. To represent them in some way," Natalie said running it over in her mind.
"What comes in threes….."Destiny mumbled tapping her finger on her chin.
"Four," Natalie said sadly and drained her glass again.
"Four?" Destiny looked at her in surprise.
Natalie fill their glasses again and sat back in her chair. "Yeah," she answered, "it was a long time ago."
"What happened?" Destiny asked, filling her glass with more wine.
"Oh well, life I guess," Natalie took a large drink before she continued, "well, you know about John's accident?" At Destiny's nod she continued, "well you know that we had been dating then and a few months after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. I had been…hoping that eventually we would get back together you know. I thought that maybe we both just needed some time and that we would find our way back to each other. That he still loved me," Natalie paused to take another drink. "When I found out I was pregnant I really thought it was a sign that we were meant to be and all of that, you know. That someone somewhere thought so too." Natalie sighed and fell quiet.
"So…what happened?," Destiny asked again softly.
"Ah, well…..it took a few days but, I finally worked up the nerve and I went to the station to tell John and when I got there…..Marty Saybrooke was in his office. All over him and he…..didn't seem to mind. So….I lost my nerve and I went home. That night I started cramping and bleeding. I got myself to the hospital but, by the time I got there…..it was too late," Natalie drained her glass, trying to hide the tears that had sprung up in her eyes.
"You went through that alone?" Destiny asked saddened that her friend would have to go through that.
"No actually, that is the interesting part. Michael was there. He was the doctor in the emergency room that night. He sat with me while I was going…..through….all of that. He was really amazing, he held my hand and cried with me. He was mad at me for a while cause I asked him to not tell John but, after I explained, like a hundred times my reasons…..he agreed it was for the best," Natalie poured them both more to drink. "Neither of us were ready back then, you know. It would have been a disaster. He would have felt responsible for us and stuck with us. Funny how years later he admits to feeling that way anyways, isn't it?" She said thoughtfully, Natalie looked at her friend.
"Ironic," Destiny mumbled and gave Natalie a sad comforting look back, "so….you never told him?"
"Oh yeah, he knows now," Natalie sighed. She wiped a few stray tears off her face, remembering the conversation, "after Laney was born we had this 'no more secrets-no more lies' come to Jesus moment you know. For as much good as that obviously did for us, I told him then. He was mad for a while….well disappointed in me, I guess is a better word, for not telling him but, we talked about it. For a long time. It wasn't an easy conversation but he forgave me. It brought us closer…..or so I had thought." Natalie chuckled but, there was no humor in it then finished her glass yet again.
"He blamed himself as he always tends to do. If only he'd been there and all of that. Michael explained that it would have happened whether John was there or not. Sometimes…. Sometimes it's just not meant to be," Natalie finished sadly.
"I'm sorry Natalie," Destiny said sadly.
"I'm ok. Anyways…..John...got a new tattoo," Natalie said changing the subject and trying to brighten her voice, "right after Sean was born. The kids' birth dates, in this antique-y looking script. Wrapped around his bicep under another one he had there," Natalie pointed to her own as if to show Destiny the tattoo John had. Then filled their glasses up, "it's so sexy. I love touching it, and kissing-" Natalie smirked at her, trying to lighten the mood once again and get off the subject of their baby.
"Natalie!" Destiny couldn't control her laughter.
"I'm sorry!" Natalie tried to be serious but, found herself laughing along, "we happen to have…..had a very healthy sex life. We do…did it all the time and...he's been gone for a month!" Natalie said correcting herself and laughing along the way, then rubbed her face in frustration.
Destiny burst out in laughter.
"I'm serious. The only time we've gone without for any length of time was after the kids were born. He planned his damn vasectomy around my recovering from having Sean so we wouldn't have to wait anymore than necessary, " she said. The wine had certainly loosened her up, she realized. "I probably shouldn't have told you that," Natalie said thinking if she should have been embarrassed but she wasn't . She was sure it was thanks to all the wine they had consumed.
"No it's fine honestly," Destiny tuned serious, "I hope I have that someday."
Natalie could have kicked herself for not thinking of her friends feelings, "You will. You'll meet the perfect guy and he will sweep you off your feet," Natalie told her.
"Like John swept you off of yours?" Destiny gave her a pointed look that included a raised eyebrow.
"Well, let's hope not exactly like that," Natalie said and both women got lost in a fit of laughter again.
"I think I'm drunk," Natalie said, her head was spinning a little.
After a moment, Destiny stood up, "call a cab." She told Natalie.
"What?" Natalie asked, again confused by the swinging direction of the conversation.
"Call a cab, we're going out...and neither of us is fit to drive. And it would suck to get pulled over by your husband," Destiny said, picking up her glass and finishing it off.
"He's gone remember," Natalie mumbled, looking up at Destiny confused.
"Oh!" Destiny hissed, "yeah right."
She giggled and turned to Natalie who hadn't moved and handed her her own glass to down. Natalie shrugged and finished off her wine, picking up yet another empty bottle she stumbled gracefully into the kitchen to deposit the bottle and her glass. Returning the living room she found that Destiny had already called and a cab was on the way.
"But, don't I need to change?" Natalie looked down at herself.
"Nope, for where we are going jeans and a t-shirt are just fine," Destiny told her, then asked, "how do you make wearing just jeans and a t-shirt look so good?"
"Shut up!" Natalie said laughing as the cab pulled into the driveway and honked.
"Let's go," Destiny said grabbing both of their purses and running out the door.