So where did this come from? I have no idea. If you haven't seen Days of Thunder, you should go watch it. It's about racing and even if it's not your thing, well it's Michael Rooker. And he's awesome in it, steals the movie if you ask me. He plays Rowdy Burns in it, this Nascar driver who's basically an asshole (but then he's a cool dude idk watch the movie) and ends up finding out he's got a broken blood vessel in his brain and needs to have brain surgery, blah blah blah. But really you should watch the movie. Anyway, I hate NASCAR with a passion – for personal reasons – and I thought it would be interesting if Merle hated Nascar for personal reasons, like his father being a NASCAR driver who put his career before his family.
Warnings: Slight domestic violence, mentions of child abuse and suicide.
Soon to be Carol Dixon sat on her couch with several notes, textbooks and magazines stashed around her, her laptop sitting on the table in front of her. She was attempting to multitask with studying for her final exam at the local veterinary college and planning her wedding at the same time, both of which were coming up very quickly. Her final exam was in days and her wedding was in less than a month, her seating chart still only half-way done. The television was on the news station in the background to act as background noise, she could never study without noise playing behind her. It was early in the morning, just passed eight in the morning and she had been up for a few hours already. Her fiance, Merle, was passed out in the bedroom. She didn't think she'd see him until the next day.
For as long as she'd known Merle Dixon, and it had been almost six years since she met him, May 6th was a day that she almost never saw him. Even after they moved in together, she wouldn't see him. She didn't know why May 6th was a dark day for Merle, he never told her and the one time she asked why he refused to tell her. They fought about it because she wouldn't let it go, and after that Carol never asked about it. She just accepted that Merle would be gone for the day.
"It's on this day that NASCAR remembers Rowdy Burns, four time Cup Champion and three time Daytona 500 winner, who passed away on this day in a car accident that also took the life of his seven year old son, Daryl.." Carol froze at the mention of the name Daryl, recognizing the name Daryl. Merle had the name tattooed on his back, but there was no way that this was the same Daryl, it was a fairly popular name.
She gasped and froze when she looked up and saw the picture of Rowdy Burns on the television with two dates underneath. If she hadn't known any better, she would have thought that was a picture of her fiancé on her television. Carol grabbed the remote off the coffee table and paused the television, staring at the picture on her screen. She set the remote down next to her and reached forward to grab her laptop. She opened it, waited for it to load and opened up a new web page. She went right away to wikipedia and typed in Rowdy Burns.
Carol looked up at the television, staring at the date. May 6th. It explained why Merle hated May 6th so much, he lost his father and little brother that day.
She opened up his wikipedia page and began to read about him. Rowdy Burns was born December 15 1951 and died May 6th, 1996. Carol bit her lip and scrolled down to his personal life section, not caring about what he did in NASCAR. Personally, Carol couldn't stand the sport and knew that Merle hated it as well. Now she knew why.
"In 1979, Rowdy married Madeline Dixon, a beauty queen from Georgia. She gave birth to Merle Burns in 1981, then Daryl in 1989. His family stayed in Georgia while he traveled for NASCAR, Rowdy returning home in 1994 when he got injured. He was out of the sport for six months, but returned in 1995 though he never raced the same." Carol searched around within the section for a little bit until she found the section about his death.
"In 1996, Burns reportedly passed out while driving 7 year old Daryl to school. Daryl died immediately but Rowdy died later in the day." The article went on to say that Madeline went on to end her life by setting the house on fire four years later.
Carol leaned back against the couch and covered her mouth, unable to believe the information that she just took in. She understood why Merle had never said anything, but she couldn't help but feel angry that he hadn't. They were getting in married in less than a month and he just never thought that this information was necessary?
"What. The. Fuck. Is. He. Doing. On. My. Television." A firm voice said from behind her. Carol slammed the laptop shut and slowly turned around to look behind her. A furious Merle Dixon stood behind the couch, his eyes on the television, on the picture of his father. Carol reached forward to grab the remote from the spot next to her but without even looking at her, Merle reached down and grabbed Carol's wrist. "I asked you a fucking question, Carol." He growled.
Carol's eyes widened at the tight grip Merle had on her wrist, but she attempted as hard as she could to keep calm. "Merle, let go of my arm." She said. Carol didn't dare move again, she just stared at him, but his eyes were solely on the television. She had never seen Merle look so angry before. "Merle, let me turn off the television." Merle didn't move, didn't say anything. Carol couldn't even tell if he was breathing. She tried to pull her arm away from him, but Merle's grip tightened. "Ow, ow. Merle, please." On instinct she tried to pull her arm away from him but it only caused her more pain. "Merle, please, you're hurting me!" Carol pleaded.
Carol's plea partially brought Merle out of his haze and he glanced over at her, the sight of her looking at him like that, like how his Mama looked at his Daddy shaking him to his core. Merle loosened his grip on her wrist slowly before he let go completely. Carol climbed off the couch, holding her wrist to her chest. When his eyes turned back to the television, his rage returned. "Tha fuck is he doing on my television?" He asked again, finally turning to look at Carol. She stepped back again, fearing the look on his face. Her fiancé was barely recognizable like this.
Carol stuttered over her words. "I-I was st-studying and working on t-the seating arrangement f-for the wedding and t-the news was on and.. well..." She glanced back at the television, at the picture of Rowdy Burns.
"So ya just paused the television on his face and looked him up to read all about dear old Dad, right?" He asked. Carol took a slow, deep breath. He must have been behind her for a while before he spoke.
Carol opened her mouth but no words came out, she just continued to back up. If she could make it to the television, she could shut if off. If she could shut it off and he wouldn't have to look at it, maybe he'd calm down. "I looked up at the television and saw some guy that looks like my fiancé." Carol stressed the world fiancé, reminding Merle of who she was. "Was I supposed to ignore it and carry on with what I was doing?" Merle didn't respond, he turned his gaze back to the television. "How come you never just told me about this? We've been together for five years."
Merle began to laugh, slowly walking along the length of the couch and around it. She backed up again, taking two steps backwards. Merle noticed her backing up as he walked towards her. "My father spent more time working on his fucking car and racing than he ever did with us. And when he was around, he was a mean ol' bastard. Treated my Mama like she was a fuckin' slave, bossin' 'er around all the time. And me and Daryl? Shit, he treated us even fuckin' worse. Loved to knock us around. I took most of it, just so Daryl wouldn't have to. He was just a fuckin' kid. Bet that wasn't on any article, was it?" Carol stared at Merle, her heart aching for him. He never spoke about his childhood, never. "Was it!?" He shouted when Carol didn't respond.
Carol shook her head, jumping back as he shouted at her. "No." Carol said softly.
"Speak up, Carol, I can't fuckin' hear ya!" Merle yelled.
"No!" Carol said, raising her voice slightly.
"Yeah, I bet ya couldn't find a fuckin' thing on the internet about how fuckin' shitty Rowdy Burns was." Merle said, walking in front of the television, staring at his fathers picture. "Nothing on there but how much of a great driver my father was, about how much he did for fuckin' NASCAR. Not a damn thing about how he treated his family like shit. Not a damn thing about how he knew he had a broken blood vessel in his brain, didn't give a shit and didn't want to lose his career. Tha's why he passed out at the wheel with Daryl in the car. Because he didn't want to ruin his career."
If this was anyone else but Merle, Carol would have walked over to them, hugged them, told them she was sorry. But this was Merle and she knew better than to get close to him while he was angry. He had a violent temper, which she was rarely on the end of. Even when he was angry with her, he never hit her. But then again, she'd never seen him this angry. Merle was silent, staring down at the picture of his father. "Merle.." She said softly, jumping back when Merle stepped back from the television, grasped the top of it and pulled it down to the floor.
Carol covered her mouth to prevent herself from screaming when she heard the television break. Merle stared down at the television, having clearly calmed down after breaking the television that had been causing him so much pain. He looked up at his fiancée, startled at the look of fear on her face, startled by the tears that were in her eyes. Christ, what had he done? He took a large step over the television towards her, reaching a hand out for her. "Carol.." Merle said, his voice having lost its rage.
Still, Carol backed up when he reached out for her, looking away from him so he wouldn't see the tears that were escaping from her eyes. Merle stopped in his tracks when Carol backed up to get away from him, staring at her. Fuck, he'd scared her. He'd terrified her, made her cry. Merle cursed and turned around, walking back over the television. Carol heard him walk away from her, heard his footsteps down the hallway. When she heard their bedroom door slam shut, Carol let out her sob. She'd never seen Merle like that before, she had to admit it absolutely terrified her.
After composing herself, Carol walked over to the television and pulled it up and leaned it against the entertainment center. She stepped over the broken glass and went to find a broom and a dustpan. After cleaning up the mess that had been created, Carol sat down on the couch and opened her laptop, closing out the article on Rowdy Burns. She picked up the seating arrangement for the wedding and continued to fill it out, needing to calm her own nerves.
It was just after nine-thirty when Carol finished the seating arrangement, setting it inside a folder she'd been using to store her wedding things. She tucked the folder under her laptop and stood to her feet, taking a deep breath and walking to their bedroom. She put her hand on the doorknob to open it but stopped when she heard Merle talking.
"I got a really good thing with Carol goin' on, ya know? Know I talk about her a lot, but if ya were around, ya'd get it. She's fuckin' perfect, got the whole package. Insanely smart, fuckin' gorgeous, cooks. And she fuckin' loves my dumbass." Carol smiled slightly and knew she shouldn't be listening to Merle, but she stood at the door with her ear pressed to it anyway. "Ya'd like her a lot, Daryl." Carols heart broke, he was talking to his brother. Did he do that a lot? "Would have laughed like hell at me tryin' ta ask her to marry me. That was a mess. Ain't too proud ta admit it, almost cried when she said yes." Carol smiled at the memory of Merle trying to ask her to marry him. It had been awkward, he'd done it in the middle of dinner. It was unexpected, but she had kissed him in the middle of it to get him to shut up, which have given him just enough confidence to blurt out 'Will you marry me?'. "Course, I probably just fucked all that up. But thats what I do, right? Just like Daddy said."
"I just fuckin' snapped when I saw his picture on the TV, saw the article she was readin'. Knew none of it talked about how much of an asshole Dad was. None of it would say that he killed 'is fucking son because he didn't want to hurt his precious NASCAR career." Carol was taken back by hearing the break in his voice. "Didn't mean to grab her like that, didn't mean to make her cry. Didn't mean to.. Make her look at me like the way Mama looked at him." Carol's bottom lip trembled as she heard the unmistakeable sounds of Merle crying. She heard something get tossed across the room and she slowly, nervously, turned the doorknob and opened the door.
Merle's back was facing the door, sitting on his side of the bed. Scattered on the floor were pictures, pictures she assumed were of Daryl. She didn't know if Merle had heard her come in, it hadn't stopped his back from shaking. Carol sat on the bed and crawled across it, sitting on her knees behind him. She pressed her hand on his back softly, startling Merle. He wiped his eyes off, not wanting her to see him cry. Men didn't cry. Carol's hand ran up his back and over his shoulder, wrapping around his chest. He attempted to pull away from her, but Carol tugged him back against her, pressing her lips to the side of his neck. She moved to sit on the floor, pushing a few of the photos aside so that she didn't sit on them.
Carol knelt in front of Merle, bringing both of her hands up to the sides of his face. She wiped the tears away with her thumbs and leaned up to press her lips against his forehead. Merle wrapped both arms around her and held her a little tightly, burying his head in her shoulder. Another heavy sob left Merle's throat, shaking his back. Carol ran her hands up and down his back in attempts to calm him down. "I'm sorry." Merle sobbed against her neck, mumbling a few more apologies. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." Merle rarely said he was sorry, she knew that he must have felt like absolute shit. Carol tightened her arms around him, repeatedly kissing the side of his face.
"I know, I know." Carol said softly and cupped the back of his neck, pulling away from him just enough that she could move her hand to cup the side of his face. "I know." Carol said and pressed her lips into his cheek, wiping his tears away. Merle didn't want to look at her. What if she was still looking at him like his Mama looked at his Daddy? "Hey, look at me." Carol said.
Merle forced himself to look at her, looking down at her. She wasn't looking at him like his Mama looked at is Daddy, she was looking at him the way she always looked at him. "I'm a jackass." Merle mumbled when his tears had subsided.
"Yeah, you are." Carol said softly, leaning up to press her lips gently against his. "And if you ever talk to me like that again, I will get your shotgun out of the closet and shoot up your bike." She threatened. Merle snorted, but he nodded in understanding. He mumbled another apology, sniffling. "Stop." She said, resting her hands on his thighs. "I don't want to hear another apology." Carol said. Merle nodded again and Carol looked back at the pile of pictures on the floor. "Are those pictures of Daryl?" She asked.
"Yeah." Merle said. "They were the only thing I took when I left home." He leaned over and picked up one of the photos, a slight smile forming on his face as he looked down at it. Merle handed the photo to Carol, nodding when she hesitated. Carol took the photo from him and sat on the floor between his legs, looking down at the photo.
Merle couldn't have been more than nine in the photo, sitting on a couch with a small baby in his arms. Carol smiled as she looked down at it, reaching up to take his hand. "You were a really cute kid." Carol said.
"What happened, right?" He asked. Carol laughed softly and looked up at him.
"Nah, I still think you're pretty cute." Carol said softly.
Merle nudged her forward so he could sit on the ground with her. Carol scooted forward and Merle slid down to the floor, picking up the photos that had been tossed to the ground and shoving them back in their box. He pulled Carol back in-between his legs with her back pressed into his chest when he sat back against the bed with the box next to him. In another moment of surprising vulnerability, Merle showed Carol each of the photos, telling as many stories about the pictures as he could remember.
When he'd gotten through all of the stories and pictures, Merle shut the box and slipped it back under the bed, wrapping his arms around Carol. His head ached from the crying he'd done and he was still embarrassed about that. More embarrassed about the way he'd treated Carol, though. She'd had enough of him apologizing for it. Merle brought her left hand up to his mouth and kissed her wrist softly, happy Carol couldn't see the stupid smile on his face when she laced her fingers through his and he could feel the engagement ring against his fingers.
"Did ya finish that uh, seating chart thing?" Merle asked after a few moments of silence. Carol smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, I did. Wanna check it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
Merle snorted. He hadn't touched a lot of the wedding stuff, that was Carol's domain. "Nah, sure ya got it." Carol laughed softly and ran her fingers over his arms.
"You don't have to deal with these things alone, Merle." Carol said softly, twisting her body just enough so that she could look at him. "I'm going to be your wife, ya know."
"I know." Merle mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. "I ain't good with shit like.. Talking."
"Unless you're angry." Carol said softly and her lips twitched upward. Merle glanced up at her, then looked back at her shoulder, pulling the strap of her tank top to the side. He leaned down and kissed her freckles, sighing against her skin.
"I ain't like my Daddy. I ain't gonna put shit before ya.. Before any kids we might have.." Carol looked back at Merle with an eyebrow raise. They hadn't really talked about kids before.
Carol licked her lips in thought and turned her body around so that she was completely facing Merle, but still in between his legs. She pulled her own legs to up to her chest, tucking her feet under Merle's thighs. "You want kids?" She asked.
Merle looked up at the change in subject when she asked about wanting kids. He'd never thought about having kids before until he met Carol, until he settled down with Carol. "Wouldn't mind a few Merle Jr's running around." Carol laughed softly.
"How about some Carol Jr's? I can barely keep up with Merle Senior." Carol joked. Merle snorted and let out a slight laugh. "Wouldn't mind having Merle Jr.." Carol admitted. She leaned forward to press her lips against his. She pulled away for a second and looked at him. "You don't have anymore surprise relatives, right? Your Uncle Arnold isn't gonna end up Arnold Schwarzenegger?" She attempted to joke.
It took Merle a few moments to realize that she was joking and he grinned. "Nah, ain't related to Arnold Schwarzenegger." He said. At least she wasn't leaving him, she was still here. Christ, he had worlds greatest woman sitting in front of him, that loved him despite the fact that he was a total fuck up that didn't know how to love someone the way he was supposed to love Carol. It wasn't the first time they'd gotten in a fight, though it was the first time that he'd scared her like that, first time he'd caused her any sort of pain. Neither of them were foolish to think it would be the last time they were going to fight, but Merle would rather cut off his own hand with a hacksaw than ever cause her pain again.
"What're you thinking about?" Carol asked. Merle glanced down at his hands.
"Cuttin' my hand off with a hacksaw." He said honestly. Carol raised an eyebrow and reached down to take both of his hands in hers, them tightly. She looked up at him and smiled softly, pressing a kiss into each of his palms.
"Don't do that, I need these hands." Carol grinned softly and sat up on her knees between his legs and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning down to capture his lips against hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let out a soft sigh against her lips. She pulled away for a moment and looked down at him, pressing her lips on his forehead. "I will never pretend to understand you and your childhood, but... I love you, despite it. No matter what he told you or.." Carol shook her head. "You are a good man and I love you." Merle looked up at her in complete awe that she loved him, despite everything. He brought her wrist to his mouth and kissed it again. He was thankful that her wrists weren't bruised, at least not yet, maybe he hadn't grabbed her as hard as he had thought. "Not like we needed a TV anyway."