Disclaimer: see my profile

How Minimal Loss Should Have Ended

Reid waited anxiously at Emily's door. Would she be mad that he'd come? Would she send him away?

She opened the door and he flinched. Her bruised face, that he'd seen in his dreams since that night, smote him hard. It was as though he was the one that had taken the beating. He straightened his shoulders a little. No, he was here for her, not to think about that night and his pain.

"What are you doing here?" She said curiously.

"I um - I was thinking about you," he blurted out. "Are you okay?"

She reached out and grabbed his arm. She drew him into her apartment and shut the door.

"I thought we were past this."

He flinched again at her angry tone. She let go of his arm and relaxed her stance a little.

"What do I have to do to make you realize that I'm okay?"

He stood there and stared at her for a long time. "I'm sorry. Um, can we sit for a minute? I promise I won't stay long."

She sighed and led him through the entryway to her living area. He sat down on a beautiful camel back sofa that he thought must have a twin in some museum.

"What's really bothering you."

He sat back as she curled up on a matching chair and directed her lovely eyes to him.

"I'm just a little confused," he confessed.

"Now there's something I never thought I'd hear from you, confused," she said with a little laugh.

"I get confused all the time," he retorted, then let his body relax. "This is the worst idea I've ever had. I should just leave."

"Oh no, it's after ten pm and I'm tired of sitting here all day alone because Hotch thinks I need the extra time off. Tell me why you knocked on my door.

"I guess I'm confused because when I saw you after… um after they hurt you, I felt something that I didn't understand."

She put her arms around her chest and shivered a little at the sudden darkness in his tone. "Tell me."

"I felt rage, like I've never felt before, Emily. I wanted to kill them all, with my bare hands and I would have enjoyed it."

She hugged herself even tighter and wished for someone else with them as a go between so she didn't have to look into his eyes alone, because he meant what he said and she was afraid.

"Spencer," she said slowly. "Please don't -"

"I've killed before," he said as if he didn't hear her. "I didn't feel anything when I pulled the trigger, but I think this time I would have enjoyed it. That scares me, Emily."

His eyes suddenly changed. They were puppy eyed, just as they had been on the jet. Her heart broke and she went to him and hugged him tight.

"I don't understand. I know all there is to know about human behavior and I don't understand this reaction. I care for everyone on the team. You're like my family," he said into her shoulder as she embraced him.

She breathed in the smell of cotton from his shirt and the faint scent of coffee and tears collected in her eyes.

"Reid, you don't -"

"I think I love you, Emily. It's the only explanation for my rage."

She pulled back from him in surprise, but also not in surprise because on the jet, when she took his hand, something had passed between them.

"Reid," she began, but his eyes stopped her.

"You don't have to say it," he said mournfully and his eyes cut her to the core. "It was wrong of me to come here. I'll just go."

"No," she clung to him despite the pain in her ribs, caused by the effort. "You can't just drop a bombshell like that and then walk away."

"But you don't-"

"Don't try to tell me how I feel," she said flatly. "I know what I felt on the jet night before last. Touching you was like coming in contact with a low wattage electric wire."

He was nodding silently so she pushed on. "I've spent the last two days trying to convince myself that it was just the heat of the moment, but I can't make myself buy that for a second. This has been building for a long time, Spencer. It's one of the reasons why I said I was the FBI agent. I had some indication what they would do."

"You don't have to protect me," he said indignantly. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but I also know how much Tobias Henkel hurt you."

"Emily, Tobias was -"

She pulled away from him and put a hand over his mouth. "I would have done the same thing for anyone on the team. It wasn't just about you. The problem is that none of the others mean as much to me as you do, and I don't know what to do."

He hugged her carefully. "I'm sorry. It's just that when we were in that moment I wanted it to be me. I know I've been badly hurt in the past, but I couldn't stand seeing you with bruises and blood on your face. I never want to see it again. I never want anything to happen to you. I want you to be safe all the time.

She laughed a little. "I can't promise that, Reid. It's the nature of the job. Are you going to be okay with that, or do we have another problem? I love my job and helping people. Please don't make me think twice."

He pushed her away again. "I can't say I'm ready to dance with happiness, but I won't ask you to change."

"Then I think we have to deal with our second problem."

He nodded again. "What are we going to do?

"Why don't we worry about it tomorrow?" She suggested. "Right now, I'd like to have a nice glass of wine and perhaps a really late dinner. I haven't eaten since this morning and I'm starved. I could really go for some Italian right now.

"How about Indian?" He said as his eyes lit up."

She rolled her eyes. "I foresee a lot of drama if we can't agree on what to eat."

He chuckled. "I'm willing to risk it."

"I'm glad you said that because I don't see my life without you, Spencer Reid."