"...So I said: 'give me that, you poor attempt at a thinking being' and I just snatched the scroll from Bynn's hands and I..." Helena trailed off after her eyes landed on the person sitting in front of her, across the table in the dining hall, as they had dinner.
Well, as she ate her dinner, since Diana was just pushing the food around her plate with a fork.
"Diana..." she tried, but the girl's mind was too occupied, making her unable to pay her friend any attention. "Di..." she attempted again, this time waving her hand in front of the absentminded Solari, but still to no avail.
Helena growled in annoyance and let her emotions get the best of her as she stood up and roared at the other scholar. "Diana!"
The girl snapped out of it with a visible flinch as she stared at Helena, her eyes wide with surprise as Helena had frightened her. "What?!"
Helena breathed in and out slowly, trying to regain her wits, slowly sitting down again, embarrassment making her blush, for basically everyone had turned around to look at her due to her sudden and loud outburst.
"You didn't pay attention to a word I've said, haven't you?" Helena asked Diana in a low, growl-like kind of voice as she narrowed her eyes, glaring at her.
Diana blushed. "Of course I was!"
Helena had a no-nonsense look on her face. "Oh, really?" She said, a bored, monotone to her voice. "What was I talking about, then?"
"You, uh, you were..." Diana chuckled nervously. "You were telling me this funny thing you did, uh, you, eh-"
"Diana!" Helena's voice had gone up an octave, anger evident in her accusatory demeanor.
"Okay, fine! I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Diana finally confessed, her blush deepening. "I zoned out." She added, looking down at her plate. She made Helena sigh.
"These past few days... No," Helena shook her head, groaning at herself for having to correct what she just said. "These past few weeks," She frowned then, as something clicked inside her head, then tried again. "Ever since the Crowning Ceremony you've been acting weird, Di." Her frown turned into a worried look as she continued, "zoning out constantly, unfocused and not paying attention, failing to fulfill your tasks," The brunette emphasized the last sentence, for she had been the one completing them in Diana's name, so as to save the girl from any kind of punishment. "By the Void, Diana, if what you want is a whipping, just ask me to do it and I gladly will, just as efficiently as the Elders but with much less humiliation." She offered jokingly in a teasing tone, though the girl across from her wasn't laughing, a tired look on her face.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry Helena, I just-" She sighed, recollecting her thoughts. "I'm just stressed."
"About what exactly, Di? What's going on so troubling that is clouding your brilliant mind?" Helena interrogated the girl, a somewhat desperate tone on her voice, for she only wanted to help her friend out, but it proved impossible if Diana was unwilling to cooperate with her a bit.
The raven haired girl just chuckled. "Wow, I think this is the first time you call me brilliant instead of imbecile gremlin."
Helena reached across the table to grasp Diana's free hand, not having her changing the subject. "Come on, Di." She squeezed a bit, making Diana look at them. "You know that whatever it is, you don't have to face it alone, right? That's what I'm here for." She looked at Diana expectantly, but the girl just sighed.
It had been weeks since the Crowning, yet she still couldn't get her mind to think of something other than what Leona had whispered to her during the ceremony.
Every day that had passed was a day she used to go about her life automatically, not paying any attention to whatever was happening in real life while she thought about those words and what they could mean.
Every night that had passed was a night she used to read every book she could get her hands on, trying to look for an answer, only to find she had read them all, nothing really useful being found on any of them.
Every moment of her life had been reduced to that; the constant analyzing of whatever the Sun had secretly whispered to her during a holy act.
Even her interactions with Helena and Leona had been altered, for she didn't pay much attention to any of them, her mind always busy somewhere else.
She had entertained the idea of consulting her doubts with Leona. By the Void, she even thought about asking Helena about it, disregarding how The Sun herself had implied a connection between her and the Moon, but…
…but it feels wrong.
The Moon is my precious secret and I want to do this alone, without anybody carrying me there.
Besides, nobody knows more about her than me.
She needed time to think and figure things out on her own, if only to find out what it meant to her and how it made her feel.
So she armed herself with courage to turn her friend down once more. "I know, Lena, but nothing's the matter." She smiled at Helena. "You'll have to trust me on this one."
Helena seemed about to say something, but she let it go, smiling instead as she said. "You know? It's been a long time since I last heard you call me that."
"It's been a long time since I've needed to call you that to make you comply to my wishes." She said, making Helena chuckle. "You've grown soft with me."
"Please, don't get used to it," Helena responded, a playful smile on her lips. "I'm just letting you relax for a while before my tyranny is back full force."
Both girls laughed, each of them more comfortable with the other's presence, when a third figure approached them. "Hello, you two." She said, making both Helena and Diana turned to look at her.
"Hi, Lycia!" Helena greeted her enthusiastically as the girl sat down next to her.
"Fancy seeing you here." Diana commented, making the two girls in front of her turn to look at her. When she noticed the look of confusion on Lycia's face and realized how nasty she may have sounded, she blushed and added, "I mean, you're usually with your friends instead of us."
"You're my friends, too." Lycia said with an arched eyebrow. Upon seeing Diana's no-nonsense expression, the girl silently telling her that she knew what she had meant by that, she added, "During your week training the Radiant Dawn, I was assigned as your replacement for the tasks you were supposed to do, including those which you did with Helena." She gave the short haired girl a bright smile. "We spent so much time together, we eventually became closer during that week."
"Is that so." Diana said with a monotone, a barely-there tint of sadness to her voice as she watched the two of them, Lycia unaware of her change of demeanor, Helena too conscious about it.
She was afraid her best friend would say something when someone opened the door to the dining hall, entering it and provoking hushed, adoring whispers as Leona made her way through the room, a radiant smile on her lips.
But, instead of locating her and walking towards her like she usually did, Leona allowed herself to be dragged to another table by a group of scholars who wanted a shot at making the Radiant Dawn smile. Diana exhaled slowly through her nose, if only to avoid sighing.
Helena's eyes narrowed slightly as she mentally noted that something was off between Leona and Diana. When their eyes met, Diana offered her friend a small, tired smirk, not even trying to hide how she was feeling, for she knew Helena could read her like an open book.
Lycia couldn't though, as she remained oblivious to the silent communication between the two girls. "What's up with that? Doesn't the Radiant Dawn prefer eating with you?" She directed the last question towards Diana, who already had her nonchalant mask on.
"After being crowned, Leona was required to do many tasks that included, you know, socializing with other people apart from me." A shrug, but her eyes wandered to the auburn haired girl. "Guess it'll be good for her, to have other friends." She forced her gaze to go back to Lycia as she added with a tiny smirk. "Just like someone I know over here."
Helena's eyes silently darted between Diana and Leona, her fast mind making curious connections that had her knowing she had to corner both girls later.
Separately.
But Lycia's eyes weren't on her nor Diana, but on the spotlight. "Or perhaps she just hadn't seen you yet." Her sight wandered back to Diana, making eye contact. "Because she's looking at you right now."
"Huh?" Diana almost instantly whipped her head towards where she knew Leona was seated and indeed, the Champion of the Sun was staring at her.
But as soon as eye contact was made, the warrior looked away and Diana could swear a blush was dusting her cheeks.
A playful smirk slowly grew on her lips.
"What are you doing?" Helena inquired when she saw Diana get comfortable, propping her elbow on the table and resting her head on her hand.
"I'm going to make her come over here and say hello." Diana cast a glance at Helena. "It would be very rude of her not to."
"Do you have some kind of mental super power that I'm not aware of?" Lycia teased, though the tiny chuckle she enticed out of the raven haired Solari only made her a bit uneasy, actually entertaining the idea of Diana having super powers.
"Just you wait and see." She said, her eyes not moving from the Ra-Horak so many meters away from her.
After a couple of seconds, Leona turned again, stealing a glance at Diana, making the Solari smile a tight lipped smile and wave at her, making it obvious that she had been discovered staring.
Leona –who was indeed blushing, Diana noted as she realized she had not imagined it –smiled back, waving her hand a bit.
Diana pointed at her, then curled the finger inwards, mouthing something at the warrior. Come here.
The warrior's blushed even more, her face a darker shade of red than before, but she complied to the moon-addled Solari's wishes, standing up abruptly and awkwardly stomping her way towards Diana.
"You called me?" Leona's words came out tangled, as if they overstepped each other trying to come out of her mouth.
"Did I?" Diana teased as she slowly stood up, placing herself right in front of Leona, the height difference between them doing nothing in Leona's favor as she felt smaller than the girl in front of her, the authoritative air making her so much bigger than the warrior.
"I thought you had-"
"What do you even think you're doing, not coming over here and saying hi to me?" Diana crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow, easily ignoring the awed looks she was receiving.
"Diana-" Leona began, but shut up as Diana narrowed her eyes. Once she realized how the girl was playing with her, the Ra-Horak laughed. "Okay, my bad. I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to erase how rude you've just been, you nasty troglodyte."
Leona placed a hand on her chest, pretending to just have been hurt. "How may I repay you, then, oh, my great mentor?"
Diana slowly sat down again, pretending to think. "Well, a thing or two come to mind-"
"Radiant Dawn," A girl from the table Leona had been sitting at suddenly appeared, grabbing the Chosen by the arm. "Come back with us! What are you even doing here?" The rude acolyte threw a poisonous glare in Diana's direction, succeeding at silencing the girl and dragging Leona with her.
But not without a bit of resistance.
"I'll make it up to you later." Leona told her as she easily resisted the girl for a moment, throwing a wink in Diana's direction before letting herself be dragged towards the other table.
Diana huffed due to the annoying interruption, but smirked nonetheless as Lycia laughed at the weird interactions the Chosen of the Sun and her quirky mentor seemed to have.
Helena hadn't been paying attention to them anymore, though.
Not as she stared at Leona and decided she'd corner her first.
"I'll see you all tomorrow, I promise!" Leona said with a laughter as she pried herself away from the scholars who had stolen her for the night.
Who had stolen her from Diana's side.
Her stomach turned at the thought of her friend, heat expanding all over her body when she invoked the other girl in her mind.
She didn't need anybody telling her what she was feeling, for she knew exactly what it was; she may consider herself dumb but, even then, she wasn't that dumb.
But how was she to tell her, the best friend she had in the temple –perhaps the only, real friend she had in the temple –that she felt this… attraction to her?
More importantly; how was she to confess her feelings when they both were to follow a religion that condemned whatever she daydreamed about regarding her and Diana?
And how am I to confess anything if she keeps avoiding me for the Sun knows whatever reason?
She knew Diana very well and was completely aware of the fact that the Solari was free of any judgement and would understand; Diana would never use her feelings to harm her. Sure, perhaps she'd be rejected but still, that was the worst that could happen and she was certain the girl would still remain as a friend, but…
Leona frowned, her eyes on the floor as she absentmindedly walked through the halls. To tell her about this would be to burden her with a secret that could get her harmed, anyway.
Normally, she wouldn't care what anybody thought about her, but…
…But it wasn't about her anymore. At least, not just her, for it involved Diana and she didn't fully know Eos and whatever evil intentions he had with her friend yet, but she did know that he was capable of anything if it meant harming the moon-addled Solari.
And she was Leona, the Radiant Dawn, the precious treasure of the Solari.
It meant she was untouchable.
And if they cannot touch me…
They'd kill Diana. That she was certain of.
She'd keep it secret and take it to the grave if it meant keeping Diana safe.
A sad smile crept up on her lips. At least her avoiding me makes it easier to try and get over her.
Perhaps I can even get myself to like somebody else.
The Sun's a stubborn bull at heart.
Leona audibly groaned, her hands going to her face as she could only think about her deity's opportune apparition.
And there you are with your fucking riddles.
But just then, when she was about to make a right, almost reaching Diana's bedroom, someone grabbed her by the collar of her tunic and pulled her into another hall, just as empty as hers.
Her body tensed up as adrenaline ran through her veins and she got ready to counteract whoever was cornering her, but she immediately relaxed when she saw it was just Helena. Confusion still made her frown and something resembling awe shone in her eyes, for she was amazed at how easily the shorter girl had sneaked up on her without the warrior noticing.
But perhaps that's due to my daydreaming.
"Hey, Helena," Leona breathed out, her eyes narrowing a bit, unsure of what was the matter. "What's up?"
"I should be the one asking that." Helena said, a threatening air to her tone but no malice hiding underneath it. "I'll just go straight to the point: what's going on between Diana and you?"
Leona frowned. "What?"
"You heard me, Leo." Helena said as she looked at the warrior with a bored expression. "What's the matter between you two?"
"Why would there be a matter between us?" Leona inquired, avoiding answering until she knew what Helena was talking about.
The short haired girl sighed. "Leo, make it easy for me, please."
"I am making it easy to you; there's nothing wrong."
"Then why are you avoiding her?"
Leona's eyes widened. "I'm not avoiding her."
Helena huffed in response. "Come on. Why didn't you come to our table today, then? And I expect a good reason or else I'm not believing you."
Leona stuttered for a moment, trying to find a good excuse, but she had been cornered by the clever, fierce girl, so she sighed in defeat and settled for the one thing that seemed to work well most of the time; a half-truth. "To be honest, is the other way around; Diana is avoiding me."
Helena's brows rose, but she didn't seem very surprised. "She's avoiding you?" A nod from Leona. "Do you know why?"
The Ra-Horak shook her head. "Not really."
Helena frowned, a glare-like expression. "You didn't think about asking her what's wrong?"
Leona crossed her arms, the look on her face a mirror to Helena's. "Did you?"
The sudden change in her demeanor, how the girl's expression fell, told Leona everything she needed to know. Helena knew it, but she still wanted to say it out loud. "I'm starting to grow worried, Leo. Very worried." She looked away, shaking her head. "I've asked her many times already and she's always dodging the question. I'm no fool and I know her like the back of my hand; something's got to her and I…" She sighed, closing her eyes for a second and taking a moment to breathe. Once she reopened them, she looked at Leona. "I just want to know that she's okay."
The warrior smiled genuinely at Helena, touched by her concern. "I didn't ask her about it because I hoped she'd come and tell me herself, but yes; something's wrong. In fact, you just stopped me from going to her bedroom to talk to her."
A small chuckle escaped Helena's lips. "Guess we both look after her now, huh?"
For different reasons, though. "Guess we do."
Helena remained silent for a second, then opened her mouth to speak as a thought hit her. "Leo, can I ask a favor of you?"
"Anything."
"If you find out what's worrying her, would you mind telling me?" A blush covered Helena's cheeks, then. "I know she's strong and can take care of herself. By the Sun, she has you looking after her, too, but-"
"I understand," Leona interrupted her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "And I will, as long as you promise to do the same with me."
Helena sighed in relief. "I promise." A smile took over her lips as she added, "Thank you." The short haired girl released Leona from her claws, slowly making her way to her room and letting the warrior continue her trip to Diana's room when suddenly she remembered something and called after her. "Hey, before I forget!"
Leona turned and approached her once more. "What?"
Helena's expression was deadly serious. "If whatever that's bothering her happens to have something to do with…" She looked away, unsure of how to approach the subject of the Moon with the Chosen of the Sun.
So she steeled herself and looked at Leona again, fire in her eyes. "If the Moon is involved in a way, you'd better keep your mouth shut about it with the Elders."
The warrior stared back with a bit of shock as she basically read the rest of that sentence in the fury hiding behind Helena's eyes.
Because if you tell them something, I'm killing you, no matter who you are.
The joke was on Helena, though, for she was unaware she was speaking to the biggest miscreant of their religion.
A smirk placed itself on the corner of Leona's mouth. "You can count on it."
Helena nodded once. "Good." With that, she turned and left, leaving Leona to herself.
Which only meant her mind was free to wander around, thinking about everything and just stressing her out more.
Her body moved on its' own, automatically directing her towards the estranged Solari's bedroom, her steps falling into a perfect rhythm with her heart as her mind raced through a thousand thoughts.
She didn't know Diana wasn't avoiding just her. Ever since the Crowning the girl had been distant and that she had noticed, but she thought it was only with her.
What's going on with you that you're avoiding Helena, too?
She had planned to spend the night locked away in Diana's room, chatting with the girl and –a desperate, foolish part of her hoped –charming her into liking her back, relishing on the fact that, at least for that day, the girl had not dodged her attention.
The unexpected piece of information provided by Helena begged for a sudden change of plans, though.
So when she reached Diana's door, she took a deep breath and knocked, trying to keep the frown from her face.
"A minute!" Diana called from inside, fully aware that the one on the other side was just Leona and she had nothing to worry about.
When Diana opened the door, Leona managed not to let her brows crease, but not because of her mere willpower.
It was because she was too busy staring.
The girl had opened the door wearing her scholar robes, but it was clear she had just thrown them on, for she had put them on in an awkward way that pressed her body against the linen, her damp hair evidence that she had bathed just moments ago.
Leona, suddenly very self-aware, closed her eyes slowly, exhaling through her nose and trying to erase the picture of Diana's figure from her mind.
At least try and pretend you weren't staring.
"Leo…? You alright?" Diana asked, seemingly ignorant of the girl's sinful train of thought.
"Yeah, no, I-" She shook her head, mentally cursing herself. "I'm fine." She deadpanned, her piercing stare closed in on Diana's eyes, the intensity with which she looked at the other in order to keep her eyes in a safe place making the Solari uncomfortable.
"You… uh," Diana began as she shifted on her feet. "You want to come in?"
Leona reddened at the awkwardness. "Sure." She let out in a squeaky voice, rushing inside and allowing Diana to close the door behind her.
As the raven haired girl locked the door, Leona allowed herself to look around, taking in the girl's bedroom. A single bed laid against the wall furthest from her, a wooden nightstand standing next to it with a candle on top of it, ablaze. Actually, there were many candles alight scattered all around the room.
No, not scattered. They are all organized.
Candles lit up the room with a warm, cozy, orange hue that reminded Leona of the sunset. The more she paid attention, the more she noticed; said candles were surrounded by many books and scrolls written in both the common tongue and the Old Rakkor.
As she eyed a particular tome that caught her eye, she realized all books were about the same thing: the night's sky and its mysteries, everything there was in the Temple to be learnt about the Moon, the Stars, the night, its' darkness.
"I'm sorry for the mess." She heard Diana say, the girl's footsteps ethereal as she approached the warrior.
"It's alright," Leona let out as she kept watching around, finally turning to look at Diana, a small, accomplice smile on her lips. "Someone's been doing some light reading, I see."
Diana chuckled, the sound being something low and deep. "Some light reading, alright." She eyed the books all around them. "I've been curious." She said, like it was no big deal.
"That I see," Leona said with a laugh as her eyes went back to Diana's, which were still set on some random book.
The warrior swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Ever since accepting what she felt, she found being around the object of her affection somewhat difficult; Her eyes, her voice, how beautiful she found everything about the other girl…
…It was getting harder and harder to ignore.
And the fact that we seem to always enjoy being alone together does not help.
"So," Diana suddenly said, making Leona jump a bit in her own skin. She looked up again, straight into the Ra-Horak's eyes as she asked, "How are you going to repay me for your insolence of today?" The Scholar asked, her eyes lazily going over Leona's face as a smug grin took place on her lips.
The warrior turned a bright shade of red at the girl's words, the authoritative tone she had used going way too well with her deep voice and slowed speech. The combination of it all was a stimulus big enough to make the fierce soldier shiver. She was sure the Solari had intended for those words to sound playful, but Leona's ears weren't cooperating, flooding her mind with very vivid, moving images.
Enough, she thought as she tried to recollect her thoughts. You came here with a purpose.
"Actually, Di," Leona breathed out, closing her eyes so as to concentrate on the task at hand. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about." She moved towards the girl's bed and sat down, silently watching Diana follow her and do the same, but not without letting a frown settle on her face.
"Is everything okay?" Diana inquired, trying not to let it show on her features how much that question actually worried her.
Leona gave her a lopsided smile. "Yes, don't worry." But as soon as it came it was gone, replaced by a look of concern. "It's just that you've been kind of evasive as of lately… Today's been the first time you actually looked my way before having me calling your attention." She took a moment to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat before confessing something she had been dreading. "I thought it was just with me, you know? That I had upset you in a way, but…"
Leona considered it for a moment; should she tell Diana that Helena had cornered her mere moments ago?
"But…?" Diana pressed, the silence making her uneasy.
Probably better to keep Helena away from trouble. "But I've noticed you've been avoiding Helena, too. Well, avoiding everyone, actually." She finally settled on saying, looking at Diana with worry in her eyes as she added, "So now it's my turn to ask; Is everything okay, Di?"
Fuck. How do I get out of this one?, Diana sighed, giving herself at least seconds to react. "Oh, Leo." A small, sad smile placed itself on her lips. "I'm really sorry for making you feel like you've done something wrong."
"It's okay, not like you did it on purpose." Leona chuckled, a harsh sound as she tried to evade the thought of Diana actually having avoided her purposefully.
Diana kept smiling at her, thinking of what to do, of what to say. She couldn't brush her off like she did with Helena, for Leona would simply refuse to be left in the dark.
She tried not to grimace as she realized she'd have to do the one thing she didn't like doing, specially to someone like Leona.
She'd have to lie.
So she steeled herself and sighed in defeat, creating the perfect character. "I'm sorry for having been so evaside." She apologized sincerely, as she mustered up a lie. "It's just that…" She trailed off, a sigh escaping her lips.
"What?" Leona pushed, eager to know.
Diana allowed the tiredness she felt to be expressed on her face. "Elder Eos is furious at me for having passed the Crowning so smoothly, so he's constantly looking for excuses to punish me." She closed her eyes, finding it impossible to look at Leona at that moment, for she knew the girl would definitely look at her with pure concern in her eyes, that protective nature of hers –a thing of hers that Diana adored –kicking in. "I'm too busy fulfilling his every demand in order to save my ass, so that's why I've been so… so absent these days." She finally looked at Leona then, avoiding the pang of guilt she felt upon seeing her so worried. "I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, but you have nothing to do with it, I swear."
Leona remained quiet for a second, her eyes scanning Diana's face. Then she was hugging the girl with all of her strength, as if a leash had been holding back from doing so and she was suddenly released.
Diana hugged her back instinctively, though she was a bit surprised. "Leo…?"
"This may sound bad," The girl whispered, making Diana aware of the fact that her lips were at the end of her jaw, near her ear, the information making a blush creep up on the reserved scholar's face. "But I'm so glad it was just that." She pulled away so as to be able to see Diana's eyes. "I thought something I did was bothering you."
Diana relaxed, trying to ignore how she missed the contact. A laugh escaped her lips. "You silly, what could you have done to bother me?"
Leona shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm dumb, so perhaps I had done something and I didn't notice-"
"Hush," Diana cut her off, successfully silencing her. "Don't say stupid stuff."
Leona laughed, a yawn cutting her off to escape her, the tiredness of all the emotional stress she had been in finally catching up to her. "I think I should go to bed."
Diana smirked. "I think you should."
The Solari walked the Ra-Horak to the door, opening it and letting her out. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay," Leona replied, smiling.
Diana was about to close the door when Leona stopped her, catching the door with her foot.
"What-" Diana began, but was cut off by another hug from Leona, this time too different from the one before as the Sun's Avatar pressed her body flush against hers.
"Tomorrow I'll make it up for my insolence of today, then." She whispered, her voice low and almost a whisper as she had her lips next to Diana's ear. She pulled away a bit and planted a kiss on the girl's cheek, lingering for a second before finally releasing her, chuckling at how the other had blushed. "I'll see you." She finished, turning and leaving.
Crashing against Helena in the process.
Leona blushed furiously, losing all of her cool immediately. "I, I'm sorry, I-" She stuttered, realizing she was unable to form an intelligent sentence, so she just, "Yeah, bye." And left, as Diana stared after her, still frozen in place by her behavior from moments before, letting Helena look from the disappearing Leona to the paralyzed Diana.
Allowing the short haired brunette to connect some dots.
So she walked towards Diana, pushed her inside her bedroom and locked the door behind her.
"You and I need to talk." Helena stated as she dragged Diana to her bed, forcing her to sit down and standing right in front of her, her arms crossed over her chest.
"What about?"
"Diana, I want you to be completely honest with me." Helena told her, slowly sitting down next to the girl as she realized this may be more difficult than she thought. "What's going on between Leona and you?"
Diana frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, Di," Helena scoffed. "One would have to be blind not to see it." She arched an eyebrow. "In fact, even a blind person would be able to see it."
A blush crept up Diana's neck. "I don't know what you're talking about." She said, purposefully ignoring the fact that a part of her brain was following Helena's train of thought.
But then Helena's hands were on her face, each palm on her cheeks as she said, "The way you touch her, the way you look at her, the fact that, every time she's mentioned, you blush…"
Diana was avoiding her eyes, her expression turning a bit desperate as she struggled in her own mind, trying look for a way to escape-
"Diana."
She looked into Helena's hazel eyes, ignoring whatever emotion she saw shining there.
"Is what you feel for Leona attraction or something else entirely?" The stubborn scholar didn't want to leave room for Diana to lie, so she added, "Something more?"
Diana's heart thundered inside her chest, her pupils going from one of Helena's eyes to the other.
The brunette didn't ask her whether she liked Leona or not, for she considered that to be obvious.
She directly asked just how much she liked her.
In just a second she addressed what you've been avoiding ever since meeting her and even asked how deep it went.
So without any kind of warning, Diana's eyes teared up and a strangulated sob escaped her lips.
Helena's heart was pained to see her very best friend suffering like that, so she hugged her, a comforting hand rubbing circles on the girl's back.
"It's okay," She begun to say as tears also formed on her eyes. "It's okay, Di."
"No, it's not!" Diana said, releasing herself from Helena's embrace. "It's not okay at all!"
Helena smiled sadly at her. "It is, Di, seriously."
"No, because what I feel is wrong-"
The sound of a slap silenced the raven haired scholar.
"You say that again," Helena muttered between clenched teeth. "And I'm whipping you like I said during dinner. You got that?"
A shocked Diana nodded.
"Good." Helena breathed out, trying to calm down. "Now, I want you to suck it up and talk. My tyranny is back." She joked.
But Diana was too afraid of speaking to acknowledge the joke, too busy breathing in and out slowly, calming down enough to talk, defeat making her shoulders fall.
Helena waited patiently, letting the girl muster up enough courage to speak.
"I guess I've always known about what I feel for her." She brought a hand up to her forehead, letting her thumb and her middle finger press into her temples. "I wouldn't say it's just attraction. I like her more than that. I can't stop thinking about her." Diana confessed, feeling as if a burden was being lifted from her shoulders, but fear still gripping her heart.
Infatuation. "And why didn't you tell me before?" Helena asked her, a sudden thought hitting her and making her feel miserably bad. "Did you feel it would be unsafe to tell me?" By the Sun, did she- "Did you think I'd judge you for it?"
"No! No," Diana quickly denied, the look on Helena's face telling her how mortified the other felt by the mere idea of making her best friend feel in danger. "It's just that I've been avoiding even thinking about it." Diana shrugged. "I thought that if I didn't mention the elephant in the room, it would somehow disappear." A self-deprecating laugh. "Guess not."
Helena sighed. "Oh, Diana…" She hugged her friend, her hand going to the nape of Diana's neck and scratching gently, knowing it was a thing the other Solari enjoyed.
"I'm sorry, Helena."
"Shut up."
Both laughed at that.
When Helena released her, she spoke again. "You know there's nothing wrong with you being you, right? What you feel is totally okay, Diana. I mean, come on," She offered the girl a smile. "Leona is pretty. Even I can see that."
Diana laughed at her friend, but then her smile was gone, the worried look back on her face. "I'm not afraid of what I feel; I'm afraid of what the Elders may do if they ever find out about it." Like what happened to Elder Juni and Elder Suhr.
Helena frowned. "I know. They can't find out." A sad sigh escaped her lips. "Just to be sure, not even Mistress Sekhet can find out."
Diana sighed, too, casting her vision on the floor. "I know." Not that they thought Sekhet would do anything about it. By the Void, they were certain she was the easiest to talk to about the subject, but…
…but she was still an Elder and they didn't know what that meant. Would she be okay with it or would she stand with the other superiors and do something unfortunate?
It was better not to gamble to find out.
After all, it was Diana's life the thing which they would be gambling with.
Diana's brows furrowed as she made a decision. "No one can find out." She looked up at Helena. "Guess it'll have to be our secret."
Helena placed a hand on the girl's cheek. "It pains me it has to be this way, Di. I wish things were different."
But they're not.
A thought hit Helena, making her ask, "Are you going to tell Leo-"
"No." Diana cut her off, her blush back in full force. "I can't deal with this by myself, you think I'm going to be able to confess to her how I feel?" A snort. "Then I'm the one insane."
Helena raised a brow. "Okay there, no need to call me insane." Another thought came to her, making her ask something else, "You do know it's okay to talk about this with me, then?"
"If you weren't free of judgement, you wouldn't be able to be my friend, Lena." Diana pointed at herself. "Moon-addled Solari, remember?"
Helena laughed. "Yeah, I remember."
Both girls remained quiet for a minute, coming down from their emotional ride. As they finally managed to relax, Diana stood up, Helena mimicking her.
"I think you should go to your room and rest."
Helena nodded. "I think I should." She said, turning to go to the door.
But then, she quickly pivoted and hugged Diana with all of her strength, being surprisingly bone-crushing for someone so small.
"I love you." She let out, then released the girl, smiling.
Diana didn't let her get away though, as she caught her in an embrace being just as strong as hers.
"I love you too."
Helena left her room with a small smile on her lips and a secret locked away in her heart.
Diana remained by the now closed door, her forehead pressing against the wood as a sad sigh escaped her lips while her mind caught up with all that had been spoken between her best friend and her.
I think I love her.
A tear escaped her eye.
She sunk to her knees.
And, for the first time since feeling it, she allowed herself to recognize it.
I love her.
The candles burned out as she spent the night doing something other than reading.
They burned as she cried.
Why must it be so hard?
But accepting oneself was never easy.