AN: S.M. owns Twilight and I don't.

Chapter twelve. Hold my heart, take my breath away.

I could hear some amazing guitar and violin music coming into my bedroom.

It must have been something from Marcus's old vinyl collection.

A dog's wet nose nudged my cheek and huffed. Truffles started licking my face and I groaned, moving away from his doggy breath.

"Haven't you got any respect for those dreaming their life away, enjoying lazing in the best bed in the world Truffles?"

"No we haven't!" I squeaked in surprise, was that Jasper's voice?

"Little Swan, we've got places to go and things to do and see. You need to experience the great joys of life and today is glorious; it's time to wake up."

"Jasper, what are you doing here annoying innocent girls early in the morning? Haven't you got anyone else you can pester?"

I tried to look grumpy, as I pulled back the sheet covering my face and ended up smiling. It was hard to be mad with someone holding a tray of delicious smelling food, looking like an angel. Always so heavenly. Who could resist? I ask you?

"Oh if you don't feel like eating my favourite French toast and freshly squeezed juice, I'll have to give it to Truffles, I know she just loves my French toast, especially dripping with maple syrup and mascarpone."

Truffles yipped enthusiastically in response.

"Good try Mr Whitlock, come over here and hand that tray over; so that I can be suitably impressed and then thank you for being such a nice neighbour." I sat up and fluffed up my pillows.

The morning was nearly gone. I must have slept like a log again.

"So tell me, why breakfast in bed this morning? Is this a service you do for all your neighbours, or am I just incredibly lucky this morning? I'm not still dreaming am I?" He gently placed the tray on my lap and smiled.

"Peter gave me strict instructions to look after you today, so here I am. I've got a few things I'd like you to see in the area, and Truffles has been demanding your company."

Jasper patted her head, while she watched me for signs that I might hand over any tit-bits off my plate.

"Mmm yeah, why not? As long as it's a slow relaxing sort of day, I'll get out of bed and hang with you. Where's Steve?"

"He found out about that our local produce and craft market is on today, and wanted to, 'get all the good stuff early'. So he raced off to grab some treasures I guess, and absorb all the local colours and flavours. Which he said would become a new exciting influence on his creativity." Jasper shook his head; Steve's personality was still something of an acquired taste.

"Yeah Steve will be in his version of heaven. He'll be on a high for the whole of next week. Just like a toddler eating too many red sweets, and racing off like a rocket." I giggled and handed him the tray as I finished the juice.

"Excellent breakfast Mr. Whitlock, you'll make some girl very, very happy one day, if you give her this kind of treatment."

Even though I was joking, I would have loved to have been that lucky girl.

(One day, some day. Keep dreaming Bella!)

"Well the job's still available; you never know your luck. I may need your assistance in finding my perfect love."

Sweet mother! What the hell was he saying that kind of loaded rhetoric for?

I was sitting here; my hair looking like wild things had messed with it, an old holey tee-shirt and stripy knickers. (Such a good look, yeah right!)

I can't even remember the last time I shaved my legs or armpits. (Ugh hairy Bella, great!)

"Err, Jasper would you give me a minute to get up and have a shower? Is there any particular clothes I should wear, or will shorts and a tank top do?" Jasper just looked down at me (he was so tall), and tried to keep his poker face on.

"Put your swimming gear on if you have any, and what ever you'd normally wear; it'll be a relaxing day down by the river. Maybe perhaps some kind of picnic, if you'll show me a swan dive Miss Swan." his face broke into a smile.

"Ok, that sounds great! I hope you're not sadly disappointed in my diving. My swan drives usually look more like belly flops."

Jasper turned and left the room, "let me be the judge of that."

I dove in and swam under water for as far as I could before I had to come up for air. The river ran swiftly, but in this ox-bow bend it slowed down, and had formed a delicate little beach and swimming hole. The water was quite cold and refreshing compared to the hot dry air I was breathing.

So far it had been a most interesting time I'd been spending with my special friend Jasper. I was quite smitten.

I dreamed of him all night, day-dreamed of him during the day and spent every thought wondering what he felt, thought and desired.

It was completely hopeless. I would never stand a chance at having someone like Jasper in my life. He probably has beautiful girls coming out of his ears. He's so amazing.

I surprised myself, by letting Jasper get me up high on the back of a placid grey mare. I'd do anything for him. Even riding bare back no less and he then jumped up behind me. Daisy trotted along, as easy as anything.

(I know, I know! A horse called Daisy just like my dream!)

I was beyond words again at this stage, as he took me around the nearby places of interest, his aunt's place and the mountains, hills and general beauty spots all around us. He was in no rush, and I started relaxing and getting into the gentle swaying of being high up on Daisy's back, just going along, without a care in the world. I was happy and completely chilled out.

Truffles wandered along with us and all felt right with the world.

I could stay like this forever.

I sighed and relaxed further leaning into Jasper's chest. God, it's like a little taste of heavenly perfection, right there.

Just as I was heading off into la-la land, Truffles barked and ran forward towards Peter and a couple of women. They were all wet and laughing together sitting in the sun on the river bend. They looked like something out of a postcard or painting, all so beautiful.

I had to laugh because Truffles did a big leap into the water, and the beautiful girls got soaked and squealed in protest. Truffles wasn't interested in them or Peter, she just came back out of the swimming hole and shook herself all over the girls, just for good measure.

Jasper and I really cracked up and I had to wipe my eyes from laughing so much. I could feel the deep vibrations of Jasper's laugh through my back.

I shook my head. (I'm a goner, for sure and certain.)

"Guys, this is Bella Swan, she's at Marcus's place for the summer." Their eyes met mine, there was something more than simple curiosity in their gaze.

"Hi," was the only thing I managed to come up with.

"So you're Bella, I was wondering when I'd get to meet you, I've heard so much about you and your cooking. I'm Charlotte by the way, Peter's girlfriend and this is Maria."

Maria gave me a little wave and stared just a little too long, making me feel really uneasy. She lay back down in the sun.

Both the girls were very attractive, but different as night and day.

Charlotte had straight pale blond hair, blue eyes and very curvy curves.

Maria was dusky, with long dark ringlets falling down her back, deep brown eyes and a perfect set of white teeth.

(All the better to eat you with, my dear. Arghhh... I was loosing it!)

Jasper helped me down off Daisy's back. Truffles and I went for a walk up stream a little way and we sat down together, watching the water slip over submerged rocks.

I sighed, I suddenly felt uncertain, like the first day of high school again with all of those mean cheerleaders and beauty queens parading around. Forever making sneering faces and cruel comments, about my boring hair, pale skin and lack of boobs, not to mention my lack of co-ordination when I felt uncertain.

I sighed deeper; Renee was the same as those cruel cliquey females. I bet she was one of the mean girls when she went to school.

Jasper and Peter came around the bend, splashing and trying to pull each other under. Peter looked up as he got another face full of water.

"Bella, honey you need to save me from Jasper, he's going to drown me. Let's gang up on him and teach him some manners."

"Oh I don't know if I get in, you two might gang up on me instead, and I'd be certain to drown then." I laughed at them; they looked like cheeky sleek otters.

"You two are sort of funny, like a cute pair of otters," I let out a scream as both Whitlocks turned and raised their eyebrows and simultaneously sent a mini tidal wave in my direction.

"I'll give you cute otters Bella! We Whitlocks are big manly beasts, like scary bears or strong and deadly anacondas." Peter growled.

"Yeah, yeah keep dreaming boys! You really do have that sweet, cheeky, frolicking thing going on. You could be mistaken for those special watery critters, and just so you both know, I have a real soft spot for otters." my laughing was getting out of hand. I doubled up and kept laughing and laughing. My sides ached and I had trouble catching my breath.

I got another tidal wave of water in my direction and stopped.

I stood up and pulled my soaked shorts and shirt off and quickly jumped in. If you can't beat them, join them. I was so wet already.

I was calm and quiet after I got out of the water. I wandered over to my clothes, picked them up and found a low branch to hang them up to dry.

Truffles and I wandered down the river, looking out for pretty stones. I might even find something interesting.

I'd collected some great pieces of wood and one nice fluorite crystal.

I was pretty sure, looking at the riverside that there would be some other similar gems, like calcite, quartz and minerals like zinc, lead and barium sitting around in the surface gravel that had been washed down from further up in the mountains.

I was pleased with myself. Nan had showed me grandpa's collection of minerals and gems from their travels. She and I even went on little weekend trips when I was small, looking in creek-beds for elusive stones that may or may not be something worth while.

As it was often hot and dry in Arizona, and the water we carried was for drinking only. Nan had a trick to see if the stones had any good colour. We would spit on them to see if there were any flashes or sparkles.

I laughed to myself; Nan showed me how to spit like a pro. On occasion I can still let loose, but today I was glad to be near a river so I could judge to colour of stones that I picked up without having to spit on them.

"What on earth have you dragged back with you?" I looked up and saw a sneer on Maria's pretty face.

"Oh nothing much," I shrugged.

Truffles stopped in front of me, a low growl coming from her. (She's probably feeling a bit protective; it's weird that Maria's the only person I've ever heard her growl at.)

"Come on Truffles, let's find Jasper. Where is he, eh? Can you be a good sniffer dog and find him? Good girl, that's it."

We moved off to where Jasper was grooming Daisy and making soothing sounds in her ears. (Mm, I wonder what it'd be like feeling Jasper's hands on me like that...?)

Daisy and Truffles touched noses, in acknowledgment of each other.

"They really like each other don't they?"

"They're great buddies. Daisy has known Truffles since she was a little ball of fluff."

Jasper gave the dog a scratch along her back; she yipped and yapped in encouragement, wagging her tail furiously.

"Hey Jasper I found something you might like to see."

"What, those weathered pieces of wood?" He raised his eyes to my arms holding the weathered sticks.

"Err no, it's something smaller, see?" I opened up my left hand to show him the nice piece of violet-coloured fluorite.

"Like it? It's fluorite, a nice shade too. I bet there's more around here in the gravel beds."

"Huh, you really know your stuff eh?" he turned to clear purple stone around and put it up to the sun to see the colour.

Before I could tell him all the fun stuff that I knew about fluorite; I saw Maria rush up and force her way between me and Jasper, pushing me out of her way roughly. Daisy shied at the sudden movement and Truffles crouched low, hair on her back rising and commenced some serious growling in Maria's direction.

"Show me! Let's see! Where did you get that? Can you find me some? I'd love to have that piece! It's my favourite colour. I think I'll just keep it." Maria grabbed it out of Jasper's hand.

"Maria I think you should give that fluorite back to Jasper, he might have wanted to have a good look before you grabbed it." Peter spoke with an air of authority. He sounded like he was trying to show a toddler some manners.

Maria's face looked a bit shocked; she wasn't used to being told off.

"Yeah, whatever. It's probably a piece of worthless coloured glass." She threw it on the ground and stormed off back towards the river.

"Gee, nice! ... With friends like that who needs enemies?" I muttered to myself. Jasper snorted, he'd heard me.

"As usual, very perceptive little Swan, you're very accurate once again, I'm impressed!"

He lent down and retrieved the fluorite, "here you go. That was good spotting, when I look for gems I never find anything."

"Well Nan used to take me all over the state of Arizona as a little tacker, fossicking for gems and minerals. She learnt all of her fossicking skills from my grandfather, he was a geologist. I can always give you a few hints and teach you some tricks of the trade; if you'd like."

I sighed and smiled. I had many things I'd like us to teach other. But that was unlikely. He was so insanely attractive, I was just well... me.

I wondered what the story was with Maria. She seemed to know the Whitlocks well enough.

"Here Peter, want to see?" I gave him the crystal. "So you and Charlotte are an item. Been together for a while?"

"Yeah, Char and me go way back to junior high, it was love at first sight. I knew she was the one, when she kicked another kid in the goolies, while he was in the middle of bashing me up. She's always a good one to have your corner when you're in a tight situation."

"Excellent! I'll remember that in case I get grumpy with you in the future. So what are you and Charlotte doing for dinner this evening? Maybe you could come over with Jasper if you're free. Or maybe another time this week, if that doesn't suit."

The boys both went very, very quiet. Wait, hang on. Something was up!

The Whitlock brothers looked awkwardly at me and then each other.

"Ok whatever it is, I'm feeling a bit like I just made a big faux pas. Look, I'll leave the invite open, for sometime before Steve and I go back to Phoenix. You probably all have heaps of exciting plans for the summer, and I'd be interfering with your busy calendar of events, thinking you'd have time to come over and eat with us."

I turned back for my clothes and put them on. I called Truffles over and walked over to the girls who were having a quiet conversation.

"I'm off home, bye. Come on Truffles, show me the way home. I picked up my weathered sticks and headed back up the hill after my furry friend.

"Bella, hey wait up, do you want to get up on Daisy and ride back with me?" Jasper sounded a little out of breath, he'd run to catch up with me.

Tears were rimming my eyes and I was feeling strange and confused. I didn't know where to look or what I was supposed to say. I huffed and just stopped in my tracks.

"No thank you, I'll let you get back to your friends and family. I don't want to take up any more of your time or anything. Thanks for the nice breakfast and the ride, but I'll make my own way home. Bye Jasper."

I turned and went up the hill with Truffles, "come on girl let's go home. Steve will be back and I can get something ready for our dinner."

Jasper just stood beside Daisy and looked crestfallen. I felt bad for him, but I was so confused, I just wanted to be alone to try and sort my head out.

I was sick of being the one who went quietly.

The silent one who never made waves.

The one who no-one ever included or remembered.

The one who was forgotten, abandoned, left-behind, never ever good enough.

The invisible one.

I turned around suddenly. Jasper was still standing watching me, mute.

"Jasper, can you explain in a concise couple of sentences, what the hell just happened? I'll give you two minutes and then I am heading home and I won't be expecting you for dinner."

Jasper looked a bit surprised, but jumped up on Daisy's back and came up closer to me.

"Right, here's the thing, none of us were expecting Maria back here until the end of July. We all grew up together and well... it's like this...she and I not only hung out together every summer since we were small, but also have been kind of 'friends with benefits'. There has never been any commitment or anything, but still I never told her it was finished between us. She still expects to go where I go, because that's how it's always been."

"Oh right, I see." I said sagely, even though I was still unclear why I was upset. I knew I'd really be uncomfortable if she came to dinner with the others, and they were going to be uncomfortable if she wasn't there.

"So you see, if she wasn't invited to your place with Pete, Char and me, then she'd get upset and we'd all feel awkward." Jasper looked down at the ground, in shame.

"Even though, she's been nothing but mean and grasping and difficult in the short time that I've seen her. It's ok with you if she acts like a spoiled brat?" I put my wood down and put my hands on my hips.

(Wow, fiery angry Bella showing up, is a bit of a shock!)

"So Maria gets what she wants, and you roll over and give in, is that how it is?" gone was chilled out happy Bella, now I was just plain annoyed.

Jasper looked down and kicked the dirt. He didn't answer.

"Ok Jasper, I'm going home. Have a nice life being Maria's little toy. I don't really feel like cooking for you any more. If you grow a backbone, come and visit, you'll be most welcome."

I ran the bath, turned on the stereo and played the LP on the turntable. It was the wonderful music I woke up to this morning.

The album cover had two men smiling one with a violin, the other with a guitar. Stephane Grappelli and Django Rhindhart, wow their music was so different and interesting. They were incredible; I'd have to listen to all of Marcus's music collection.

This was great. Marcus sure had great taste.

I sank into the water and closed my eyes. All I could see was Jasper's face. He looked like his world was about to end.

Dinner was in the oven, Steve was still out exploring the colours and flavours of Taos, Truffles was tucking into a can of spam

(Ugh yuck! It was the only meaty thing I could find in the house.)

I realized that I can't change anyone or anything.

I can only change how I act and what I say.

Standing up for myself was scary, but exhilarating and kind of liberating. Even though my special new friend Jasper might be turning all his attention back to Maria, and leaving the possibility of the future with me, for someone in his past.

I was truly dreaming if I had thought that he and I could have had something loving deep and lasting.

Who was I to him? Who was I compared to Maria? No one, a stranger, a nobody.

I sighed; maybe that's how Marcus felt about my Nan. Even though she would always have his heart, they were destined to live apart.

Heck. I was starting to get maudlin, and I was still completely confused.

When I drove here to Taos, I wasn't expecting to meet someone as amazing as Jasper.

Why oh why did I have overly high expectations, about who he spends time with? Who he loves? Who am I to tell him anything?

I'm just a teenager, a stranger from another place, who is only here for the summer.

He owes me nothing.

Steve was full of stories and fabrics and religious artefacts and as happy as a clam.

I tried hard to look suitably impressed, and it wasn't difficult to be amazed at the fun time he'd had, compared to my weird day.

"Ok, what happened between you and lover boy to make you look like your world is about to be hit by a meteor? C'mon fess up what did he do? "

We'll how was I going to explain this bunch of crapola to Steve? I took a deep breath, "I really need a hug first."

"Oh honey, just let it all out; it can't be so bad. If all else fails, you've always got me and Vlad, your very own fairy godmothers."

I sniffled into his pristine white tee shirt and he just hugged me tighter and hummed into my hair. He handed me a tissue box and sat me down on his lap, rubbing my back.

"Things started out really nice this morning, you know? Waking up to beautiful music and Truffles poking her wet nose in my face, then Jasper's amazing breakfast in bed."

"The charming, relaxed banter back and forth. Having my first horse ride, bare back" (Steve's eyebrows shot up), "no Steve, not that kind of bareback! Honestly, not everything is about that ... um ... you know?"

I went red as a tomato and turned to look at Truffles, who was taking great glee in my story, thumping her tail on the floor.

"So, we went riding, me in front of Jasper," Steve's eyebrows were rising towards his hairline again.

"Oh for Pete's sake, we were riding without a saddle, going nice and slow. Relaxing and seeing some of the countryside, having a lovely time, you know?"

"Yes right, go on." Steve finally reeled his eyebrows back in.

"We got down to the river and Peter was there with Charlotte his girlfriend and another girl called Maria. They are both very pretty, and Charlotte seemed chatty and interested in talking, but Maria didn't really look like she was happy to see me."

"Anyway, I went off for a walk with Truffles and the Peter and Jasper got me in the water. It was lovely having a swim; the water was cool and refreshing. I then went hunting along the riverbank for nice bits of wood and also found a lovely piece of fluorite with a nice violet shade." I looked around for it.

"I must have left the crystal with Peter. I'm sure there'll be more down there in the river bank. If we have a chance I'll go back again I might find some. I was showing Jasper the fluorite when Maria came rushing up and grabbed it. She was acting like a greedy toddler having a tantrum."

"Jasper was really quiet, but Peter told her off, she said something mean and threw the stone on the ground. She went off. I mumbled the old saying about 'who needs enemies, when you have friends like these,' and Jasper agreed." I sighed and kept talking.

"I chatted to the brothers and invited them and Charlotte for a meal sometime. They looked at each other strangely and I thought I must have said or done something bad, but neither of them explained what was going on, so I left with Truffles to come back here."

"Jasper called out to me and caught up with me. He asked me to ride Daisy back here with him, but I was feeling weird and confused."

I didn't want to tell Steve the next bit, but he'd call me on it if I left it out, so I ploughed on wanting to finish the story.

"So I got annoyed at myself that once again, I'd walked away from difficult situation instead of confronting things head on. I turned and asked Jasper to explain what had just happened. Jasper said he and Maria are long time 'friends with benefits' who hang every summer and where ever he goes, she goes...and they were all going to feel awkward, if they were invited here for a meal and she wasn't."

"I said that I'd be uncomfortable cooking for someone like Maria who treats Jasper like a chew toy. I told him that he need not worry about coming to dinner until he grew a backbone."

I felt like a bad friend and blew my nose.

"Well thank heaven's that's all! I thought he'd gone and done something really stupid, like I don't know... like maybe seduce you on the spot and got you pregnant! Vlad would impale me when we got back to Phoenix if that happened, because I took my eye off you, and got all caught up in the magic of Taos." Steve said dramatically.

I rolled my eyes and sniggered.

"Vlad would never impale you, I wouldn't let him. If he tried I'd use some of those defence moves on him and teach him that teenage girls have a lot of pent-up rage to channel. I'm learning that I'm great at creating torturous pain for those on the receiving end." I got up and ruffled his hair.

"Thanks for listening Steve."

Steve smiled and shrugged. "Hey don't worry about Jasper. Either he'll wake up to what he's missing, or he won't. I think you're right to get snarky with him. It's refreshing to tell the truth once in a while, particularly if you see someone being less than nice. If he stays being a lap-dog to that Maria, well he's the one that loses the company of you and your delicious cooking."

Steve was right, only Jasper could decide what he wanted.

"I'll bet you anything though, he'll be back begging for forgiveness and food within 24 hours, or I'll eat my Carmen Miranda head-dress."

"Ha ha! That's a deal! Now I'm going to bed, come on Truffles you can keep me company. At least she won't put me in a compromising situation and get me up the duff, will you darling? Night Steve."

"Night, night, don't let the vampires bite!"

"Steve, that's enough Twilight and True Blood for you!"

"Ahhh, I vont to suck your beeeautifuul delicious blood, my deeear, hold still while I taste your pure sveet virrrgin nectooor. Ha, ha, ha!" Steve was doing his best vampire impersonation.

(Somehow I don't think he'll get any acting roles soon!)

I found him hilarious, not scary in the slightest. "Good grief! Why don't you go phone Vlad and get all that tension out of your system! I'm going to sleep!"

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