Author's Note: I want to thank shansanchez and kristylg23 for reaching out and reminding me that I have committed to completing this fanfiction. I apologize that it has taken me this long to get back in the groove of writing.

Author's Note 2: I'm going to warn everyone right now:

THIS IS NOT A HAPPY CHAPTER! PLEASE READ WITH CAUTIOUS!

Chapter 10 - NOT BETA REVIEWED

Christian had never realized that John's waiting room was such an ugly color. It was a pinkish-purple mixed with what he could only describe as banana baby food for a carpet. Around the room were framed generic inspirational saying posters, fake flowers in godie grandmother vases on every table, and the most uncomfortable sage green furniture completed the look.

You'd think at nearly nine hundred dollars an hour, he would hire an interior decorator, Christian thought with a heavy sigh. Who was he to judge John's waiting room, he spent so little time there but still Christian couldn't help but feel bad from John's day time secretary. Glancing at the wooden grandmother clock on the wall and then back at the door to John's office, Ana had been in there for more than ninety minutes and Christian could only imagine what they were discussing.

Actually he could imagine and none of it was good. Taking another deep breath and running his hands through his hair as he looked at the clock and realized barely two minutes had passed. Tired of sitting, he stood up and looked out the window at the barren street.

John caught him by surprise as he was studying the street lamp lite sidewalk. "Christian, would you like to join us?" Christian nodded and followed his therapist back into his office. Christian took a seat on the couch next to Ana and smiled at her as she wiped away the moisture gathering in her eyes. John took his normal seat and asked "Ana, would you start today's session by telling Christian why you had to go to Ray's."

Ana turned toward Christian, their knees knocking in the process, "I went to Ray's because everything became too much."

What became too much," John probed.

"Planning the fundraiser with Grace, taking care of Teddy, working, not working, when Christian told me about the child, it call became too much. I couldn't stay at the house, I needed to get away."

"And what conclusions have you come to, Ana?"

"That running away wasn't the answer."

"Christian, what do you think of Ana's conclusion?"

"I agree that her leaving was not the answer."

"And Christian, what do you have to say about why Ana left?"

"Fuck the fundraiser, my mother would understand why Ana needed a break. There are people on the committee that can step up and take a bigger role. As for taking care of Teddy and work, I believe that Ana needs to pick one or the other and be done with it." Directing his next comment at Ana, he said, "I told you, if you want to go back to work, we can hire a nanny to see to Teddy -"

"I'm not hiring a stranger to care for my son! I am his mother -"

"But you can't do everything, you just said so -"

"I am not having a stranger raising my son! -"

"The nanny wouldn't be raising him; she would be caring for him while we are at work. She doesn't even have to live at the house; she could live in the guest house." Christian placed his hand on Ana's knee, willing her to see reason.

"I don't want a nanny!"

"Then what do you want?" asked Christian.

"That is a very good question, Christian. Ana, take a moment and answer with your true feelings." John broke in trying to take some control of the session back.

"I want you to help out more," Ana whispered into her chest.

"Help out more…. HELP OUT MORE!" Christian got to his feet and towered over her.

"Now Christian, calm down"

"I have been Teddy's primary caregiver since, I don't know, the beginning. It wasn't you getting up to make bottles ("You know I wanted to breastfeed") or change diapers. Hell he is with me so much I am having automatic doors installed on my office so I can carry everything and not depend on my staff to open the fucking door. My secretary is now part time babysitter and I haven't gotten 40 hours of work done in a week since he was born. Maybe if you helped out more I could get my work done."

"That's not fair." Ana stood up demanding her own space and forcing Christian back.

"Why? Because it's true, motherhood is not what you expected was it. You're fine as long as Teddy is sleeping but screw changing a diaper, feeding him a bottle or putting him down for a nap."

"FINE," Ana threw her hands in the air, "I'm a bad mother. Is that what you want to hear? I am a bad mother and a bad wife."

Christian was about to answer when John broken, "Ana, no one is saying you are a bad mother or wife. Let's just sit down." Christian moved to the loveseat across from couch. "You have to admit, Ana, that you have a lot on your plate and so does Christian. How are you going to relieve some of the stress you are both feeling?"

"I love my son."

"No one is saying otherwise but you have to see that you have too much stress in your life. Someone to care for Teddy during the day so you can go back to work would be beneficial, you can agree with that, right?" Ana nodded through the tissue, "How can we do that?"

Ana seemed to think about it for a moment or two and then said, "My mom could -"

"No!"

"Christian, wait -"

"No, John, I am not leaving my son in the care of her mother. Absolutely not."

"I think we should finish hearing what Ana has to say. Ana, please, continue."

"She offered right after Teddy was born but we had so many people coming and going. I told her no. She would come if I asked her to, I know it."

"But for how long?"

"What do you mean, Christian?"

"How long is she going to want to play 'Grandma' but 'Mom' only lasted about five years of her entire life?" Turning toward Ana he said, "She just dropped you off at Ray's for a year or ten and then picked up again when it was convenient."

"You have no right to judge my mother!"

"You don't want to hire a professional and I don't want a flake caring for our son." With that final statement, Ana threw the tissue on the table and stormed out of the office followed closely by John. Christian took a deep breath and tilted his head back toward the ceiling. John rejoined him a few moments later without Ana.

"That was not handled well, Christian." Christian focused on the wall behind John and prepared for the dressing down that was coming. "You know that Ana is insecure in her ability to parent because Carla was not around as she was growing up." Christian nodded again. "While I do not agree on the word choices you used, the overall outcome is one I support. Carla moving to Seattle would not help anyone and it would probably hurt Ana more. Ana is the adult in their relationship and her mother being here would cause unnecessary stress on both of you. Where is Teddy right now?"

"Mrs. Jones has Teddy."

"Would it be possible to have Mrs. Jones become Teddy's caregiver and you hire another housekeeper?"

Christian thought about it for a moment and nodded, "That could work."

"Good, I want you to discuss it with Ana first before you speak with Mrs. Jones. It is important that she is taking a role in finding someone to take care of Teddy." Christian nodded again while making a mental list of people to contact for a new housekeeper. "Now, Ana is not going to be returning tonight, let's move into your session. The last time you were here, we were discussing Sara's child, have you read any of the books I gave you?"

"Some."

"That is good. I imagine that it is hard for you to read them. They put a name to a lot of what you felt as a child after your own mother died." Christian had not really thought about it that way but it held some possibilities. Instead of confirming John's suspicions, he simply shrugged. John shared a small smile and continues by saying, "Ana, said you had not heard anything about the DNA test. Have you discussed any of the decisions you have made so far? Are you on the same page?"

"I believe so."

"Why only believe?"

"She knows what I am doing and that the child is coming to live with us but every time I try to talk to her about it she shuts down."

"So your side is clear but her wants, interests, and needs are unknown." John shifted back into his chair and took a deep breath, "I had hoped to discuss this with both of you but given Ana's state of mind and stress level, I would not recommend that Ana be a caregiver to the child. Not that she would harm the child but because of the level of attention she, the child, is going to need. If you are set on this course of action then I would start interviewing a full time nanny separate from Teddy." Christian had known that that was going to happen. He had even thought to offer Ophelia Scott her position back. Another list started to form in his head. "Do you have any new business?"

"No," said Christian.

"Than in closing, I want you to take your feelings out of this situation and find out what si going to be best for the child. Living with you and Ana is going to be very stressful. Maybe too stressful - it would be easier now to decide whether you could give up Ana, if not Ana and Teddy, for this child. That is all for today." John turned to his notes and began writing.

Christian got up from couch feeling slightly dizzy; Could I really lose my family because of this? He grabbed his cell phone out of the basket and left the room. The walk down the block had helped to clear his mind of the dizziness but not about his family.

Christian knew that Ana would be waiting in the car for him. It had become a tradition of sorts. He took a deep breath as he reached for the door handle and opened it. He slid into the passenger seat and looked over at Ana. Once more she had tears running down her face. Christian took another deep breath and asked "What can I do?"

"I don't know - I thought after talking with Ray That I could handle it but I cant."

"I'm not asking you to be her mother, Ana."

"Aren't you? You want to take her into our home, care for her at our table, and raiser her next to our child. How are you not expecting me to raise her?"

"Ana, -"

"No, Christian, tell me."

"Fine, yes, I want her as part of our family. She is my daughter."

"If Sara had told you that she was pregnant, what would you have done?"

"I don't know. I was 23, starting a business -"

"Would you have gone to Elena?'

"Yes, probably, she would have known how to handle it."

"How are we fixing it now? I am never going to be her mother - her perfect mother - I barely think about her."

"Sara was far from perfect, Ana. On the outside maybe but on the inside she had her demons too."

"Will you tell me about her?"

"Ana, I don't think -"

"Christian, please…"

"Sara was a beautiful woman, not my usual type but she made changes that were acceptable. I meet her at the The Velvet Chain. In a sea of subs and Doms, she was different. She was professional trained and mentored. A rarity out here on the West Coast and everyone wanted her. It was the first time I picked a sub without Elena's opinion. I had been waiting for months for the perfect one to be my first. Maybe that is why Elena hated her.

"It had taken two months for the paperwork to be completed. We had both been working through an agent for the protection of our identity and families. She was the daughter of two very successful people. Her father owned a shipping company out of Liverpool and her mother was from old money - Connecticut Kennedys, I think. She was a twin as well. Both parents had a lot of expectations when it came to their daughters.

"Her parents died when she was 19 and her sister was recruited by the US Government, this left Sara to make her way through the world. Not that it was hard; she was what people call a child prodigy. A genius of her generation. She graduated high school at 12 and had her doctorate in Medicine by the time she was 18. After her parents died, she travelled the world studying medicine and then, at the age of 21, she was offered a position at the children's hospital here in Seattle as a researcher."

"She sounds amazing."

"On the outside she was, on the inside she was an organized mess. She had so much control in her professional life that she needed someone to tell her what to do in her private life. It was easy for her to hang up everything inside the playroom - maybe too easy'

"So she was perfect there too."

"Ana -"

"No, she was born brilliant, had a great family, saved the lives of countless people and the one thing you concern a flaw she was prefect at."

"You need to stop trying to compare yourself to her -"

"Why because I would never measure up?"

"No, -"

"Not smart enough, pretty enough or because I won't take part in your sex games -"

"Ana, stop it. I married you, I have a family with you -"

"And with her! She had your daughter! Is she a genius too? Does she look like Sara?"

"I don't know and yes, she looks like her mother."

"Must be a relief to know that you have one perfect kid - must be my bad genes."

"Stop that right now, Ana. Teddy will be fine. I don't know if the kid has Sara's gift or not. It won't matter if she does. You need to stop this-"

"I can't, I can't stop thinking about Sara or her daughter. I can't stop hearing what people will say! My co-workers are asking if Teddy is crawling or saying anything and when I say 'no' I see the pity in their eyes. Now this have this perfect child to compare him to and everything is found lacking because he has a broken simpleton for a mother."

"Ana, you are not broken or a simpleton -"

"I don't want her, Christian. I don't want her in my house or in my family."

"That is not an option!"

"It has to be, Christian."