Laying; staring at the ceiling, mind spinning and everywhere people lived on. They went to and fro, living if not happily than just content. All of the sounds of the world dimmed leaving him only his thoughts. Adrian had no idea what he was doing; its like time had stilled for him, while it went forward for the rest of the world. Lost is what he felt, no one could comfort him because their was no one at his side. No one to catch him as he fell. He was alone, and alone meant cold, a shiver stole over him. Something was coming, he thought. looking at the balcony window he could see the glow of daylight coming in through the seams around the curtain.

Breath, he thought clutching at his chest as the shadow of madness snuck over him. Adrian felt the pressure like someone sitting on his chest, trying to cut off his air supply. Breath. Than there was that ringing in his ear again. He sat up quickly shaking his head. Cigarettes, reaching over to the night stand, trembling fingers grasped desperately for the pack and gold lighter.

One of the -almost- lookalikes had told him once that there was no darkness, or madness, or shadow. That it was 'all in his head'. Yes, but was that not the definition of madness? She told him to breath, and said it was stress. It was an anxiety attack. Hopefully she was right and this wasn't the spirit induced madness trying to over take him. It was bound to happen of course, Adrian only hoped it would be in far later years.

Sound rushed in around him, the crashing waves of the ocean, that strong breeze asking for him out side the window. children and adults talking and laughing on the beach. The little dog barking annoyingly, still the need for air was as strong.

However tired his body was; fresh air is what he needed right now.

Leaving the bed was somewhat comforting. Being still in that bed allowed him to think entirely to much, and being alone with nothing but his thoughts hadn't allowed him to sleep very well. Now I am sure you can see the problem here, come on, sleep deprivation in someone unstable, not very good. Adrian was surprised he still had a relatively good hold on sanity at the moment. Strange how many found comfort in their beds; hiding under covers and whatnot. Twisted how that's where his demons liked to manifest themselves.

Drink first, he thought picking up the thick crystal glass on his dresser. That temporary burn down his throat did little to sooth him as he heard something fall to the floor outside his room door. Adrian stopped and listen, hoping the girl from earlier had not comeback. Giving and aggravated sigh and slammed down his glass looking at the door for a moment before finally going to investigate. If it was her he'd just use compulsion and send her away again. He open the door but there was no one in the halls, but he caught a familiar scent.

No, that can't be. He followed it to a room not far from his own. This is ridiculous, its nothing he thought and returned to his room grabbed up his pack of cloves pulled out a cig and lighter, and made his was to the balcony for a smoke. Adrian stuck the stick in his mouth and pulled himself up to sit on the railing, for once in weeks there was not a single thought filtering through his mind. All he had to do was light up and smoke. The breeze was nice, not to warm and not to cold; just right. It felt nice moving around his body, it made him feel absolutely free.

Taking a drag and exhaling, at this moment it seem time really did stop for him. The breeze picked up welcoming him out, and a smile, a very real smile stole over him. He felt a trace of happiness wash through him and he threw out his arms and lifting his face into the light.

If only I had wings, he thought.

Then time started up again. Like an assault to his senses everything came back to him, and with it the feel of arms wrapping around his waist and tugging roughly.

"What The fuck!" Adrian yell, who the hell was yanking him down to the floor. How the hell had this person get into his room! he thought wildly, as he slammed into the body underneath his own.

"Do you have a death wish!" That voice, he'd recognize it anywhere. "What if you fell off! You could have been seriously hurt or worse dead."

This can't be, it j-just can't. Adrian thought scrambling to his feet and almost slipping on his lighter. He looked into those beautiful eyes again, eyes that even in his dreams he had not been able to see. Slowly she stood before him; like someone trying not to startle an injured animal. As strange as it sounds Adrian felt that something was on its way, something was coming to him. He just had no idea it was her. Just like that night, she appeared out of thin air and with her all of the pain he had tried to forget.

"R-rose?" Again it was becoming hard to breath, this couldn't be. He squeezed his eyes and rubbed them with the palm of his hands. "I'm dreaming again, she can't be here." He laughed shaking his head, trying to get a hold on his self. "Why would she be here? It's finally come, I've finally gone and become unhinged."

It looks like the madness had come a lot sooner than he'd hoped. Taking a deep breath, slowly looking up into those eyes again he reached out to feel the nothingness that was sure to be there. Of course he had kept waiting for something that was not going to come and now it was playing with his waken state instead of his dreaming one. All of those thoughts quickly fled when he felt her take his hands, felt her as solid as ever and he jumped snatching his own back.

"Shit you're real."

She smile and his heart tightened and the world tilted around him. Danger. Is what his heart shouted into the quiet space between them. she looked unsure of herself. He needed to keep his distance from her. Right now, around her he was still weak. But with her so close how long could he keep it up? When all he wanted to do was crumble in front of her. Above all he needed to protected himself.

Finally calming enough to take a proper breath of air, and closing his eyes he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Well it's nice to see you. I've missed you too. How have you been?"

He couldn't believe it she was being sarcastic, how could she possibly think that was a good idea right now especially when his heart and mind were all over the place, Come one, seriously not the time for that!

"Rose!" He yelled surprising even himself at how angry he felt right now, angry at his weakness for this woman. That as she cringed at his voice; he wanted to take it back. "How did you find me, why are you here?"

"I'm here for you." she whispered.

What? Why would she be here for him? He couldn't fathom any reason. Adrian only knew as he watched her wrap her arms around herself that he really needed to be careful. Sweet words eaten too early could turn bitter, and that hope that was desperately trying to be freed was a dangerous thing. No, for the sake of his heart he needed to resist. But he had to know.

"Why?"

"We need to talk."

Talk? She wants to 'talk'.

"If memory serves me right we've already had a 'talk'. There can be nothing more to be said, you should leave." He couldn't take this closeness, every bit of him wanted to reach out and take her into his arms and beg her to stay with him. No! That can not happen, he needed to be strong.

"Adrian," That plea went right to his heart. Desperately he clung to his anger. Wishful thinking would not get him anywhere but hurt.

"No!" Hold on to that anger and keep protected. Don't let go of it. "You made your choice. You didn't want me. You didn't want my love. I tried Rose! I really did, do you realize you are all I ever wanted, I have never ever felt like this for anyone other than you. But everything you did was in pursuit of Belikov."

Wanting her and having her near were two entirely different things. However he might of thought this might have gone, it was not going that way. The painful betrayal was still there and there was no way of shoving it aside to just enjoy the fact that she was really in front of him, because right now all that hurt was directed her way. "Even when you were supposed to be my girlfriend -Do you know how much it hurt- even after you said you wanted to be with me, you slept with him. I trusted you. I-believe-you!"

She was shocked? How could she think it was unnoticeable. Thinking about it now made his stomach churn. "Oh yes, Rose. It was very obvious what had happened when you two came back."

"He is a very good person and a damn good guardian, I couldn't just leave him like that! Not when I knew that there was a way to save him! And I did, didn't I?"

"Yes! And just because you saved him didn't mean you had to sleep with him too!" She was surprised, or she looked to be anyway. How could she think something like that wouldn't be noticed. She stood their opening and closing her mouth, perhaps trying to search for the right words. It wouldn't matter.

"It just happened, besides I know you've been bringing women here. The man at the front desk said you did."

Ha! Did that really need to be brought up at the moment? It had nothing to do with anything, if she was trying to make Adrian out be the bad guy here she was being delusional. Adrian glared and gave an amused snort.

"That has nothing to do with you. It is not your business to be jealous of what I do, remember we . . ." He pointed and her and than himself. "are not together."

Rose looked as if she had been slapped. And as much as he wanted to enjoy her discomfort, his joy was tainted by the regret at having to say horrible words to protect himself. This was not how it was supposed to be. He wanted her but now that she was here his dream was fragmented in the reality that she had caused him pain.

"I'm not jealous," He could have laughed at her obvious lie. "I made a mistake. I'm sorry I hurt you it was never my intention to. I never wanted to do that, it just-"

"Happened?" How could she say that. Of all the unoriginal lines in the world that was the worst because it hurt the worst. "Yeah so you say and I suppose that clears everything up. Now that you've got that out of the way you can leave. And since I have no idea where the hell you came from you can use the door."

As Adrian turned he didn't know what to feel. How greatly he had pined for her only now he was pushing her away. Somehow he was reliving those darkest moments again and punishing her with them. He could tell by the look of panic in her eyes.

"No! I-I made a mistake Adrian."

His heart almost stopped. Was it really to much to hope that his ears had heard right? But he had heard it, hadn't he. and although they were the most wonderful words in the world Adrian's heart was reluctant to accept what was offered.

"Oh?" he said giving a snort looking over Rose's head, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Yes," she took a step forward which he immediately mirrored taking a step back. "Please let me explain."

"Explain what? Why when you where my 'girlfriend' you slept with another man."

And there they were. The words hidden and festering quietly in his heart for so long now free at last, yet, for what? To hurt Rose? It made no difference. It would not change anything. But he had to preserve his heart didn't he, and the only way to do that was to . . . what? Be mean?

"Yes-no!"

"What than! Explain what! I was doing fine here, I was living, Rose I was trying to forget you! Why are you here in front of me?!" He couldn't take any of this, the confusion; he wanted like he wanted her than but he wanted her away from him too. everything was just tail spinning out of control.

"I love you!" She yelled.

"You- What did you just say?" he asked his blood running cold in shock. Surely he has not heard those words right, he couldn't allow himself to believe it. It just wasn't possible. But than why else would she be standing before him.

A sob racked thought her and she began to speak with rushed words flowing out in jumbles. "I love you. I made a horrible mistake, will you forgive me for not coming sooner, But I'm in love with you, Adrian. Flaws and all I need you. I just hope you still need me too."

Rose looked fragile and about ready to crumble. It hurt to see this strong woman so uncertain. He wanted to say yes! Yes, of course! But at the moment Adrian was having one of his rare caught-off-guard-and-speechless moments.

Than she did the unthinkable. One moment she was standing beautifully crying before him than her soft palpable lips where locked tenderly to his own. Adrian could not move; he dare not to. What if she disappeared again, and if this was real could he really take from her what he wanted and give what he could never get back. Could he really be reckless with his heart again only to let her go again. As far as reasoning went he was past it all now. He would play the game if she was willing, and he would take as well and as much as she gave him.

Adrian gave, he kissed her back.