So I'm going to try to keep the updates coming as frequently as I can, but I have to warn you that there might be a bit more lag time between chapters – this is a very distracting time of year, because not only has football season started up but all of the good fall shows are coming back, too! I'll try my best, though, promise.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 12
Twenty-seven stitches, one large ham sandwich, and one very stern warning from Hershel to go easy on her leg later, Jenna was being ushered upstairs by Maggie – whom she had discovered was Hershel's daughter – so she could have a shower and get herself properly cleaned up. There hadn't been much time for conversation with Maggie just yet, but so far the slightly younger woman seemed friendly enough. She didn't even put up a fuss when Jenna had to lean on her shoulder for support after her recently-worked on leg made climbing the stairs a bit more of a challenge than usual.
"There's fresh towels in the cupboard under the sink," Maggie told her, leading Jenna towards the bathroom once they had reached the top landing. They both stepped inside the spacious bathroom and Jenna watched as Maggie crouched down and pulled open the cupboard doors to retrieve a few towels for her. "Here ya go," she said, handing them over. After Jenna accepted them, Maggie then grabbed a never-before-used razor. "You can have this," she said as she stood up straight again. "Just because the world's gone a little crazy doesn't mean we have 'ta sacrifice our shavin' privileges, right?"
Jenna smiled at Maggie's light, joking tone and gladly accepted the razor. "Nope," she agreed, eyeing the plastic contraption appreciatively. As embarrassing as it would have been to admit it to anyone, it had been a long time since she'd last had the opportunity to shave her legs. It would feel nice – and normal – to have smooth legs again. "Thank you for everything," Jenna told Maggie sincerely. "Your family's being incredibly kind."
"You're welcome," Maggie said with a small smile. "Shampoo, conditioner, an' soap are all on the side'a the tub. Use whatever ya need," she added, motioning towards the bathtub. Jenna nodded in understanding. "Alright then, I'll leave ya to it," Maggie then said before turning to leave.
Jenna watched her retreating back for a moment before frowning to herself when she remembered that she didn't have anything to change into. "Maggie?" she called to make the dark-haired girl pause and turn a questioning look in her direction. "If it isn't too much trouble, could you ask Lori or Carol to bring me up a change of clothes?"
"Sure," Maggie readily agreed with a nod. "Anything else?"
Jenna wracked her brain for a moment, trying to think of anything else that needed to be done, when Daryl's face flashed through her mind. "Could you also ask Rick to make sure Daryl gets checked out by your dad?" she asked, hoping she wasn't being too demanding. "He's had a rough couple of days and needs to get looked at, but he can be pretty hard-headed sometimes. Unless he's forced into it, it probably ain't gonna happen," Jenna explained with a helpless shrug of her shoulder.
Maggie nodded in understanding. "I'll pass the message along."
"Thank you," Jenna told her.
Maggie smiled a bit in response. "Enjoy your shower," the brunette said in parting before shutting the door behind her, leaving Jenna alone in the bathroom.
The shower that Jenna proceeded to take was, without a doubt, one of the longest and most gratifying showers she'd ever taken in her entire life. Before coming to the farm she had thought that hot showers were a thing of the past, so for a good forty or so minutes she did nothing but simply stand under the streaming water with an expression of complete bliss on her face, sighing in relief more than once as the almost scalding hot water slid through her hair and along her body, cleaning her skin and helping to relieve some of the aches and pains she'd acquired after her stay on the highway. It was only after she remembered that Daryl still needed to shower too and that it would be rude of her to use up all the hot water that Jenna finally started shampooing her hair and scrubbing her body more thoroughly than she ever had before, being careful to avoid her newly stitched up leg and making sure the water didn't pelt down directly onto it, as Hershel had instructed.
When she was finished, Jenna found that someone had delivered a neatly folded pile of her own clean clothes and placed them just outside the bathroom door, along with a large, white bandage for her leg. She made quick work of wrapping her leg so that her new stitches would be protected before dressing with slow, careful movements, glad to have on fresh underwear and clean clothes again. The last thing she did was run a comb through her long, damp hair before rounding up her dirty clothes and finally heading out of the bathroom to rejoin the world.
The house was relatively quiet as Jenna slowly made her way down the stairs, clinging to the banister with one hand for support and clutching her dirty clothes in the other. She glanced into the dining room as she passed, half expecting to find Daryl getting tended to by Hershel there, but the room was empty. Not even the tray of medical supplies was in sight. Jenna continued on, peering into the kitchen for a quick moment – the older, blonde haired woman that she didn't know the name of yet was drinking a cup of tea and staring through the kitchen window with a faraway look in her eyes, seemingly so lost in her own thoughts that she was unaware of Jenna's presence. Not wanting to bother the woman, Jenna started for the front door. She paused, however, outside the bedroom that Carl was in when she saw that both Rick and Lori were present.
Jenna knocked a knuckle against the frame of the open doorway a few times to catch their attention. Rick and Lori both looked over before offering small, half-hearted smiles. "How is he?" she asked, limping a little further into the room and eyeing Carl with a small frown on her face. The boy was unconscious at the moment, but at least his pale body looked like it was starting to get a little more color back.
"'Bout as good as can be expected," Lori answered with a small shrug. "Been in an' out all day." The woman then sighed and took one of Carl's hands in her own. "I'll be glad when he's on his feet again."
Jenna offered a sympathetic smile and nodded in agreement. "What happened anyway?" she asked curiously, gesturing towards Carl with a wave of her hand.
"It was just an accident," Rick answered with a heavy, resigned sigh. "Carl, Shane, an' I came across a buck in the woods while we were lookin' for Sophia. Carl started 'ta go up to it 'ta get a better look, but what we didn't know was that one'a Hershel's people, Otis, had been trackin' it." Jenna frowned at the unfamiliar name, wondering if this Otis was the teenage boy she'd seen earlier. "When Otis fired his weapon the bullet went straight through the buck an' hit Carl," he explained.
"Damn," Jenna said with a shake of her head, unable to believe all of the misfortune that had hit the group over the past few days. "Thank God Hershel was able to help," she mused aloud with raised eyebrows. If the older man hadn't been there to tend to Carl, there was no doubt in her mind that the young boy would have died by now.
"Shane an' Otis are 'ta thank, too," Rick corrected, though a solemn expression passed over his features when he said this. "If it weren't for them, weren't for Otis' sacrifice, Carl would prob'ly be dead right now." When Rick saw the confusion on Jenna's face, he quickly clarified himself. "They had 'ta go get medical supplies from the local high school in order for Hershel 'ta work on Carl," he informed her. "And Otis, well…" Rick shared a quick look with Lori, who had been silently listening to the two talk while smoothing her hand over Carl's hair. "He didn't make it back."
Jenna made a small sound of understanding before running a hand through her damp hair. "Guess everyone's been havin' a rough couple of days, huh?" she asked with a humorless smile. And speaking of people having rough days… "Where's Daryl?" Jenna asked next. "Did Hershel take a look at him?"
Rick immediately shook his head with a disapproving expression on his face, making her frown. "He tried to, but Daryl told him he 'didn't need no damn doctor' an' then ran off 'fore anyone could stop him," he answered with an annoyed huff.
Jenna's frown deepened. "What do you mean 'ran off'?" she asked uncertainly.
"Andrea an' T-Dog headed out to have another look around for Sophia while there's still plenty'a daylight left," he explained. Jenna glanced towards the clock for a quick moment, surprised to see that it wasn't even two in the afternoon yet - it had been such an eventful day so far, it felt much later than it actually was. "After they left, Daryl decided he wanted 'ta have a look around himself. I tried 'ta convince him to stay an' take it easy, but he wouldn't listen 'ta me, just said he'd be back before dark an' left."
"Alone?" she asked incredulously. When Rick nodded in confirmation, Jenna heaved and shook her head. "What a stubborn ass," she grumbled, even though she knew in the back of her mind that Daryl's decision to resume looking for Sophia shouldn't have come as a surprise. He'd all but outright told her that was exactly what he planned to do while they were making their way back to the road earlier that day. Still…what was he thinking venturing out on his own after everything they'd been through the past few days?
"Sounds like someone else I know," Rick shot at her with a quirk of her eyebrow, smirking at her in amusement when she pulled a face at him. Lori flashed a small, amused smile at hearing this. "You feelin' up to talkin' about what you an' Daryl've been up to the past few days?" he asked next, changing the subject. "I was waitin' 'til you were all fixed up so I could talk 'ta both'a ya together, but since there's no tellin' when he'll be back…" He trailed off, raising his eyebrows at her.
"Yeah," Jenna agreed with a quick nod, pushing her disapproval of Daryl's decision to the back of her mind. "We can talk."
Rick nodded, got to his feet, leaned over to kiss the top of Lori's head, then motioned for Jenna to follow him outside.
Once they were on the porch they were presented with a nice view of Hershel's land, and Jenna couldn't help but take a quick moment to admire the scenery. Everything looked very peaceful here, untouched by the madness of the outside world - it almost seemed surreal, like they were in alternate universe or something. She glanced towards the camp that the group had made only some twenty feet away from the house and saw that Glenn, Carol, Dale, and Shane were moving about the area as they carried out various chores, most looking more comfortable and more at ease than she had seen them look since joining the group. She couldn't blame them one bit. It was nice to be in a safe, secure, and normal place for a change.
"So I'm gonna go out on a limb," Rick prompted slowly, catching her attention and making her turn towards him, "and say that you two have had an eventful couple'a days."
Jenna sighed and nodded. "Yeah, that's one way to put it," she told him, setting the dirty clothes that she'd been holding for the past few minutes down onto a nearby chair before crossing her arms over her chest. "I won't lie to you, Rick, we ran into some trouble while we were out there," Jenna admitted honestly.
"I figured that much," Rick said knowingly. "I know you an' Daryl don't always get along, but I doubt the beating he took came from you," he added, raising his eyebrows at her. Then, with a frown on his face, he asked, "What happened?"
Jenna, who had planned all along to tell Rick the entire truth about what had happened with the bandits, began relaying all of the events that had taken place over the past few days. She first told him about the truck and the cabin that they had inspected - Rick wasn't overly thrilled when she admitted that she'd found the truck on a solo scouting mission while the rest of the group had been looking for Sophia - and grimly informed him of the gruesome demise of the man and woman that Daryl had found behind the cabin. By the time Jenna told him about Buck and Danny, and explained how the two bandits had found their camp and attacked Daryl, leaving her with no choice but to come to his rescue, Rick was looking very disconcerted. He looked even more unsettled when she relayed all the information Daryl had managed to pull from the two bandits during his interrogation, including the fact that Buck and Danny had been the men responsible for what had happened to the people at the cabin. Jenna then rounded out the story by retelling the events that had taken place just that morning, from Buck and Danny's lie about seeing Sophia, to their trip into the woods, and, finally, the fight that they might have lost if it hadn't been for the fortuitous arrival of the walkers.
When Jenna was finished talking, Rick let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Jesus Christ, Jenna," he said with furrowed eyebrows, his frown depening. She couldn't tell if he was concerned or angry. "You're lucky 'ta be alive. Ya know that, right?"
"Of course I do," Jenna told him at once.
Rick didn't seem convinced though. "If those walkers hadn't showed up, you both would prob'ly be dead right now," he told her in a harsh hiss – now she knew for sure that he was definitely angry. "What were you two thinkin', goin' into the woods with them? Aren't you the one that told me it's better 'ta be safe than sorry? How could you drop your guard like that?" he continued, asking the questions in rapid precession.
Though Daryl had apparently let the incident in the woods roll off his shoulders - which she would admit still confused and surprised her - Rick wasn't about to let her off the hook so easy. It was all too obvious that he was disappointed with her and Daryl's decision making. "We were thinking that we might finally get a lead on the little girl we've all been killing ourselves trying find. We knew it was a gamble, but we felt like we had to do it," she countered, frowning at him defensively. "Look Rick," Jenna continued with less of an edge to her tone, trying a different approach. It had been a long day - the last thing she wanted was to argue with Rick. "Nobody regrets what happened in that forest more than me. What happened back there was on me, not Daryl," she continued. "I made a mistake and it almost cost us our lives…but do you think I wanted to get strangled nearly to death? Or that I wanted to put Daryl's life in jeopardy? No, I didn't. I fucked up and I know that and I'm sorry, but I'm only human. I'm gonna screw up every now and again – we all will."
Rick stared at her for a very long moment before heaving and running a hand over his face. When he met her gaze again, he looked the slightest bit guilty for having flown off the handle. "I just…it worries me 'ta hear stuff like this, Jenna," he told her. Though he sounded a little calmer now, the stern expression never left his face. "You're my responsibility now, an' I don't want anything bad 'ta happen to you…or 'ta Daryl," Rick clarified. "This group needs you both. Preferably alive."
She was a bit taken aback by Rick's words. She'd only been travelling with her new companions for just shy of a week now - the knowledge that Rick considered her to be his 'responsibility' and that he cared that much about whether she lived or died left her speechless for a moment or two.
"Listen," Rick continued with another sigh after she said nothing in response. "I…understand…why you an' Daryl did what ya did," he finally admitted, though he still didn't look happy about it. He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. "You just have 'ta be smarter about it, Jenna. You guys got lucky this time. Next time...that might not be the case," he told her, his eyes pleading with her to understand the severity of the situation.
"I know," she told him with a nod. "And trust me, I learn from my mistakes. I won't let something like that happen again, I swear it."
Rick finally seemed satisfied. "Good," he said, patting her on the shoulder once before letting his hand fall back down to his side. "Now this group those men were in," he continued, ending his lecture and getting back down to business, "did they say where they were?"
Jenna shrugged a shoulder and shook her head. "They weren't sure, but they estimated about seven or eight miles from our camp on the highway," she informed him. "They didn't say whether anyone knew about the farm or not either, but I'm assuming they don't. Otherwise I'm sure Hershel would've had a visit from them by now."
Rick nodded his understanding. "We'll have 'ta keep a sharp eye out whenever we go on runs then," he said, sounding like he was talking more to himself than to Jenna, his eyes surveying the landscape untrustingly. "An' definitely no more solo mission in the woods," he added with a disconcerted look. The expression on his face led Jenna to believe that he was now fretting over the fact that Daryl was currently out there alone and with absolutely no form of back up.
"I agree," Jenna said quickly. "Daryl didn't think we should say anything to the group about what happened," she continued, pursing her lips uncertainly. "Or at least, not until we find Sophia," she clarified. "He thinks it'll just cause panic, especially where Carol's concerned." Jenna then shrugged a shoulder. "I'm not sure I like keeping the others in the dark, but I do think he might be right about this one."
Rick considered this for a moment before sighing and placing his hands on his hips. "Yeah, I think so, too," he said slowly, squinting his eyes as he peered in the direction of camp, watching the others move about for a moment. "I'll talk 'ta Shane, let him know what's goin' on…maybe T-Dog, too," Rick mused aloud. "Other than that, I think we should keep it hush-hush for now. Everyone's worried enough as is."
"What about Hershel?" Jenna asked, knowing that if it was her home, her land, and her family in possible danger that she would want to know. "This place seems pretty secure now, but it might not hurt to fortify it."
Rick pursed his lips unsurely. "I dunno. I already tried 'ta talk to him 'bout reinforcing the fences around here an' beefin' up security, but he wasn't very receptive to my suggestions," he told her with a bit of a frustrated sigh. "Actually, he hasn't been very receptive to most'a the things I've told him so far," he admitted, making her quirk a curious eyebrow at him – what did he mean by that? "I'll try talkin' to him again, though, see if I can get through to him."
Before anything else could be said between the two, they both noticed that Maggie and the younger blonde-haired girl were walking across the yard and heading in their direction. Rick and Jenna shared a meaningful look, as though silently agreeing that they should drop the subject for the time being. They then smiled politely at Maggie and the blonde as they approached, noticing that the two were carrying baskets of freshly picked vegetables. "You look like a new woman," Maggie commented as she and the blonde ascended the porch steps, joining Jenna and Rick on the porch.
"I feel like one, too," Jenna said with a small smile. "Thank you again."
"No problem," Maggie said. Then she frowned. "My dad tried 'ta get a look at your boyfriend by the way, but he wasn't havin' any of it. Sorry," she told Jenna with a helpless shrug.
While Rick snorted at hearing this – apparently he found the idea of Jenna and Daryl getting mistaken for a couple very humorous – Jenna merely shook her head, trying not to blush. Why did every stranger they encountered automatically assume that she and Daryl were in a relationship? "I know, Rick told me," she said in response, ignoring the amused grin Rick shot her. "And he's not my boyfriend," she went on to correct.
"Oh," Maggie said, looking surprised for a second. "My mistake," she added with a shrug. When Maggie saw that Jenna's eyes had shifted over to the blonde-haired girl, she gestured towards the girl with her head. "This is my little sister, Beth. Beth, this is Jenna."
"Hi," the girl said a bit shyly, offering a close-lipped smile.
"Nice to meet you," Jenna said politely. An awkward silence fell over the foursome for a beat or two before Jenna finally turned to grab her dirty clothes. "I'm gonna go see if the others need help with anything," she announced, sharing another quick look with Rick and raising her eyebrows at him for a moment. He nodded silently in response, but the look in his eyes let Jenna know that he was still thinking about their conversation. "See you later," she told him.
Then, smiling courteously at Maggie and Beth as she went past them, she started in the direction of the group's camp.
The rest of the afternoon was spent situating her clothes and belongings in her tent – which Daryl, she noticed, had set up right next door to his – before helping Glenn get a decent supply of firewood assembled.
Though several people came up to ask her questions about her and Daryl's stay on the road, Jenna was careful to avoid divulging too many details, even more so when Glenn began prying. She didn't know him very well yet, but she did know that he wasn't exactly the best at keeping secrets - one word about the bandits or about their near-death experience that morning and there was no doubt in her mind that the entire group would learn about it within the hour. So while they worked, Jenna kept Glenn preoccupied by talking to him about what the group had been up to in her absence. She learned that the others had also been searching the area for Sophia while Carl was on the mend and heard a particularly gross story involving a walker they'd found in one of the farm's wells the day before. When the subject of Hershel and his family eventually came up, Glenn started acting a little strangely and not-so-discreetly directed their conversation elsewhere. Jenna wasn't sure why but didn't press him for details.
As the hours dragged on and the sun slowly started to sink into the horizon, Jenna couldn't help but feel a growing sense of apprehension. T-Dog and Andrea had returned to the camp around four o'clock, looking tired and dirty and discouraged, but there were no signs of Daryl anywhere, nor had Andrea or T-Dog seen him while out looking for Sophia. By the time six o'clock rolled around, however, and the sky took on an orange and pink hue, she could no longer ignore her rising concern and found her eyes turning towards the landscape every five minutes or so, searching hopefully for any signs of Daryl. Jenna wasn't sure why she was worrying over him so much, but diligently told herself that she was only this concerned because of what had happened to them that morning, that she was merely worried for the safety of one of her companions and nothing more.
Jenna and T-Dog were in the middle of cooking dinner for the others when she glanced up and finally saw a lone figure making its way back towards the camp. For a split second she worried it might've been a walker that had wandered onto Hershel's property, but after looking harder she quickly realized that it was Daryl. Thankfully he didn't look anymore worse for wear than he had earlier that day. With a heave and a frown, Jenna passed T-Dog the spatula she'd been holding. "I'll be right back," she told him, marching in Daryl's direction before he could question her. Though she couldn't see it because her back was turned, T-Dog's eyebrows shot up and he shared a look with Dale and Andrea, who were sitting nearby.
Daryl slowed his pace some when he saw that Jenna was headed in his direction. He finally came to a halt and shifted the crossbow hanging from his shoulders, his eyes narrowing a bit as she neared. "Glad you could join us again," Jenna said once she had stopped in front of him, arms crossed over her chest. She didn't bother trying to hide how disapproving she was of his decision to venture out on his own. "Have a nice trip?" Jenna asked, unable to help the sarcasm lacing her words.
Daryl quirked an eyebrow at her. "What?" he asked, clearly not knowing what to make of her attitude.
"You heard me," Jenna countered frankly, ignoring the fact that she sounded like a nag. "Wanna tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to go out there on your own after everything that's happened the past few days?" she continued, telling him with the look in her eyes how stupid she thought the decision had been.
Daryl heaved and shifted on his feet, not looking overly fond of the way she was attacking him. "Why hang around here doin' nothin' when there was still plenty'a daylight?" he shot back. "Better 'ta go out an' look for Sophia than sit here with my thumb up my ass."
Jenna frowned at him, glad that they were far enough away from the others so that they couldn't hear their conversation. "And what if you'd run into trouble again?" she asked with a hint of exasperation. "Nobody would've been there to help you. You're in bad enough shape as it is and – "
"I'm fine," Daryl interjected impatiently, making her fall silent. "How many times I gotta say it 'fore ya'll believe it? Jesus, woman, I'm a grown ass man – I think I know my own damn limits." Jenna could tell he was starting to get irritated with the way this conversation was going, so even though she'd only confronted him out of concern, she decided to shut her mouth before they ended up getting into an argument. "Ain't you even gonna ask if I found anything?" Daryl asked, raising his eyebrows at her in a condescending way.
One of Jenna's eyebrows lifted questioningly, the question immediately making her annoyance turn into interest. "Did you?" she asked hopefully.
"Matter'a fact, I did," he answered with a hint of arrogance. "Checked out a house not too far from here, tucked back in the woods. Found a bed in one'a the cupboards that looked like it'd been slept in by someone 'bout the size'a Sophia."
Now Jenna looked at him in surprise. "Really?" she asked, optimism quickly spreading through her like wild-fire. "That's a good lead."
"Yeah, I thought so, too," he said, nodding his head before shooting her a look. "You're welcome," Daryl added with only a hint of reproach.
Jenna just looked to him with unimpressed eyes before sighing to herself, a little exasperated by the man's ever-changing mood swings. A few seconds of silence fell between them after that, but when Daryl shifted again and readjusted some of the things he was holding, she realized that he was carrying something in his right hand. "Is that…a flower?" she asked, eyebrows shooting up almost to her hairline in her surprise. Daryl didn't exactly strike her as the flower-picking kind of guy, so she wasn't entirely sure why he held one within his grasp now.
Daryl seemed to remember what he was holding and, with a clearing of his throat, quickly moved to hide the white flower behind his back. "It's nothin'," he said evasively, appearing a little uncomfortable as he looked anywhere but at her. She almost pried a little further, curious to know why he had brought it along and what he intended to do with it, but he spoke up again before she could. "Where's Carol?" he asked, still not meeting her gaze. "I wanna tell 'er 'bout what I found."
Jenna, still eyeing Daryl with something akin to wonderment, gestured towards the RV with her head. "She was in there last I saw," she told him. Daryl nodded and brushed past her, heading for the RV without another word. Jenna turned to watch him go for a moment or two before shaking her head to herself and turning to make her way back to the others.
"Everything alright?" T-Dog asked once she was by his side again, handing the spatula back to her when she held her hand out for it. Gis gaze shifted towards Daryl, who had just entered the RV, before turning back to Jenna. It would have been impossible not to notice the questioning gleam in his eyes.
"Yeah, fine," she said evasively, before crouching down next to the frying pan resting over the fire. Jenna turned one last curious look on the RV after Daryl disappeared inside before turning her attention back to the food and telling the others what he had found.
Come nightfall the group was in considerably higher spirits.
Not only was everyone feeling more hopeful after learning of Daryl's findings that afternoon, but the fact that everyone was reunited and sleeping in the same camp again – not to mention that Carl had started showing more signs of improvement – had everyone's stress level dropping quite a bit. Their conversations over dinner were more upbeat, even filled with the occasional bouts of laughter as most people in the group kicked back and enjoyed what felt like the first normal night they'd had since leaving for Fort Benning. Jenna even had a long, friendly chat with Andrea, who had finally made an effort to get to know her. Only a few still seemed to be on their guard, namely Rick and Shane, who had a very long, serious looking conversation at one point in the evening, and Carol, who seemed a little more encouraged than she had been previously, but still wasn't quite as chipper as the rest.
Later that night, after everyone else had retired for the evening, Jenna was alone in her tent and rummaging around through one of her bags. Despite having had a very busy couple of days and having not gotten very much sleep the night before, she found that she wasn't all that tired just yet. She continued searching through her bags, trying to locate a specific item that she had kept tucked away for a few weeks now, but paused when her fingers brushed over something smooth and glossy. Jenna froze, knowing in an instant what she had just found. She contemplated just moving on and pretending that she hadn't found them, but, after a long few seconds, pressed her lips together and pulled the photographs her fingers had just encountered out of the bag.
Her heart skipped a beat when her eyes landed on the photographs. It had been a very long time since she'd looked at the pictures she'd managed to snag before evacuating her townhouse the night everything had fallen into chaos. Truth be told, she normally didn't let herself look at those pictures. But tonight she wanted to look at them, so Jenna sat back on her heels and let out a long sigh, her heart starting to feel heavy with sadness as she finally gazed at the faces of the ones she'd lost.
One picture was of her family at Christmas time when her father had still been alive – she was a pudgy thirteen-year-old at the time, her hair curly and untamed and her cheeks still rounded with baby-fat. Next to her stood her mother, younger, happier, and flashing a mega-watt smile for the camera. Jenna's father stood on the other side of her mother, looking happy to be in the company of his family but still not quite himself – he'd found out about the cancer ravaging his body only months before this picture had been taken, and it was obvious that the knowledge of his sickness combined with the chemo-treatments had started taking their toll on him by this point. The last person in the picture was Sam, seventeen years old and standing taller than everyone in the family, one long arm slung around their father's shoulders as he grinned for the camera. He'd had his eyebrow pierced at the time, and seeing him with it in again pulled a short, amused laugh from Jenna – she had made fun of him for that piercing until she was blue in the face, something that had irritated him so much that eventually he had taken it out.
Jenna set the picture down and looked at the next one, a picture of her and Sam in a restaurant when they'd gone out to celebrate his graduating from boot camp. She was sixteen in this picture and Sam was twenty. They had their arms around each other and were both making funny faces for the camera. The photo after that was one of her mother when she had been around Jenna's age, looking beautiful and vibrant and sporting a haircut very similar to the infamous Farrah Fawcett style.
The next photograph made her pause for a long moment.
This one was of her and Jon, taken on their anniversary earlier that year. It had been so long since she'd looked upon his face that she'd nearly forgotten how handsome of a man he'd truly been. In the picture he stood tall and broad, his facial features chiseled and strong looking, but her favorite feature of his had always been his eyes, which looked vividly blue against his tanned complexion and dark brown hair. Jenna took in the happy expression on his face, the warmth that still seemed to radiate off of him even through the photograph, and felt her heart ache when she remembered the way he'd looked the last time she'd seen him. Sprawled on his back on the floor of a cabin in the middle of nowhere, those blue eyes wide open, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling, completely lifeless…
Jenna dropped the picture of her and Jon – as well as the remaining photographs in her hands – to the tent floor before letting her face fall into her hands. She sucked in a few shuddering breaths to calm the torrent of emotions rising up within and then, after determinedly closing her mind to the horrible memories trying to replay her in her head, dropped her hands from her face to round up the pictures again, resolutely shoving them back into the bag. There was a good reason why she hadn't allowed herself to look at those photographs and now she remembered it very well - looking at pictures of the ones she'd lost didn't help the hurt in her heart, it only worsened it.
With the photos now shoved firmly to the bottom of her bag, Jenna resumed her search until she finally found what she'd been looking for in the first place – a bottle of Jim Beam that she had snagged from a rundown house near the Georgia state line some three weeks ago. Though not a huge fan of Jim, she'd taken it thinking it would help relieve some of the pain she was feeling after losing so many that she loved. In the end, she had rethought actually indulging in the drink after remembering the fact that danger lurked around every corner and that being alone and drunk off her ass would probably only get her killed. Fortunately for her, she wasn't alone anymore, was currently in a place that was safe, and had plenty of protection should things go awry. And after everything that had happened over the past few days – not to mention the fact that she would very well be dead right now if things had gone differently that morning – well…Jenna couldn't think of a better time or reason to let loose and enjoy a drink.
With the bottle of liquor in her hands, Jenna got to her feet, unzipped the flap keeping her tent closed, and stepped out into the cool night air. The camp around her was mostly quiet and the bonfire had burned down to nothing but glowing embers. The only signs of life came from Hershel's house, where lights could still be seen in the windows, the top of the RV, where Shane was sitting with a rifle in his hand as he kept watch, and, surprisingly, from right next door, where Daryl could be heard shuffling things around in his tent.
Jenna looked towards Daryl's tent, thinking an idea over for a moment or two, then started in that direction. As she covered the short distance between their two tents, she could already see him through the sheer, meshy window. "Knock, knock," she said, patting the side of the tent to catch his attention.
Daryl looked up at her through the mesh, looking a little unsure as to why she was visiting him. They hadn't spoken to each other much since their near-argument earlier that evening. "What's up?" he asked slowly, moving a bit closer so he could see her better. "You here 'ta bitch at me some more?"
"No," Jenna answered with a huff. Then she smirked and held up the bottle of Jim for him to see. His eyebrows immediately shot up in surprise. "I came to see if you wanted to join me. I believe we both deserve a drink after our whacky days in the woods. Plus I think I kinda owe you a few after nearly getting you killed," she added, keeping her voice low in case someone was listening in.
Daryl looked at her for a moment, turned his gaze over to the bottle, then shifted his eyes back up to hers. "Well, if you're gonna pull my leg," he said slowly, but the tone of his words and the tiny smirk playing at the corner of his lips let her know that he was joking with her. Clearly he was all for the idea of having a drink.
Jenna chuckled for a second, then waited patiently as Daryl rounded up a couple of stray cups from one of his bags and climbed out of his tent to join her. She gestured for him to follow her towards the burned out fire then plopped down into one of the camping chairs, settling in. Daryl followed her suit, getting comfortable in the chair next to hers, then offered her a cup. "Thanks," she said, already unscrewing the cap off the bottle. After pouring a generous amount into her cup, she passed the bottle over to Daryl.
"Where'd ya get this?" Daryl asked as he poured himself a drink, keeping his voice low so they wouldn't disturb the others.
"Some house that I holed up in for the night a couple weeks back," Jenna answered with a shrug, swishing the liquor around in her cup for a second. She then turned a smirk on Daryl and raised her cup to him. Daryl clinked his own cup against hers before they both took a large gulp. "Gah," Jenna said, pulling a face as the liquor burned its way down to her belly.
Daryl, on the other hand, just smacked his lips before quirking an eyebrow at her. "Not a liquor fan?"
"I've always been more of a beer and wine girl myself," she admitted. "But beggars can't be choosers," Jenna added with a shrug before taking another drink.
For a long few minutes, a comfortable silence passed between them. Though their camp had been made under a thatch of trees, when Jenna leaned her head back she could just make out the bright stars overhead and the moon peeking down through a break in the tree-tops. She watched the sky for a long moment, listening to the chirp of crickets and insects all around her, before sucking in a long breath through her nose and releasing it slowly.
"It's so peaceful here," she commented, almost sounding contented. "You'd think the world wasn't overrun by walking corpses." When Jenna glanced over at Daryl, he was nodding his head in agreement as he took another drink. She watched him for a moment before turning her eyes down to her cup, frowning at it for a second before finishing the contents. "I told Rick the truth about what happened," she admitted.
"I know," Daryl responded. "He talked 'ta me about it when I got back."
Jenna looked over at him questioningly. "What did he say?"
"Same thing he told you – 'gotta be more careful', 'shoulda had better judgment', blah, blah, blah," he answered noncommittally before finishing his drink. Jenna couldn't help but smile a bit in amusement at the sarcasm present in his tone. She watched as Daryl grabbed for the bottle of Jim Beam again, shaking it at her with raised eyebrows – when she nodded, he refilled her cup first before topping off his own.
"I really am sorry about today," she said softly. "I can't stop thinking about it, can't stop blaming myself for the way things went down."
Daryl looked at her with an indifferent expression. "We're alive, ain't we?"
"Barely," Jenna shot back at him. Then she quirked an eyebrow, the question that had been circulating around in her head finally tumbling past her lips. "Why aren't you angrier about this?" she asked, blatant confusion filling her gaze.
Now Daryl was the one to quirk an eyebrow at her. "Do ya want me 'ta be angry?" he asked doubtfully. "'Cause I can start bitchin' at ya if ya want me too…"
"Well, no," she said quickly, having been on the receiving end of his anger more than once and knowing very well that it was not an enjoyable thing to bear the brunt of. "I just don't get it, I guess. I mean…we could've died," Jenna said, even though he didn't need reminding. "You've gotten pissed at me for a lot less."
"But we didn't die," Daryl reminded her yet again. When he saw that Jenna still wasn't convinced, he let out a heave. "Listen," he started again, "ya want the truth?" Jenna nodded. "I ain't happy 'bout the way things went down. Those assholes got the jump on us – again – an' I damn near watched ya get strangled 'ta death. But we got lucky, an' we made it out," he said in a firm tone. "Ya ever stop 'ta think that maybe I'm too busy feelin' relieved that we both came outta that bullshit alive 'ta be mad at ya for makin' a mistake that anyone else would'a made in that position?"
Jenna blinked a couple of times, a bit stunned by his words. He was usually so guarded when it came to his thoughts and feelings that she hadn't expected him to be so open and honest with his answer. "Guess I never looked at it that way," she mused aloud, making him nod matter-of-factly before he took another drink. Jenna toyed with the cup in her hands for a moment before sending a small smile in his direction. "You're full of surprises, you know that?"
Daryl pulled a face. "How so?" he asked skeptically.
She shrugged a shoulder. "I just…didn't think it would really matter to you if something happened to me," she admitted, being as honest as Daryl had been.
He snorted and shook his head, the look in his eyes a bit incredulous. "You can be a pain in my ass, red, but that don't mean I want ya dead," he shot at her, before knocking back the rest of his drink.
Jenna hid her smirk by finishing off the rest of her drink as well, her muscles already starting to feel a little looser as the alcohol began to work its magic. Under normal circumstances she probably wouldn't have been such a lightweight, but seeing as she hadn't had a drink in months, didn't get as much nutrition as she should, and had probably lost at least a good twenty pounds since the apocalypse hit, the liquor was taking effect much faster than usual. She reached for the bottle off Jim to pourher third drink then offered it to Daryl, who readily held out his cup.
"Let's talk about something else," she suggested, setting the bottle back on the ground between them after refreshing his drink. Jenna decided right then and there that to move past the encounter with Buck and Danny once and for all. "How'd ya wind up with the group?" she asked Daryl conversationally.
When Jenna asked this, an odd look passed over Daryl's face for the briefest of moments. But before she could try to place it or really even consider what it might mean, the look was gone. "Merle an' I just kinda stumbled across 'em," he answered vaguely, eyes trained on the glowing embers at their feet. "We'd been doin' things on our own for a while. We thought we'd try the group thing, see how it worked out," he added with a shrug.
Though Jenna had the distinct feeling that he wasn't telling her the entire truth, she still nodded her head in understanding. "What happened to him?"
Daryl scoffed before taking a long drink. "Merle was being Merle. The dumbass started mouthin' off an' causin' trouble on a run. Ended up gettin' himself handcuffed to a rooftop in downtown Atlanta," he started to explain. "We were goin' back for 'im the day we bumped into you, but he was gone by the time we got there. Cut off his own hand an' made a run for it."
Jenna cringed at this newfound information. "Cut off his own hand?" she asked incredulously. When Daryl nodded, she let out a low whistle. "Damn. Don't think I could've done something like that."
"He's always been a tough som'bitch," Daryl said, knocking back some more Jim. "Prob'ly still out there somewhere raisin' hell, too."
Jenna shook her head in amazement before taking another drink, eyeing the man sitting next to her. Though he was trying to appear indifferent, she could tell that the subject of his missing brother was one that definitely had an effect on him. "Were you guys close?" she inquired.
He pulled a face at that. "I dunno…I guess in a way," Daryl said, even though he sounded a little unsure of his own answer. "What about you an' your brother?" he asked after that in an obvious attempt to direct the conversation elsewhere.
Jenna chose not to comment on his dodging and nodded. "Very close," she said, almost wistfully. "We've always had each other's back, especially after our dad died," she explained. "He was the typical over-protective older brother. Always looking out for me, always trying to protect me…always chasing away any guy that dared to look twice in my direction." Jenna laughed a bit and shook her head, a good buzz from all the alcohol starting to warm her limbs and cloud her head. "I used to get so irritated with him for being so over-bearing. I actually kinda miss it now," she admitted with a sad smile.
Daryl watched her for a silent moment, processing that information. "Do you think he's still alive somewhere?"
Jenna frowned as she thought Daryl's question over, any previous amusement she'd felt immediately dying off. For so long she'd been holding onto the belief that Sam was alive, that he was waiting for her at Fort Benning. But the more time passed and the more difficult things became on her unpredictable journey, she had to admit that that hope was beginning to slowly diminish. Would she ever make it to Fort Benning? And even if she did, would he still be alive when she got there? "I dunno," she answered honestly. "I like to think so, but after everything that's happened…it's hard to say." Jenna sighed and ran a hand through her hair before finishing off her third drink.
"You ever thought about givin' up?" Daryl questioned interestedly.
"So many times," she admitted softly, fiddling with the empty cup in her hands. "It was easy to hang on to the hope that we'd make it to Fort Benning and find Sam when I was still with my group. We kept each other motivated, ya know?" Daryl nodded in understanding. "Once I was on my own, though…" Jenna trailed off and laughed bitterly, reaching for the bottle of Jim again. "Things got so hard. And all I could think about was how everyone else was dead and that I had no idea if I'd ever find Sam…or if I'd even live long enough to try." Having refilled her glass, Jenna took a long drink. "After a while my thoughts started to get pretty…dark. For a while there I thought about…you know," she admitted, the alcohol in her system breaking down some of her barriers and forcing the truth out of her before she could stop it.
Daryl's expression was hard to read when she chanced another look in his direction. The way he was watching her made her feel very vulnerable. "Opting out?" he asked in a measured tone.
Jenna gulped and then nodded. "Yeah."
"But you didn't," Daryl reminded her.
She shook her head slowly, running another hand through her hair. "No. I realized that if I ended it, that if I took my own life, then everyone that I loved would have died for nothing," Jenna told him slowly. "We could have stayed in Texas, could have found a refugee camp to settle in and survive…but I dragged everyone that I loved across the country to try to find Sam, instead. I had to keep going, if not for myself then at least for them. I owed it to my family, to Jon, to his parents to keep going." This time Jenna finished her drink in three large gulps, wincing a bit as it burned her throat and settled in her belly. She realized the conversation had taken a darker turn than she had intended. "Well," she said in conclusion, smiling wryly. "Sorry for being such a buzz kill. I promise I didn't bring you out here to tell you all my sob stories," Jenna told him as jokingly as she could.
Daryl just smirked a bit, recognizing her attempt to try and lighten the mood. "My buzz is just fine," he said, his tone almost sounding reassuring.
Silence fell between them again after that. Daryl finished another drink, still looking at her with a pensive expression on his face, while Jenna just sighed and sunk further into her chair, eyes turning up to the sky again. She hadn't meant to unload all of that on Daryl, but now that she had, Jenna did have to admit that she felt better. It wasn't often that she was able to express her fears and her doubts to another person, was able to talk through the things that bothered her. Getting these things off her mind lifted some of the weight that had been pressing down on her for the past month or so. That it was Daryl who had been the one to listen to her troubles was a bit surprising, but she was starting to learn that he was a much better listener than anyone had given him credit for.
"If it means anything," Daryl suddenly spoke up, making her eyes shift back to him. He was watching her with that same, difficult-to-read expression. "I'm glad ya didn't opt out." His words made a strange feeling surge through Jenna, but before she could understand what it meant, he snorted and said, "Otherwise I'd'a been fucked when them bandits showed up," he added gruffly, as though he felt vulnerable or uncomfortable for having said what he just had and was now trying to make himself seem less feeling.
Jenna, who understood exactly what he was trying to do, decided to roll with the shift in his behavior and smirked at him jokingly. "Probably in more than one way, too," she shot back at him with a raised brow, feeling more than a bit buzzed after drinking four glasses of Jim Beam in such rapid precession. "Those guys seemed pretty damn desperate for some action. And let's face it…you're a pretty man, Dixon," she teased.
Daryl immediately blanched at her words. "Pretty?" he repeated incredulously, making her immediately laugh. He huffed to himself moodily, looking annoyed with her for laughing at him, but after a moment or two her laughter seemed to break down his defenses and had him smirking for the briefest of seconds before he covered it up by taking another drink.
"Alright, I have to ask," Jenna finally said once she'd gotten control of herself again. "What's with the flower?"
Daryl froze mid-drink, then looked away a bit awkwardly. "It was a Cherokee Rose," he answered after swallowing the alcohol in his mouth. "There's a whole story behind 'em that reminded me'a Sophia," he went on to explain. "I wanted Carol to have it. Thought it might give 'er a little hope." When Jenna remained silent for a long moment, he cast a sideways glance in her direction. "Don't you dare say somethin' smart," he warned, mistaking her silence to mean something bad.
She immediately shook her head and held up a hand. "I wasn't gonna," she told him before smiling a bit, feeling more than a little impressed with his kind gesture. "That was a really nice thing to do."
Daryl just shrugged in response. "You know," he said after a few beats of silence. "I never did thank you for savin' my ass back there," he admitted, turning a grateful look in her direction. "Thanks."
Jenna smiled and nodded her head. "You'd have done the same for me."
For a long moment, the two stared at one another. Maybe it was just the alcohol in her system that was making her notice, but the way that the orange glow from the dying embers played on his face was actually rather entrancing. His features looked more accentuated, his eyes more mysterious. Jenna found that it was nearly impossible not to admire the way he looked just then. He looked good - more than good. When Daryl finally cleared his throat and looked away the spell was broken, and Jenna blinked to herself before rubbing her forehead with the heel of her palm.
"I really can't handle my alcohol anymore," she mused aloud, flashing a bashful smile in Daryl's direction. "I think I should call it a night."
Daryl nodded his agreement and, almost in unison, they both started to get up from their chairs. What Jenna didn't anticipate was the fact that drinking so much alcohol so quickly would result in her being a bit on the wobbly side when she finally stood again. As soon as she got to her feet it felt like the Earth tilted on its axis, making her stumble a few steps. Daryl quickly moved to steady her, holding her upright with a hand around her arm and another on her waist. "Easy there, red," he said.
There was a joke about how big of a lightweight she'd become hanging on the tip of her tongue, but when she realized that they stood only mere inches apart in the darkness of the camp, Jenna was unable to get the words past her lips. All her fuzzy mind could seem to focus on right then was the feel of his strong hands on her body. The smell of soap and shampoo emanating off of him thanks to the shower he'd taken earlier that evening. The fact that he was standing so unbelievably close to her and wasn't making any moves to back away.
She didn't know what motivated her to do what she did next, to be honest. Maybe it was because she had indeed had too much to drink, maybe it was because she was in the arms of an attractive man for the first time in a long time, or maybe it was just because there was something about Daryl that she was beginning to like whether she wanted to or not. Either way, without thinking about what she was doing Jenna began leaning forward with every intention of kissing Daryl Dixon. And to her everlasting surprise, he wasn't pushing her away.
Their lips were just about to touch for the first time when the loud sound of a tent flap being unzipped and opened registered in her foggy brain, followed by a surprised, "Oh!" Daryl jumped away from her so fast, one might have thought he'd been burned. Jenna looked at him in confusion for a moment, her inebriated brain struggling to keep up, before turning to see who had interrupted their moment. It was Glenn. And at the moment, his wide, surprised eyes were darting back and forth between her and Daryl.
"I…I…" He stuttered, looking absolutely gob-smacked by what he'd just witnessed. "I was just…going to use the bathroom." Glenn took another moment to stare at them before finally turning on his heel and hurrying away, not daring to shoot another look behind him.
As Jenna watched Glenn's hasty retreat, the buzz she'd been feeling faded away and was rapidly replaced by mortification as she realized what had just happened. Had she really just tried to kiss Daryl? What the hell had she been thinking? Was she out of her mind? It took a lot of courage, but with a cringe she finally turned to face Daryl again, hoping and praying that she could make him believe that it was just a drunken mistake, that she hadn't meant anything by it.
But when her eyes shifted back towards the man she'd almost kissed mere seconds ago, the only sight she was met with was that of his retreating back. Without saying a word or even looking in her direction, Daryl stomped towards his tent with purposeful steps, his back as stiff as a board. Then he stepped back into his tent and roughly zipped it up, effectively concealing himself from her sight.
Thoughts?