Three Little Words
Chapter 12
The weeks since Molly and Charles had had "the chat" flew over. It was noticed by some, especially Brains, that meetings at work became a little bit more frequent between them and a little bit friendlier. Often both could be seen in each other's departments at times during the day, when in the past such queries would have been dealt with by email.
However there was still no meet ups outside of work, unless of course by coincidence. The fact that they now met accidently, several mornings a week and ran together was just that, an accident. Molly needed to stay fit and so did Charles. His pace definitely a bit slower these days Molly noted. During these runs they chatted like old friends, and sometimes talked about the sad times. Charles started to appreciate a gentler jog with Molly were better than the solitary beasting type runs he used to do. Molly started, on odd mornings, to wear the West Ham top, the one he always loved her putting and the one he always adored taking off!
Sometimes they met just for a walk, with Poppy. Charles was thinking about getting a dog and they both thought him getting some experience walking one was a good idea. These weekend walks were therefore purely for research purposes, they both told themselves. It was during these walks that Molly got to rediscover her Charles. He was older now, but still her handsome Bossman. Still stern faced most of the time, but his face lit up with a smile more and more often when they were together. He seemed more confident around her. Confident that she wasn't going to flee for the hills as soon as the conversations turned dark.
As the days and weeks went by Charles too started to rediscover his Molly. Only to discover she was no longer his Molly, but had turned into a truly confident, efficient Molly. She still had some self-doubt, but in the main had belief in herself, made strong decisions. He was so proud, and every feeling he had for the old Molly was still there, but it was the new Molly he slowly stared to be excited about getting to know.
However despite these regular meet ups and conversations they were always just friendly, comfortable and polite with one another. Molly and Charles's relationship did not develop any further. Some on the outside might have been disappointed by this. Outsiders avidly watching and hoping their previous love story would be re-ignited. However in reality this was not going to happen. No fairy tales can be re-written with a happy ending after they had been turned into nightmare by someone's betrayal. And so for now Charles was happy just learning about Molly and those missing years. While Molly felt relieved that there were no huge declarations of love from Charles, no pressure, no awkward situations where she doubted as to how she would respond to. They were happy being friends.
Their friendship was monitored. Ruth desperately hoped things might develop. Both her and Peter had seen changes in Charles over the past few months, for the better. Ruth felt that he was starting to feel happier with his life, and believed it was down to the tentative friendship he was developing with Molly. Others however where not happy at all that Charles had anything to do with Molly's life.
This became very obvious during one of Molly, Ruth and Belinda's regular shopping trips into London. Ruth and Belinda got on famously. Belinda, just like Molly had with Charles, was amazed that Ruth could want to be her friend. Ruth just found Belinda hysterical. She used to enjoy Molly's Nan's humour too before she passed away. The three ladies on these shopping trips always fondly remembered Molly's Nan. They quite often talked about past events, but one subject for years they had avoided, and that was talking about Charles.
This was all Belinda noticed was starting to change slowly. Both Molly and Ruth occasionally dropped Charles's name into the conversation. Belinda was worried for her girl. She knew how hurt Molly had been and how hard a climb it had been for Molly to get back to a life without Charles. It wasn't until Charles' actual betrayal that Belinda realised just how much Charles had meant to all the family, not just to Molly. Surprisingly he had got on famously with Molly's Nan and to an extent with Dave. He was willing to sit for hours listening to the banter between them all around the dining room table. Sometimes following the conversation at its rapid pace, but often or not looking over at Molly lost once the cockney rhyme started. Molly's brothers and sisters loved Charles too. This might have been to do with the fact that Molly and Charles always gave them presents, but Belinda thought it was more due to the fact that Charles was willing just to give them his time and attention. Something Dave rarely did.
"Do you know that is the third time since we sat down that you mentioned Charles?"
"Is it?" Said Ruth. "Sorry I wasn't counting. Is that a problem? "
"No." Said Belinda. "It's just strange for years we never talked about him and now it seems that is all you and Molly wants to do."
"Don't be daft Mum. We hardly ever mention him. "Said Molly secretly wondering if it was true. "We're allowed to talk about him, he is her son after all."
"Yes I know Molly. But I just don't want to see you hurt. It wasn't that long ago that you hated him. "
"I never hated him. " Cried Molly looking over to Ruth apologetically. "I just didn't really like him for a while. Things haven't really changed that much. It's just I know what he went through. I know how sorry he is. I can't be angry with him forever Mum. He was ill. He doesn't deserve that."
"Yes well all I'm saying is it was pretty convenient. One day you're a fully functioning soldier in the army and the next day do something stupid and you blame it on PTSD.
"Mum. Bloody hell I never thought you could be so uncaring and cruel." Shouted Molly getting up from the table.
"I'm sorry Mols. It's just he destroyed you last time. You went through so much, and have done since. I don't see you doing shitty things to those you love and blaming it all on stress."
"It's a bit more complicated than that Mum, and if you took the time to understand then you'd realise a lot of Charles' actions he couldn't help. He was ill. He still is to a degree. He's been bloody brave to face up to his fears and to come back. To apologise to me. He didn't have to do that but he did. "
"Yeah well he didn't have to sleep with Georgie either did he." Bit back Belinda.
"Mum what he did then he didn't have any control over. He couldn't help some of his actions. He wasn't thinking right. PTSD is a bugger. You're in the middle of it before you know and it's dragging you down and ruining everything." Molly could not believe she was having this discussion in the middle of a cafe in London. Ruth just sat there with a look of shock on her face.
"Look I know he's my son Belinda and I will always love him and I will always support him. But I also know how you feel. I know what Charles did hurt Molly, but I also know he is truly sorry and he had no true control over his actions. It was like he stepped into being another person when he had the PTSD. The Charles we knew loved, the Charles we had always depended upon, was consumed. It changed him, changed his way of thinking, changed what he thought was right and what he thought was wrong.". And with that Ruth put down her tea cup and stood instead alongside Molly.
"I think perhaps we talked about this subject long enough. I'm going to go. Molly it's been lovely seeing you. I don't want to have an argument with your Mum about Charles." With that Ruth left.
"Bleeding hell she was a bit dramatic." Said Belinda. Molly stood there staring. She couldn't believe her mother was making light of what had just happened.
"Mum you just insulted her son, you just accused him of some of the worst things possible. You have to realise Charles was ill. I've accepted that. I've forgiven him. I think you need to try too. Look I'm not saying that we getting back together. But yeah he's always going to be part of my life and I'm always going to be part of his. Mum….. for so long he….. he was my life."
Belinda just didn't know what to say she reached across the table and patted Molly's hand.
"I'm sorry Mols, I just don't want to see you get hurt like that again."
Molly knew that she meant well, she would have done the same for Sam or Tom she guessed. But she was a big girl. Her and Charles had kind of moved on to a basic level of friendship. It was a little step, but it was still a step forward, a step forward together. Not the togetherness that they had previously shared but at least it was something together.
The weeks and months that led up to Mansfield Mike's wedding flew by. Molly was excited as she was going to see 2 section again plus it was the chance to dress up. Charles would be there too! The only problem she had was dealing with Tom and his sulking. It was an adult's only wedding. No kids allowed. Besides Mansfield Mike and his future bride did not know Tom that well and appreciated that Molly would enjoy the wedding a whole lot more without having to accommodate the needs of her 11-year-old stepson.
"I got some good news for you Tom Mr Sulky Pants." Said Molly walking into Tom's bedroom. "God this rooms a mess. Look I know you're upset about not coming to the wedding and I know you think you're going to have to be shipped off to my parents for the weekend but I think I might have come up with something even better"
Tom raised his eyes not wanting to come out of his sulk but the curiosity was getting the better of him. "So what is it?"
"Well Sam just happens to be free at the weekend and desperate for some good food and company. So he's agreed to come and stay with you for the weekend if that's alright?" Molly didn't add that she was paying Sam heavily to babysit Tom, he certainly didn't need to know that.
"Oh Molly that is brilliant." Jumped up Tom giving her one of his rare but very precious hugs. "Thank you ever so much I can't wait for the weekend." And with that any guilt Molly had about attending the wedding was gone.
The wedding was all the way down in Devon, where Mansfield Mike's bride came from. It was a long journey. Molly shared the driving with Brains. It was quite a long lonely journey. When she was driving Brains and Jess sat cuddled up next to one another in the back. Still six months into the relationship they only had eyes for each other. Including others into their world only when necessary. When Molly was driving Brains insisted everybody remained quiet so she could concentrate on the road. Still not trusting her driving skills wholly. Over the years there had been too many little minor bumps and near misses when Molly Dawes was behind the wheel of the car.
"You are a cheeky bugger you know Brains. I'm perfectly capable of driving my car with some music on and some conversation."
"Full concentration at all times Dawsey, that's the best way. That's the only way. I'd be neglecting my duty if I let it be any different."
Molly still found it lovely that Brains was looking out for her. She wondered what it was about her that made the men in her life feel as though they had to look out for her. Charles was just the same. Always worrying about her, always making sure she was okay. It was nice. He always knew what she wanted sometimes even before she did. He always knew what the best thing to do for her was even when she didn't. She called it being in love while he agreed, but he also called chemistry. He stated that from the very first day he met her and threatened to lob her off the plane his heart knew then they needed to be together and nothing would ever change that. Well Lane did….. but maybe in time, maybe their hearts would start succumbing to that chemical reaction once again. Molly thought hers just might be…..
The wedding itself was marvellous. Being back with 2 section was fantastic. It made Molly sit and think about her wedding to Charles. Their wedding day really was a perfect day. It was a small wedding because that's what they both wanted. She wore a very simple plain dress and they got married from Charles' parents' house, in Bath, at a local registry office around the corner. Charles met her at the bottom of the staircase in Ruth and Peter's house. Dressed in a normal smart suit and tie he took her breath away. Neither of them wanted the military to encroach on this special personal day.
It was a summer wedding and a glorious day. Everybody was waiting for them at the registry office and Molly holding onto Charles's arm walked from the house to the registry office together. Starting their married life as they meant it to go on, together. No one gave Molly away. She didn't like the thought of that. She was no ones to be given away, despite what her Dad had tried to do all those you years ago when he tried to marry her off to Artan. Instead she walked the short journey to up to the registrar tightly holding onto Charles' hand.
Jacki was her support and Elvis was Charles' support. It was very simple, it was very beautiful. It was two people standing up in front of their immediate friends and family declaring their love to everybody in the room. Nobody who was there that day could fail to have noticed just how much in love Molly and Charles were. They couldn't help themselves. The joy they both felt in finally becoming Mr and Mrs James overflowed to everyone. And that was one of the reasons why it hurt Molly so much that it was Georgie Charles betrayed her with. She was there that day, she saw the love he had for her and she had for him. Georgie saw what Charles and Molly meant to one another. So how could she forget all of that all love she had seen and climb into bed with her husband?
Mansfield Mike's wedding was perfect, and innocent just like the groom himself. The bride never stopped looking at him all the way through the ceremony. They were very much in love. Molly could remember looking at Charles in that way and during the ceremony she often caught his eye and they shared special smiles with one another. Special long looks, that spoke more than words ever could.
Over the weeks Molly was coming to realise that her love for Charles was very much still there. It had not gone away. It had just been buried under hurt, duty and unanswered questions. Since they had started talking and becoming friends again those questions were slowly being answered. Molly gaining understanding to his mental health, and love started to bubble up inside her again. She was unsure though of Charles' feelings. He never overstepped the bounds of normal friendship. He never intimated that he wanted more than friendship. He never said he still loved her.
She knew he was scared. She knew he was fearful of rejection. That to be fair was reasonable. What Molly didn't know was whether or not she would reject him if he did declare his feelings. She honestly didn't know whether they could try again. Or even whether or not they should .But all through the wedding and the evening they frequently found themselves gazing into each other's eyes remembering the good time. Was there possibly a spark in both their heart?. Both wanting something, both too frightened to make that move?
It made the night do exciting, Molly felt some anticipation, interacting on a new level with Charles. She thought they had been getting on well. She thought they had had fun in each other's company. But then he suddenly got up and left. She'd asked him to dance with her, held his hand, looked into his eyes with clear meaning…. and he just turned, said no and left. Molly felt stupid. She had offered something a step past friendship to Charles and he rejected her, again. He chose something else other than her. He chose to leave her ,again. She felt hurt. Confused. The self-doubt started to ooze back into her brain. She was wrong. He still didn't want her. She still wasn't good enough for him. All these months he was just being nice, he didn't have any feelings apart from friendship. She felt foolish, humiliated. She felt a bloody fool that she had let him do this to her again. She took comfort in alcohol, and the dance floor…. At least these two friends never let her down. So she indulged with them both…a lot.
The next morning waking up was hard for Molly. All those feelings for Charles and her moving their relationship on were now so mixed up. Events from last night's party had moved her confusion to a higher level. She hadn't woken up alone that morning, like she had done for many years. Instead she woke up with a man's arm thrown protectively and lovingly around her body.
"How the fuck did that happen.?" Molly mumbled under her breath shifting slightly, desperate not to wake her sleeping companion up. Guilty, lying there in this naked man's arms meant her and Charles would now be more messed up than ever.
She knew she had drank too much, but that still didn't excuse what had happened. She should have been more careful, more considerate for his feelings for her. She had ended up in his arms. She did not know how it happened, she did not know why it had happened. All she knew is at that time it had felt so good to be held by a man again. It had been so long, longer than it ever had been for Molly . She didn't want to ask the questions as to why she was doing it or whether it was the right thing she just wanted to feel something again. She had been too lonely for too long.
Having a man in her bed loving her, caressing her, bringing her to the point of pure pleasure; an emotion that she had not felt for a very long time was all she cared about. She knew at the back of her mind there would be questions to answer the next day, but for those moment being in his arms and sharing emotions was all she wanted.
That was until she woke and then she knew what a mistake she had made. It was awful. It was life changing. Was this how Charles felt when he had woken up next to Georgie? Regret, disgusted with oneself. Shame? She knew she had overstepped the lines of friendship. She knew whatever their friendship was before it was never going to be the same again.
What had she done? This was Molly Dawes at the pinnacle of her fuck muppertry! Never had she done something so stupid before. She was lying there next to a man, who despite being her friend, she didn't know how she was going to talk to when he woke up. As she remembered last night gazing into those big brown eyes, kissing his caring face….. Oh, now how she hoped that they would remain closed so she could leave.
How stupid had she been. She had only gone and slept with Kinders!