I apologize for the wait for this chapter, but as you can tell once you read it there what happens was difficult to write, to try to make it as true as possible. I think I threw it out three or four times, and I'm hoping that it reads well!

Hugs and I hope you enjoy!

Obsessed 12

Light stood at the window of L's hospital room watching the sky as the mid-day sun bore down over downtown Tokyo. He'd spent the entire time L had been there from his admittance the night before until now with L, waiting for the effects of that drug to wear off. Earlier in the morning L had awakened with a vicious headache, fever and violent nausea. After almost a half an hour of being sick he passed out again. His doctor telling he and Watari that now that most of that drug was out of his system, all he needed was rest and he should be fine. They wanted to hold him one more night, just to be sure.

Light had stayed by his side, keeping him cool with a cold compress for his face, neck and chest, stopping only when Watari suggested he take a break to eat and took over for a while. Matsuda had come to visit earlier, and brought the report of what happened for him to look over and sign. As Matsuda made the actual arrest he had written it all, except for what Light had learned from Misa when she had come to visit him, which Light told him he'd do after he got L home. As he read the report he couldn't help but feel the anger all over again at Misa for her part in it. According to Matsuda's report, although the bulk of the charges were against Maki, Misa was being charged as an accessory because she procured the drug.

"You don't look like you've gotten much sleep," Matsuda observed as Light rubbed his eyes.

"I haven't, I'm watching him in case he gets sick again, it was so violent the last time." He answered then looked up his partner, "I imagine Misa has a lawyer?"

"Misa's got a really good lawyer," Matsuda said quietly so he wouldn't disturb L, "He's trying to plea bargain it down especially since she told you what was happening which allowed us all to get there before anything else happened to him." He looked over at the still sleeping L, "How's he doing?" Light sighed as he finished reading.

"Well other than being so violently ill earlier as all that drug left his system, he's okay," he had told him and signed the bottom of the report, "It was so bad he passed out again afterwards," he looked up at Matsuda as he handed him the report, "What are they saying in the press about Misa?" Matsuda shrugged as he put the report away.

"Although it was reported that she was arrested her people have turned it into she was brought in for questioning about what she knew because she was acquainted with Maki and nothing more. Must be nice to have your own PR team." He watched as Light slowly looked up at him, his eyes narrowing in obvious anger. He could feel the anger as it emanated from the young detective in waves.

"Don't ever mention her to me again Matsuda. Her part in this could have cost L his life, and there is no PR team that can clean that up. Any residual feelings of guilt that I may have had before about her thinking she still had a chance with me no longer exist." He said gently moving sweat dampened hair from L's face and patting it with the cold compress.

"Light she was delusional if she thought that after seeing you and L together she had any kind of chance. I thought you were going to strangle her last night as a matter of fact and I don't think I would have stopped you if you had." Light looked up at him and chuckled.

"Yes you would have Matsuda, that's not the way you do things," he answered and Matsuda grinned and scratched his head.

"Well maybe, but not right away," he watched Light tend to L for a few moments, once again moved by how obvious it was how much Light loved him. He couldn't help feeling as if he were intruding.

"I'm gonna go now and…uh…take this back to the Deputy Director. I'll call later to see how he's doing and Suki sends her love." Light nodded.

"Thanks Matsuda, and thank her for me," he said without turning around. Matsuda nodded and then left the room.

That had been hours ago, and now Light turned from the window when he heard L whisper his name. He walked over to the bed and sat down, running his fingers through the sweat dampened hair, and pushing it out of the detective's face as he struggled to open his eyes.

Now that he was sure L was going to be okay, Light couldn't help feeling a little angry with L about what had happened. His stubbornness and seeming obsession with Misa had landed him here in the hospital. He had been so sure that she would be the one to use the drug and that Light was the intended victim that he barely entertained the idea that it he was the planned victim and by Maki rather than Misa. L was better than that, he thought every angle through and acted accordingly; except this time when it came to Misa. This could have all been avoided if he had not been so stubborn, and had been more himself and most importantly, had just listened to him.

He sighed; he knew that when L woke up he would be upset that he had been wrong, as he was never wrong. He remembered back during the Kira case the one time L thought he was incorrect about him being Kira, he was depressed for weeks. He wouldn't even look at his computer, barely spoke and was twice the pain in the ass he normally was. He smiled, remembering it was his discovery about Yotsuba that brought L out of his depression, then rolled his eyes and wondered what he was going to come up with this time.

"Light…I tried…" he looked down to see L's eyes opening, his voice a little hoarse from being so sick earlier, obviously his mind still working on the last thing he had said the night before.

"It's okay," Light quieted, "I know you did, you did all you could under the circumstances." L looked up at Light, his eyes still watery and red, but his vision clearing as Light continued to pat his face with the cold compress. L remembered everything, a sudden rush of embarrassment coloring his face as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain behind his eyes.

"I tried to stop her, I'm sorry, I was a fool," he whispered and Light chuckled.

"Can't argue with you there," he said then leaned forward and kissed his forehead, noting that his fever appeared to have broken, "Maybe next time you'll listen to me." L immediately caught the tinge of anger that betrayed itself in Light's voice.

"You are angry with me," he said and looked away, turning his face to the window. Light didn't deny it, he knew L would know better anyway, but he didn't think this was the time or place.

"I'd rather wait and discuss this with you when you're better and we're at home. This isn't the best place and you're not in the best frame of mind…"

"You're angry with me because of what I allowed that woman to do…that I was unable to fight her off…" Light sighed and put down the cloth and moved L's head so that he was facing him again.

"You honestly think I'm angry with you because of what Maki did to you or tried to do to you?" he asked incredulously, "Really?" L nodded continuing to avoid looking directly at Light by staring at the wall.

"I should have been more aware, I should have been able to subdue her with very little problem."

"L...look at me," L slowly moved his eyes from the far wall and stared up at Light. There was a small smile on his face, but that tinge of anger was definitely in his eyes.

"I'm not going to lie and say I'm not angry with you for being so damned stubborn and narrow-minded because I am, because it could have cost you a lot more than your dignity. You wouldn't even entertain the idea that you could have been wrong about your theory no matter how often I brought it up; and as it turns out, I was right and you weren't. But as far as not being able to fight Maki off, that couldn't be helped. That was a very strong drug on it's own and she gave you more than necessary, and then poured liquor down your throat. You're lucky you weren't worse off than you were, and I don't know how you kept her at bay as long as you did." L raised a hand to his forehead, the throbbing behind his eyes growing worse.

"My head…"

"I'm not surprised," Light said and pushed the button for the nurse asking for something for his headache, "Let me turn down the lights." He began to stand up and was stopped by L grabbing his hand.

"You have every right to be angry with me, I was not myself, I lost focus…"

"I know you did L, and what makes me really angry is you wouldn't even listen to me." He reached up and pulled the bedside curtains around to block out the sun's rays, "I know you always think you know better but sometimes L you have to give me the benefit of the doubt."

"I know, but it wasn't because I didn't have faith in your intelligence…"

"If I thought that was the problem I wouldn't be here right now," Light answered too quickly for L's liking, even though he answered it with a grin, "I know why; your almost obsessive jealousy and mistrust of Misa and your inability to trust me to deal with her." L turned away from him.

"I'm sorry Light," he said again almost in a whisper and looked so miserable that Light's resolve to be angry broke. He reached over and ran his fingers through L's hair again, massaging his scalp tenderly.

"I know you are, and I think you're suffering enough for it so I can stop being angry. Besides, I'm only angry because I love you and I hate like hell to see you like this when it all could have been avoided."

He turned at the sound of the door opening and smiled at the nurse as she came in with L's medication. He helped L sit up as the nurse handed him the medication and water, then let him lie back down. After the nurse left he watched as L was turned away from him and wouldn't look at him. He knew L was embarrassed and upset and he decided to just let it go for now.

"Why don't you go back to sleep, let the medication work. The doctor said that if you're feeling up to it, you can leave in the morning. I'll be right here when you wake up."

He said and continued to stroke L's hair. After a few moments it was obvious that L had indeed gone back to sleep, so he kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed behind him, wrapping an arm around him and burying his nose in the raven hair. It was only then he allowed himself to fall asleep.

That was how Watari found them when he arrived a little later to give Light a break and bring L something he'd like to eat. He appraised them for a few moments, L in particular, and smiled. He went over to the bed and gently shook Light to wake him.

"Light, why don't you just go on home and rest properly. You know he's going to be fine so there's no reason to worry, and of course I'll be here until you return." Light yawned as he sat up and looked over at the still sleeping L.

"Yea, I guess that would probably be the smart thing to do. He's gonna be a handful when he does come home tomorrow, I need to build up my stamina." He laughed as he climbed out of the bed.

"Yes, I'm not looking forward to that either," Watari answered as he gave Light a hand.

"Alright, I'll go home and get something to eat, shower, write my report. I'll call and let Dad know I'll be taking tomorrow off to get L home," he smiled at the older man, "I'll be back around dinner time, I want to be here when he wakes up in the morning." Watari nodded.

"Has he been awake at all or ill again?" he asked.

"Hasn't been ill, but he was awake for about half an hour. I'm afraid I let him know I was angry with him for how he let himself get into this situation, probably not the best thing I could have done right now."

"It could have been what he needed to hear; sometimes I think he forgets he is human and able to be wrong." Watari answered continuing to watch L. Light kissed L's cheek as he was facing away from him and then turned to leave.

"Maybe. Call me if…."

"You know I will Light now go get some rest." Watari answered and Light nodded and went out of the door. The older man sat down in the chair Light had just vacated as the brunette left the room. He turned and looked over at L.

"It's alright son, Light's gone. Do you wish to tell me why you were pretending to be asleep? You were never able to fool me when you were a child, it isn't any different now." L sighed deeply and shook his head without looking at his father figure.

"I can't…" Watari leaned to him, placing his hand on the detective's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Normally when you get into one of your sulking modes I simply let you be until you crawl out of it. However, if you've resorted to pretending to be asleep to avoid speaking to Light of all people, I can't let this go," when he still received no answer he stood up and leaned down to L, putting his hands on both sides of the detective's face and forcing him to look at him.

"There has never been anything you could not discuss with me L, from the time I brought you home; let's not start now," he then removed his hands and sat back down, "I am imagining this has something to do with your not feeling the best about how this scenario has played out." L nodded slowly.

"I was such a fool Wammy, I was wrong and he's angry with me and should be."

"You both have faced worse things," he said, "You know you don't need to hide from Light, you know he loves you no matter how angry he is at the moment." He was startled to see silent tears sliding down L's face.

"I have never been so wrong before Wammy. What's worse is he told me I was being foolish and I didn't listen; I told him that it was he that was being foolish and instead I ended up humiliated and hospitalized. I can't imagine what it must have looked like to him when he found me…in that condition," he looked away for a moment, embarrassment and humiliation clearly on his face, "I don't know how to deal with this, Wammy, I don't know how to fix this."

"The only thing that was on Light's mind was the same as was on my mind, that we get that mad woman away from you and get you to safety as quickly as possible to make sure you were alright. I assure you there was nothing else." Watari reassured him but L shook his head.

"Perhaps at first, but now that he has had time to think about it; now that he realizes how stupid I was, how impaired my judgment was…"

"I understand, but hiding from Light isn't going to make it any better. You must know this has not changed his feelings for you any more than what happened to him on his case changed your feelings for him." L sat up slowly, running both hands through his hair.

"That was different, Light was taken advantage of…"

"Light allowed that to happen by using poor judgment as well; just as you lost focus and allowed this to happen. I see no difference." L's eyes suddenly flashed in anger as he leaned closer to Watari and lowered his voice.

"The difference is I AM L! I should have known better, I should NEVER have allowed that to happen, it was inexcusable!" he lay back down and turned away, "There is something wrong, I have allowed emotion to interfere with my judgment. I have to fix it or I have to stop being L." Watari stared at him in disbelief.

"Don't be ridiculous L, that's not going to be necessary as there is nothing wrong with you. You simply had a lapse of judgment because it was a subject close to you…"

"That is not an excuse," he sighed, covering his eyes with his arm, "I'm tired Wammy."

"I'm sure you are, but…"

"You wanted to know and I've told you, there's nothing else to say," L answered. Watari knew that tone well enough to realize the conversation was over. He reached for the bag he had brought with the sweets he had brought for L.

"Perhaps a slice of cake to lighten your mood…" he began.

"I said I was tired not hungry," L snapped, "Please leave me Wammy I need to think."

"As you wish," Watari answered quietly and stood up. "There is cake and coffee in this satchel", he said picking it up and placing it on the bedside table, "I won't be far if you need me." He added then walked out of the room. L waited until he heard the sound of the door clicking shut before he moved his arm from in front of his eyes. He sat up, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them tightly. He didn't really have to be alone to think, he already knew exactly what it was he had to do, he just wanted to be alone. He didn't want to do it, but he knew he had to, it was the only way he could either fix what was wrong or decide that he could no longer be L. If he could no longer be L then he had to decide how he was going to hand it over to the boys. More importantly, he had to decide how to tell Light what he was going to do and what Light would think of it. He had created this mess alone and he would have to straighten it out alone. He lowered his head onto his knees, allowing silent tears.

Light was surprised several hours later to find Watari sitting in the outside waiting room when he arrived on L's floor at the hospital. He immediately began to panic, thinking the only reason why he would have left L alone was if something had happened and he'd had to leave.

"What happened? Why are you here and not in his room? Is he…"

"Relax Light he's fine, at least physically he's fine. He just asked me to leave him alone so he could think." The older man answered standing up.

"He wanted to think?" Light asked taking a deep breath to relax himself, "What do you mean?"

"He is beyond his normal type of depression when things do not go as he planned," Watari answered as they began to walk back towards L's room, "He is as close to despondent as I've ever seen him; he is even questioning his ability to continue his profession." Light stopped walking and stared at him.

"That's ridiculous; he simply misjudged out of stubbornness, it has nothing to do with his ability."

"You and I both know that, but he does not at this point," they stopped outside of the door, "I believe this is something you both must work out alone so I will go home and make sure everything is ready for his release in the morning. Good night, Light."

"Yea, good-night," Light answered staring at the door in front of him, steeling himself for what he would find when he opened it.

L started at the sound of the door opening and was surprised it was Light and not Watari. He had decided that he would wait until they were home tomorrow before discussing his plans with Light, this was not the place for that type of discussion, especially when he knew Light would not be happy with the decision he had made. He sat up as Light made his way into the room; he would do his best to keep Light from knowing his true feelings until then.

"Hey, you're sitting up!" Light said as he leaned down to kiss him. L returned the kiss, a little more desperately than he meant to. Light pulled back and looked at him questioningly, having felt that desperation.

"You okay?" he asked and L nodded.

"Yes, I'm just glad to see you," L explained, "I'm sorry if I worried you." Light smiled.

"Don't apologize, I just thought something was wrong," he said and sat down next to him on the bed, " And in reality, I know something is wrong. Do you want to talk about it now?" L looked away for a moment, then turned back to him, and indulged in one of his favorite past times, running his fingers through the auburn hair.

"I'd rather wait until tomorrow when we're home with no possibility of interruptions," he said, "But you are correct, we do need to talk about my recent…short comings and what I intend to do about them."

"Look, I know I told you I was angry before but that was mostly because I was so worried about what happened..." L shook his head.

"Don't do that, Light. Don't dismiss your true feelings because you fear it will upset me. You have every right to be angry with me, I was foolishly narrow-minded and I have paid for it. I am sorry I put you in the position that you had to come rescue me like some ridiculous damsel in distress." Light tried not to laugh but he couldn't help it.

"Don't put it that way," he said, "It wasn't your fault Maki turned out to be such a nut case; besides, maybe I like being the Light in shining armor once in a while." L rolled his eyes.

"Perhaps you're the one that deserves to be lying down and being checked over," he said as Light reached over to check his temperature with his hand, and then by touching his lips to L's forehead.

"Good, your fever hasn't returned," he remarked and then sat back, "I don't know what happened before I got here, but Watari was very concerned."

"Yes, well I wasn't very cordial to him when he came in earlier; he deserves an apology." L admitted as he found himself studying Light's face, as if trying to commit every inch of it to memory. Light reached out and pulled him against him as he kicked off his shoes and stretched out on the bed. He could tell L was uneasy about something, but he decided not to push it until they got home the next day and he was ready to talk.

"You can do that tomorrow when we get home," he said as he held him close, "Right now why don't you do what the doctor wants you to, relax, rest and don't think about anything." L nodded against Light's chest, the warmth of being held by him nearly bringing him to tears knowing what he had to do.

This was the first time L walked into his apartment and felt sad. Watari had just brought them home from the hospital and he had walked in behind Light and just stood at the door. He looked around, his hands in his pockets as he surveyed the area in front of him once again as if he were studying every inch.

"What's the matter?" Light asked when he turned around to see L was still at the door.

"I'm just glad to be home," L said shrugging, "I'm fine." Light smiled as he walked to the table where Watari had set up snacks, coffee and tea for when they got back and began to pour a cup.

"Coffee?" he asked and L nodded walking towards him.

"Yes, and we need to talk." He answered reaching for the bowl of strawberries sitting on the table and then changing his mind.

"Okay," Light answered frowning when he saw L pull his empty hand away from the bowl of strawberries; something was definitely wrong. L had been quiet on the ride home, but Light had thought it was simply because he was still down about what had happened, but that once he was home it would perk him up, but it didn't seem the case.

"I had thought you might want to relax a while first, but if you want to talk, that's fine." He answered taking a sip and watching as L made his coffee. Once he was done they walked over to the couch and sat down. He watched as L obviously struggled with what he was going to say, and then finally looked up at him.

"Light, this is very hard for me, it's impossibly hard but I have to do this, I just don't know how to start." Light reached over and took his hand and squeezed it.

"I don't know what the hell's going on but just tell me. I know what it's about, how you're feeling about the whole Maki/Misa situation, but L you only need a few days to get back to normal, put this behind you." L shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I believe I may need a lot longer than just a few days Light," he answered, "And I have made arrangements to go away for a while." Light stared at him in surprise for a moment, but then slowly nodded his head.

"Well, I can understand wanting to do that, but you have to give me more warning that this, I have to make arrangements for taking the time off." He said reaching for his phone. L turned and looked at him.

"I am going alone, Light." He said. Light registered what he'd just been told and then smiled.

"You mean, you're going to go and I'll meet you later after I make arrangements at work. That's not a bad idea, and…" L shook his head and placed his hand on top of Light's.

"No, that's not what I mean at all Light. I mean I'm going, I'm going alone and I'm going to stay alone. You can't come with me."

"What are you talking about, I don't understand…" Light began with confusion and worry clearly on his face.

"Please listen as I try to explain," L began, "I have been mistaken in my theories and/or deductions before, but I have quickly realized it before I created a bigger problem. I did not this time, I could not see beyond my own ridiculous obsession with Misa and the fact that you were feeling guilty Light, guilt feelings for how you treated her as Kira, feeling you had led her on and fed into her obsession with you. For that reason it appeared to me that you weren't trying hard enough to stop her, that you weren't paying attention to what she wanted to do, while in reality it was me that wasn't paying attention. I doubted your ability to handle her and instead of forcing her hand, I ended up drugged, humiliated in front of the only people who's opinion I care about; having to be rescued from some deranged woman. And now you are angry with me because I was so ridiculously single minded as you know that is not the way I work, except for this."

"Yes, I was angry over the fact that you paid no attention to what I was saying to you, that you wouldn't look at it from another angle but only because it ended up with you getting hurt! L you can't just run away from me and everything because you're embarrassed!"

"I am NOT running away Light because I was embarrassed, but I have to deal with this and I have to deal with it in this way."

"Okay, you let your own obsession get the best of you this time, but now you know better, you learned from it and now we just move on." Light told him and L shook his head.

"I can't just move on Light, I have to understand why I let that happen, I have to fix what's wrong so it doesn't happen again," L said and pulled his hand away from Light, standing up away from the couch. "This all has to do with my emotional instability, this I know," he tried to explain, "I have always been able to handle my emotions , tuck them away where they don't interfere with my thought process and with what I know has to be done," he smiled at Light, "Until I met you that is. Anything that has to do with you Light and I have to fight to maintain my focus, I lose my objectivity, I can't think beyond what I want with you. I have to get away so those feelings don't cloud my judgment. I have to be completely honest with myself and I believe it would be difficult while being here with you. I have to know if I can find a way to fix what is wrong, or if I have to give up being L."

"Nothing is wrong L, it was just this once..."

"It was not just this once Light, it happened for the first time when I met you, when my love for you influenced how I handled the case."

"I can't say I'm sorry about that, we wouldn't be where we are, have what we have if that weren't the case. You can't be sorry about our relationship?" L shook his head and smiled at him.

"Of course not, I believed then and I will always believe that I made the right choice in that. However, that is not always the case as I've just proven. Miyano…because he tried to save your life after help kidnapping and drugging you, I let the fact that I was so grateful he did and help bring you back to me that I allowed him to get away with the fact that he had done the same to others, and allowed them to be killed. I would have never done that had it not been you that had been involved."

"There was nothing wrong with that L, and he didn't get away completely, he's going to be on probation for years for what he did get charged with. You know as well as I do he was fearing for his own life as well." L shook his head.

"There was a time when that would not have mattered to me, just the facts of what he did, whether he felt coerced or not would not have affected me. I would have left that for a judge to decide, not make that decision on my own.

And now, with my complete lack of objectivity with this situation has made me realize that something must be done. My love for you has overwhelmed my senses and I have to find a way to keep that from happening, from influencing my other cases." Light couldn't help the fear he suddenly felt; if L was blaming his feelings for him for losing his objectivity, what did that mean for their relationship?

"And what if you find being with me is what is wrong?" Light asked, terrified of the answer, "Or what if you manage to push away your emotions again so completely that you push me away along with them? Am I supposed to just sit here and wait for you to decide whether you still want me or not? You can't do this to me L, to us. We always work these things out together, if you leave me behind now how can I be sure you're coming back?"

"Because I love you Light, you know how much I love you," L answered reaching out and touching Light's face, "The idea that I would somehow stop loving you and not return is ridiculous. If I find that I am unable to resolve this problem, then I will return and I will give up being L because I will no longer be able to do it to the best of my ability. I will just do the simple cases of Coil and Deneuve that don't require as much as the cases I take as , that aren't as heinous and world wide. As much as being L is part of what I am as well as what I do, it is a part of me I can live without. I cannot live without you; Light you know that." Light pulled away from his touch and shook his head.

"No, that's not how it works, L. You can't just decide to leave me because you're having a little problem with separating emotions from logic. You didn't even bother to discuss it with me before you made the decision to do this. We never make singular decisions that affect us both without discussing it first or did you forget that little part of our relationship? Your only problem is that you're so damned stubborn you hate to admit anyone could possibly be right if it goes against what you have in your head!" he cried, standing up, reaching out and grabbing L's arms almost as if to shake some sense into him, "You can't expect me to just lie down and accept this and wave good-bye as you fly away, with no guarantee I'm ever going to see you again!"

"Do you think this is any easier for me than it is for you? Do you honestly think that I want to leave you? Please at least try to understand, Light. My love for you, the life we have, THAT is your guarantee that you'll see me again. But I have to do this, I have to do it my way Light, I have to." L begged.

Light shook his head again and released his hold on L's arms. He tried to hold them back, but tears began to fall. This couldn't be happening, he believed he and L could fight anything as long as they did it together; they had overcome so much, and now it appeared that wasn't the case.

"Where would you go L, and for how long?" he finally asked as L tried to fight his own tears, unsuccessfully.

"I'm going back to Wammy's," he finally answered, "I have always found solace there, and there will be nothing to sway me one way or the other, and I can simply concentrate on finding my way back to where I need to be to continue my work. Also, if I decide that I can no longer do that, I will be able to hand it over to the boys. As far as how long, I can't answer that but I can't imagine it would take too long once I'm there and working on this problem."

"Wammy's? All the way to England, you can't just find a hotel somewhere here?" Light asked.

"No, it would be too tempting to just run back to you without achieving anything, Light. I have to go to Wammy's." Light ran both hands through his hair as he fought to understand.

"I'm so afraid that if you walk out of that door L, what we have is gone, if it isn't already." Light said and turned away from him, walking towards the bedroom, "That if I let you go, I'll never see you again." L ran after him, grabbing him from behind.

"No! You know that isn't true Light! You have to know that I would give it all up if I had to choose between you and my work and not look back. I simply have to be sure one way or another, and I have to do it without any interference, I have to be sure Light!" He buried his face in Light's back.

"Please Light, please don't walk away from me, please try to understand, please. I love you, please!"

Light stopped walking when L grabbed him and listened to L's cries against his back. He finally realized that this decision was tearing L apart as well, that he wouldn't even have thought of this if he didn't believe it was the only way to settle his obviously conflicted mind. In reality, L had put up with so much from him, so many times that he had hurt him, even the fact that he'd nearly choked him to death when Kira returned and L hadn't walked away from him. As much as this was hurting him, how could he possibly walk away from L when L was trying to save what they had the only way he knew how.

If he didn't let L do this, L would be continuously second guessing himself, he would never trust any decision he made, he wouldn't be able to do his cases effectively any longer. Eventually, he would blame himself, the relationship, and maybe even Light and what they had would be destroyed.

He reached behind him and grabbed L's arm, pulling him around to face him. He reached up and took L's face in his hands, kissed his tear stained face before attacking his mouth, forcing his tongue inside, completely dominating him.

L groaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Light and holding on, returning the kiss as deeply as he could.

"I love you Light, you know I love you!" L told him when Light finally released him and Light nodded.

"I know, and because I love you is the only reason I'm agreeing to this. But I know you wouldn't do this, you wouldn't leave unless you thought it was the only way." He ran his fingers through L's hair, smiling as L leaned into it in his usual way; his eyes closed and a smile on his face. "But what am I going to do without you here to piss me off?" he asked and L laughed.

"I will call you when I get settled, at least once a week and you can yell at me then," he said.

"Just once a week? When you go off on cases it's every day..." Light protested and L sighed.

"I know but, at least at first, I have to limit my contact with you. You understand?" Light closed his eyes and nodded.

"Yes, I understand," he looked away for a moment, hating to have to ask the next question, "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning, I've made arrangements for my plane to be fueled and ready for 10:00 a.m. departure." Light sighed heavily and then nodded.

"Okay, at least Watari will be with you…" he stopped when L shook his head.

"I'm not taking Watari with me, he's staying with you," he said.

"No…you can't do this completely alone, you have to have Watari with you!" Light argued.

"I have to do this alone, Light. And don't forget, the boys are there; I won't be completely without companionship. I'm leaving Watari here because I need him here with you, this way I don't have to worry about you as well. Besides, you 're doing so well in your studies with him, I don't want to interrupt that."

"Well, there's no point in that if you decide you don't want to be L anymore," Light said a bit more harshly then he meant to.

"Even if I am no longer L, Watari handles my cases from Coil and Deneuve as well; not to mention he would still be working with the boys if they take over. You 're not getting out of it that easily."

"God, L you're flying all that way alone? I don't like that, what if something happens, how are you going to eat, what if you need to rest?" L reached up and placed his fingers on Light's mouth.

"I have flown alone before, believe me I know what I need to do. Tell me you love me and you understand." Light sighed again and nodded.

"Of course I love you, and I guess I understand. I don't like it, I fucking hate it, but I understand."

"Now show me," L said pulling him towards the bedroom, "I'm not leaving until the morning, I want to spend the rest of the time before that in bed with you. It may have to last us a little while." Light hesitated for just a moment, and then attacked L's mouth again, pushing him forward into the bedroom. If he had to let him go, he was going to make sure he wanted to come back.