I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.

Italics indicate thought.

I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait; you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. .

And you gotta keep reading 'till the end for all of it.

REVIEWS WELCOME

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Just Ludicrous: Chapter 12

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"I don't like sweets." Muttered Sasayaki.

"No kidding. That's why you keep missing your brother. He's always in sweet shops, and you're not."

"How do you know that?!?"

"Because when you first told me that you didn't like sweets, Itachi was sitting about 5 feet away inside that tea shop."

". . . okay . . . "

Sakusen waved a hand. "This doesn't really matter about whether you like sweets or not. The point is, I tracked Itachi and Kisame into a bakery."

Ningyo leaned back against the wall, her fingers drumming against her mask. "Very true. We need to start a stake-out."

"That'll be tough,' pointed out Sakusen, "it was really packed in there."

"That's good to know." Acknowledged Ningyo.

"And I heard Neji will be ready by tomorrow."

"Really, that soon?"

Sakusen nodded silently.

The woman stretched. "Well, nothing we can do tonight. Now it's about time for some sleep. See you all tomorrow morning, okay?"

The other two nodded. Sakusen wandered over to his room, where he stared at the empty bed. It was hard to believe that he would be alone after all that. And that day 3 of the trip was yet to come. This mission was starting to suck royally.

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The next day dawned dark and rainy. A miserable aura floated over the whole town, as though every single inhabitant was feeling the same way as Sakusen; alone, cold, and miserable.

He clambered from the bed, and pulled on his kimono. As he tied the swords to his sash, he heard noises from the next room, indicating that Sasayaki and Ningyo were getting up. The boy didn't relish the idea of waiting for his team mates, and hurried out, pausing only briefly to pick up his umbrella. Glancing up and down the street, he hurried off towards the brothel, keeping pace with the traffic. From the shops the scent of pastries and the like battled against the rain. Deciding to pick one up for Neji and himself, he stepped into the shop from yesterday.

It was nearly empty. After the first shock, Sakusen theorized that it must be due to the rain. The only people inside were Jeraiya, and some locals nursing cups of tea, and from the look of it, trying to wake up. Sakusen wandered to the counter and eyed the buns and other food stuffs displayed attractively in rows. Finally (after a few glares from that screamed 'ORDER ALREADY!!!' from the shopkeeper, he selected a roll for himself, and a bunch of sweet dumplings for Neji. He didn't know whether Naruto liked sweets, but if she didn't want the dumplings, Sakusen was perfectly willing to let her have the roll.

It was just as he was paying that he heard one mane grunt to another, "Heard there's a new girl available. Pretty 'un, too. Has a flowery-kinda name." His friend snickered appreciatively.

Sakusen's stomach plummeted. Maybe they were talking about Neji, maybe they weren't. Were there any other new girls? But his fears were confirmed when a woman turned and whispered loudly, "Don't you even think about it! That poor boy when her sisters sold her – I've never seen anything so sad and beautiful. You're disgusting, the pair of you!"

The shopkeeper watched a change in the boy as she fished out his change. What had been a fairly alive, bright human being when he had ordered now stood, shoulders sagged, head slightly bowed, and eyes hollow and downcast. Behind him, the bizarre white-haired man walked across the room, and, in one swift movement, dumped their scalding hot tea over the two men's heads. When the woman jumped up to protest, the man picked up her cup, and held the small porcelain object above her head pointedly. The clerk cheered silently. She, too, had seen the incident, and had been disgusted by the trio's obvious stupidity at not recognizing the boy.

The woman sat, and the man cleared his throat. As if everyone's attention wasn't already on him. Sakusen gazed at Jeraiya with blank eyes, while is mind seemed to churn sluggishly. Had someone already gotten to Neji? How many would favor her before the week was over? Was there anything he would be able to do?

"Now then. As I trust, most of you witnessed the little –ahem- scene that occurred yesterday. Now, if I may. I would like to endeavor in a little fundraising. I feel that such love between people like Sakusen and Neji is not something to be allowed to be torn apart like this. Therefore, I ask all of you to donate a little money so that her contract can be bought, and at least this couple can live their lives together in peace and harmony."

Sakusen instantaneously found his appreciation for Jeraiya skyrocket. Who knew that he could be so good?

The clerk handed Sakusen a bowl, and dropped a couple of notes into the bottom. "Good luck, kid."

Sakusen, as if in a dream, attempted a half smile and drifted over to Jeraiya, who clapped a hand on his shoulders. "Seriously, what a good sport this kid is, with man talking about his girl like that, and he doesn't make one violent move against them. Now this is a kid who will treat women right."

Sakusen's brain vaguely registered the irony of this comment. Most of the patrons, or at least the female portion, nodded in agreement, and began feeling around in change purses. By the end, Sakusen found himself holding a bowl filled to the brim with notes and coins. He murmured thanks at every donation, then, accompanied by Jeraiya, took his pastries and left. He trailed to the brothel house, and peered through the rain and bars. Sure enough, there was Neji, crouching near the back, being stroked comfortingly by the woman from yesterday. Sakusen leaned as close to the bars as he could and called out to Neji. The girl's head shot up, and she scrambled over towards Sakusen. She pushed her hand through the bars, and Sakusen seized it in his. They didn't say anything, but just stayed there. Words weren't needed.

The woman padded over and knelt next to Neji, watching the two as they stared at each other. She sighed. Life had been so hectic before coming here. She supposed it would go back to being that way once this was all over. Not that she minded.

Sakusen held up the pastry box. "Here, I got this for you."

Neji took is from him, and opened it slowly. "Excellent!" she reverently lifted a dumpling from the box and took a bite. She then bounced happily while she chewed, her eyes closed in ecstasy. Sakusen couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, Thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Sakusen laughed. "You're welcome!"

The blond held the box out to the woman next to her, who had been watching the scene with a broad smile. "Would you like some?"

The woman nodded. "But a small one, please."

Neji pulled three from the box and handed them to her.

"By the way," asked Sakusen. "What's your name?"

The woman blinked, a dumpling held in one hand, a finger of the other hand in her mouth as she sucked the sweet bean paste off. "Oh, my name's Iruka."

Neji's eyebrows shot up her forehead, as did Sakusen's and Jeraiya's.

"No kidding? What a coincidence!" laughed Jeraiya.

The other three started laughing, too. Neji beamed. "I have a sensei whose name is Iruka, too!"

"Who knew!" shrugged Iruka, a smile playing on her lips.

Sakusen turned to Iruka. "Hey, how much would it cost to buy Neji's contract?"

"Hmmmmmm . . . I wouldn't know much about that. Considering that she's new, that would be a factor, but I really don't know."

"Oh . . . "

He stood there, rain dripping off the edges of his umbrella, and contemplated the situation. "I guess there's nothing for it. I'll have to talk with the Mama-san.

"Be careful," warned Iruka, "she's a tough old bird."

Neji nodded. "I guess . . . I'll be seeing you . . . Sakusen."

He nodded. "Yeah . . . I guess so . . . "

Her hand clasped his again, and she smiled at him. 'Only four more days,' the smile seemed to say. 'Only four more days.'

He gave her hand a squeeze, and they both relaxed their grip. Her blue eyes raked his face. Would they feel like this when they went home?

He smiled then turned away, carrying a small white pastry box in one hand, the handle of the umbrella in the other. He strode back towards the inn, his shoulders wide and confident. She chuckled. Would Sakura ever see him, Naruto, that way?

Jeraiya leaned against the bars and laughed. "Funny kid, that one. He reminds me of a girl from my village."

"Yeah, whatever, Ero-sennin."

Though she had whispered this comment, Jeraiya still caught the remark.

"What? You too? I seem to be being accused of being a perverted old man everywhere I go!"

Iruka snickered. "I have a friend who's always reading your books. Haven't read them myself."

Neji stuck her tongue out at Jeraiya, who wrinkled his nose amusedly at her and walked away.

'What an interesting cast of characters, this new novel will have. Weird, the whiskers . . . No, it couldn't be . . . '

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REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please.

Wow, much longer than usual.

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MANGA SPOILER CHAPTER 383

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I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Jeraiya.

So long, pervy sage. I wish you could have written more about

The Tale of Uzumaki Naruto.

Rest in peace, Gama-sannin

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