It had been over a week since Buffy had returned, and Alandra had decided to hang up her slayer boots for a while and just trying to sort out her feelings. She still helped on occasion, but kept mostly to the library to help Giles and Willow with research. She still did tai chi every morning, the only thing able to calm her mind down enough to allow it to function for the day. Her nightmares of being in fire and torment were becoming less like dreams and felt more like reality with every passing day.. She always woke up feeling trapped and like heat had begun to burn her skin down to her bones.

She had also begun to make regular trips to the mansion. She felt her skin crawl and her heart at peace at the same time whenever she visited. She would stand in the center of the main living room where she fought Angelus, closing her eyes and imagining Angel standing before her, holding her hand and reassuring her that she had done the right thing. She could even hear his voice in her ear sometimes, her name a mantra on his lips. She felt his presence in the room, not like a faded memory like everything else, but as if he was standing on the other side of a veil, being hidden away from her. The presence was thick and surrounding her like a hug. She would smile sadly then, feeling soothed by whatever the presence was.

And then she would hear the screams in the distance. Those always shocked her back to reality. She would search the large house for hours, trying to find the origin of the screams, but they always sounded the loudest where the Acathala statue stood. The same presence that soothed her would turn desperate, as if it was trying to reach out to her and pull itself out of the pain and fear it was in. She would always feel the tears forming, wondering if Angelus had succeeded in his plan to make her insane after all. The screams sounded so painful. As if they were being ripped out of the person's throat, and she just wanted it to stop, to help, but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to stop the far off screaming that sounded loudest where Angel was sent to hell.

~0~0~

"Hey Alandra," Willow said cheerfully as she walked into the library. Alandra smiled at her as she continued to place books back on their proper shelves.

"So Buffy is having a get-together tomorrow night," Willow began. Alandra remained silent, but she had an idea of where this was going. She couldn't help but feel amused as Willow tried to invite her in the most polite way possible. She glanced at her friend and saw how nervous she seemed, but was enjoying her discomfort too much to give her an out.

"And Xander thought it would be a great idea to throw a party and I was wondering if you would like to come," Willow said all in one breath, but Alandra was able to discern her words. Alandra looked at Willow, her eyes twinkling and lips trembling with concealed laughter.

"Does Buffy and her mother know you're throwing a party at her their place for Buffy," Alandra asked, stepping away from the shelves and walking closer to the red head.

"No, but we thought it would be good to have a welcome back for her after being gone for so long," Willow told her. Alandra couldn't help but laugh. She just imagined Buffy and her mother standing in the center of their living room watching as high school students rocked out and threw trash and food everywhere, basically utter chaos.

"Wouldn't you guys rather just spend time with Buffy and enjoy her being back for a while? Have a dinner and a movie night or something," Alandra said. She watched and waited for Willow's reply. She could tell by the look on her face that they were doing the party for a very specific reason, and it wasn't necessarily to welcome Buffy back.

"Nah, I think this is a great way for her to get back in the saddle," Willow replied in her usual cheerful tone. Alandra raised a brow in question, skeptical of what they were about to do, but knew there wouldn't be a true way to stop them.

"I supposed I can make time in my busy schedule of eating and sleeping to go tomorrow night," Alandra joked. Willow laughed lightly, usually bright smile falling slightly and beginning to look forced. Alandra could tell that she was about to say something that she really didn't.

"I know we're not that close," Willow began, her innocent eyes becoming wide with emotion, "But you know you can talk to me if you ever need to. I'm always here for you." Alandra looked deep into Willow's eyes and couldn't help but feel loved. All she saw was sincerity and worry for her well being. Just knowing she had someone to talk to that knew about what had happened to her lightened her heart immensely. Her cousin and father knew that she had been through something traumatic and life changing, and reluctantly agreed to not have her go to a counselor to talk it out. She knew the moment she mentioned vampires and hell demons she would be sent to the loony bin, and she did not want that.

"Thanks Willow," Alandra said, giving her a small but truly genuine and happy smile. It was probably the most genuine of smiles she had had in a long time. Willow smiled back. A smile so bright it seemed to light up and chase away some of the darkness that had taken root in Alandra's heart. Willow had a way of chasing away the darkness and filling you with warmth with just her smile, and it was something that Alandra appreciated greatly.

"Of course, I'll catch you later," Willow replied before grabbing her books and bag and running out of the library. Alandra simply stood in the middle of the room, her thoughts taking her over for a moment. She felt a deep longing in her heart for Angel, making tears spring to her eyes. She hadn't heard the heavy footsteps of Giles, but she wasn't startled when she opened her eyes to find him standing beside her.

"I've spoken to Buffy," the older man began. Alandra stayed silent, never looking at him as she waited for him to continue.

"She won't tell me what happened that night. Only that everything had been taken care of," he said, but he his words were met with more silence. Flashes of memory appeared in Alandra's mind. Sword fighting with Angelus, Angel's soul returning, his shocked face as she pierced him with the sword and her whispered words that only two other people have heard her say, the man she loved and damned to hell, and the woman that he loved and damned to loneliness. She continued to stand there, debating whether or not to tell Giles what really happened that night, and knew that she wasn't ready to admit what she had done.

"Sometimes things are just better to be let go and forgotten," Alandra finally said. She looked up at the clock and knew it was nearly time for lunch. She wanted to get out of there as fast as she could to avoid the topic further. Giles sighed and removed his glasses to clean them before replacing them as was his habit.

"And sometimes the only way to do that is to talk about it," he replied, watching as she walked to a chair at one of the long tables to grab her backpack and books. When she looked up a him all she saw was worry and couldn't help but smile softly at him.

"I'm going to go and head towards the cafeteria for lunch," she said, "I'll catch you later Giles." Without another word said between the two of them she walked swiftly out of the library, leaving the older man to his thoughts once again.

~0~0~

The party was in full swing when Alandra arrived the next night at the Summers' home. Oz and his band were playing a set in the living room, allowing for people to get up and dance. Alandra was immediately squashed between bodies and was trying to find Willow as soon as possible. Just as she was finding it hard to breath amongst the tight mass an opening appeared at the kitchen. Alandra tried to make her body as small as possible to slide through and into the crowded but breathable kitchen.

"Alandra," Willow cried from the doorway, "I'm so glad you could make it." Alandra was mildly surprised by the large hug she received from the red head but hugged her back all the same.

"I'm glad to be here," Alandra replied before looking around at all the people. When Willow had said party she had been expecting twenty people at the most. There was easily fifty squashed into the small house, maybe even more.

"Don't you think you guys went a bit overboard with the people," Alandra asked, an incredulous look coming over her face as someone spilled popcorn all over the counter and floor.

"It kind of snowballed a bit out of control," Willow admitted shyly, also looking around at the people surrounding them. She didn't even know a quarter of the people there.

"I would say it's an avalanche," Alandra joked before turning and getting a coke for herself. She sipped it gingerly before following Willow out of the safety of the kitchen and back into the throng of people.

"Alandra," a light voice said from the side. Willow and Alandra turned around to find Buffy standing, a disbelieving look on her face. Alandra could see the tinge of anger as well and couldn't help but stand a bit taller at the sight of the slayer.

"Hey Buffy," Alandra said, "Willow invited me, I hope that was ok." Alandra couldn't help but feel the angry heat swipe over her body. She could feel her defenses kicking in. She knew Buffy would most likely blame her for what she had done, but she never expected the anger and hate that had begun to fill the girl's gaze every moment she looked at Alandra.

"Yea," Buffy replied, "I guess." All Alandra could do was nod. The air felt thick with tension around the trio, everyone else seemingly able to either escape or just ignore what was happening in the living room. Alandra had never been so thankful to see an adult as when she saw Mrs. Summers stomp up to them. Alandra could see that the older Summers woman was also angry, her shoulders high and her body tense as she gripped onto a dish towel.

"Buffy. We need to talk," Mrs. Summers said, completely ignoring the two other girls.

"Can we talk later mom," Buffy asked, her anger turning to fear. Alandra had no idea how things were going between the two women, but by the look on Buffy's face, she would have to guess not very good.

"No, we're going to talk now and you're going to listen to me," Joyce Summers said, her voice so loud that it halted the entire party, making all eyes fall on them. Alandra wanted to move away but was afraid of drawing even more attention to herself than there already was.

"Now I have been trying to be understanding and patient, but there is a limit to what I can ignore," Joyce told her daughter. Buffy stood there completely gob smacked by her mother's words.

"Do you know what you put me through," Joyce continued, "Not knowing if you were safe or even alive? And then when you come back you have this constant chip on your shoulder."

"I'm sorry I can't be same old Buffy," Buffy replied, "Acting as if I haven't been through a lot."

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it," Joyce said. Alandra looked over at Willow and saw the determined look on her face and began to wonder what the red head had planned. She looked around the room and saw the nervous and embarrassed looks on the guests faces, wanting to escape the emotional fight before them. Alandra's eyes finally landed on Buffy's face and saw the turmoil on the other girl's face. The guilt began to build within her and wanted to bend down and beg Buffy forgiveness for everything she had done. It was all her fault that Buffy left, and now it was her fault that Buffy was going through this open and embarrassing situation. It was all Alandra's fault and she couldn't even deny it.

"I've just been having a really tough time, ok," Buffy said, tears welling into her eyes. Alandra looked over to Willow and watched as she stepped towards her best friend.

"You left us Buffy," Willow said, all eyes now landing on her, "You left us alone to fend for ourselves. We had to pick up on your slack, and no that's not ok. You can't run away every time something bad happens. That's not fair to us and you know it."

The tension was high in the room. Alandra debated whether or not to step in and defend Buffy. To say that it was her fault. She was the one to cause all of the torment amongst the group. She wanted to, wanted to let the words fly and lay everything out in the open, but something inside her was stopping her. Nervousness tingled all along her skin, halting her from speaking. She was afraid. Afraid that once everyone knew the truth they would all turn to hate her as Buffy had, and she had just reached a good point in her heart to allow that to happen.

"Alright," Joyce called out to the crowd, "Party is over." Some grumblings began to rumble throughout as people began to gather their things to head home. One of the older students opened the door, terror and confusion entering their features.

"It's not Halloween tonight is it," she asked another student who shook their heads no.

"Then why are they all dresses up as zombies," she asked. Buffy, Willow, and Alandra all heard the other students words and quickly ran to the front door to find zombies surrounding the house.

"We need to barricade the doors and windows," Buffy said loudly so that everyone was loud enough to hear her. All of the teenagers set to work, grabbing various pieces of furniture to go in front of anything the zombies could come in through. It wasn't too long till they began to break through wood and glass, sending everyone into a frenzy. Some people ran to hide, some people ran to try to get out of the house, some began to grab make shift weapons to beat the zombies back.

"We need to get to your weapons Buffy," Alandra said, out of breath from trying to beat back various decayed limbs that had been able to break through the door. Buffy nodded before turning to her mother and Willow and Oz.

"We need to get up stairs," Buffy called out to them. They all turned to run up the stairs, finding one of Joyce's friends laying on the ground, her body completely splayed out and still.

"Pat," Joyce cried, running over to her friend. Alandra, Buffy and Oz immediately grab the comatose woman, dragging her into the closest room, frantic as they saw one zombie come up the stairs. Joyce and Willow closed the door, holding it down with their bodies. Alandra helped Buffy and Oz place Pat on the floor, quickly noticing that she wasn't breathing. Oz bent over her, placing two light fingers on her neck to check for a pulse.

"No pulse," Oz said, his voice soft but everyone heard his words loud and clear. Joyce released a sad sigh, as if she had suspected all along, but still wanted to cling onto the hope that her friend had survived. Alandra and Buffy straightened to stand up fully, both holding looks of determination on their face.

"We need to go and grab some weapons," Buffy said to the other three. Joyce and Willow nodded, releasing the door to find a zombie just reaching them. Alandra immediately leaped into action, landing a stream of hard punches and kicks to the zombie to distract it enough for Buffy to get to her room. Just as she thought she had trapped it in a corner it swung it's arm right across her head, knocking her to the side. Alandra felt woozy and disoriented as she hit her head hard against the wall, already feeling the pain pound on her cranium. She tried to stand but the blow made it difficult, leaving the zombie to walk into the room holding Willow, Oz, and Joyce.

Giles suddenly appeared in front of her, his wire frames entering her blurry vision.

"Alandra, are you ok," he asked, concern clear on his face and in his voice. She nodded, slowly standing with his help. They heard a scream come from Joyce's room. They ran into it, finding the zombie Alandra had fought holding Willow by the throat, Oz and Joyce trying to pry it's hands off without success. Giles and Alandra attacked it as well. Giles held a large metal weapon, hitting the zombie so hard across the head that it flew off. The rest of the body continued choking Willow who began to turn red, suddenly a large ax fell from the sky onto the arm of the headless zombie, making the hand fall away and the body crumple to the ground.

"Glad you could make it to the party Giles," Buffy said, distaste clear on her face.

"The mask Buffy," Giles said, ignoring her quip, "The one your mother has. It's an Nigerian Zombie Demon named Ovu Mobani. Which ever zombie puts the mask on becomes the demon incarnate." Suddenly they heard dark and deep laughter come from behind them. The whole group turned around slowly, all knowing what that laughter meant. They found the zombie Pat wearing the mask, a cruel smile on it's face. The mask, while probably beautiful hanging on a wall, looked grotesque against Pat's blonde hair and peach colored clothing. It was made out of wood, lines etched deeply across the forehead to make a crown, the eyes slanted and glowing red and purple and the sharp teeth covering Pat's lips. It made Alandra think of the boogey man.

"You are all stupid and pathetic humans," the deep voice said, more dark laughter escaping it. It raised it's arm in preparation for an attack, but Buffy dropped her axe and pushed the demon back until it went out of the window and landing in the back yard. Buffy was soon racing out, leaving Giles to call after her.

"The eyes! You must destroy it's eyes," Giles said, his voice ringing out of the room following Buffy into the hall. All the rest of them could do was sit there and wait, hoping for the best. It was silent, the tiredness from the night clear on everyone's faces. Alandra sighed and slowly sat herself onto the ground, resting her back against the foot of the bed.

"Are you ok Alandra," Joyce asked. Alandra smiled softly and nodded.

"I'm fine, I just have a bump on my head from earlier," Alandra told her. Joyce look unconvinced but said nothing more, falling back into silence again. Alandra knew now was her moment. She could set things straight for Buffy, at least enough to have the others understand it wasn't the slayer's fault.

"It's not her fault," Alandra said, her voice so soft that the others weren't sure if she had spoken. She slowly looked up from her lap into everyone's eyes.

"It's not who's fault," Giles asked, moving closer to her and kneeling down to look her in the eyes.

"Buffy," Alandra replied, "It's not her fault that she left."

"Who's fault is it then," Joyce asked. Her voice wasn't unkind, but the question made Alandra wince all the same.

"Mine," was all Alandra said as an answer. Her eyes fell to her lap once again, fear and nervousness cutting through her veins as she waited for the others' reactions.

"What happened that night Alandra," Giles asked, his voice still understanding but more forceful. She knew that it was wrong of her too keep what happened to herself, but she feared that if they knew what she had done they would hate her. Just as Buffy hated her.

"Something bad. I did something and now everything is upside down. That's all I'm going to say," Alandra replied. Giles sighed before removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose in his usual fashion. Alandra could feel tears welling in her eyes at the almost disappointed look on his face.

"Alandra," Joyce's soft voice said, drawing her attention. Alandra didn't know Joyce well, but she could tell she was a mother who tried to do what was best for her daughter and her friends, and Alandra couldn't help but be jealous that Buffy had that and she didn't. She wondered how much her life would have been different with a mother that cared.

You would have never met Angel and the others. You would have never been tortured. No vampires or demons. And you would have never fallen in love.

"Buffy leaving was not your fault," Joyce told her firmly, "None of what happened tonight or any other night was your fault. I don't want you to blame yourself for Buffy's actions." Alandra nodded, but for some reason she could get herself to believe Joyce's words.

A/N: Sorry for the lateness of the update! School and work has been pretty crazy so I haven't been able to update as often as I wanted. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please don't forget to review!