Riley sat patiently with her hands clasped in her lap waiting for her best friend to break the silence between them. Maya had seemed relieved to open the door and find her waiting, and in that moment they seemed to be themselves again, how they used to be…but that moment had quickly passed. They had barely spoken the rest of the day, despite having several classes together. When she realized that Maya had no intention of discussing the incident Riley had "bay windowed" and "ring powered" her, leaving her no other choice. Fifteen minutes later Maya hadn't so much as squeaked.

"How long are we going to avoid this," she asked, trying to get the ball rolling.

"Not avoiding anything, Riles. Just life moving on past that thing that happened in class this morning," Maya stated casually. This had kind of become their thing.

"Okay, I don't have a goofy face or gesture for what happened today but we both know what it was," Riley replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Maya insisted.

"You blew up like Mt Vesuvius," she said as she made a dramatic gesture with her arms. "Hey look I did find a gesture after all," she said more cheerfully.

"Was that a bomb?" Maya asked, genuinely confused.

"No, a volcano. Don't you listen to science or Farkle at all?" the brunette countered.

"I can honestly say I don't." The blonde retorted, though she couldn't deny she did feel a bit like a volcano lately.

She thought again to the words Mr. Mathews had written on the blackboard. "Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself." Riley had been the only one to wait for her after she'd taken a sledgehammer to every friend she had earlier that day. Riley had forgiven her without explanation or apology. She really didn't want to talk about this but she knew Riley deserved both. She had already lost three of her friends…

"So...how bad is it," Maya asked her.

"On a scale of one to ten? I'm not sure I can count that high," she said as she gently shook her head. "You really hurt their feelings, especially Zay."

Maya looked down in shame. She wished she could say that she hadn't meant to hurt them, but that would be a lie. That was exactly what she had intended at the time. While her success had made her feel better in that moment, the thrill had long since wore off, and now she was filled with the fear that she may have gone too far yet again.

"And yours..." It was a statement not a question.

"Yeah...mine too." Riley mumbled as she hung her head.

She could see how guilty her best friend felt, and the last thing she wanted was to add to her pain, but she couldn't deny that Maya's words still echoed in her head and stung to remember.

The blonde looked over at her friend with eyes full of remorse.

"I'm sorry..."

Riley raised her eyes from her shoes to meet the gaze of the girl next to her.

"I know you are. I know you were just trying to make us hear you. I just wish I knew what you were actually trying to say."

Riley was being so understanding about this whole situation. Didn't she understand that Maya didn't deserve her concern or kindness right now?

"Stop doing that!" She demanded.

"Doing what," Riley countered.

"Being so nice to me," she said as if stating the obvious.

"You're my best friend, Maya. Of course I'm going to be nice to you. You would do the same for me."

"Would I?! Riley you're my best friend and I was horrible to you today. I hurt you. And I meant to. You should be yelling at me or avoiding me like the rest of our friends, not in here trying to make me feel better! But of course you're here, trying to save me from myself, yet again."

Riley reeled back as if Maya's words had physically struck her. Her best friend, her sister had meant to hurt her? She had been telling herself all afternoon that it was okay because Maya didn't mean it...but she had. Her words weren't friendly misfire they were grenades, intended to do maximum damage. She had hit each of them where they were most vulnerable and she'd done so on purpose.

"Why? Why would you do that?" She probed.

"You're still trying to fix me, after what I just said? Seriously?" Maya fumed. Why couldn't Riley wrap her pretty little brain around this concept?

"I'm not trying to fix you Maya," although maybe she was, she honestly wasn't sure anymore. "I'm just trying to understand what's happening to you, to us."

"I don't get it any more than you do. Everything is just...different now."

"I know...and I hate it." Riley replied.

"Me too..." Maya said.

"At least we still agree on something," Riley suggested hopefully.

Maya couldn't hold back a smirk. "Yeah, that growing up sucks..." She placed her hand on top of Riley's. "I wrote my dad..." She let her words hang in the air.

Riley had suspected as much.

"What happened," she asked timidly, uncertain she really wanted the answer.

"He didn't say anything. I'm not even sure he got it."

She paused. This was the first time she was really allowing herself to process her feelings. Originally they had hit her like a tsunami all at once, unable to discern one from another. There had been flashes of clarity, but she had never stopped to ask herself what she was actually feeling. Once her world had gotten quiet and the storm had passed, her true feelings had surfaced.

"It just made me realize how out of reach he really is. Even if I wanted to find him I wouldn't know how or where to look. I spent so long believing he was this great guy who was driven away by my mom, like he would be here if it weren't for her. And then I started to wonder if it was me who had made him leave...but the truth is...he was never really there...and he's never going to be."

Riley scooted closer and wrapped her arms around Maya as she began to sob. Unlike the day she had received the letter these tears weren't angry or bitter, they were the tears of silent heartbreak.

"I'm sorry Maya, I'm so sorry..." For the life of her she would never understand how someone could not love her best friend.

"I hate him Riley. I know it's wrong, I know I shouldn't, and I know I'll fail if I can't let it go…but that just makes me hate him even more. I hate him…and yet all I want is for him to love me. How pathetic is that?" Maya ranted as she tried desperately to wipe away her tears as they kept falling.

"It's not pathetic Maya. You are beautiful and strong and brave. You're cool and talented. Anyone who takes the time to get to know you loves you," Riley said trying to console her friend.

"She's right you know," the girls looked up to see Topanga standing in the doorway as if on cue. She came over and sat on the other side of Maya and wrapped an arm around the young girl they all considered family. "You have a lot of people that love you, my little amazon warrior."

Maya smiled weakly. The Mathews family really did love her. So did her mom. Even Shawn made it a point to be there for her. Sure he was away right now but he called and emailed to let her know she was on his mind. That was more than her father had ever done.

She had a great group of friends…who she had sorely mistreated today…

Maybe she hadn't learned how to forgive her father, but she had learned something about forgiveness. Maybe she could still complete her project after all…