"Kel, why are you so quiet?" Ryan asked in the car as he slid his hand on her knee. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"No. I'm just tired, that's all. You know how pregnant women get."
"We've talked about this. You have to stop thinking of yourself as a pregnant woman. It will be hard but the more you think of yourself as pregnant the harder it will be when the time comes…"
"Darn it Ryan, I'm having a girl, okay? Did that ever occur to you? Did it ever cross your mind that I might be having the daughter I always wanted and that I might not want to give her up? You might think you're doing the right thing-and maybe it is- but what if I don't care about doing the right thing? What if I love her already? What if I don't care about what you think? For someone so smart maybe you haven't thought out everything," Kelly cried out as she put her hand defensively on her stomach.
Ryan thought quickly. "Honey, I know you're feeling a little emotional right now, and it's probably a good thing that you found out what you're having. This way you can make your plans to say goodbyes ahead of time. I know you're thinking of the baby and all the make- believe what ifs that come with it but what about us? Don't you want our happy ending? Don't you want to see what happens with you and me? I for one would love to know if we get married and live happily ever after and have the future that you've always talked about. But it can't happen with a baby in the way. You know how I feel about you and how I feel about the baby, Kelly. I only want what's best for everyone. I don't think we're in the best possible shape to provide for it."
"She. The baby's a she, not an it, Ryan."
"Whatever. She. My point is we can barely take care of ourselves. How are we supposed to take care of another human being when all we do is fight? I want to fight-fight for us. I want to make things right for you and I and do things the right way. It goes against the laws of nature to have kids before marriage."
"People do it all the time. Brad and Angelina have six kids and they aren't married," Kelly pointed out.
"But that's Hollywood. That's make believe. This is real life I'm talking about. You and me. I don't know about you but I want to set a good example for any child of mine that I have. And I prefer to be married to the mother of my kids."
Her face lit up. "So let's get married then! That's easy enough."
Ryan sighed. "No, Kel, that's not what I meant. We both know we're not there yet. But I think we're getting there. We just have to let nature take its course. I have a feeling you know what the right thing is, you're just scared. But you don't have to be. You have me, and I won't let you fall. I promise. I'll hold your hand the whole time, and you won't ever be alone."
"Why are we pulling up to your place?" Kelly asked.
Ryan parked then pulled her close. "I thought-well- we don't have to go straight to the office, do we? We can always say we stopped off for lunch. I just feel so close to you right now."
Kelly smiled then hugged him, wanting nothing more than to be as close to her boyfriend as physically possible, blocking out everything else. If Ryan said that everything would be okay, then it would. He wouldn't lie to her, would he?
00000
"Well?" Erin asked as everyone gathered around. "What is it? Are you having a girl? You have to tell us! We've been dying to know. That's all everyone's been able to talk about!"
"Um there's not going to be a baby," Kelly replied calmly as she avoided making eye contact trying to walk back to her desk. Everyone followed her.
"What do you mean? You look pregnant. You act pregnant. You definitely look pregnant," Kevin reiterated.
"Kevin," Angela shushed him.
"It's okay everyone," Ryan announced. "Kelly is definitely still pregnant, obviously. We have decided that it would be in the best interest for everyone involved to place the child for adoption. We really don't want to talk about it much further; your cooperation would be greatly appreciated."
"I, for one, fully support this decision," Angela announced. "These two had no business procreating outside of marriage, and any child of theirs would be damned from the start."
"Angela!" Pam whispered.
"Is this-is this what you want?" Toby asked.
"Yes, Toby. Just let me do my work, okay?"
"So you didn't find out what you were having?" Pam asked.
"She did. It's actually a girl," Ryan answered as Kelly pretended to do busywork. Everyone was shocked. This didn't seem like the Kelly they all knew and loved. All she had ever talked about from her first day at work was having a daughter and now that she was having one, she was giving her up? Something was wrong, and that something had everything to do with Ryan Howard.
"Kelly, would you like to talk?" Andy spoke up.
"No thanks. I think I'm going to grab something to eat from the break room." She stood up and started to talk away.
"I thought you stopped for lunch?"
"Oh," Ryan replied. "You know pregnant women. They are always eating for two. I think its best we not mention it. She's a little sensitive these days."
"Right." Andy nodded his head. "I suppose we'd all better get back to work."
As they all scattered, each one of them, with the exceptions of Dwight and Angela, wondered how they could help Kelly. They knew there wasn't much they could do- it was her decision and they needed to support her, but how could they be sure it was really hers to make? All they could do was sit back and watch, and be there if and when she crashed from the train wreck that was hers and Ryan's relationship. It was going to be a long next few months.