A/N: WARNING: Rated M. if that's not your thing then I don't really know why you're reading this story… but you can skip if it makes you uncomfortable?
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I blinked a few times, not quite believing my eyes… I was face deep in his chest, breathing his left over cologne and deodorant, mixed with this raw scent of masculinity. It was like he sweated pheromones that communicated with my own so well- I was drawn to him, I was feeling forced to stay in his arms and breathe him in all morning if needed. And there wasn't one thing I wouldn't have done for the cause. Seriously, I was dedicated as can be when it came down to it. But then again, there was the sunrise and the sunset, and all of the other beautifully tragic happenings that transpired before and after each said occurrence.
His beautiful face, so relaxed and angled, looking like some thug ripped off a high-end sculpture and taught him his ways… I didn't even try to stop my hand as I ventured up this shoulder and then felt at his face. Yes, Edward was beautiful. More than that, he had that hard, rough exterior that was full of mystery and cleverness. He wasn't some idiot running the streets or thuggish ruggish boy causing hell. He was a man, a leader, a ruthless type of fellow. My hand caressed the unshaven face, careful not to wake the monster of man beside me as I leaned in closer to him. We, the three of us, could have this beautiful worry-free life if we ran off that very afternoon- we could leave the people, problems, worries all behind us and just run. Things would be simple and uncomplicated, he and I could fall in love over a romantic dinner, and Lana would grow up with two of the strongest role models a kid could have… we'd all love one another so truly and deeply, nothing could ever break us. It would be perfection, we would be perfection, because in that world nothing mattered at all.
The plan was easy- he would stop dealing drugs, fucking random women, getting into street fights, getting arrested and going to jail… he could just stop.
Oh so quietly, I shifted in bed and made my way on top of him. His eyes were closed tightly and his breathing was even, signaling that he was as asleep as I thought. I crawled on top of him and put both of my hands on the pecs of his chest, giving myself well enough balance, but the object in my right hand pressed ever so deeper than my bare left one. I knew what I had to do. I knew it with every fiber of my being- as aforementioned, I was down for the cause and there wasn't one thing I was too shy to do. Without even meaning to, my lower half clenched at the feel of him through his boxers; it was an unexplainable feeling, knowing he'd never deny me anything while I was on top like this. The two ridiculously thin pieces of fabric that stood in the way of he and I were flimsy and barely there, but it didn't stop me from rocking every so lightly against him. Maybe it was to test the waters, maybe it was just to feel him… I couldn't find any rationale to it.
My thoughts left me was I began to imagine what it would be like with him, not the white picket fence life like before, but being with him. I wondered if he'd make love to me or just fuck me and I hated myself for silently relishing in the thought that I wouldn't mind it either way. If he was rough and fast or sweet and slow, I knew he'd make it an experience- every single time, and I didn't doubt that. Judging purely on the way he held me and kissed my skin, I knew he'd be that kind of man. And then I thought of his hands on me, causing a fire to lick at the inside of my belly, a new desire rumbling from my loins. He'd make love to me, without ever truly loving me, and for some reason I would be okay with that. I'd let him come in and out daily- fucking me, taking care of his business, being sweet with Lana… we'd have a routine of sorts, and I would settle with great sex without the feelings. I'd be so rash and settle with it, merely because I knew I would never find another that knew me like him, that was so tuned into me and the movements I made… which was why I needed to do this.
But as I leaned in even closer, my lips just a breath away from his with the weathered shiv clutched tightly in my palm, I suddenly knew it for a fact. It hit me harder than before that this was simply not possible, and it never would be.
So without a second thought, I maneuvered my right hand around and brought the sharp object to his throat- this would stop. Our charade, our sexual tension that was all but suffocating, even the fake pretend family we had going on. I would end it. With shaky hands, I pressed the blade on his throat with more pressure. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it a sinister voice in my head sang softly, but the ticking of a clock behind me grew louder and louder and the perspiration in my palms made the blade slippery. Could I really? Could I really take this man's life? I knew Lana and I were never going to leave this place, not with him around. We'd be hunted, followed, bothered for eternity until we came back or at least Lana. And there was no reason to exist without my niece with me. It's now or never, another thought zoomed through my head and echoed around like a boulder dropping in a canyon. That voice was right. Either I did the deed now or risk waking him up and getting killed my damn self.
I swallowed noisily, trying to muck up the courage to slice the skin of his throat, the lightest shade of brown I could think of. Blood, blood, blood, blood… that word went on and on, and I knew I couldn't. Not just because of my repulsion for blood, but simply because. Whether or not he was a criminal the fact was he was a human being, a creature of God. And Lana's uncle, a man that unfortunately had to be alive.
With a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding in, I exhaled roughly and loosened my hold on the knife, but not before Edward's eyes shot open. Everything went dim and my breath caught, not knowing what in the world to do or say. Here I was, the stupid bitch that needed to be taken care of the night before, sitting on top of him with a knife near his throat. I waited a few seconds, not knowing what to do before shuffling around, only to be slammed right back where I was before. One of his hands went to my hip and held my bottom half to him with a painful grip, causing me to cry out, and the other clenched my wrist with the shiv, bringing the shining blade to his own throat.
My lips quivered as my mind raced- fuck fuck fuck what are you gonna do? Part of me considered getting on with it, and another just wanted to rewind back to a few minutes ago when we were both peacefully sleeping. "I have to." I whispered, a lump forming in the back of my throat. "You'll just ruin everything…" My voice was hoarse and I knew my face looked twisted in dark emotion, trying to convince myself that this was the only answer.
"Do it." He said rather calmly, a blank look in those emerald eyes. I was shocked and taken aback, never expecting things to go this way. Both of his grips were painfully tight and rough, and the most self-destructive part of me almost liked the way he was looking at me. It was an unreadable expression, because I was under the impression that when someone looked like they were about to cut your throat open, you should looked scared. But no, Edward looked madly fascinated… and perhaps a little passionate.
"Wha-what?" I spluttered, feeling my eyes water at the amount of pain his hands were putting me under.
"Do it, Isabella." Edward's voice went from calm and collected to out of his fucking mind in a matter of one sentence. "Kill me, go ahead- you're right, I'll ruin ya fuckin' life! Kill me-"
"Stop!" I screamed down at him, not knowing what was going on around me anymore. My mind was screaming to do as he said but my heart was thumping erratically at the thought of us being this close to another one. In reply, he brought down the knife harder on himself, causing small little droplets of blood to seep out. My stomach churned over and over again, his menacing words like background music; this was some twisted dream surely, and I would be waking up any second now. Wake up Bella, wake up wake up wake up, but as much as I repeated it under my breath, I was not waking up. Because this was not a dream, and unfortunately I had one of my worst nightmares playing out in real life.
He got deadly quiet all of a sudden, his green orbs now a stormy color I had never seen before. Not even when we broke down Jake Black's door a few months ago- this man was looking absolutely murderous beneath me. "Have it this way, Bonita," he spat out the name with enough venom to make me flinch, "if you don't kill me, I'll kill you." Gone was the calm and cool guy I loved to hate or hated to love, I wasn't sure, but he wasn't there anymore. Instead there was this ruthless son of a bitch, ready to die or ready to kill it didn't matter.
"You-" I tried my hardest to choke back a sob, not knowing if I was preparing to give a eulogy or threatening his very existence. "You'll never let us go." I wanted him to deny it, to prove to me that this was not the only way. I wanted Edward, or Jefe, to do what he did best- to smooth talk me, to make me forget, to convince me that our lives were better with each other in it.
"I won't." He promised, an evil glint embedded in those unforgiving eyes. He hated me, had every right to really, just as much as I hated him. I was now just as threatening, just as wronged, just as down right despicable as he was.
My stomach dropped at his statement, which had more finality than any sort of command my own father had given me as a child. "I…" and I tried to press down the blade deeper, I really did try, "I can't." The words were less than a whisper, making all the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. I doubted he heard me, hell I didn't even know if the words were stuck in my throat still or if they had been spoken at all!
But my world spun so fast that I didn't even have anything to hold onto- he had me pinned down beneath him, our positions flipped in a matter of seconds, one of his hands embedded in my hair with a fistful of day old curls. The searing pain of my scalp being pulled made me scream out, but I bit down on my lip and shut my eyes against the inevitable. He'd kill me, that was for sure- he'd kill me and make it look like an accident, just the way he got away with everything else in his life. It wouldn't matter if my friends and family missed me, no one would find me and worst of all Lana might not even grow up to remember my face or be reminded of my name. Edward would force her to forget about me and Lana would take the Cullen name… because I basically left everything in his hands, the ball in his court, now everything was to his advantage.
Lana will grow up and graduate college, have a family, be happy… all without you. Edward will find some other woman to fill your shoes, it'll be like you never even existed in the first place. You'll die and they'll forget, just like everyone becomes forgotten! My thoughts swarmed me and I shut my eyes even tighter, bracing myself for the blow or the slice or the gunshot. "Lana." I uttered, tears filling my voice and heart. She was the reason I did anything in life, I had thought I was doing my best for her. Getting rid of Edward was a necessary step in the plan, though I knew deep down inside that I didn't have the guts. He was going to kill me-
A pair of succulent lips clashed against my dry ones, pressing a bruising kiss that knocked the wind right out of me. In my confusion, my eyes refused to shoot open, but I knew it was him- those lips weren't forgettable, and the way he held onto me throughout was also more than memorable. Thought no longer won out over motive so without further turmoil, I fought back against his mouth and tried to gain dominance over the lip lock. Edward shoved me back down, my back pressing deeper into the mattress, and let both of his hands get caught up in my wild hair. Somewhere along the groping and kissing, I let the blade fall from my hands and to the floor- did it really take a near death experience to evoke this kind of sexual prowess from within me?
All I could think of was him on top of me, and my bottoms being disposed off with little more than a flick of his wrist. His hands roamed everywhere, but one always stayed in my hair, massaging the very same scalp he had just a second ago tried to rip off. I tore at his shirt in retaliation, having no time to think of own my modesty- he was mine, we were in the same bed with the same thing on our mind, which wasn't very normal at all. It was usually opposite- I was always seen as his possession, and we almost never thought kindly of each other at the same time. I'd be pissed or he'd be mad, and the other was always left feeling sexually dissatisfied. But not now- oh Lord Jesus, not now. Not when his mouth was trialing wet kisses over my collar bone and down my chest, having wrenched off my shirt without much of a fight from me.
I didn't necessarily see my first time being intimate like this… hell, just a few minutes ago I didn't ever think I'd put a knife to a sleeping man's throat.
But I did.
"Ahh!" The frightening scream came from my lips when he threw my legs apart and ground against me, but that voice was unrecognizable to even my own ears. It was like there was an abyss of pressure building up- like a splashing, crashing wave of water smashing against a dam, and it was known that no dam is unbreakable. "Edward." I panted like a pathetic bitch in heat, but even though I could hear the desperation in my voice I didn't care. What was I even pleading for anyway? The fact that I didn't know specifics might have irked level-headed, control freak Bella, but for the moment I just knew I needed him there…
He ran his tongue down my belly and I bit down on the inside of my right cheek as he thumbed the hemline of my panties, his pace suddenly slowing down to a halt; it was a dangerous, desire-ridden look that he gave me when he pulled down my underwear in a slow, casual manner. The maniacal glint in his eyes didn't change or ever lessen, but I was growing considerably more nervous as the seconds ticked by. Could I really do this… was my body to be taken by someone like Edward, a thug with the right amount of connections and just enough influence in this city? Someone like Edward, who had killed and would still kill, someone that I wouldn't associate myself with in any other situation? This was my virginity, losing it only ever happened once in my entire life.
I didn't have anymore time to question it when Edward's mouth dove into the apex of my thighs; the sensations that happened to my body in the next ten minutes were, and are still, absolutely inexplicable to me. Between the wetness of his saliva and my own arousal, combined with his very nimble tongue darting every which way… it was like heaven just laying there, withering and moaning in awe and torture at the very same time. I gripped the back of his head with one hand, the other clutched tightly to my clammy belly.
I held on so tight that I thought my fingernails might break, but I knew for damn sure they were leaving marks on both my stomach and his short hair cut. "You like that?" Edward looked up from his post, catching my curious stare for the first time, and I couldn't tear my eyes away. My face flushed with both anger and embarrassment at the thought that he had caught me in one of my most intimate moments, but the fact was he was making this happen for me. He planted a few small kisses over my inner thighs and up my leg, making sure to not touch my nether lips again. "Tell me you like it."
"Y-yes." The word came out quivery and still full of want, just as he liked. His self-satisfied smirk spoke volumes as to what he wanted to hear. I was his subject, his slave, his puppet. I worked on command, and this was just another exercise of power for him. But for the life of me, I couldn't resist. I couldn't force myself away from him and out of this bed… I wanted him down there, I wanted his mouth to work only for me. "I li-…I like it, Edward."
When his tongue went back to exploring, that long muscle of his running back and forth like a cross country ski race, I let out a gasp that could rival any novella star's just then. He chuckled cockily at my reaction, seeing as until that moment I had been very successful at biting back the moans, and the vibration of his laughter made a deliciously torturous feeling to ripple through my body. It caused my toes to curl and every muscle in my body to clench as if I was preparing for an avalanche to hit me. The warm liquid pooling in my lower navel made the words come from my throat, because for the life of me I couldn't remember actually hearing a command from my brain to do so. More, faster, harder, please… they were like a chant, some ancient ritual to appease Edward's newfound thirst for my bodily fluids.
My mind was lost in a hazy little world, where all that mattered was my fingers threaded in his short head of hair and how this man was pleasing my body. Everything outside of this place no longer existed to me. Our siblings, plans for Lana's future, our relentless fights, his criminal past… all of the measly things that I let bother me before no longer mattered. It was just me and the way I was feeling, fuck was I feeling good. "Edward!" I was shrieking his name by the end of our interaction, my voice frantic enough to sound like I was about to die- I tried with all of the strength I possessed to shove his head away from my vagina when I felt a heavy twitch and convulsion begin. He didn't budge, but decided to put a death grip on my hips as he stood up on his knees and brought my legs to wrap around his neck. My ass was against his chest and I rested my weight on my bent elbows, feeling at odds at this awkward, yet fantastic angle.
Was it gross for a woman to orgasm in their boyfriend's face? Were we really even boyfriend and girlfriend in the first place?
Was there some sort of code I was supposed to follow, like giving him a fair warning that I was about to… come? I had no doubt that cum tasted terrible, so why was he trying to make me reach my peak right in front of his face? "E-Edward… I'm- I can feel it coming." I panted breathlessly, beyond frustrated that he was making me this nervous wreck. And within seconds I felt all of my muscles and bones churn into completely melted jelly- my pelvic had a mind of its own as it thrashed and ground against his face, begging and pleading for nothing in particular but to be that much closer to him. He slammed my ass hard against his chest, sucking and nipping and lapping up every last part of me until I could take no more of it. With a little less honor and dignity than I previously thought I owned, I let my body go completely limp and helpless against him.
I was like a pile of rubble, some sort of glorious temple that had been ravaged through and torn down without as much as a second thought.
"You're mine, Bonita, until we're both six fuckin' feet under." Edward spoke against my face, his cool breath fanning my flushed cheeks. I couldn't even look him in the eye or force him off of me when he leaned forward. I was limp, lifeless, so pleasured that I had slipped into some sort of voluntary coma. His mouth was so close to my ear, his lips taking in my ear lobe and sucking gently. "You're my girl," his hand went back down to where his mouth had been, gripping me possessively, "you're my woman," his fingers flexed around my folds and surprisingly, there was still a little bit of feeling down there, "you're my property."
And even as his fingers went exploring all over again, my eyes rolled to the back of my head and my back arched- I was no longer in control of any of my actions. I had died and went to heaven, only to be pleased time after time by the devil himself. I opened my mouth the moan out his name or a speed I wanted him to continue at, but couldn't.
"I'm yours." Was all I could say.
A/N: so, uh, hopefully that's what you've been waiting for?
Sound off, lovelies!