Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I can't believe that I actually submitted the last chapter, I thought it was absolutely horrible. It made me so sad that I had ended the main couple in the fanfiction.. Knowing what this chapter will be, it really scares me, lol. You know when I said for everyone to brace their selves? Well, now would be a good time to do that. I hope that the readers will stick by the story.. but I'm pretty sure everyone will. These next few chapters will be just insanely crazy. Oh, and this chapter is really long; just to let you know.
Chapter 12- I Hate Myself For Losing You.
Chase woke up from a dream that made him smile. Brooke had never broke up with him, and she had told him that she was carrying their child. He then realized that it was just a dream, and soon felt miserable as he started his day off this way. Chase also realized that he was going to leave in 5 hours and he knew that he was definitely not ready for it. He wasn't ready for leaving any of it behind. 3 months was just too long for him to leave. Chase really wasn't sure if he could do it. Rachel had asked to come to the airport when he was about to leave, but Chase refused. He knew that if she came that he would definitely not leave. He knew that he wouldn't be able to.
I woke up today,
He also knew that he wanted Brooke back. Chase really didn't understand why she had broken it off.. He thought about what she had said to him over and over again and it just didn't add up like he figured it would. She told him that they just didn't work anymore, but it didn't make any sense at all to him. They had been doing great, getting along great. He had never felt more about anyone than what he felt when he was with her. Chase knew for sure that they had both felt that way about each other.. but maybe he was wrong.
woke up wide awake,
Chase shook his head, it just didn't make any sense. He looked over at the clock, and realized that he needed to pack for the trip. As he started to back all his things, he replayed what she said to him over and over again... and still... it didn't make sense.
Staring at an empty room.
Rachel had spent the night over at Brooke's house, and made some coffee for herself and Brooke. She sat down at the table, feeling nauseous from knowing that the day wasn't going to go well for her. She still couldn't believe that Chase was going to leave today, and the worst part about it was the fact that she didn't tell Brooke. Rachel didn't have anyone to talk to about this, and it scared her even more than the fact that one of her best friends was going to leave her from three months.
I have myself to blame,
Rachel tilted her head back onto the tip of the chair she was sitting in, and Brooke walked down the stairs with her daughter in her strong arms. Brooke put her daughter in the car seat she had for her. As Brooke sat down, Rachel got up and grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. She filled coffee into them and sat back down once she hadn't it to Brooke. "Thanks." Brooke whispered, still sleepy.
For the state I'm in today.
"Sure," Rachel whispered to her, trying to hide the sadness and pain in her voice as she talked. "How are you?" She told her, and Brooke immediately knew what she was talking about.
"I could be a hell of a lot better..." Brooke whispered, trying not to cry as she covered her hands with her face.
Rachel felt extremely bad that she was keeping it from her; she hated the fact that Brooke was so oblivious to it. Brooke just thought that the silence had to do with the two of them just waking up, but Rachel knew that that wasn't the case. At least not her case.
And now dying.. doesn't seem so cruel.
Brooke placed her head on Rachel's shoulder, and she tried to control her tears. Rachel placed her hand on Brooke's head, bringing her closer to her. Brooke pushed away, not wanting Rachel to be worried about her being upset, but Rachel didn't care and continued to hug her.
And oh, I don't know what to say. And I don't know anyway... anymore.
Rachel had come to Chase's house because she knew he was leaving soon and needed to say goodbye. She couldn't help but dread the moment where he would drive miles away from her; and she pictured it, sadly. She felt an ache in her heart that just wouldn't go away. Her heart hurt thinking about not having Chase with her and Brooke for three months. It was just way too much for her to take, and she really couldn't stand how she felt.
I hate myself for losing you.
Rachel stood outside his room, leaning against the wall as she watched him pack. A tear slowly slid down her cheek, and Chase looked up slowly and his face was glistened with sadness. He didn't want to leave; he was sure of it. "Rachel.." He whispered miserably, and she brought herself towards him, soon coming into his arms. She buried her face into his shirt, and he held her even more tightly.
I'm seeing it all so clear.
I hate myself for losing you.
"Chase, I'm gonna miss you so much." Rachel let the "so" drag out for a little bit longer than all the other words that she spoke to him. She wanted to tell him that she didn't know how she could survive without him for the three months, but Rachel knew that Chase might not go if she did.
"I really don't want to leave you." He whispered to her softly as he continued to hug her. His words made Rachel's heart break inside, and she exhaled, her voice shaky. Chase released her from the hug that they had been sharing, but he realized that Rachel was still extremely upset. He took her back into his arms, and she let her head fall into his chest.
What do you do when you look in the mirror, and staring at you is why he's not here?
They stood there for a moment, and Chase decided that when she was ready to break the hug, he would let her. "Alright." She muttered, taking herself away from his body as she sighed, wiping her tired and teary eyes. He didn't want to say it, and held saying it for a little bit longer. Then he finally said the hurtful words to the girl standing in front of him.
You got what you deserved.
"I need to go now, Rachel," Chase finally spit out, so quiet that she almost couldn't hear it. She nodded her head, grabbing his suitcase for him slowly. "But, hey.. " He said, stopping her as she was about to walk out of the room. "I need you to know something." Chase told her. "I love you and Brooke so much. Okay?" He whispered, wanting her to know it before he left for the time.
I hope you're happy now.
"Yeah, you better. And we love you too." She joked, laughing.
"But, Rachel.. " Chase said quickly, taking her hand and smiling. "I don't want you to be sad over me leaving. I only want you to be happy, alright?" He said, sadly, and she nodded. Rachel whispered back at him, "I don't think I'm going to have a chance to anyway, I think I'm gonna be spending some time taking care of Brooke."
Chase forced a smile on his face, and then he remembered what he needed to tell Rachel about her. "Have you told her about me leaving, Rachel?"
Cause every time I think of her with you; it's killing me inside..
She wasn't sure if her answer was the right one or not. "No, not yet, Chase. If I told her, I knew that she would stop you from leaving.. I know that you need to go."
Chase looked confused, wondering what Rachel was saying. "What do you mean by that, Rachel?"
Now, I dread each day, knowing that I can't be saved.
Rachel raised her eyebrows slightly, and then she sighed. "I think that you are still so upset about Brooke breaking up with you.. and I think that you need to clear your head. You need to go somewhere; get away from it all." She said to him, and he laughed.
Chase looked at Rachel and smiled. "You know me way too well.." He said, making Rachel smile widely.
"That is so true." She said, taking Chase's suitcase by the handle, rolling it out into the hallway that was filled with tons of hardwood flooring.
"But, Rachel.. Just make sure that Brooke knows..." Chase asked, as he followed Rachel down the long hallway.
From the loneliness, of living without you.
"Let her know what, Chase?" Rachel said back, waiting for an answer eagerly as she knew that they didn't have much time before he needed to leave. She stop the train and looked at him.
Chase looked at her, hoping that he wasn't acting to selfish, or that he wasn't thinking too highly of himself. "Make sure that... well, that she knows that I'm not leaving because of her. Make sure that she knows." He repeated, swallowing the lump in his throat as he looked down at the floor sadly.
"Aww, Chase, I'll tell her." Rachel said, and then she thought about the time where she would tell Brooke that Chase had left.
And oh, I don't know what do to do.
She continued walking and took it slow as Rachel came down the stairs, carrying the suitcase. She suddenly felt sad, realizing it once again. They reached the entrance of Chase's house, and she set the suitcase down on the floor, wiping the tears from her eyes once again.
She looked up, staring in her best friend's eyes. Chase hugged her one last time, and Rachel sighed when they pulled away from each other once again. He looked at her sadly. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Rachel. You know that?"
Not sure that I'll pull through... I wish you knew...
Rachel nodded, and stared at Chase. "We need to email, okay? And you seriously need to call me." She told him, making sure that they would keep in touch over the several months he would be there.
"Definitely." He said, grabbing his coat and putting it on. Chase grabbed his suitcase, and Rachel watched him; her arms folded and her lip bit, keeping her from bursting into tears again for the many times she had today.
I hate myself for losing you.
"Oh, and take care of that Aunt Victoria. I always liked her." She smirked. "Bye Chase." Rachel mumbled, giving him one more quick hug when he was almost out the door. "I will." He laughed, and accepted the hug, and when she stepped back he took one last look at his house. She forced herself to smile as he turned to leave. Right before he closed the door, Chase whispered to Rachel, "Tell her I miss her." Rachel couldn't stop the tears from coming to her eyes this time, and she smiled, blowing him a kiss. She couldn't help but feel lonely as he shut the door behind him, leaving her there, alone.
I'm seeing it all so, I'm seeing it all so clear...
"Rachel, how are you?" Brooke asked, talking to Rachel on her cell phone as she drove in her car. She needed to tell her something, and she knew that it couldn't wait.
"Fine. How are you?" Rachel told her, trying to act like she was actually fine. Somehow, she seemed to pull it off.
I hate myself for losing you.
"Fine, too. Just driving to Chase's house." She said casually, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal to her at all. Though it was a huge deal, she was planning on talking to him for the first time before they broke up.
Rachel dropped the glass coffee mug that she was holding, and it broke into many pieces on the floor. "Chase's gone, Brooke."
"Rachel.. what are you talking about?" Brooke said, not sure what she should or shouldn't believe.
"I was going to tell you.. Chase is leaving for 3 months to go stay with his Aunt in England. He just left."
What do you do when you look in the mirror, and staring at you is why he's not here?
Brooke gasped loudly, and she lifted her foot off the pedal.. She really hadn't meant to. But she knew it was a mistake when she turned to her side, realizing that when she finally stopped, she was in the middle of an intersection. "Brooke?" Rachel said, hearing her gasp. "Are you okay?" Brooke braced herself, seeing the bus that was coming down the road. She knew that if it didn't stop soon, it would slam right into the side of her car.
What do you say when every thing's said? Is the reason why he left you in the end?
As the bus slammed on the brakes, trying to dodge the car, Brooke realized she only had about 10 seconds left before the car was going to crash into her.
"Promise me you won't tell Chase." Brooke said quickly, slamming on her pedal as she tried to speed away from the bus that was coming at her.
"What? Brooke, I don't under-" Rachel was cut off, when Brooke knew that the bus was just about to hit her.
"Rachel, I love you both.." She whispered quickly.
How do you cry when every tear you shed; Won't ever bring him back again?
Brooke closed the phone, looking towards the bus as it slammed into her side. Because Brooke had sped up, when the car hit Brooke, it made her swerve into a circle; tipping it over and over again. As Brooke lost conscious, the bus slammed into the curb. Rachel gasped as the line went dead, and tears formed into her eyes as she realized what had just happened to her best friend. She also soon realized what Brooke meant by not telling Chase. Brooke had known that she was going to get hit, and if Rachel told Chase, he would have come back from the airport immediately. Her jaw was dropped, and she covered her hand with her mouth. Rachel set herself in the car as she cried uncontrollably. She by accidentally cut her foot on a piece of glass, not realizing that she had broke the mug. She remembered what Chase had told her about staying strong, and she tried to stop her tears from falling.
Oh... I hate myself for losing.. you.