Chapter 12: In and Out
When Buffy opened her eyes she was back in her room. Her eyes hurt and felt a little puffy. Had she been crying? That was odd. Then she remembered her dream. Dream? No, it wasn't a dream. It couldn't be a dream anymore. Her heart ached.
She looked out of the window in her room. It was already dark outside. It was time to patrol. It was time to inevitably meet up with Spike, so he could patrol with her. That's what would always happen. She'd be walking the cemeteries aimlessly, waiting for a vampire to come after her and then Spike would show up and end up annoying the living crap out of her. But she couldn't help it. It felt normal for him to be with her while she was patrolling. Besides, two is always better than one, and since she got back, she could use all the help she could get.
Buffy walked over to her closet and pulled out her leather jacket. Then she walked down the stairs and was greeted by a happy-faced Dawn.
"Hey Buffy, are you going to patrol?" she asked her sister.
"Yeah, I'll be back later," Buffy told her.
Dawn noticed that her sister's eyes were on the puffy side. Something was wrong. So she asked her, "Are you alright? You look... Were you crying?"
Buffy gave Dawn the fakest smile she could muster. "No. I just woke up, that's all. Rubbing my eyes and all."
"Oh," Dawn replied, not completely believing her sister. "Well, good luck tonight. And if you see Spike, tell him that I said hi."
"I will," Buffy said and left.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You" Punch. "have" Kick. "to" Chop. "do" Smack. "better" Headbutt. "than" Punch. "that!" Stake. It was routine. Play with the vampire for a minute and then stake him. Slaying was actually starting to get boring these days. Then again, everything in this world was getting on the boring side.
Buffy smoothed her hair and caught her breath. She continued to walk through the cemetery, knowing very well that there were no more vampires out to get her tonight. She just wanted to sit and relax, maybe enjoy the night. So she sat on one of the headstones and started staring up at the moon.
"You should be a bit more inconspicuous than that, love," she heard a trite British accent say from behind her. "You don't know what can sneak up on you."
Buffy turned around to meet Spike's eyes. *They're the same blue eyes,* she thought to herself. He was just standing there, hands in his coat pockets. He had a smirk on his face that looked like it was saying, "Come and get me." It was inviting, yet repulsing at the same time, thinking back to what happened at the Bronze the other night. *I can't believe I let myself kiss him,* she said to herself. But instead of letting her feelings get the best of her and yell at him, she just smiled.
"Cat got your tongue tonight, Slayer?" Spike asked, making his way closer to her. When he was finally right in front of her, he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. Then he said, that same smirk playing on his lips, "Or do I?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. *Yeah, ruin the moment with your snide comments,* she thought to herself. "Spike, do you ever think of what you're saying before you say it? Oh, wait, you're a guy. That would be abnormal if you didn't," she said, turning around and standing up. She was letting her feelings get the best of her again.
"You know we have to talk about this. You can't just walk away," he told her. She turned around, rage now forming in her green eyes. "Something is going on between us, and you're too lost in your whole bloody righteousness that you just don't want to admit it!"
"How can you say that Spike? Do you *want* me to say it? Oh, 'it's not you, it's me,' Spike. Don't you see that we're completely wrong for each other? They were just a few simple and meaningless kisses. You happened to be the one there who was comforting me, and I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I'm not afraid to say that those two times we kissed were the most disgusting moments of my life," Buffy told him with all the fury she could unleash.
Spike was angry now. If anyone knew how to push his buttons, she did. He punched the headstone she was sitting on before. "You don't understand," he said and turned around sharply. He started walking away from her.
"Don't understand what?" Buffy yelled after him. "Spike! What don't I understand?" She went after him. And when she was about to catch up to him, he turned back to her abruptly.
"You're lost, Slayer. You still don't get it," he said, clipping each word, making sure she got the point. Then he turned back around and disappeared into the night.
Buffy stood there, trying to make sense of what he was saying. What didn't she understand?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Spike walked back to his crypt angrily. He didn't know who he was mad at, if it was himself or it was the Slayer. She knew exactly how to hurt him, emotionally, every time. She knew the right words to say to make him feel like dirt. She knew where to hit him so it felt like she was reaching into his chest and pulling out his heart.
God knew she did it enough times too. In many different ways...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Bianca, you can't deny that something happened last night between the two of us," William told her when she hesitantly walked into his shop the next day.
She rolled her eyes nonchalantly. "I don't know what you're talking about William. You did well. You captured all the feeling you had in those words. Cecily will surely fall in love with you," Bianca replied, her voice sounding just a bit unbelievable.
But it wasn't Cecily he was saying those words to. Those words were for her, the jewel standing in front of him right at this moment. He knew that she at least felt half of what he did. He could tell by the sound of her voice. She couldn't even look him in the eye.
Bianca smiled sweetly at him, that sweet and comforting smile. "Acting, William. It was all an act. And might I say, it was a wonderful performance. Cecily will..."
"I don't bloody *care* what Cecily would think. I *did not* say those words to her. I said them to you, and I am not frightened to say that I meant every, single one of them. Bianca, I've fallen in love with you," he said to her in a steady and confident voice. He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back seeming to want to keep the distance between them.
She had a profound look on her face. It looked like she didn't know what to say to that. William didn't know what to make of that face. Was it shock or surprise? Or was it repulsion? He couldn't bear it if it was the latter.
"What do you want me to say to that William? What do you expect? I... *can't* be with you. There are so many things that you don't know about me. I don't belong here, William. And because I don't, I can't be with you, even if I wanted to," she said to him, hurt reflecting in her green eyes.
What did she mean by that? She didn't belong here how? "Bianca, if this is about social status, sod it! You can't expect me to believe that. You were the first person in that crowd to treat me like a man, an actual man. And last night..." he swallowed, "Last night, we almost kissed."
"And the major factor in this equation is that we *didn't.* We did nothing. Why can't you just let it go? I think that it's good that we didn't get caught up in the moment, otherwise, one of us would feel used, a convenience. Did you really want that to happen?" Bianca said to him.
"No, but Bianca..."
"I've had enough. William, please stop. I have to go now," she said. She turned around quickly and exited the shop.
Frustrated, William knocked off the pile of books stacked on his desk. It wasn't fair. After all that had happened, she rejected him. She made excuses, acting like nothing had happened. Bianca had hurt him for the first time, and it was her words that did it. Nothing hurt more than her denial.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Buffy slammed the door shut when she got into her room and started pacing around. She was infuriated with Spike. It was unbelievable how he did that every time. She wanted to punch his face in, and she usually did, but she didn't tonight. What in the world was wrong with her? Every time he mentioned any chemistry between them, it would get her angry. The only chemistry that was there between them was the one of Slayer/vampire. She was supposed to kill him.
But she couldn't do it. There was the slightest bit of compassion for him in her heart because he had that chip in his head. He couldn't hurt her. And because he couldn't hurt her, she surely wouldn't hurt him. Then there was the other fact that he helped her patrol and kill the baddies.
She flopped herself down on her bed. She was still angry and a little frustrated. She still didn't know why she kissed him. As many times as she would try to reason her actions, she would never come up with a rational answer. Was it the heat of the moment? The only reason she could come up with was that she was lonely, and he seemed to be the only one there for her.
She remembered how gentle he was with her when she came back. He held her hands so tenderly. He counted the days she was gone. He was there to listen to her. He knew everything that happened to her before any of her friends did. He always seemed to come at the times she needed him the most. It was because he understood.
There were too many thoughts running through her head. It just wasn't fair. Buffy knew that if Spike were to leave, something inside her would be taken away. She would feel truly alone, even with all her friends with her. It didn't matter, he was like her equal.
"Spike..." she whispered. "I can't do this..."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To be continued...
Not too much longer than my other chapters, but still longer! Sorry it's taking me so long. I'm in the middle of the "Week From Hell" and I've been busy. But not to worry! There will be more. =)
When Buffy opened her eyes she was back in her room. Her eyes hurt and felt a little puffy. Had she been crying? That was odd. Then she remembered her dream. Dream? No, it wasn't a dream. It couldn't be a dream anymore. Her heart ached.
She looked out of the window in her room. It was already dark outside. It was time to patrol. It was time to inevitably meet up with Spike, so he could patrol with her. That's what would always happen. She'd be walking the cemeteries aimlessly, waiting for a vampire to come after her and then Spike would show up and end up annoying the living crap out of her. But she couldn't help it. It felt normal for him to be with her while she was patrolling. Besides, two is always better than one, and since she got back, she could use all the help she could get.
Buffy walked over to her closet and pulled out her leather jacket. Then she walked down the stairs and was greeted by a happy-faced Dawn.
"Hey Buffy, are you going to patrol?" she asked her sister.
"Yeah, I'll be back later," Buffy told her.
Dawn noticed that her sister's eyes were on the puffy side. Something was wrong. So she asked her, "Are you alright? You look... Were you crying?"
Buffy gave Dawn the fakest smile she could muster. "No. I just woke up, that's all. Rubbing my eyes and all."
"Oh," Dawn replied, not completely believing her sister. "Well, good luck tonight. And if you see Spike, tell him that I said hi."
"I will," Buffy said and left.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You" Punch. "have" Kick. "to" Chop. "do" Smack. "better" Headbutt. "than" Punch. "that!" Stake. It was routine. Play with the vampire for a minute and then stake him. Slaying was actually starting to get boring these days. Then again, everything in this world was getting on the boring side.
Buffy smoothed her hair and caught her breath. She continued to walk through the cemetery, knowing very well that there were no more vampires out to get her tonight. She just wanted to sit and relax, maybe enjoy the night. So she sat on one of the headstones and started staring up at the moon.
"You should be a bit more inconspicuous than that, love," she heard a trite British accent say from behind her. "You don't know what can sneak up on you."
Buffy turned around to meet Spike's eyes. *They're the same blue eyes,* she thought to herself. He was just standing there, hands in his coat pockets. He had a smirk on his face that looked like it was saying, "Come and get me." It was inviting, yet repulsing at the same time, thinking back to what happened at the Bronze the other night. *I can't believe I let myself kiss him,* she said to herself. But instead of letting her feelings get the best of her and yell at him, she just smiled.
"Cat got your tongue tonight, Slayer?" Spike asked, making his way closer to her. When he was finally right in front of her, he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. Then he said, that same smirk playing on his lips, "Or do I?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. *Yeah, ruin the moment with your snide comments,* she thought to herself. "Spike, do you ever think of what you're saying before you say it? Oh, wait, you're a guy. That would be abnormal if you didn't," she said, turning around and standing up. She was letting her feelings get the best of her again.
"You know we have to talk about this. You can't just walk away," he told her. She turned around, rage now forming in her green eyes. "Something is going on between us, and you're too lost in your whole bloody righteousness that you just don't want to admit it!"
"How can you say that Spike? Do you *want* me to say it? Oh, 'it's not you, it's me,' Spike. Don't you see that we're completely wrong for each other? They were just a few simple and meaningless kisses. You happened to be the one there who was comforting me, and I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I'm not afraid to say that those two times we kissed were the most disgusting moments of my life," Buffy told him with all the fury she could unleash.
Spike was angry now. If anyone knew how to push his buttons, she did. He punched the headstone she was sitting on before. "You don't understand," he said and turned around sharply. He started walking away from her.
"Don't understand what?" Buffy yelled after him. "Spike! What don't I understand?" She went after him. And when she was about to catch up to him, he turned back to her abruptly.
"You're lost, Slayer. You still don't get it," he said, clipping each word, making sure she got the point. Then he turned back around and disappeared into the night.
Buffy stood there, trying to make sense of what he was saying. What didn't she understand?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Spike walked back to his crypt angrily. He didn't know who he was mad at, if it was himself or it was the Slayer. She knew exactly how to hurt him, emotionally, every time. She knew the right words to say to make him feel like dirt. She knew where to hit him so it felt like she was reaching into his chest and pulling out his heart.
God knew she did it enough times too. In many different ways...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Bianca, you can't deny that something happened last night between the two of us," William told her when she hesitantly walked into his shop the next day.
She rolled her eyes nonchalantly. "I don't know what you're talking about William. You did well. You captured all the feeling you had in those words. Cecily will surely fall in love with you," Bianca replied, her voice sounding just a bit unbelievable.
But it wasn't Cecily he was saying those words to. Those words were for her, the jewel standing in front of him right at this moment. He knew that she at least felt half of what he did. He could tell by the sound of her voice. She couldn't even look him in the eye.
Bianca smiled sweetly at him, that sweet and comforting smile. "Acting, William. It was all an act. And might I say, it was a wonderful performance. Cecily will..."
"I don't bloody *care* what Cecily would think. I *did not* say those words to her. I said them to you, and I am not frightened to say that I meant every, single one of them. Bianca, I've fallen in love with you," he said to her in a steady and confident voice. He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back seeming to want to keep the distance between them.
She had a profound look on her face. It looked like she didn't know what to say to that. William didn't know what to make of that face. Was it shock or surprise? Or was it repulsion? He couldn't bear it if it was the latter.
"What do you want me to say to that William? What do you expect? I... *can't* be with you. There are so many things that you don't know about me. I don't belong here, William. And because I don't, I can't be with you, even if I wanted to," she said to him, hurt reflecting in her green eyes.
What did she mean by that? She didn't belong here how? "Bianca, if this is about social status, sod it! You can't expect me to believe that. You were the first person in that crowd to treat me like a man, an actual man. And last night..." he swallowed, "Last night, we almost kissed."
"And the major factor in this equation is that we *didn't.* We did nothing. Why can't you just let it go? I think that it's good that we didn't get caught up in the moment, otherwise, one of us would feel used, a convenience. Did you really want that to happen?" Bianca said to him.
"No, but Bianca..."
"I've had enough. William, please stop. I have to go now," she said. She turned around quickly and exited the shop.
Frustrated, William knocked off the pile of books stacked on his desk. It wasn't fair. After all that had happened, she rejected him. She made excuses, acting like nothing had happened. Bianca had hurt him for the first time, and it was her words that did it. Nothing hurt more than her denial.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Buffy slammed the door shut when she got into her room and started pacing around. She was infuriated with Spike. It was unbelievable how he did that every time. She wanted to punch his face in, and she usually did, but she didn't tonight. What in the world was wrong with her? Every time he mentioned any chemistry between them, it would get her angry. The only chemistry that was there between them was the one of Slayer/vampire. She was supposed to kill him.
But she couldn't do it. There was the slightest bit of compassion for him in her heart because he had that chip in his head. He couldn't hurt her. And because he couldn't hurt her, she surely wouldn't hurt him. Then there was the other fact that he helped her patrol and kill the baddies.
She flopped herself down on her bed. She was still angry and a little frustrated. She still didn't know why she kissed him. As many times as she would try to reason her actions, she would never come up with a rational answer. Was it the heat of the moment? The only reason she could come up with was that she was lonely, and he seemed to be the only one there for her.
She remembered how gentle he was with her when she came back. He held her hands so tenderly. He counted the days she was gone. He was there to listen to her. He knew everything that happened to her before any of her friends did. He always seemed to come at the times she needed him the most. It was because he understood.
There were too many thoughts running through her head. It just wasn't fair. Buffy knew that if Spike were to leave, something inside her would be taken away. She would feel truly alone, even with all her friends with her. It didn't matter, he was like her equal.
"Spike..." she whispered. "I can't do this..."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To be continued...
Not too much longer than my other chapters, but still longer! Sorry it's taking me so long. I'm in the middle of the "Week From Hell" and I've been busy. But not to worry! There will be more. =)