I'm back! And have technically finished the next chapter of AMOSC. Technically. But since I still need to edit it and the arc it's in is so heavy, I thought you all could use this short little dose of light-hearted humor.
Review Response: Dear KHandFF7fanforever, hello there! Glad to hear it! Yeah, she's pretty oblivious sometimes, but her life has never really been conducive to training her romance-radar. I wouldn't recommend the shaking, she has arm-blades and knows how to use them. Awe, thank you! I hope you enjoy this one-shot as well!
Dear Cbyte128, greetings! (grins) I'm thrilled that it has set off your imagination so much. I also really like your theories on what will happen/how they'll get along with each other. Unfortunately, I can neither confirm nor deny whether your theories are correct. You'll have to wait and see.
Dear igeegeei, hi! (poses proudly) I have struck down a mighty warrior and her author with the Power of Feels! Truly an accomplishment I shall treasure forever! (coughs) wow, Thor-speak is so hard to write. Anyway, so glad you enjoyed it and I hope you (and Brazenshot) enjoy this newest one!
Dear Cashagon, hi there! I was hoping you would think that. I tried to make is completely romantic, but it always seemed too out of character for them and their quirky relationship. Arcee's obliviousness is rather astounding, but then, she hasn't had a Courting offer since before the War. I also had way too much fun designing the armor (especially the dragon, because dragons are epic). I'm actually finished writing the next chapter, but I need to edit it and format it to fan fiction before I can post it, so please be patient for a little while longer. In the meantime, enjoy this new one-shot!
Dear ohmygiddyaunt, hiya! Yep, finally official! Only took me ... (checks AMOSC) just under 50 chapters and a one-shot. Yeesh. Well, I'm sure that Hardwire will have other chances to be romantic (probably offscreen, because he's so darn shy when it comes to telling me about their romantic exploits). It was no problem, I had fun!
Dear StormRaven333, greetings! It was more fun than if Hardwire's plan had gone off perfectly wasn't it? Much more ... them. Glad you liked it!
Dear The Elleth Meowen, hi! Wow, that is a very high compliment, thank you! Dragons are just too awesome not to include in SOME way, especially when I had a chance to make it romantic. It was my pleasure, you always ask nice and interesting questions. Here's a small update to help tide you over until the next AMOSC update!
Dear TFAN Override-Dragon Light, greetings! Good, it was supposed to be! Enjoy this next chapter!
Author's Note: Note that this is probably the shortest one-shot I've ever written and is not meant to be taken uber-seriously (even if it is totally AMOSC canon). I have not put a "between chapters X and X" under the title because it's sort of ... everywhere in the timeline. It references things that take place off-screen both before, after, and way, WAY after the Christmas chapter of AMOSC (chapter 60, for those who don't remember which it is). The inspiration for it came when I realized that while Starwish is still very musically inclined, I haven't really had the chance to show that in a long time. Then I realized how funny it would be to see just how Starwish's (and occasionally Hardwire's) musical inclinations would effect the Autobots in general. Especially considering that Starwish works in the medbay, the place where literally every member of the Autobot Army has been for extended periods of time at one point or other. So ... yeah. Anyway, have this quick dose of humor to help break up the long angst/action/cliffhanger montage that is AMOSC at the moment. Though you may want to save this until I've updated AMOSC, because that will end on yet another cliffhanger (I know, you hate them, and I'm sorry, but the muses insisted). Anyway, whenever you choose to read it, I hope you enjoy this little one-shot!
Copyright Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, cybertronian terms, or any of the references in this chapter. The only things I own are my OCs who have run off with my plot.
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Cultural Assimilation
Looking back on it vorns later, Starwish couldn't actually pinpoint when it started. One of their human friends had asked about it, curious as to why the Autobots struggled so much with most human culture, yet could be heard humming or singing snippets of Earth songs at random times on any given day. Starwish didn't have an answer to that, honestly. She had asked that question herself vorns ago —even before they had left Cybertron— but even then she hadn't been able to really tell when Earth music became such an integral part of the Autobots' lives.
She did know it was her fault though, even if she couldn't pinpoint exactly when or how it had become so widespread.
While she could recall traces of it all the way back to those first few orns in Algol base, she was fairly certain that it only really took off after that very first Christmas party in Iacon. The War had been going on for hundreds of vorns by then, and there were few things left that the Autobots could indulge in that were not somehow connected to the War and the war effort. The Christmas party had been an innocent, light-sparked occasion. An excuse to drink and make merry at the end of the vorn that hadn't been somehow connected to the casualties gained in the many battles against the Decepticons. But the Christmas party was only a once-a-vorn event.
She supposed that the other Autobots became curious after that. Wondered what other fun little things Starwish and her quirky family unit could introduce them to. Which was maybe why they started paying attention to her singing. Starwish had always hummed or sung during her shifts in the medbay. At first it was only when she was alone. But then, as she grew more confident and Ratchet's give-no-frags bedside manner rubbed off on her, she began to also do it in areas where the patients could hear her. While surgeries required silence and focus, around fussier patients with minor injuries, the oddity of Earth singing tended to make them hold still and be quiet, if only to figure out what in Primus's name she was doing.
She hadn't actually expected them to listen. To remember. To mimic.
But they did. Earth songs, even awkwardly translated into Cybertronian, had no bearing on the War. Singing and humming didn't require instruments or any musical talent save for holding a vaguely respectable note and keeping a rhythm. The mechs on guard duty or other non-sound or time sensitive tasks could even do it while they worked.
She had several "regulars". They were mechs or femmes that Ratchet tended to foist off on her whenever he was extra cranky or had harder cases to work on. They heard her songs and humming enough times that, after they were released back to their duties, they started to do it too.
Starwish sang all kinds of songs, any genre or rhythm or lyrical style she could remember depending on her mood. It was her way of remembering Earth, her way of keeping her spirits up or expressing what she was feeling without having to talk or fight. She even, as her confidence continued to grow and she got little-to-no backlash for singing on duty, began to match what she sang to whatever her patients reminded her of. So by the time her regulars began to mimic her, they had lots of songs from which to choose.
Que and Fermium were both rather silly bots for scientists. So one time when they both came in —for separate incidents thank Primus— and rambled over each other's explanations of why Que was missing an arm —again— and Fermium's faceplate had turned neon orange —again—, Starwish impulsively sang what she could remember —and coherently translate into Cyber-Standard— of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General".
The entire Science Department adopted it as their unofficial anthem.
She didn't even find that out until several vorns later when she and First Aid had to visit the science wing of the base to treat a lab accident. They walked in to find their ten prospective patients entertaining themselves by singing the song in what was quite obviously a well-practiced harmony.
It was embarrassing to admit that it took something that obvious to make her finally sit up and notice just how much music she could hear from the other bots at random if she listened. Once she started paying attention, she couldn't stop, and instead could only sit back and wonder in bafflement when it became so widespread through the Autobot community.
Flareup only had to hear "Gunpowder and Lead" once to decide it was her personal theme, something Chromia seconded very strongly. They proceeded to terrify any mech that wasn't a chuckling Ironhide by marching down to the shooting range singing it whenever the two were in a bad mood. After the first three times, the rest of the femmes barring Elita-1 learned to sing it too.
Moonracer enjoyed humming "Sonic Boom" from Sonic CD when she practiced her stunt racing. Bluestreak was a fan of cumulative songs such as "Twelve Days of Christmas" or —when it was not near Christmas— the irish folk song "Rattlin' Bog". Grimlock pretended not to like her singing, but if he and his group got just drunk enough on high-grade, they could be heard throughout the halls outside the pub belting out vulgarized and off-key versions of Bon Jovi songs.
It was hard to tell, but Starwish was pretty sure Blurr sang "Life is a Highway" sometimes as he whipped through the halls, but he never stayed still or slowed down long enough for her to be sure. Hound enjoyed humming Disney's "Colors of the Wind", "On My Way", and "Welcome to this Day". Mirage accidentally began a rumor of a ghost in the halls that hummed the theme to the Nutcracker.
Hardwire had gotten in on the accidental spreading of Earth music when Arcee overheard him indulging in a rare moment of singing Skillet songs. She then proceeded to teach the other femmes, who were overheard by the Twins, who decided that it was the perfect thing with which to annoy Decepticons in the middle of a firefight.
It wasn't all that often —Iacon had not turned into some kind of musical production or anything as ridiculous as that— but now that the seeds were planted, Starwish couldn't stop seeing and hearing the moments blossom. It was kind of awe-inspiring to see just how far the influence of two bots and a lot of boredom could go.
She did, however, refuse to take the blame for how literally all of the Special Ops would hum the Mission Impossible Theme on their way to and from Jazz's or Optimus's office. Jazz had taught them to do that, though how he learned the song, Starwish had no idea. She was certain she had never shown him the memories she had of watching the show with Rodney when she was a child and her then-guardian had been eager to convert another fan to the old show.
Perhaps the crowning moment of all moments in watching the Autobots slowly assimilate Earth-style music into their lives happened late one cycle when Starwish had gotten off of her shift early and headed down to the pub. She rounded the corner just in time to feel a wave of hilarity from Jazz and hear both her sparkmate's roaring laughter and literally every mech in the pub belting out "Whiskey in the Jar". She felt brief embarrassment as she automatically recalled how they had learned that song —she was never letting Flareup choose her drinks during a party again— but the feeling was quickly forgotten as she took in the rest of the scene.
Jazz was, by this point, laughing so hard that the wall he was leaning against was the only thing keeping him upright. Inside the pub, she could hear the Twins laughing as well in between stirring up another chorus of the song. A tiny twitch of doorwings drew Starwish's attention to the one other person standing in the hallway. It was Prowl.
He was staring into the pub, his doorwings flared up and wide and with a look of absolute horror on his faceplate that would have been more appropriate to witnessing a murder rather than rowdy mechs singing a drinking song. Starwish blinked cautiously, "Prowl? Jazz? What's going on?"
A faint twitch from Prowl's left doorwing was her only response and Starwish inched closer as she realized he looked dangerously close to glitching. Starwish shot Jazz a look and a feeling of concern, "What's wrong with him?" Her question only succeeded in sending her sparkmate to the floor in another wave of hysterical laughter. The clatter of Jazz hitting the floor seemed to snap Prowl out of his trance, though his motions were stiff and choppy as he turned away from the pub door to face the silver saboteur on the floor.
Jazz's laughter finally trailed off into erratic sniggers as Prowl loomed over him and Starwish could only watch in confusion as Jazz chortled, "Ya didn't know tha words, did ya Prowler?"
Prowl's servos twitched in a motion of suppressed violence, "This is all your fault."
Jazz continued to grin up at Prowl from the floor, "Ah didn't ask ya ta hum while we were walkin', Prowler." Prowl made another jerky half-motion in Jazz's direction, then abruptly turned and walked away, doorwings still rigidly flared.
Starwish stared after Prowl for a few seconds before the implications clicked and she burst into giggles. Sinking down to crouch next to her sparkmate, she choked out, "You are a horrible, horrible person, Jazz."
Jazz sat up, his grin positively wolfish, "It ain't my fault tha Prowler has started ta hum when's he's tired, or thah he doesn't bother checking what tha words are ta whatever he happens ta be humming."
"You tricked him into humming a drinking song."
"Did not. He did it all on his lonesome, Ah didn't ask him ta do a thing."
Starwish raised an optic ridge, "So this isn't the reason why you've been humming that song whenever Prowl happens to be in audio-range for that past two metacycles?"
Jazz tilted his helm to one side, false innocence radiating off of him, "'Course not. Total coincidence." Starwish just shook her helm and wondered what kind of monster she'd accidentally created. She realized then that it was far too late to do anything about the cultural assimilation of music into the Autobot ranks, she just had to quietly accept the fallout.
Plus, Prowl's reaction whenever the Twins hummed snatches of "Whiskey in the Jar" even vorns after the event, never stopped being hilarious.
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If anyone wants to know what the songs are, here is the names and composers (or at least where the song appears) in order:
"I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" by Gilbert and Sullivan.
"Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert.
"Sonic Boom" by Spencer Nilsen for the Sonic CD game (I think).
"Twelve Days of Christmas" by Frederic Austin (but has been covered by probably everybody).
"Rattlin' Bog" ... no idea who originally wrote this, but the version I'm referring to is that of the Irish Descendants.
"Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane. Note that the version Blurr sings is the Rascal Flatts version.
"Colors of the Wind" ... again, no idea, but it's from Disney Pocahontas.
"On My Way" by Phil Collins.
"Welcome To This Day" as seen in Brother Bear 2.
"The Nutcracker" by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.
"Mission Impossible Theme Song" by Lalo Schifrin (I think).
"Whiskey in the Jar" absolutely no clue who wrote this, but the Dubliners version seems popular.
Additional Author's Note: Please let it be known that I was not trying to make Prowl OOC in this. Jazz is just a cheeky, sneaky glitch when he wants to be and Prowl was operating on way too little recharge at the time. People do weird things when they are sleep deprived (or the cybertronian equivalent). Plus, come on, a former cop getting tricked into humming a DRINKING SONG about a guy who robs people, I just couldn't resist.