The sky looks brighter today, the sun is shining and small patches of ice loitered the ground. The grass crunches beneath my feet as I walk through it with Maggie, the walkers moan loudly through the gates but we kill them. In two days there is going to be a run, I've volunteered to go. I feel like I should contribute to the group more, I need to be more of a help than a hindrance. I can not sit there behind the gates looking after Judith anymore, it's like being told you have to stay put constantly. Judith has got Sasha now, so hopefully she won't notice too much. Winters hitting us hard, we need more clothes to emerge ourselves in and since the days of indoor heating are over we need wood for fires. I'm just grateful that I'm alive and safe, I'm surviving for you Daryl.
During the trip to DC, they discovered what we had suspected. The cure had been a hoax just to find sanctuary. There was none, only a couple who had hung themselves from a barricade with a note saying "welcome to hell". They were chased and ended up separating, Abraham, Rosita and Eugene in one car and the rest in another. Surprisingly, we had lost nobody but came back with the air heavy with unspoken words between each of the team. Nobody would mention why Rick looked so sour except from when he was with Rick and Judith. I had tried to work it out but Maggie would not tell me and Carl refuses to talk with me.
The truck, my beautiful truck has long been forgotten. They use it for extra defence up against the fences and nobody is allowed to move them, I still like to sit in there though, the smooth Jazz tunes lowly humming through the cab and the slow burn of scotch stinging my throat as I nurse it to myself. It's calming and slowly evolving into a nightly routine.
Judith is getting fussy at the moment, she's teething so I have to cut this one very short, as always I love you Daryl Dixon. Beth xo.