Chapter Twelve

The Scars

The sleepless nights have taken their toll on my body and my mind. It is the last night here in the Capitol. My last chance at a decent night sleep before I have to worry about people trying to kill me in my sleep. But since coming to the Palace my nightmares have only gotten worse. In my nightmares I'm back in the arena. Everyone I've ever cared about is there and I watch them all die.

Tomorrow it's about to happen all over again.

I know I need at least a little bit of rest if I want to perform my best in the Games. But this is the third time I've awoken from my own screaming. The blue numbers on clock say it's not even past midnight yet. I remember my last night in the Palace last year with Eren. We sat on the roof till dawn. I promised Eren he would go home again. Tears fill my eyes and I scream into my pillow.

I remember Armin. I remember what a comfort he was to me when I'd have my nightmares. He grounded me and just having that body there reminding me where I was, that I was safe, made the nights just a little better. I remember Levi and I remember how he claimed that his nights in the Capitol are also sleepless.

I take two deep breaths and sit up in my bed. My mind is telling me that this is a terrible idea but my body moves on its own. My feet move across the cold floors silently and I find myself standing outside of Levi's room. My hand trembles as I reach for the door and shove it open.

I look into the room confused. From the little light thats coming in from the open door I can see that Levi isn't even in bed. I look around our suite but there's no sign of him. Cautiously, I take one step into his room but the second I do a hand clamps around my mouth and I'm roughly pushed up against the wall, something cold press against my neck. My eyes narrow as I look at the disheveled Levi, his hair is a mess and hangs in front of his black eyes that widen when he finally realizes that it's just me. He quickly steps away from me and I see that he has a knife in his hand. Where he got such a weapon? I do not know. He stalks back to his bed to sit down.

"What are you doing in my room?" he accuses.

I suddenly become embarrassed and try to look anywhere besides at Levi, very well aware that he is shirtless. What was I thinking? This was a dumb idea and I immediately want to leave the room.

"Nothing," I mutter, "sorry." I start backing out of his room and Levi lies down and stares at the ceiling.

"It's the nightmares, isn't it?" he asks, still staring at the ceiling.

I stop and swallow, building up my courage. "Armin would come sleep with me and having him there sometimes helped," I try to explain. Levi turns his head to look at me now and in the darkness I can't read his expression. I feel like walking away again but suddenly he moves over and makes room for me. As I walk over to his bed he turns onto his side so his back is facing me. It feels strange sharing a bed with Levi, I've shared a bed with Eren and Armin for years but we all knew each other since we were young. But despite this I still start to feel more relaxed with another person next to me.

My eyes grow heavy as I turn to look at Levi's pale back that seems to glow in the darkness. As my eyes adjust to the dark I can see that his back is very muscled and strong but then I see the scars. Multiple thick, raised scars crisscrossing his back. I flinch at the memory of Levi's whipping from only months ago and then I notice the older scars back from his beating from the last time he was in the Games.

"Thank you." My voice is barely a whisper but Levi grunts his reply anyways.

I turn my face to look up at the ceiling and I think of what kind of world we live in. A world full of fear and blind obedience. Where the innocent are punished and the corrupt thrive. I imagine the world that Eren wanted for us. A world without walls. Where we're not just cattle waiting to be slaughtered. When everyone is free to make their own choices. A world without the Games.

When I awake there's a pale morning light coming into the room. I didn't have any nightmares. I look over at the other side of the bed but Levi is already gone. I brush my hand over his side but its cold. He must have been up hours ago. I look at the clock and it's already 8:30 a.m. and I groan. The Military Police escort will be here in 30 minutes to bring us to our portals for the Games. This may be my second time in the Games but I don't feel anymore prepared for what's about to come.

Hanji already has a big breakfast ready for us. But Levi is still nowhere to be seen. "He's on the roof," Hanji remarks noticing my wandering eyes. I simply nod and sit down to try and stomach as much food as I can. "The last night is always the hardest on him," my escort continues and I finally meet their eyes. But Hanji just smiles and says, "last night was the first since he's been in the Games where he hasn't drank himself to sleep the night before."

I can feel the blush warming my cheeks and I avert my eyes. Hanji says nothing more about staying in Levi's room though and we finish breakfast in silence. Levi doesn't return until just before 9:00 o'clock and he doesn't even look at either of us as he goes to his room and shuts the door. Hanji gives Levi his space and doesn't bother him with breakfast like they would've with me.

Ida arrives with our outfits for the Games. Dark knee-high leather boots, white pants, and a green cloak. She smiles sadly as she hands me my cloak. "I did something a little special with yours." She turns it over and slides her hand over the back of the cloak.

I gasp and look nervously at Ida. "Won't you be punished for this?"

Her white teeth gleam against her dark skin. "They are already coming for me for your interview dress. I wanted to rebel one last time," her fingers brush the tears that are now running down my face, "remember me, Wings of Freedom."

Stitched onto the back of my green cloak is the symbol for the Wings of Freedom. A black and white wing crossed over one another.

And then they come. The Military Police don't even bother knocking and just burst through the door. Just like last time they don't bother with formalities and without a single word they roughly grab Levi and I and pull us into the hall. Levi and I are separated and brought to our transportations. I'm strapped into the hovercraft and already have my arm out when the woman comes to sterilize my arm and inject my new tracker. I start to feel nauseous and drowsy and soon I feel the darkness take me.

When I wake I don't want to move. Thoughts of Ida were still too fresh in my mind, I hope that she is alright. But the Capitol is not known for showing mercy. I take deep breaths through my nose and clench my fists. I'll make everyone pay. Everyone I ever care about is always taken from me.

"Mikasa, it's time." I hear Hanji's soft voice call. I slowly sit up and Hanji is already hugging me and I hug them back tightly.

"Players, to your portals."

"Everything is going to be fine," Hanji smiles through their tears, "I promise." I nod and enter my portal. "You and Levi need to look out for one another. Trust him, Mikasa." Her voice almost sounds desperate and I frown at her as I'm being lifted into the arena.

I prepare myself for the blinding sun but as I'm lifted onto my pedestal it is quite dark and shaded. I was not expecting this.

AUTHORS NOTE:

wow i cant believe its been like a year since i last updated.. but i had recently got a huuuuge wave of support and reviews for this so thank you! it really pushed me into the creativeness again and i was able to finish a chapter! i will try to post the next one faster next time!

i would also like to add that i just recently got a review for the first story saying how in charater i was able to write everyone! that was literally the best compliment i couldve ever gotten! because that is what ive tried really hard to do and i was most nervous about was not writing everyone in character! so thank you for that review!